Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 5 6
Results 126 to 146 of 146

Thread: How can I overcome my fear?

  1. #126
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    376
    Sounds great - the money and hours of TLC could go to great charities and everyone feels better that their efforts and care ar going t a good place!

  2. #127
    quiltluvr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Lost in a quilt shop :-)
    Posts
    1,353
    Sorry, I didn't read all the pages, however, not everyone will treat your gifts the same. Can't judge others by the actions of one, no matter how it hurts.

    Hold onto the joy it gives YOU to design and make a quilt for someone special, then let them make whatever memories they want with what they get. They will have to live with that, not you. Try not to let it make you sad.

  3. #128
    Senior Member newbiequilter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    No. Calif
    Posts
    527
    From the many postings it would seem there are hurt feelings on the part of both givers and recipients of our crafting efforts - not just quilts. I know that I am in both categories. I really appreciate the many postings that we are in control and it is up to each of us to either let go of the gift and move on or concentrate on the joy of gifting. Either way there are many excellent suggestions and since this is the time of year for joy and giving, I wish each of you a Merry Christmas and a Very Happy 2011. I have enjoyed this forum this year...

  4. #129
    Super Member butterflywing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    currently central new jersey
    Posts
    8,697
    i didn't read all the pages, either. one page was enough. i agree with everyone. both sides. when you give it away, it's not yours. if you're not happy about about what they did with it, don't give them another.

    i spent a lot of time and money making a bed-size quilt for my sister for a wall above her king-sized bed. ON REQUEST. for almost a full year, it was tossed in a corner of her bedroom with her 4 labs sleeping on it. i finally lost my temper and asked for it back and said i would be happy to buy her a cheap blanket. she hung it on the wall full of dog hairs and there it is. for her? never again. but for other family members whose tongues are hanging out for a quilt? anytime!

  5. #130
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    2,876
    Can you stand one more idea? I hope you won't let this one bad result ruin your joy of quilting for others. Please keep in mind her age. Sometimes when you are that age you don't have your priorities straight yet, it is still a forming mind. I know there are plenty of teen-agers who are thrilled with grandma's work but some are not mature enough to really understand, some people never are. I am 62 and now look back at a hand pieced quilt top that an aunt gave me when I was in my early 20's. Busy being a wife and caring for our 3 small children. I sure didn't "get it". I have no idea what I did with that top and now every time I think of it I could cry. So, my point is, try to forgive her for not knowing and move on with your quilting. Probably one day when she is married and expecting a baby, she'll call grandama ask for one of those special quilts.

  6. #131
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    281
    I really feel that it is time to educate the people who receive the gift. Some people would walk on a Monte but not after they were educated to its value. I don't give a quilt without instructions. I have a 25 year old granddaughter and I have a quilt made for her and ask her mother if she was ready to take care of it. She said no so it is still waiting for her to mature. If you give a diamond you do not expect it to be in the back yard. The value of the gift is determined by the giver. Please make this value clear when giving the gift. This is a casual throw arould quilt or this is one I hope your grandchildren will love as much as I loved making it for you. There is value in your time and effort. Please sit down with your daughter and let her see what you wanted for the quilt you made and give her a casual one for throwing around. Children need both. Hope this is not to strong but I make both quick and easy and hard and time consuming. They will be treated difirently and I expect that and want my grandchildren to know I valued them and they are to value me as well. Gail

  7. #132
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    376
    That sounds helpful for everyone, it won't hurt her at all to learn just how wonderful a gift she's getting or how to take responsibility for looking after it! She'll grow in the process, and so will the quilter, by identifying and stating her values and expectations for treatment of a precious gift.

  8. #133
    Super Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    3,499
    i agree with deema

  9. #134
    SandraJennings's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Arizona....now.
    Posts
    783
    Tragic though the gifts outcome was for you that day... the more tragic is that it has caused you to cease from giving to not only others but yourself. Quilting is a joy from the heart, its own special gift. It is one I keep with me everytime I make one, no matter the journey it takes when it leaves my hands. I hope you find that gift , open it up... and rejoice in its part in you. It truly keeps growing.

  10. #135
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    187
    Quote Originally Posted by SandraJennings
    Tragic though the gifts outcome was for you that day... the more tragic is that it has caused you to cease from giving to not only others but yourself. Quilting is a joy from the heart, its own special gift. It is one I keep with me everytime I make one, no matter the journey it takes when it leaves my hands. I hope you find that gift , open it up... and rejoice in its part in you. It truly keeps growing.
    AMEN!! I think we've all been trying to say this but you've said it best and beautifully!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I've had this experience but this puts it in perspective!!

  11. #136
    Super Member GailG's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    6,762
    Quote Originally Posted by SandraJennings
    Tragic though the gifts outcome was for you that day... the more tragic is that it has caused you to cease from giving to not only others but yourself. Quilting is a joy from the heart, its own special gift. It is one I keep with me everytime I make one, no matter the journey it takes when it leaves my hands. I hope you find that gift , open it up... and rejoice in its part in you. It truly keeps growing.
    Sandra, this says it all.

  12. #137
    Super Member quiltmaker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    In Hiding
    Posts
    1,227
    This topic has been discussed numerous times. I don't understand many of the views given. I have always believed that love isn't love unless you give it away. To be so upset when you find your gift wasn't used as YOU desired only says you want control over it and it truly was not a gift of love for whomever. Yes we spend many hours laboring over making a quilt for someone but that doesn't mean to me that I have a right to judge how it has been used or abused. That's on the person who received it and doesnt' bother me at all. I know in my heart that anything I might do for another person is because I wanted to and there was nothing expected in return. When you expect something in return (as in how they may use it) you are not giving out of love....you are not giving a gift....you are taking your own joy away from yourself. So with all the expections some people have in giving a quilt I feel they would be better served to make them only for themselves as the conditions they expect do not serve any purpose but self gratification/validation and for me the joy is in the journey from start to finish and to whomever I gave it to regardless of how it is used. Remember love isn't love unless you truly give it away without any conditions.

  13. #138

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    601
    Well said!

    Quote Originally Posted by quiltmaker
    This topic has been discussed numerous times. I don't understand many of the views given. I have always believed that love isn't love unless you give it away. To be so upset when you find your gift wasn't used as YOU desired only says you want control over it and it truly was not a gift of love for whomever. Yes we spend many hours laboring over making a quilt for someone but that doesn't mean to me that I have a right to judge how it has been used or abused. That's on the person who received it and doesnt' bother me at all. I know in my heart that anything I might do for another person is because I wanted to and there was nothing expected in return. When you expect something in return (as in how they may use it) you are not giving out of love....you are not giving a gift....you are taking your own joy away from yourself. So with all the expections some people have in giving a quilt I feel they would be better served to make them only for themselves as the conditions they expect do not serve any purpose but self gratification/validation and for me the joy is in the journey from start to finish and to whomever I gave it to regardless of how it is used. Remember love isn't love unless you truly give it away without any conditions.

  14. #139
    Junior Member Derla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Rochester, Minnesota
    Posts
    150
    I agree - once any gift leaves my house for someone else, it is no longer any of my business what they do with it. When I sent a granddaughter money for graduation, her mother wanted to 'control' it. I told my granddaughter it was no longer mine - it was totally hers to do whatever she wanted with it - buy shoes, pay debts, even flush it down the toilet, if that was her desired (though I didn't want to hear about it if she did). I hope her mother isn't 'controling' it, but it is no longer my responsibility.

  15. #140
    Super Member Psychomomquilter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Raleigh,NC
    Posts
    2,005
    Blog Entries
    8
    here is something I learned a long time ago.

    There was a knock on the door, FEAR got up to open the door, and FAITH answered, fear is the opposite of faith, take action, no matter how fearful you are, when you do what you fear, faith takes action. and just a few years ago, the favorite Joyce Meyers said the same thing, or not in those words, so take action

  16. #141
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Snohomish WA
    Posts
    869
    Blog Entries
    15
    If my DIL actually told me she'd like a quilt done in ______ colors, I'd be honored to fulfill her preferences; but I know better than to proceed without that approval established ahead of time. Making a surprise quilt for someone is too risky.

  17. #142
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    376
    I fully agree that giving love is essential, but loving blindly isn't wise. Checking what colours the dil wants is a great idea, even chedking a pattern. I asked my granddaughter what shapes she wants and hope to actually take her shopping to choose colours for herself - why should I impose my colour choice on her? A quilt is really a powerful, distinctive presence in any room, often the first thing our eyes fall on. Better be pleasing to be welcomed.
    I learned that when my grandson was just over 2 1/5, I made a red sweater with some grey and white around the shoulders waist and wrists. He said,"It feel warm Nana, but there's too much red"!! Now I bring the whole wool sample card and they choose from it. At age 12 he's beginning the teen fashion thing, floppy sweats and jeans, forget the handknits. Oh Well, it was fun while it lasted!

  18. #143
    Senior Member Rusty's Mama's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Orig from PA; now living in EA WA
    Posts
    778
    I know the quilts I have given to some family members have been used and loved and several are tattered and torn. That is okay. I don't do elaborate quilts. I like to do fairly simple patterns so even though I labor over a quilt I am not upset if the quilt isn't treated as I might treat a quilt. The pleasure I gain in making a quilt far out weighs how the quilt is treated once it is gifted. I do quilts for charitable causes and I am sure those quilts may not be kept in good condition. I guess my love of quilting and the fact I treat it as 'therapy' for me - to get me through handling the grief of losing our son a year ago is enough reward for me to continue quilting as long as I am able.

  19. #144
    Junior Member alpha39's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    North Texas
    Posts
    136
    Quote Originally Posted by cjomomma
    It's time to toughen up here!! If you are making quilts to give away then you nolonger have the right to say what happens to it once it is given. If you are making quilts and keeping them then were is the fun. Frankly not everybody appreciates what goes into the making of a quilt and they don't have too, also it's not our job to educate them. When it comes to gifting a quilt you need to gift and forget. Once it is out of yours hands you nolonger have the right to say what happens to it.
    Love it! I'm a softy too about things like this, but sometimes I have to be jerked back into reality to get back on the right track. Thanks for that jerk!

  20. #145
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Mabank, Texas
    Posts
    8,856
    Please do not judge everyone by your granddaughters actions. The quilt you made her was beautiful, however, at the time you gave it to her she may have just been to young to really appreciate the gift because she saw it as "homemade" and she just didn't really realize the gift of love you put into it. When she gets older I feel sure she will realize her mistake. Here is a HUG, now go start that quilt for your future granddaughter.

  21. #146
    Super Member michelehuston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    1,042
    I definately understand the hurt! People just do not realize the time, the emotion, and the hard work that are involved. I am very careful about who I give quilts to. Sadly I learned my lesson as you did. I know that they are gifts, but it's hard to see something created with love abused. So sorry you are hurt!!

Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 5 6

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.