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Thread: Quilting leads to adoption?

  1. #26
    Senior Member laughingquilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marty K
    The fear of the bio. parent reclaiming them, encouraged me to adopt internationally....but I do agree that there are so many here in America who need a family. I know, I grew up in a orphanage in St. Louis and always dreamed of having parents!
    There are so many things to consider when making the decision to adopt. We all have to make the decisions that work best for ourselves and for the children we bring into our families. There are many children in the world who need loving families...I'm just glad that we all have different wants, needs and opinions so that our lives can be blessed with diversity of all types.

  2. #27

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    There are many, many children right around you that need homes - I have done longterm foster care for years - by request- and I have had a safe home for batteresd women once the kids were out of the house.

  3. #28
    Senior Member Wendys Quilts's Avatar
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    Back in 2004 my husband and I decided to adopt from China. We waited 2 years to get on the referral list and then when we were told we were on the list, I found out I was pregnant. It was a tough decision for us not to finish the adoption, with all the time, money and emotions that went with it. However, I whole-heartedly believe in adoption. I think it is a wonderful thing. It does involve a lot of emotions that is inside you, time and money. Prior to deciding on China, were thought about adopting locally. But we found (in our area) that it would be very difficult. Doing it locally would mean the mother, right up to child-birth, had a chance to still back out of letting her baby go. We didnt want to take the chance on all the money you spend on the mother and baby, if the mother could change her mind at the last minute. I know that probably sounds petty, but at the end of an international adoption at least you will be matched with a child.
    If you decide international, like others have said, be sure to find a reputable agency. AND look at the time frame on how long it takes. We were told that it could take 6-9 months, but it was more like over two years!

    Good luck. Adoption is a wonderful experience. You have a wonderful heart to open for another child.

  4. #29
    Super Member AngieS's Avatar
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    We have friends that adopted 3 children-2 from China and 1 from Cambodia. They are doing very well. All adorable children. :) Our cousin adopted twins from Romania-they are around 12 years old and doing very well.

    Very expensive but very sweet reward. :) Good luck on your journey.

  5. #30
    Senior Member sewingmom3's Avatar
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    My husband and I have a biological son, but after many years of infertility we adopted 2 girls while living here in Hong Kong,thy are now 23 and 20 and attending university. Overseas adoptions are very expensive,most likely Japan does not have very many oversea adoptions,from my knowledge. Mine was done in Hong Kong through the social welfare dept. We could never have done this financially by living in the states,but were lucky to go through the process here.

  6. #31
    Senior Member Suzi's Avatar
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    Just ---------- WOW! Good luck in your endeavor .. you will fill a tremendous need!!!

  7. #32
    Swap Hosts Krystyna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erstan947
    I feel if it this is the way to go the Lord will open the doors for you. I'll remember your family in my prayers.
    That sums it up. Pray about it and be open to whatever path the Lord leads you down. His goodness and kindness are reflected in open hearts like yours.

  8. #33
    Super Member cabbagepatchkid's Avatar
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    I had always wanted to adopt from Haiti but the cost is too much for me so next best thing was to adopt from the kids that are waiting for a home, right here in the U.S.

    Eight years ago I began to do foster care for the state of MA. My first placement was a brother and sister ages 2-1/2 yrs and 12 mo. When they came up for adoption after their bio mom passed away, I adopted them. I was 51 yrs old :shock: ,at the time, and I have 4 grown children plus 4 grandchildren. I am still a foster mom and would still like to adopt more if possible.

    I will say, concerning your sons, that I've had several foster children that went on to be adopted by other families and the bio children had a really hard time adjusting to the adoptive child so both times the adoption was disrupted and the child was moved to another "new" adoptive home. One of them is even on her 2nd "new" adoptive home and even that one is not working out for her. I am hoping that if she is moved again that DCF will move her back to me because we all loved her here. I'm not sure if my age is working against me, on this one, because she was only 5 yrs old when I had her and she just turned 7 :cry:

    This is a wonderful forum for anyone interested in foreign/domestic adoption or foster care:

    http://forums.adoption.com/

    Adoption is a wonderful thing but it's not for the faint of heart. Some of the kids come through the process wonderfully and some come through with tons of problems.

    Have you seen the Dr. Phil show about the woman people are calling "Hot Sauce Mom". Her child was adopted from Russia and she definitely was not prepared for the issues that her child came with, although his twin didn't have the same issues. Luckily they are both getting some help, now.

    Good luck with whatever you do and remember....there is no rush....there will always be children in need of a home.

    Adoption day for my 2 kiddos--Left to right--Jaelyn, Matt and my granddaughter Hope
    Name:  Attachment-177704.jpe
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  9. #34
    Super Member cherrio's Avatar
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    a longgg, expensive journey. customs of the adopted childs' have to be catered to. talking about the people/place you are adopting from. not an easy process to be sure. good luck with your decision and remember, patience is key

  10. #35
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    I know many peop;e who have adopted and are very pleased with their decision. It does take time and money. One family I know adopted 2 black boys that are the sweetest boys I have ever met and they are doing great within their family it is the world that is giving them trouble.
    The Lord will guide you where He wants you to go but I would like to say that their are many neglected children right here in the US that you might want to consider.

  11. #36
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    Have you considered foster care or working at a day care center during the day? Not as expensive as adoption and you would be helping other children.
    I know of someone who adopted 5 girls from China, some needed expensive health care. There are children in this country that need to be adopted and loved too.

    Carol J.

  12. #37
    Super Member lisalovesquilting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erstan947
    I feel if it this is the way to go the Lord will open the doors for you. I'll remember your family in my prayers.
    I certainly agree with this. Bless your hearts.

  13. #38
    Super Member Leota's Avatar
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    My SIL adopted though DHS and it was a distant family relation but botton line , my neice has physical health issues and because she was in 3 foster homes before she was adopted at the age of 4. Needless to say she was not potty trained (none of the foster parents thought about it... she was a low maintenance child..and they didn't think about it.. it took them almost 3 years to get her trained not to mention the learning problems she has. She will be 11 this summer but only at 2nd grade learning level.

    Another friend of mine adopted internationally and it cost them $20K or more... they had one baby lined up but at the last moment, the government wouldn't allow the adoption to go through...it was heart breaking... they had a good adoption lawyer and about a year later, they got a very active/bright son. I will be working with him in Awana Club this coming Fall..

    Just research it out thoroughly before you decide and also, it's not jut YOU and your husbands decision... your sons are also a major deciding factor... you may have them work with you in a foster care area where the are other children like them and they can learn to understand that you have enough love for them and other kids too and not feel threatened...

  14. #39

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    I enjoyed reading your story. Don't worry that it wasn't "condensed". I appreciate your willingness to help a child. I will pray for you. My cousin and her husband tried to adopt a child for years. Every time an adoption didn't work out for one reason or another, my cousin would say "that just wasn't our baby." They now have a wonderful 6 year old boy that they adopted at birth. He even looks like my cousin and her husband!

  15. #40
    Member Lystra's Avatar
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    So I just have to jump in on this one. If you look at my avatar you would think those boys are mine but so not. I adopted them from India when they were toddlers. I got the first one at 18mth old and the second about a year and a half later when he was 19mth old. I am not from India but from Trinidad. They have blessed and enriched out lives more than I can say. You will get much advice and much good and bad feedback....all good to listen to and ponder. I simply went with the peace God gave me through all of it. I was not able to get pregnant ever but now that I have these 2 boys I know why. All the best with your thinking and journey on this.

  16. #41
    Senior Member Maire's Avatar
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    We have an adopted grandchild, I was included in much of the process & was with them the first few weeks he was brought home. This was the most beautiful experience of my life & I have to admit out of our 7 grandchildren he is my heart.
    You don't have to go international-my daughter & son in law went local with an agency that specialized in children of color, & that means a very wide range of ethnic backgrounds.
    The advantage of the local agency is the continuing support to the adoptive & biological parents & the child. They sponsor several events where the adoptive parents & children can get together for fun for the children & the parents can talk with each other & hear speakers of all sorts, good & bad adoptive stories, stories from the adoptees, etc.
    Listen to your heart, but be sure your husband is on the same page, research & speak with the experts in your area so they can guide you & you can be sure if this is the way to go.

  17. #42

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    As a foster parent I see so many abused children in this country. So many are adoptable and need a loving home,please consider our hungry abused children in your quest for a child. God bless you

  18. #43
    Senior Member Dakota Rose's Avatar
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    I have an adopted daughter from Korea and a bio son who is 4 1/2 years older. She was 10 mo old when she came and had been in a foster home in Korea - not in an orphanage. We did not have any problems with her. Our problem was getting a home study done in our state but that was back in the early 70's & so many things have changed. It was a long "pregnancy". As I said, many things have changed including the cost. I can't tell you what a joy she has been. I now have 3 beautiful granddaughters and a little grandson. She does have some medical problems now but not as a child. The Holt agency in Or was so wonderful to work with. It may not be a smooth ride but the trip is well worth every minute of it. You may contact me if you wish. I would recommend that you join an adoptive parents group. You will get lots of support and get a lot of your questions answered by people who are somewhere along in the process. You will find that your questions, frustrations,etc are not yours alone. Good Luck and God will provide if it is the right thing.

  19. #44
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    I've enjoyed reading this thread and have to share our story. My husband and I always wanted more children - we had 1 daughter & 1 son. Years went by and neither of us thought about it until 2006. We started the process and received lots of advice - both from our church family and our own families - both favorable and unfavorable. We prayed and decided to go international because we honestly believe that it is too easy for the birth parents to return and reclaim their child from us. In my own heart, if this happened to me, I would feel like my child had died because they would no longer be a part of our family. That is my own personal opinion. Yes there are many here in America that need good homes. We worked 2 long years through the system and paperwork and were blessed with not 1 child but 3! Due to my husband's age, we were not allowed to adopt small young children. We couldn't adopt under the age of 9. That was okay with us. We just wanted children to love. We brought home a 14 year old son, his 12 year old sister and a 2nd 12 year old son who was not biologically related from the Ukraine. All had different stories and different trials. We have been blessed to have them trust us and consent to becoming our children. Our older children were very excited to have younger siblings. We have had some rough days - but no different than any 'normal' American child has. We have to a bit more patient and more tolerant due to them simply not knowing what words mean and our customs. But we laugh and cry and we are a family. God truly answered our prayers and blessed us. If you'd like more info, just pm me and we can 'chat.' As for the cost,(as I'm sure many are wondering about when I said 3!) I will say that if there had not been a family tragedy, my MIL's passing and the gift of stock, we would have had to do things a bit differently than we did financially. thanks for letting me share my story.

  20. #45
    Junior Member Kieta's Avatar
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    You have a good heart to open it up to a child in need. foreign adoption is a tough road emotionally and financially. adopting through a state foster system is tough emotionally and with no guarantees. both are valid ways to help a child. search your heart, do what you are called to do and protect your bio children at all times.

    i am the proud mother of 2 beautiful adopted children from the foster care system. we were foster parents for 9 years and had 27 children before the Lord said this one is yours to keep and then followed up with her brother a year later. there are children every where that need help. do what you can when you can. bless you.

  21. #46
    Super Member LeslieFrost's Avatar
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    My husband and I are the proud parents of two adopted children. Our son and daughter, now 33 and 31 years old, were born in Korea and each came to us at about 6 months old.

    I'm sure that costs, policies and paperwork are all different now.

    Your first, most important step is to find a great adoption agency that has a long and successful record of service in adoption. Children's Home Society and Family Services, in St. Paul, MN, is one of the best in the country. They have lots of info, and do work with parents in many states. If you can't visit them, I would recommend a phone call at least.

  22. #47
    Super Member grann of 6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by so-sew
    Ok, people. This is one of those things I never in a million years would have expected. I'll try to tell this in a condensed version.....

    By nature, I'm quiet, contemplative, a lover of status quo. My two boys are in 1st and 3rd grade and, being a woman with extra time on my hands when my kids are at school, I sew and sew. Mostly donation quilts, and lately many of those quilts are intended for Japan.

    Two days ago, my machine was chugging away and feelings of frustration were welling up within me. I was upset with how little I'm capable of doing for the many lives touched by unthinkable circumstances. Yes, quilts are nice and I love to make them, but it would be wonderful to make a bigger impact somehow. So many people with so little and here I sit with so much...

    So, I consider traveling and volunteering in whatever way required where there is devastation, hunger, need, sadness, disease, etc. But two things stand in the way, my family that needs me here, and my inability to walk away from a hurting child. I would be in constant turmoil watching the numerous children living their difficult lives day after miserable day. I knew I would be wanting to bring back at least a dozen kids....

    This image of myself not being able to let go of a child who needs so much and wants so little leads to an epiphany. Why not ONE child? Why not save ONE child from a life that is wretched? The idea seems so contrived within the parameters of this little midwestern town where cultural diversity is so slim. But why not?

    So, dear quilters, I'm looking for feedback from anyone with international adoption experience. I would love to hear personal stories, good and bad. I would like to hear the facts about the process and the price.

    I should add that last night I broached the subject with my husband and he almost choked on his pork chop. There was one repeated phrase..."Wow....." If I'm a lover of status quo, my husband is a fanatic about it. We're a good match that way. But we're also a good match in that we have great love to give and an appreciation of the potential to make positive changes....even if it's to the life of only one small precious person. My boys were at first one for and one against. That progressed to two "no"s, on the basis of having to share their mom. Neither liked the idea of another child calling me "Mom". Their opinion now is that adopting a little girl would be OK, because she would be less likely to "want their Legos". Also, my seven year old would like a girl because she would be less likely to be "scarred up". That one threw me a bit, but apparently the idea of having a child who wears the scars of such a difficult life distresses him. We had to have a discussion, of course, about that.

    On the note of cultural diversity, I read stories of some people adopting siblings so the child has at least one person in their life with the same heritage. That is more than I'm capable of wrapping my brain around right now. In raising my two boys, my biggest challenge is dealing with their sibling rivalry. However, a very dear friend of mine lives a couple miles away and has a life very parallel to my own (three boys). She has, as I found out yesterday, been wanting to adopt for several years but has a husband who hasn't supported the option, for fear of "opening a can of worms" (emotional problems brought into their peaceful home). Having not spoken to him about it for quite some time, she brought it up again last night and he was much more receptive to the idea. I think it would be such a blessing to the lives of two children from one country to be brought into our two loving families. Our families see each other at least weekly, and a bond would surely develop between them if their wasn't one already.

    If anyone has anything to share on this topic, I would love to hear it. Thanks so much for listening. That attempt to make this a condensed version was pretty much a flop, wasn't it?
    I don't know that much about it myself. A neighbor is in the process of adopting a little girl from (shoot, I just forgot the country) a part of Africa. It is costing them about $20,000 plus the plane fares to go over first to meet the child and again a month later to pick her up. Now my DDIL has a close friend that adopted 2 children from Romania. First a boy, 7 at the time, and 2 years later a girl, 5. The boy is now 15 and is having a terrible time in school. She has tried special schools, to no avail, has gone through therapy with him. He has threatened her life. They say he is suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. And the girl isn't much better. Now, I am not saying you shouldn't consider adopting, I am only saying that you should have your eyes wide open for all the problems that may or may not arise. These people had gone through all the usual ways to have a child of their own, in-vitro, etc. to no avail. She was filled with so much love for these kids, and is now afraid of them. It is a very sad situation. I wish you good luck and just advise you to think it through. Maybe talk to your pastor even.
    I got it...Ethiopia.

  23. #48
    Senior Member Anna.425's Avatar
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    I have a friend that adopted a little girl from China. We live in an area with a vibrant China town and so my friend was able to have her daughter involved in activities from her home culture. Her daughter took Chinese dance classes and cooking classes. There were also other parents from our area that adopted from China at the same time so they both have a support group that understand their situation.

    I have had the same thoughts that you have on many occasions. By American standards we don't have a lot but we have enough and I have often thought about how we can share it with a child in need. If you and your husband are on the same page I encourage you to go for it. If the international thing doesn't work out, don't forget that there are many school aged children in America in need of a better situation.

  24. #49
    Super Member dmyers's Avatar
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    I'm adopted, my parents adopted me from Korea while being stationed in Japan. My parents picked me from an orphanage and took me back when I was 17 to visit. I believe the adoption process was a long one, but they believe it was the best thing they ever did. My parents could have kids, I'm the middle one of 7 and the only adopted one. I love my parents as if they were my biological parents, I've never had an issue about finding my real ones. I guess it's all in the way you're raised. Good luck with you decision!

  25. #50
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    Why do you want a foreign child? There are many in the states that need loving parents. How about trying out being foster parents first?

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