The "worthy," why are we so hard on them?
12-28-2010, 11:08 AM
#61
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 8,101
Originally Posted by jemma
recieving is more of a challange to character than giving ---when someone reaches out to you with a gift accept the love first then the gift should realy not matter---thank you is very easy to say-- i got a pet rock for xmas the love + the pride shining from my gransons eyes is making me tear up as i write this --what a special gift i got
My grandson and I used to go out to play when he was little. I always came into the house with a pocketful of pebbles...his gifts to me! I always accepted them with a smile. Those pebbles were gifts from his heart and represented the LOVE he felt for me. Once inside, the pebbles were stored in baggies and put away for future reference.
He's 11 now, and I don't get pebbles from him anymore. But I still get the love!
12-28-2010, 12:09 PM
#62
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Arizona
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Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
I totally disagree. Yes, I have my own taste but I accept gifts graciously b/c of the thought and time/work, whatever went into the decision to give me something.
My MIL has the worst taste of anyone I've ever known!! Over the years she has given all of us absolutely nothing we would ever want or use and that includes my DH (her son) me, and our 3 kids.
We would never let her know b/c it gives her great joy to shop, wrap etc.
It doesn't matter in the long run. We'd rather see her happy. The stuff goes to Goodwill and places like that. She is none the wiser.
My MIL has the worst taste of anyone I've ever known!! Over the years she has given all of us absolutely nothing we would ever want or use and that includes my DH (her son) me, and our 3 kids.
We would never let her know b/c it gives her great joy to shop, wrap etc.
It doesn't matter in the long run. We'd rather see her happy. The stuff goes to Goodwill and places like that. She is none the wiser.
12-28-2010, 12:24 PM
#63
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,039
Originally Posted by quiltmaker
Originally Posted by IrishNY
I can see all sides of this discussion. A few thoughts:
Just because I know the work that goes into a handmade gift doesn't mean that I can expect that the recipient does.
I don't feel an obligation to receive a handmade gift with any more joy than a store bought gift if it's not 'me'. I certainly will say the right things and be appreciative but if someone made me a BT, I would not feel obligated to carry it just because they thought (wrongly) I wanted
I give quilts sparingly to those I think will really enjoy them. And I work hard to factor in their color preferences and use fabric that represents them as best I can. But once I give it, it's theirs and I don't waste another minute worrying about if they will use it or love it the way I want them to.
My $.02 (and probably worth less) :wink: :wink:
Just because I know the work that goes into a handmade gift doesn't mean that I can expect that the recipient does.
I don't feel an obligation to receive a handmade gift with any more joy than a store bought gift if it's not 'me'. I certainly will say the right things and be appreciative but if someone made me a BT, I would not feel obligated to carry it just because they thought (wrongly) I wanted
I give quilts sparingly to those I think will really enjoy them. And I work hard to factor in their color preferences and use fabric that represents them as best I can. But once I give it, it's theirs and I don't waste another minute worrying about if they will use it or love it the way I want them to.
My $.02 (and probably worth less) :wink: :wink:
Oh how I agree with you. I will add another probably not so welcome point.....why do people have to constantly whine about their disappointments.....it gets so depressing to hear them...yes, I know I don't have to read them but somehow I look hoping some reason will come into the conversation. I thought this board was to be about the joy of quilting and learning from each other. There are so many posts about unhappiness over so many things that people have no control over that it truly is amazing to me. Sometimes I think this has become a place for people to vent out all their frustrations in their lives and what pleases and displeases them that the joy and love of quilting or creating whatever they do is a burden to them and think they might re-evaluate their priorities in life.
Truly I am not trying to offend anyone but it does make one pause and think.
12-28-2010, 12:26 PM
#64
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,039
Originally Posted by cathyvv
Originally Posted by jemma
recieving is more of a challange to character than giving ---when someone reaches out to you with a gift accept the love first then the gift should realy not matter---thank you is very easy to say-- i got a pet rock for xmas the love + the pride shining from my gransons eyes is making me tear up as i write this --what a special gift i got
My grandson and I used to go out to play when he was little. I always came into the house with a pocketful of pebbles...his gifts to me! I always accepted them with a smile. Those pebbles were gifts from his heart and represented the LOVE he felt for me. Once inside, the pebbles were stored in baggies and put away for future reference.
He's 11 now, and I don't get pebbles from him anymore. But I still get the love!
12-28-2010, 12:28 PM
#65
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: So. Fla now, Va orig
Posts: 1,565
Sorry, there are volumes to be said for being grateful (that some one cared enough) and graceful (if it just isn't your bag.-no pun intended). At almost 72 I realize not many people hit the mark about what I like, however that does not in any way lessen the fact that I love them for the thought. My mamma raised a southeren gal with manners.:)
12-28-2010, 12:31 PM
#66
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Grand Junction, Colorado
Posts: 2,247
I think politeness is the key here.
I have received gifts I didn't like either from hubby's family before they knew me well, or younger siblings when they were small. I always used, wore, or displayed them for a while and then after a time put them away, donated or found someone who liked them. I knew they were selected because they thought I would like them or it was all they could afford. Depending on circumstances.
As a giver try to find out what they would like either by asking questions early in the year or a sibling, parent or friend who knows their likes better than you.
I have received gifts I didn't like either from hubby's family before they knew me well, or younger siblings when they were small. I always used, wore, or displayed them for a while and then after a time put them away, donated or found someone who liked them. I knew they were selected because they thought I would like them or it was all they could afford. Depending on circumstances.
As a giver try to find out what they would like either by asking questions early in the year or a sibling, parent or friend who knows their likes better than you.
12-28-2010, 12:35 PM
#67
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 883
Absolutely THANK YOU for saying it so clearly. Not to long ago I put out my own post of "why do we give quilts". Not nearly as eloquent as yours, but this is my point. So many people think just because they made it the receiver should love it. NOT it's our thing, not theirs!
Just ask me when I am going to make a quilt for my hubby's daughter - the answer NEVER. 1. she wouldn't use it and 2. she would sell it as the first garage sale she had.
Just ask me when I am going to make a quilt for my hubby's daughter - the answer NEVER. 1. she wouldn't use it and 2. she would sell it as the first garage sale she had.
12-28-2010, 01:03 PM
#68
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Twin Cities
Posts: 189
I so agree with the original poster....why in the world would you pour a ton of time/energy/money into a gift without first checking with the recipient as to color/style/whatever....and then be annoyed because they didn't gush over it????
That tells me the gift is about you, not them. Isn't it supposed to be about them?
Did you make it because it made you feel good, or because you thought they'd like it? You can't tell me that they ALL would have adored a hand-made whatever...can you?
Isn't it now about how you felt making them? About look at me...look at all the work I did...aren't I wonderful for making this big sacrifice (that you never asked me for)? Isn't it now about getting attention for youself and not about them?
I understand wanting the gift to be a surprise, but if that's your priority a quilt isn't the right gift. If the priority is a gift that they'll love, then you have to KNOW their preferences and if not, allow them input or check with someone who does know. A quilt is too much work to not get it right. I think it boils down to your priority...a surprise or a much-loved quilt.
On the other hand I do think a recipient has an obligation to graciously receive the gift. My SIL just this year commented to another brother's new girlfriend that the woman would NEVER know if I didn't like her present because I am so exceedingly gracious. What a nice compliment!
For me, I love whatever it is because you gave it to me, not because of what it is.
Although I used to get some pretty atrocious gifts from my MIL which were pretty hard to love. :) Had to consciously remind myself to smile and say thank you. And to put it out when she came over (thankfully not that often).
The best gifts I got this year were a broken angel statue and some rocks from my littlest brother, who was trying to make up for the loss of our mother. Bless his broken heart.
That tells me the gift is about you, not them. Isn't it supposed to be about them?
Did you make it because it made you feel good, or because you thought they'd like it? You can't tell me that they ALL would have adored a hand-made whatever...can you?
Isn't it now about how you felt making them? About look at me...look at all the work I did...aren't I wonderful for making this big sacrifice (that you never asked me for)? Isn't it now about getting attention for youself and not about them?
I understand wanting the gift to be a surprise, but if that's your priority a quilt isn't the right gift. If the priority is a gift that they'll love, then you have to KNOW their preferences and if not, allow them input or check with someone who does know. A quilt is too much work to not get it right. I think it boils down to your priority...a surprise or a much-loved quilt.
On the other hand I do think a recipient has an obligation to graciously receive the gift. My SIL just this year commented to another brother's new girlfriend that the woman would NEVER know if I didn't like her present because I am so exceedingly gracious. What a nice compliment!
For me, I love whatever it is because you gave it to me, not because of what it is.
Although I used to get some pretty atrocious gifts from my MIL which were pretty hard to love. :) Had to consciously remind myself to smile and say thank you. And to put it out when she came over (thankfully not that often).
The best gifts I got this year were a broken angel statue and some rocks from my littlest brother, who was trying to make up for the loss of our mother. Bless his broken heart.
12-28-2010, 01:16 PM
#69
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 601
I think there's two points being discussed here. I think everyone would agree that people should say "thank you" when receiving a gift. I don't hear anyone arguing that.
The second point is what the OP was, I think, trying to point out, that you shouldn't expect anything beyond that. If a gift ends up at Goodwill, so be it. Gift-givers don't have a reasonable expectation to determine what happens to the gifts that we give once they're out of our hands. If you do try to dictate how your gift is used, you're setting yourself up for a major disappointment.
There have just been a lot of threads here lately about how disappointed people are with how their gifted quilts were received. Some of us (and I know I'm not alone here) think it's curious that people get so upset about how their quilts are used or received.
The second point is what the OP was, I think, trying to point out, that you shouldn't expect anything beyond that. If a gift ends up at Goodwill, so be it. Gift-givers don't have a reasonable expectation to determine what happens to the gifts that we give once they're out of our hands. If you do try to dictate how your gift is used, you're setting yourself up for a major disappointment.
There have just been a lot of threads here lately about how disappointed people are with how their gifted quilts were received. Some of us (and I know I'm not alone here) think it's curious that people get so upset about how their quilts are used or received.
12-28-2010, 02:00 PM
#70
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Jozefow, Poland
Posts: 4,474
Originally Posted by Mattee
The second point is what the OP was, I think, trying to point out, that you shouldn't expect anything beyond that. If a gift ends up at Goodwill, so be it. Gift-givers don't have a reasonable expectation to determine what happens to the gifts that we give once they're out of our hands. If you do try to dictate how your gift is used, you're setting yourself up for a major disappointment.
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