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Thread: Wedding Registries

  1. #26
    Super Member duckydo's Avatar
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    I know times are a changing, but I think it is down right rude to ask for money for a wedding gift. What happened to gifting someone without them telling you what they want. I have a great niece that got married a couple of years ago and had lived with her husband to be for 3 or 4 years b4 they decided to get married and had a child together. I think you have already established a home and pretty much have everything that you need to set up housekeeping since you already did it. And I will not contribute to anyones honeymoon fund. Just me, don't jump on me, I just think it is wrong and this only my feelings, not trying to push them off on anyone else.

  2. #27
    Power Poster
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    We usually do give money for "occasions" - but we resent being ASKED for money!

  3. #28
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    I'm going to comment here on a related topic. Thank you notes. I have attended a wedding, gifted a baby quilt and sent two graduation gifts. I haven't received a thank you note for any of these. I do know the baby quilt was received, but the others I have no way of knowing as they were gift cards or gifts sent from their registries. There's really no way of dealing with this because I don't want to withhold gifts from others because of someone else's bad manners. It's just very annoying. If the baby quilt recipient has another baby I hope she is able to share the quilt because she's not getting another. There, rant over!!

  4. #29
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    It's hard to say NO sometimes, but Dear Abby would have told him to say no I am sure. Those kids may be great but that is awful to ask him to do all that!

  5. #30
    Super Member Rose_P's Avatar
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    Sometimes it almost feels good to say no!

    And I second kjdavis4 on the lack of thank you notes. It's especially troubling when we picked a very nice gift for the daughter of a friend who was getting married in another state. It was on the registry of a major department store, and it was to be delivered to an address that the couple had provided to the store. We are left to go completely on faith that the gift was ever received. Maybe it was stolen from their doorstep? Maybe the store is bilking thousands of people coast to coast? How would we ever know? I was tempted to pointedly ask the bride's parents if they knew whether the gift was ever received, but I let it go because meanwhile we moved away and rarely have any contact with them. It still troubles me several years later. Maybe they really did not get our gift and think we sent only a card saying we regret we couldn't attend.
    True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you donít need to regularly escape from. ~Brianna Wiest

  6. #31
    Super Member Sandygirl's Avatar
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    I keep a mental note on who acknowledges gifts and who does not. If I send a gift (usually $$) and it is not acknowledged in any form, your next event gets a card only. I sent a few checks this past high school graduation season. 2/5 did NOT acknowledge my gift. One was personally handed to the graduate. I Really don't have a relationship with him so I mentally did not expect a thank you. And I was not disappointed. Heck, he barely blinked when I handed him a card. (I am sure that my gift was dissapointing!) I admit that I only gave him a card and a check because his graduation party was the day prior and I did not attend. We were at his cousins' HS graduation gathering and I had given her a card/check. She sent a preprinted photo with "thank for your gift" printed on it. At least she acknowledged the gift. My gifts are more "token". I am not giving large $$ amounts to recipients that I barely have a relationship with other than the occassional gathering. I have cut back on the value wedding gifts too. If one can drop big $$$ on a wedding, you won't miss my money. I can't compete! Lol!

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  7. #32
    Super Member jitkaau's Avatar
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    I got an invitation to a wedding, by phone, the night before. my nose was out of joint because there was no way that I could have got there in that amount of time. I thought that the only reason for the late invitation from an old school friend was because someone else had pulled out. They would have been aware of the fact that I could not attend and waiting on the gift to be sent in the mail. The only thing they received was my inability to attend because of geographical distance. Rudeness doesn't need any more time than that.

  8. #33
    Super Member AZ Jane's Avatar
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    The older I get, the easier it is to say "NO", sorry.
    Better to do something imperfectly, than nothing perfectly.
    Done is better than perfect.

  9. #34
    Super Member annette1952's Avatar
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    I have So, So many comments on this post that it is best left unsaid! lol WOW is all I'll say!

  10. #35
    Power Poster sewbizgirl's Avatar
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    I just disregard the whole "registry" thing and give what I want to give... usually a quilt. I thought it was bad enough being expected to buy a shower gift AND a wedding gift... but to pay for the honeymoon too? Sheesh!

    When my daughter got married we gave her $6K to do whatever she wanted, and anything beyond that was on them. It was all we could do. They didn't have money left over to do a honeymoon like they wanted, so they didn't have one.

    When a couple has already been living together for a number of years, I just feel so unmotivated to even celebrate their wedding. It's anti-climactic. They have their household set up, and they have already been living as husband and wife, so what are we celebrating? That they are finally doing what they should have done years before? Not judging them, it's just how I feel... I think if they have already been living together, they should go get married discreetly at a justice of the peace. To have a big wedding at that point seems so ridiculous to me. Literally putting the horse BEHIND the cart. I don't usually go to weddings like that, because it's just no fun. I can't get into it. And then everyone thinks I'm judgemental. But to me, a big wedding after living together is disingenuous.

    Same for "repeating vows" after 25 or whatever years... If it's done privately and just between the two parties involved, it can be meaningful, I guess. But to put on a big wedding and invite guests and try to do all that would be done in a first wedding just seems like a charade. I often want to ask "Why?" "Didn't you mean your vows the first time?"
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  11. #36
    Power Poster Onebyone's Avatar
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    I have two DDs. When they got married we gave them a check. Fancy wedding no one would really care about or cash in hand. The older DD used it for a down payment on a first starter house, the younger paid off her DH's student loans that would have been with them for years to come. I was skeptical about the loan payoff but it sure freed up their finances and he worked hard to stay debt free once that burden was lifted.
    I believe giving what I can will never cause me to be in need.
    Being cheap is not a badge of honor.
    My heroes are working people, paying their own way, taking care of their children and being decent human beings.

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