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Thread: most are disappointed with reactions to gifting hand made

  1. #1
    Senior Member Hosta's Avatar
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    I swore off giving any handmade items to family 20 years ago. no one appreciated my work so I thought bleech on them. now I only give to others who really know the value and want the gift. so why do you keep torturing yourselves by gifting to those who don't appreciate them. They are not going to change. I hope I am not sounding rude but why continue to do it?

  2. #2
    Senior Member jamh's Avatar
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    Those are just "material" people and will never be happy! They dont value hard work nor creativity! Do it for the ones you know who will value there treasures for ever!

  3. #3
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    I suppose because we value these lovely gifts so much we hope for a change (sigh). You know the saying "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".

    Also, some of us don't have others to give to.

  4. #4
    Super Member Treasureit's Avatar
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    The sad thing is...I raised or grew up with those "rude" people! How come I came out so appreciative and they didn't! lol

  5. #5
    Super Member Annaquilts's Avatar
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    I have just the opposite. Both of the daughters that received a quilt this year were very happy. Just last night my 20 year old daughter came just before bed time and was hugging me and telling me how much she loved her new quilt. I had not seen it on her bed. Turns out she has a pile of blankets on her bed and the quilt is under it so it is close to her. LOL I made it for her to take to college so I thought maybe it was stacked some where to go. My 22 year old DD ( the eldest) received a similar quilt and she is using it on her bed as the top cover.

    Waht I was happy about is that they were still very enthusiastic opening it eventhough they have seen me working on these quilts since this summer.

    The 1 st daughter is behind the quilt being held up admiring it and the 2nd is smiling down on it.. they received similar quilts.
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  6. #6
    joan_quilts's Avatar
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    I don't like giving gift cards. My sister would send me a gift card, I would send her one. WHY?! If I don't know the person very well, or their taste, why would I give them something I worked so hard on?

    I would rather a donation be made in my name for a charity rather than a gift card. I would rather give to a charity in someone elses name than give them a gift they don't want/need. That is just me.

    From now on, when I gift a quilt, it will not be on Christmas. I think with all the hoop-la and buy, buy, buy being pushed down our throats, we get let down a lot easier.

  7. #7
    Super Member feline fanatic's Avatar
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    I have a feeling that many of us, at least I know I do, are constantly thinking of the person we plan on gifting to as we are making the item. I tend to fantasize about the intended recipient's reaction as I am piecing, quilting and taking that final stitch on the binding and label. I hope they will like the quilt half as much as I imagine they will. I have been so very fortunate in that every recipient of my quilts have been thrilled or at least given the appearance of being thrilled. I was even lucky enough to see a video of a charity quilt I made given to a little boy and the look on his face when he got it was worth more then I can say. The good reactions are sooooo worth it. I am currently working on a quilt for my brother. It is all hand quilted and when he comes to visit I show him the progress. He said one day "it really is a labor of love, isn't it?". That comment alone makes it all worth it for me. The quilt I just gifted to my DMIL, her reaction was better then anything I imagined.

    The bad reactions, well I guess we just have to learn from that experience and know that not everyone appreciates our gifts from the heart nor do they realize all the time and effort we put into them. Maybe people have been conditioned by seeing the made in China slave labor quilts (and other items) at big box stores for sale for $30 equates to very little perceived value in our handcrafted item.

    If we want recipients to truly appreciate and love our home made quilts the way we love them when we pour our hearts and souls into making them, then we need to know our recipients better. Of course, when we give to charity and an unknown recipient then we just put our faith in the cause.

  8. #8
    Senior Member crashnquilt's Avatar
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    My heart goes out to those that don't receive the appeciation owed to them.

    I am truly blessed with a family that loves the gifts that I make for them. They are so proud of them that they brag to everyone and anyone about them.

    My niece LOVES purses and jackets. I make a sweatshirt jacket with matching purse for her a few years ago. When I went to visit, she told me that if I wanted to make another set like that she would gladly use it. She literally WORE OUT that set.

    My family expresses their gratitude to me which is always wonderful. But I know they really like them when I hear them talk to other people with great pride in their voices stating that "this was made just for me by my (aunt or sister). She puts so much thought and love into everything."

    The only thing I can figure out is the ones that don't appreciate hand made gifts are very "plastic" and materialistic people. I do feel so sorry for those kind. Seems like their goal in life is to be "1-up" to others and don't take time to TRULY appreciate life itself.

  9. #9
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    All good points.
    I only make for people I know will love them just b/c I made them. Those people are my family. They love things just because they were hand made. I'm the same way :)
    But I feel for those of you who get disappointed.
    Being family I know what colors they like etc but I honestly don't think it would matter. I'm lucky in this regard. I just wish I made more stuff. Too busy here??? lol

  10. #10
    Super Member RkayD's Avatar
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    I have found that there are people out there who don't understand how we can love doing this sewing thing. My grandma has always told me the story of her dad who said he could never understand how a woman could buy perfectly good fabric and cut it up into little bitty pieces just to sew it back again. To those its just a blanket...to us its a work of heart.

  11. #11
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    Very well said Feline Fanatic.

  12. #12
    Super Member I go To The Sea To Breathe's Avatar
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    Beautiful, what is that pattern being held up?

  13. #13
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    I made a quilt for my 28 year old GS last year, not for any occasion. I was a bit disappointed in his reaction, but a short time later his fiance came in and her reaction was worth waiting for! I won't hesitate to make another one for them sometime in the future.

  14. #14
    Super Member quiltsillysandi's Avatar
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    I totally understand what you are saying...I have several friends I know not to give something handmade to as they just turn their little noses up, smile ever so graciously, accept it, and say "That's nice", with you knowing it will never be seen or heard from again...Then I have some friends who would prefer that I make them something special....:) I've learned to look at what they like, what is in their home, would I be happy receiving this (Of course, I would..lol) Example in point, I have a friend who absolutely hates quilts (I know, it's shocking!! lol)...However, she is a horse person, and I made a horse-themed quilt for another horse friend of mine ....and guess what........my friend that hates quilts...well, she loved it..)) Go figure....lolol

    San :D

  15. #15
    sewTinker's Avatar
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    When I make gifts, I, like all of you, try hard to choose colors and themes that I'm sure the recipient will like. But I honestly do not expect them to jump up & down. Just like with a purchased gift, sometimes the items just don't appeal to the person receiving it. If they choose to shelve the gift, or re-gift it, or donate it to a charity, I honestly am not affected emotionally. For me, the giving is all about me. I enjoyed the creative process and was excited to hand it over. If it goes to goodwill, someone will see it and love it and purchase it and it will end up in a good home. lol...

  16. #16
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    I love the fabric choices!!! Beautiful quilt and model.
    My family loves handmade items. But I do have family members that for some reason do not appreciate hand made items. I think that they are not crafty and do not understand the time and love that goes in to them. That is fine with me, I just do not make things for them.
    I knit prayer shawls, charity quilts and give away to total strangers, but for some reason when I give a quilt to someone I know I do want them to love it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Annaquilts
    I have just the opposite. Both of the daughters that received a quilt this year were very happy. Just last night my 20 year old daughter came just before bed time and was hugging me and telling me how much she loved her new quilt. I had not seen it on her bed. Turns out she has a pile of blankets on her bed and the quilt is under it so it is close to her. LOL I made it for her to take to college so I thought maybe it was stacked some where to go. My 22 year old DD ( the eldest) received a similar quilt and she is using it on her bed as the top cover.

    Waht I was happy about is that they were still very enthusiastic opening it eventhough they have seen me working on these quilts since this summer.
    :lol: :lol:

  17. #17
    Super Member pittsburgpam's Avatar
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    I gave my son and his fiance a quilt for Christmas and they were really excited. They knew it was coming and his fiance said she had told everyone they were getting a quilt!

    I saw my son a few days later at my daughter's graduation and he told me the quilt is really warm!! More than he expected. :)

  18. #18
    Super Member TFquilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hosta
    I swore off giving any handmade items to family 20 years ago. no one appreciated my work so I thought bleech on them. now I only give to others who really know the value and want the gift. so why do you keep torturing yourselves by gifting to those who don't appreciate them. They are not going to change. I hope I am not sounding rude but why continue to do it?
    Right on...I learned that lesson too...I only give to those who really appreciate my effort and time...I put a lot of time into things I make, and they only go to people who appreciate them..:)

  19. #19
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    There are probably a good number of groups in your communities that would love to have a hand-made quilt to raffle or auction off. You can bet that whoever "wins" your quilt will really love it, if they took the time to bid or buy a ticket. And you will be doing good for your local public library, historical society, food shelf, etc.

  20. #20
    Member clcoats's Avatar
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    We may be too hard on some people--I'm not sure I would have totally appreciated a quilt until I started quilting--nor would I have totally appreciated all of the work that went into a cross stitched piece if I hadn't learned to cross stitch.

    My DH never saw the value in Waterford crystal until we had a tour of Waterford crystal in Ireland. Now he totally understands its value due to the workmanship that makes each individual piece. He also understands the value of a quilt and cross stitch project because he knows the time I've put into it.

    Also--I think age has something to do with the appreciation of gifts--the older we get the more we tend to value what we receive and we understand more.

    Ten years ago an Aunt (who has now passed away) gave me a quilt. I never cared for the colors (orangey) and had it packed away. Last year our oldest son needed a quilt for a futon that he had in his 'computer' room in his apartment. We gave him the orangey, wonderfully soft, tyed quilt. He loves it! The quilt found its home.

  21. #21
    Super Member #1piecemaker's Avatar
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    My problem is just the opposite. Everybody wants one!!!!! I can't give to one without the other wanting them. I've got a large family and it will take forever. I think I'll start an assembly line of lap quilts. heehehehehe!! I do sympathise with yor problem though. The true spirit of Christmas has been lost!!

  22. #22
    Senior Member shirley35's Avatar
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    My teenage grandson loves to fish so I made a fish quilt, as a surprise I put it in our guilt show. I didn't see it being used, asked my daughter if he didn't like his quilt. She told me he only takes it out to show his friends, he's afraid something will happen to it. His younger brother uses his quilt all the time. People do react differently to gifts.

  23. #23
    Super Member moreland's Avatar
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    I have been blessed with family who love the quilts and other handcrafts--one way I know that is that I see my quilts in their homes when I visit--it is like finding an old friend. Often I have forgotten even making "it" but it brings me good feelings to see it being used. Besides my own 6 children and 9 grands, I have a large extended family and so many of my nieces and nephews have also gotten quilts. I often use throw size quilts as hostess gifts. I seldom start a quilt knowing who will get it, but as I work on it, the recipient's name comes to me. I've made a "gillion" quilts but probably only 3 were created for a specific person.

  24. #24
    Super Member Debbie B's Avatar
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    I think most of the time that you have to give and then you find out that the person doesn't like handmade gifts. If I know ahead of time that a person doesn't like handmade then I certainly will not waste my time or money. And will not give a handmade gift again if their reaction tells me that they didn't like it. It hurts your feelings, but I don't hold a grudge...I just buy them store bought.

  25. #25
    Senior Member nycbgirl's Avatar
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    I made a quilt for 1 sister in law and she said thank you but I have never seen it since. I made quillows and matching pillowcases for her children and they all loved them. My other SIL and BIL have two quillows each cuz they love and use them! Everyone reacts differently. My best friend taught me to quilt and for 1 of my anniversaries she made a quilt for me and 1 for my husband. I was so excited! They were matched to us perfectly. His has frogs and mine was green! They make me happy. I only make quilts for those I love and I make sure that I tell them that when I give it to them.

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