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Thread: just a sad day

  1. #1
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    I count all of you as my quilting family and I see so much warmth offered to everyone in time of need and I thought I'd share a little bit of my day with you. Today is the 4th anniversary of my brother's "Angel Day"- the day he went to heaven after committing suicide.

    It is and always will be a difficult day for me. I loved my baby brother so much and I knew he had mental illness issues for several years that would ebb and flow. I now know the "why" and the turmoil he had leading up to his death.

    This isn't "feel sorry for me", it's about recognizing mental illness and raising awareness that there's help out there for those who need it. I've chosen to take a life altering moment and educate myself and make it my "soap box" to stand on. It is a sensitive topic but shouldn't be ignored.

    So why am I writing this- to stop everyone else from becoming one of me- a survivor of suicide. Every 16 minutes there's a suicide and every 17 minutes there's another me- a survivor. I hate this statistic, but it sticks with me, day in and day out. I have such a headache today of trying to be brave and act like nothing's wrong but as the day has gone on, I'm crying more and feeling the loss more and more.

    Well, need to wipe the tears and nose, get rid of the red eyes and get back to work. Just needed to make sure I get my message out there- I hope someday my pain can mean someone will get help. If you want to learn more go to ASFP.org and learn some interesting facts.

    Thanks for listening.
    Barb

  2. #2
    fluffbug95's Avatar
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    That is so sad. I am sooooooooooo sorry. Mental illness causes many of things and people need to be more aware of it. I don't know what else to say, since I am only a teenager. lol. Once again I am very very sorry this happened! :-(

    Plenty of hugs to surround you! :)

  3. #3
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    Thanks fluff- suicide is huge among teenagers and college students. You should check the website out, sometimes kids say- I could just kill myself and you never know if they are serious.

    Suicide leaves a lot of unanswered questions and because it happens so suddenly and usually, without warning, it leaves deep emotional questions. I know Lenny is in heaven, God takes care of everyone who is sick and I just hope he found the solace his soul needed.

  4. #4
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    Oh Barb honey. BIG HUGS girl. I'm sorry to hear of this, but so glad your bringing it to our attention. Especially now with the way things are going in the world.... We need to watch for signs. Your in my thoughts and prayers....

  5. #5
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    Barb,
    I am so sorry that you lost your brother in such an unimaginable way and am with you in thought on your sad day.

    Do you have a support group in your area or are you familiar with the organization "Friends for Survival" They are a wonderful volunteer organization based in Sacramento, but their outreach via email newsletter is nationwide. I'm including the link: http://www.friendsforsurvival.org/

    My company has helped them with funding, so I've had the opportunity to go to their office where they have a memory quilt that just about breaks your heart. The individuals in the pictures are all smiling and then they are gone.

    BIG HUG from CA

  6. #6
    Super Member beachlady's Avatar
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    So sorry Barb. Hugs for you!

  7. #7
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing with us. My heart goes out to you. My son is bi polar. The manic phase is frightening (He thinks he is invincible) but I think the depressed phase is more frightening. You have given voice to my biggest fear. We watch him and regulate his meds. I hope it's enough. I send a big ((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))) your way. My prayers are with you.

  8. #8
    Izy
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    Sending Hugs to you barb, our family has suffered a loss this way, it's so tragic :(

  9. #9
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    Thanks all. It is such a sad sad day.

    I belong to an online support group. Solos SIBS, for those who have lost a sibling to suicide. I am so comforted by these people- we have experienced something that is difficult to put into words. You think you have your parents, your spouse, your children for a lifetime- but look at the time you spend with your siblings- you are them, they are you. You share so much more than the other relationships you develop over time.

    I lost Lenny after 39 short years. He was 4 1/2 years younger than me, my only little brother and my delight. He looked like me and we shared so many common goals. We would have so many deep conversations about life and our careers and children and spouses- you name it, we talked about it. I dug deep into him- touching the sore spots and making him really talk to me. He committed himself in 2000- we saved him then, but often I wondered if there would be a next time. We couldn't save him- he couldn't save himself, the medical field left him down, they said he wasn't a danger to himself or anyone else and they let him go the night before he killed himself.

  10. #10
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    ((hugs)) from here too.

    The one thing I've learned about grief (apart from that it sucks!) is that you really do need to let yourself grieve. If you feel like curling up in a ball and crying, then do it. Give yourself five minutes, or ten, or half an hour, and just fall apart. THEN get up and get on with it.
    You can't deny the pain, just set the time limit so it doesn't take control of you. Let yourself have a wee bit of weakness, and THEN you can be strong. And while you're not being strong, we will be for you.


    ((more hugs))


  11. #11
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    Your very welcome. It is really big amoung us teens. I love my life and would never want to take it for granted. When my friends day stuff like that it scares me cause you don't know if they are serious or fooling around. I will definatly take a look at that website and tell me friends! That saying of "Every 16 Minutes a teen dies from suicide, and every other 17 minutes one is saved." Is always stuck in my head. Thanks for the tip on that website! :) Sometimes people commit sucide when something doesn't go right or they feel depressed. Thats a big one!

    Lots of hugs!! Again! :D Lol.

  12. #12
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    I hit the wrong button before finishing...

    Here's the SIBS quilt I made for our group. It's been to NY City for the overnight walk (Out of the Darkness) and to Chicago, here in Wilkes-Barre and is in CA at a SIB survivor's office for her use in a suicide awareness section of a Psych class she teaches. It will be at the Chicago walk in June and then back to me for Sept. in Wilkes-Barre. I will then send it back to Francesca in CA for her class. I think the college students will benefir the most from having this quilt on display.

    Last is the smiling picture of my brother. It says it all- fun loving, happy to be with his family- we were at the family reunion at my uncle's and he had the kids fishing in the pond. I miss him so much.

    my Lenny
    Name:  Attachment-19296.jpe
Views: 6
Size:  29.1 KB

    SOLOS SIBS quilt
    Name:  Attachment-20037.jpe
Views: 8
Size:  40.8 KB

  13. #13
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    So so sorry for your loss. this is something that has touched my life also. Stay strong and cry when you want to. Grieving is important.



    Ninnie

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    It is an important topic and thank you for making others more aware.

    I am sure this is a tough day for you. Hugs to you.

    Angie

  15. #15
    Super Member Harmony's Avatar
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    Oh, Barb, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. From your post I can feel that you're in so much pain, and I understand your need to do something constructive with it. I'm glad you shared your message with us, and I hope that your pain dulls and that you can find peace with what happened to your dear brother. You're in my thoughts today.

  16. #16
    Senior Member blzzrdqueen's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry about your baby brother. I've never gone through something like that. You are in my thoughts and thank you for raising awareness of such a serious issue.

  17. #17
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    I am so sorry Barb (((((((HUGS))))))) Leaning how to care for and be there for family/friends with mental illness is so difficult....we second guess ourselves....and then when they choose suicide, it is so hard to deal with all of the emotions and "what ifs".....not enough is being done in this area, I constantly am hoping for more research to be done. I can't imagine what you are going through, but you know we are all here for you!!!! It is good that you found such a wonderful support group, your quilt is a lovely tribute, thank you for sharing it with us!!!!

    I took care of a young woman who has made many attempts....I know what you mean about the medical/legal system letting you down....we cannot watch them 24/7 and laws need to be changed!!!

  18. #18
    Super Member Quilt4u's Avatar
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    A lot of Hugs Being sent your way.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  19. #19
    Super Member Tink's Mom's Avatar
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    It's been 24 years since my cousin(almost brother) committed suicide. All because his wife was having an affair...it took me several years to handle it. His parents have never gotten over it, never will. {{HUGS}}

  20. #20
    Super Member DA Mayer's Avatar
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    Barb you are in my thoughts, my brother died suddenly without a chance to say goodbye, I know that is different than suicide but he was my closest sibling and I still miss him after 13 years.

  21. #21
    Super Member Mplsgirl's Avatar
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    Barb, I can't imagine the anguish you are feeling. Thank you for bringing this important topic to everyone's attention. Prayers are with you.

  22. #22
    Junior Member Arizona Sunrises's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barbm
    I count all of you as my quilting family and I see so much warmth offered to everyone in time of need and I thought I'd share a little bit of my day with you. Today is the 4th anniversary of my brother's "Angel Day"- the day he went to heaven after committing suicide.

    It is and always will be a difficult day for me. I loved my baby brother so much and I knew he had mental illness issues for several years that would ebb and flow. I now know the "why" and the turmoil he had leading up to his death.

    This isn't "feel sorry for me", it's about recognizing mental illness and raising awareness that there's help out there for those who need it. I've chosen to take a life altering moment and educate myself and make it my "soap box" to stand on. It is a sensitive topic but shouldn't be ignored.

    So why am I writing this- to stop everyone else from becoming one of me- a survivor of suicide. Every 16 minutes there's a suicide and every 17 minutes there's another me- a survivor. I hate this statistic, but it sticks with me, day in and day out. I have such a headache today of trying to be brave and act like nothing's wrong but as the day has gone on, I'm crying more and feeling the loss more and more.

    Well, need to wipe the tears and nose, get rid of the red eyes and get back to work. Just needed to make sure I get my message out there- I hope someday my pain can mean someone will get help. If you want to learn more go to ASFP.org and learn some interesting facts.

    Thanks for listening.
    Barb
    Doctors are just starting to touch the tip of the iceberg on the effects of hormones and neurotransmitters on the body. The older I get, the more certain I am that those who have had problems truly have had a mental illness, just the same as someone with heart problems, diabetes, or any other prevalent disease. :( That doesn't make it any better for those who have lost someone to the illness, but it should provide solace knowing that there wasn't anything they could have done.

  23. #23
    Super Member tslowery's Avatar
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    I just saw your post tonight but I wanted to offer my prayers and tell you how trulu sorry I am for your loss ( My brother was murdered 14 years ago and he was my only brother so I know that kind of pain) My heart goes out to you and we just have to try and remember all those good memories out brothers gave us. I am thinking of you tonight, Lots of Hugs to you...

  24. #24
    Senior Member AkAngel's Avatar
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    Barb,
    I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. Thank you for taking a stand for those with mental illness. I believe in helping others you will find comfort and healing.
    Hugs,
    Muriel

  25. #25
    DCJ
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    I too have lost a sibling to suicide in 1986. He was 14 years old. I was away at school at the time. We were all stunned.

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