How to make the best of it...

Closed Thread Subscribe

Page 9 of 12

« First

Last »

Thread Tools

01-07-2011, 10:45 PM

#81

madamekelly

Super Member

Join Date: Jul 2010

Location: Central Willamette Valley, Oregon, USA

Posts: 7,695

Time for tough love. If you give up all of your space, where is the motivation for him to get back up and fight. Going home to Parents can be a depressing disaster, or it can be a pit-stop on the road. Move some things over, and put a twin bed in for him. That will send the message that you love him, but want him to keep working on his eventual next exit. In the long run, if you make it too comfortable, he may 'give up on himself'. Moving home is a big step back for anyone, but I think it is worse on a guy's ego. No, I am not sexist, but like they say, 'Men are from mars and women are from Venus'. He may even catch 'the addiction' from you. lol!

01-07-2011, 11:15 PM

#82

ljorange

Senior Member

Join Date: Nov 2010

Location: Seattle

Posts: 689

Our adult daughter lives with us. I have my sewing machine on my kitchen island and keep my fabrics in a tote in the dining room. The kitchen is my "office/sewing room/everything and if they don't like it, too bad. So far they've had the good sense not to complain.

01-07-2011, 11:19 PM

#83

Gerbie

Super Member

Join Date: Jan 2010

Location: Some where in way out West Texas

Posts: 3,041

Is there any way you could purt in a heater or air conditioner (When summer rolls around) in the walk in Attic? Is the Attic big enough for a bed for son so you could keep your sewing and craft area? Just a thought, since you said the attic was a walk in.

01-08-2011, 12:07 AM

#84

marknfran

Senior Member

Join Date: Dec 2010

Location: Mead, WA

Posts: 598

Quote:

Originally Posted by leiladylei54

SVS this has happened to you. I'm in the same boat to with son moving back home after 5 years. :( Not only his clothes but also his furniture and DJ stereo equipment, too. Had to give up my guest/craft room. All my things are in a storage shed and if I want to sew or craft, I will have to go out there and drag it back into the living room. But hubby and I feel we need to do what we can for our son even though it causes an inconvenience for us temporarily. That's what parents do.

I agree with you. As parents we need to help our children when possible without enabling dependency. Keep in mind, January is a month for depression.......for our kids to turn to us for help is better than them being homeless or ending their lives. This does happen.

01-08-2011, 12:11 AM

#85

marknfran

Senior Member

Join Date: Dec 2010

Location: Mead, WA

Posts: 598

Quote:

Originally Posted by BMP

So many people are having hard times, if one of my sons came upon something that was out of their control (job loss) and needed to come home I wouldnt have a problem with it at all. I would NOT expect them to sleep on my sofa or on a cot either. I dont like the idea of my sofa being used for a bed and I am sure it would be very uncomfortable.

I would just store my things in the attic space and as for the table I probably would just make room for it in another space/room even if it ment crowding some other furniture together.

Making over the attic space is a good idea but would it be worth the money and time, how long will your son be staying ??

I am sure the situation is just as hard for him as it is for you.

I AGREE! We, as parents, should do what we can to help without enabling dependency. Be glad you are here and can help. Many do not even have someone to help them.

01-08-2011, 04:50 AM

#86

grann of 6

Super Member

Join Date: Jul 2010

Location: Glenmoore, PA

Posts: 7,941

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texasjunebug

I agree with Up North. The perfect place for Son is the couch. Evidently he is of mature age to have lived on his own for two years. It would also be the needed constant reminder that he needs to make further education or better job hunting a priority in his life. In the meantime, the sewing room stays where it is, and used regularly! You'll be doing him the ultimate favor of love. In my opinion, of course. You must love him very much and want to help in any way you possibly can. I would too; being a parent, I totally understand.

I agree. When I lived in my other house, after my husband died my youngest son moved back home to help me out & till he could find another place to live. When he asked about coming back home for a while, I told him he would have to live in the basement, which was finished off; fine with him. There was no way I was going to give up my sewing room and he understood that. It's not your fault (I assume) that he had financial difficulties. They have to learn to take care of themselves, and our enabling doesn't help them one bit. Charge him rent, and then keep raising it periodically till it will be cheaper for him to move out back on his own.

01-08-2011, 07:34 AM

#87

Doreen

Super Member

Join Date: Jul 2007

Location: El Paso Tx

Posts: 1,428

If he moves back in and takes your room, I would charge him rent. My stepchildren left to be on their own and within a year returned home. How is he speding his $$? Maybe, you could give him some financial advice and help him get on his feet. It's for his own good. Tough LOVE!