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What should one do if one is given something that one dislikes?

What should one do if one is given something that one dislikes?

Old 06-13-2016, 10:56 AM
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Default What should one do if one is given something that one dislikes?

There have been many threads from heartbroken makers of quilts that they have given to recipients that did not appreciate the gift.

Maybe some ways to avoid that?

I know sometimes one wants to surprise the giftee - and it is disappointing to get an "Oh, thanks" after spending hours and hours of time and hundreds of dollars on materials. If one even gets that!

Is it better to ask first and see if the person really wants a quilt?

On the other hand, if one asks - and is planning on making a couch size and the person says - I want a to-the-floor king size quilt - YIKES!

I don't know the answer. I do know that I have on occasion received things that were in the "Thanks for thinking of me, but you REALLY should not have given me that" category.

As I've gotten (much) older, I have learned to recognize love and thought (or lack of!) in a gift.

How would you want a giftee to respond to an item that they really don't care for?

(I do put some responsibility on the giver to try to learn ahead of time if the giftee is "worthy" of getting a quilt and what the giftee might actually like and use.)
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Old 06-13-2016, 11:11 AM
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The last quilt I gave away was a chemo quilt. She cried and hugged me. I really try to think what they person would like when making a quilt for someone. The colors, patterns, type of quilt. I've had a very positive reception when giving quilts. Hopefully they will treasure the present and know that a lot of hard work went into it.
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Old 06-13-2016, 11:21 AM
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I totally agree with you Bearisgray "I do put some responsibility on the giver to try to learn ahead of time if the giftee is "worthy" of getting a quilt and what the giftee might actually like and use."

Trying to guess what someone will want has always been a mystery to me. Some of my friends change the colors in their homes every year. They have the money and so the fact it matches today, it will be sent to the Trift store in a year. So I do the types of quilts that you can cuddle up in front of the TV or tap a nap for friends and family. One friend said her husband always wants everything to match so I did a Christmas theme quilt and they get it out once a year with their Christmas ornaments. Another friend that was too ill one year to decorate her home for Christmas, so made her one of my patchwork quilts with over 150 different Christmas fabrics, she thought it was like they were all different decorations for her, so she leaves it out year round (that was 11 years ago) and tells people about it.

I used to be upset when I found out the person used it to curl up with their pet or used it on the floor, but I don't anymore. Since I don't like every gift I receive I don't expect them to either. I do my best, give it with the love that is intended and that is it. Once I made one for a wedding gift for a lady I worked with. She had MS, so once she married she never came back to work, we tried 3 times to meet up for lunch so that I could give her the gift. It didn't happen, so I decided she didn't really want it (she never saw it) and I gave it to the church my daughter attended when they were collecting blankets. They were thrilled to get it.

Must admit it was the book, "That Dorky Homemade Quilt Look" that opened my eyes and decide quilts are to be used, not put away for a special occasion that may never come. It is better to ask someone what they plan for a baby's room or what colors they want in their bedroom or living room before spending a lot of time and money. If you want to make someone an heirloom quilt, you really should ask first it they would want it. Neither of my daughters would use such an item and would ask to store it at my house.
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Old 06-13-2016, 11:37 AM
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Hm, what should one do when given ANY gift? Say thank you very much. I appreciate that you thought of me. I have a wall-hanging I got in a swap of a Christmas theme. Now ANYONE who pays even the least bit of attention KNOWS that I DESPISE that holiday with a passion. Did my swap partner think she would sway me to think differently? I hung it in my sewing room in an inconspicuous area and recently decided to pass it on to someone who actually likes that red/green holiday.

My MIL gifted me a hand-knitted pineapple coverlet. It was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS - but we have cats and I hated the thought of it being stuck in the closet in a pillow case. Gave it back although I HATED to. She gave it to her daughter who now uses it as a table-cloth overlay.
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Old 06-13-2016, 11:48 AM
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I TRY to use what I know of family/friends to decide if I want to make a quilt for them. Sometimes the fabric tells me who the quilt should be for. I've made so many for my BFF (of 60 years) that I am now questioning whether to make any more for her. I decided to make "Women of the Bible" for her; she is religious and has always been a supporter of women's issues. I questioned myself if she needed/wanted another quilt. I decided to make it and when I give it to her for Christmas, I'll tell her my feelings will not be hurt if she wants to donate it to her church or raffle it off as a fundraiser for her church. It was made because I love her and wanted to acknowledge her beliefs.

When I give baby quilts, I always tell Mom it was made to be used, to cover baby, as a floor mat or wallhanging or a toddler drag around quilt. It is not to be a 'good' quilt. It is meant to be used and worn out. I am thrilled to have it become a favorite "blankie".
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Old 06-13-2016, 11:53 AM
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This can be a tough one.

My ex MIL collects various things, cake tins, mugs, knickknacks, etc, I do not. When xh and I got married she asked me what I collected and said nothing. But when she realized I liked cats, I started to get cat mugs, bags, ornaments etc. I like living breathing cats, not images of cats. One year well between gift giving occasions I told her although I loved that she thought of me (I was married to her son for 5 years before my birthday was acknowledged), I did not like stuff with cat images. I told her I would be happy with one of her homemade cards (they are quite lovely) and no gift. I would have suggested she make a donation in my name to the SPCA or Cat Rescue, but she does not do donations.

I was once given a beautiful quilted set of placemats and tea cozy. They were lovely, but in a colour I truly do not like. I do know that although they were hand made, they had not been made by the giver. I also knew that the giver would not be in my house. I promptly regifted them to a friend (not one in common) for whom the colours were perfect.

I am somewhat amazed when I read comments here about people 'checking up' on a quilt that they gave, to make sure it is being used as expected. Once I give a gift it is gone.

I have two gift quilts under way right now. One if for my son, he chose many of the fabrics, so he has been involved from the beginning. The other is for a friend's baby. It is bright and bold. I hope it gets lots of use, but if not, that is okay, it is no longer my quilt.

I have made many baby blankets over the years, never give a thought to them after they are given.

I am making myself a beach quilt. It will be used on sand, grass and anywhere else that I need a picnic blanket.

Both my grandmothers were incredible needle workers, from knitting to embroidery, sewing and one spinning and weaving. Granny stopped knitting for the grandchildren as she could not afford the yarn. If I checked ahead of time with her about a pattern and bought the yarn, she would knit for me. I was very lucky. But other than my grandmothers and one grandfather who died when I was 8, nobody spends the sort of time and money that goes into a quilt or woodworking project on me.

My mother denigrated quilting for years, even though she has some dear friends who are quilters. She will never get a quilt from me, not because of how she may use it, but because she in incapable of recognizing the effort and expense that went into making it.
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Old 06-13-2016, 12:38 PM
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I make a lot of 40x50 size quilts for the Head Start program to be given out in October in our church. The only checking up on them would be to see if they held up. The smiles on the children's faces are all that I need. I do try to make a mix of boy or girl or neutral but no one gets a special request. I did make a frog quilt for my niece's daughter since they requested homemade items for a baby shower. I could tell they liked it. I try not to think of any quilts that would not be appreciated. Once they are given, it's out of my hands. Any gifts I receive from well meaning friends, I do look at the thought that was put into the selection or effort. At least someone is thinking nice things about me.
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Old 06-13-2016, 01:06 PM
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i NEVER give a quilt to someone that they have not been a participant in from saying YES, they want a quilt, the choosing of the pattern and the choice of fabric. Eliminates disappointments.

My next quilt is one that i'll be giving to my brother. And while, yes, I made it w/ him/his family in mind. When I got it together, I asked if he wanted it and emphasized if he didn't, please tell me. I knew I would have lots of others who would have been interested in it. I am trying to use up my stash and it is a quilt made from that fabric.

I also was pretty sure that his wife would like it and we all know that it is the wife that is the decision maker in these types of gifts.

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Old 06-13-2016, 01:06 PM
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I have 11 grandchildren and most have a baby quilt. Some of the older have a bed quilt...Oldest granddaughter got to bid on a hand quilted quilt that she loved at a Mennonite auction...she was so excited when she won because I had given her an amount that I was willing to pay. She got it for $350. just under her limit of $400. (I kept it until she married)

Most of my family are quilt lovers and they are not too matchy, matchy..but I have had them to choose the colors and patterns so they are grateful and happy to get them.

My mother told me to always accept a gift and to be grateful because they thought of you...Of course she had come through the Depression, so she taught appreciation and a big thoughtful thank you, even if later you regift it.
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Old 06-13-2016, 01:16 PM
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My dear Aunt used to knit afghans for the family, and when she got older she switched to knitting slippers that weren't all that comfortable. But my Mom liked them, so we all surreptitiously passed them on to her after Christmas.

I don't plan to start asking recipients if they want a quilt, because the giving is something I want to do. But I do get nervous about whether they will like them. I hope that people who don't really like a quilt or feel the need of one would feel free to give it away. The main thing is to have them used and enjoyed.
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