Motivation Badly needed
#21
My suggestion, not unlike the others already given, is to break it down into smaller bits. Many small bits make a whole. The other is to do things that encourage you, using the "Mind over Matter" motto. Every person is different. Sorry for your loss, relish the good memories of the past and with moving forward you will be making new memories that may well include your quilting past with your departed husband.
#22
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 611
So sorry about your loss. I agree with all who are saying to take gentle steps and have a good friend around to support you.
When my first husband died (thirteen years ago), my mum said a very wise thing to me: "You'll be grieving for a while, but grieving is important. Know that there's a shift after six weeks, and another after three months... and another after a year." I didn't believe her at the time, but found it very true.
I went through his and our things step by step - some objects felt easy, even important to let go; others I boxed for sorting through later. I'd get a box or two out each time I felt it was good top take another step. It helped me honour my feelings and memories, in my own time. Having a friend present for one of the hardest steps (for me, going through a box full of photos deciding what to let go and what to keep) was a lifesaver to me: I could share feelings and snatches of story as they came up.
Good luck, and love to you! Going through things at a gentle pace can bring you unexpected treasures and healing.
When my first husband died (thirteen years ago), my mum said a very wise thing to me: "You'll be grieving for a while, but grieving is important. Know that there's a shift after six weeks, and another after three months... and another after a year." I didn't believe her at the time, but found it very true.
I went through his and our things step by step - some objects felt easy, even important to let go; others I boxed for sorting through later. I'd get a box or two out each time I felt it was good top take another step. It helped me honour my feelings and memories, in my own time. Having a friend present for one of the hardest steps (for me, going through a box full of photos deciding what to let go and what to keep) was a lifesaver to me: I could share feelings and snatches of story as they came up.
Good luck, and love to you! Going through things at a gentle pace can bring you unexpected treasures and healing.
#23
My MIL just passed away and my FIL is staying motivated by doing the things that my MIL loved. This keeps her memory alive, instead of thinking of it as doing things without her, he thinks, if she were here she'd be doing this. She'd be upset if I wasn't still doing this.
#25
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 358
Very sorry for your loss, this is a very hard time for you.
Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. everyone must do it their own way.You will know when the time is right to sort the room out. You might be able to do it all at once or a little bit at a time, whatever is right for you!
Colleen
Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. everyone must do it their own way.You will know when the time is right to sort the room out. You might be able to do it all at once or a little bit at a time, whatever is right for you!
Colleen
#26
My sympathy in the loss of your husband. Such a hard time to get thru.Don't worry about what you do or don't feel like doing.Just do what feels right if only for a few mins.Wishing you times when the memories bring smiles insted of tears.But for now, cry when you need to.....it's too be expected,a part of all our lives.
#27
My condolences on your loss... It has not been that long so please do not feel that you need to rush in and organize all at once. But think of it this way. When it is cleaned again it will be a place where you can go and enjoy memories of time spent together. I envy you having had a husband that enjoyed sharing hobbies with you.
#28
I was thinking the same thing....August has just not been that long ago. For the first year, every day you make it through the grief you have done GREAT! Giver yourself a break. If you really need to get the room straight try the one box at a time method or ask a friend or group of friends to come help. Whatever works for you right now is the "right way" to do it. So sorry for you loss.
#29
I too am so sorry for your recent loss. I am with the others that said to take little baby steps, one at a time. You had something so special that the two of you shared together. Thoughts and prayers are sent to you. One day at a time...
#30
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: West New York, New Jersey
Posts: 1,673
My condolences on your loss. I have no idea why this popped into my head as I read your posting, but here's one person's way of coping with the loss of his loved one. George Burns and Gracie Allen, according to him, had twin beds. After her death he was unable to sleep until one night he got up, went into her bed, and feeling especially close to her presence he found the solution to his problem.
If you and your husband used to sit and quilt together and each had his/her own space, give it a try. Move to his space and see if it gives you some comfort. And when you're ready you can start sorting and re-arranging knowing he's still there with you.
As I said, I don't know why I thought of this but hope it gives you something to think about. Sent with best wishes.
If you and your husband used to sit and quilt together and each had his/her own space, give it a try. Move to his space and see if it gives you some comfort. And when you're ready you can start sorting and re-arranging knowing he's still there with you.
As I said, I don't know why I thought of this but hope it gives you something to think about. Sent with best wishes.
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