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Thread: Quilting leads to adoption?

  1. #1
    Senior Member so-sew's Avatar
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    Ok, people. This is one of those things I never in a million years would have expected. I'll try to tell this in a condensed version.....

    By nature, I'm quiet, contemplative, a lover of status quo. My two boys are in 1st and 3rd grade and, being a woman with extra time on my hands when my kids are at school, I sew and sew. Mostly donation quilts, and lately many of those quilts are intended for Japan.

    Two days ago, my machine was chugging away and feelings of frustration were welling up within me. I was upset with how little I'm capable of doing for the many lives touched by unthinkable circumstances. Yes, quilts are nice and I love to make them, but it would be wonderful to make a bigger impact somehow. So many people with so little and here I sit with so much...

    So, I consider traveling and volunteering in whatever way required where there is devastation, hunger, need, sadness, disease, etc. But two things stand in the way, my family that needs me here, and my inability to walk away from a hurting child. I would be in constant turmoil watching the numerous children living their difficult lives day after miserable day. I knew I would be wanting to bring back at least a dozen kids....

    This image of myself not being able to let go of a child who needs so much and wants so little leads to an epiphany. Why not ONE child? Why not save ONE child from a life that is wretched? The idea seems so contrived within the parameters of this little midwestern town where cultural diversity is so slim. But why not?

    So, dear quilters, I'm looking for feedback from anyone with international adoption experience. I would love to hear personal stories, good and bad. I would like to hear the facts about the process and the price.

    I should add that last night I broached the subject with my husband and he almost choked on his pork chop. There was one repeated phrase..."Wow....." If I'm a lover of status quo, my husband is a fanatic about it. We're a good match that way. But we're also a good match in that we have great love to give and an appreciation of the potential to make positive changes....even if it's to the life of only one small precious person. My boys were at first one for and one against. That progressed to two "no"s, on the basis of having to share their mom. Neither liked the idea of another child calling me "Mom". Their opinion now is that adopting a little girl would be OK, because she would be less likely to "want their Legos". Also, my seven year old would like a girl because she would be less likely to be "scarred up". That one threw me a bit, but apparently the idea of having a child who wears the scars of such a difficult life distresses him. We had to have a discussion, of course, about that.

    On the note of cultural diversity, I read stories of some people adopting siblings so the child has at least one person in their life with the same heritage. That is more than I'm capable of wrapping my brain around right now. In raising my two boys, my biggest challenge is dealing with their sibling rivalry. However, a very dear friend of mine lives a couple miles away and has a life very parallel to my own (three boys). She has, as I found out yesterday, been wanting to adopt for several years but has a husband who hasn't supported the option, for fear of "opening a can of worms" (emotional problems brought into their peaceful home). Having not spoken to him about it for quite some time, she brought it up again last night and he was much more receptive to the idea. I think it would be such a blessing to the lives of two children from one country to be brought into our two loving families. Our families see each other at least weekly, and a bond would surely develop between them if their wasn't one already.

    If anyone has anything to share on this topic, I would love to hear it. Thanks so much for listening. That attempt to make this a condensed version was pretty much a flop, wasn't it?

  2. #2
    Power Poster erstan947's Avatar
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    I feel if it this is the way to go the Lord will open the doors for you. I'll remember your family in my prayers.

  3. #3
    DJ
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    Super Member DJ's Avatar
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    I have no personal adoption experience to share with you. Just want to say . . . bless you and your family for considering this wonderful endeavor.

  4. #4
    Super Member Butterflyblue's Avatar
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    I have not adopted internationally; however we considered it seriously at one time. We ended up choosing to adopt from foster care, which is also an option to help children who are in bad situations.

    Any adoption decision requires a lot of research - both about the things you will need to do/requirements of different adoption programs, and about the issues that an adopted child may have because of the things they've experienced in their lives. There are a number of books and websites out there.

    If you have any questions, PM me and we can talk more.

  5. #5
    Super Member mhansen6's Avatar
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    I don't have any personal experience but I have a friend who adopted two little girls from China. The little girls are so sweet and have brought so much love into their lives. But there has been problems. Emotional problems. Both little girls are seeing counselors. I think eventually their problems will go away since they are in such a loving home.
    I think the younger they are the less problems you have. A baby would not have had as much trauma in thier lives.

    God bless you and your journey with adoption. I wish you all the best.

  6. #6
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    My cousin adopoted 2 little boys from Romania about 10 years ago..brothers about 3 and 5 at the time. They had a rough couple of first years (language/socialization issues). The boys had been in an orphanage since the youngest was born; basically living in a crib 90% of the time. About 7 yrs later they adopted a baby girl from Russian. What a blessing these children have been. All 3 now sound like they grew in New Orleans..lol. Bright, happy and very smart kiddos. If this is what God plans for you, it will all work out.

  7. #7
    Power Poster Annaquilts's Avatar
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    Our family is build both by birth and adoption. Foreign adoption is very hard and very expensive. I do not think Japan allows many adoptions. Also incase of dissasters like this it is often the children that do not survive as was shown with tsunamies in other places. That said the need is very high especially if you are able and open to age, gender, race of the child being placed.

    As for adoption two children at the same time, it is the only thing my children that were adopted would recommend. They would not want to be the only adopted child in the family and in your case it would possibily be the only girl. My children did not care what race the other child would be as long as it is also an adopted child.

    Race is overal a none issue to them but we live in a diversed area. This does not mean it is a none issues to outsiders and as your child grows older they need to be prepaered for that. I do notice that as they get older they tend to have more friends that are similar to them in one way or another race, cultural or adopted but you might also find that your biological child is more open to race and adoptive friends. Adoption is very powerful just like birth. If you and your husband are open to adoption, please look into it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member lindy-2's Avatar
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    my aunt adopted a little girl from china the proses took 2 years and around 20 thousand dollars the re morgaged there house angela seems to be doing quilt well but she is fairly withdrawn she is the only chinese person in a very exclusive dutch comunity i think that leads to her being somwhat withdrawn. we are happy to have her as paet of our family most of the time dont eaven remember she was adopted but i dont think it has always been easy on her being different from the rest off the community so that is somthing you should keep in mind. also often if a child has been in an orphanage for any period off time there is a chance that they may have been ohysicly or sexualy abused and this could cause problems. i dont whant to discourage you but its better to go into this with your eyes wide open. if this is what God whants for your family he will overcome all the obsticals if you put him in the drivers seat.

  9. #9
    Senior Member ljfox's Avatar
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    I have a daughter that was adopted from Korea at 9 months old. She just turned 14 a week ago. I had 3 birth children ages 8,10,and 12 at the time. She is a special needs child so I don't have experience in the "typical' foreign adoption adjustments but have gone through quite alot and would be glad to help you with information. My advice right now is not to rush into anything. I thought about it for quite a while and finally decided to go ahead with adopting because I felt I would always regret it if I didn't. Like others, I put my faith in God that he would lead me in the right direction and he did. I just had to listen to the messages he sent me.

  10. #10
    Super Member JanTx's Avatar
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    We have friends who are in the process of adopting a child from Haiti. Friends of theirs are also in the process. When I get home I can find a link to their blog about the process. I can't access it from work.

    My own children - now grown - joined us by adoption.

  11. #11
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    God bless you for having such a big heart. If you do adpt a child of different nationality please remember his heritage. Incorporate theiR foods, customs occas as they grow.
    God luck. Pray about it

  12. #12
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    My sister's in-laws adopted a child from the former Soviet Union. After they broght her home, they found she has serious mental problems from the neglect at the ophange, learning disabilities and in-abililty to connect to people-sort of autistic like sypmtoms but not quite. They love her dearly but have spent a fortune on her therapy and education.
    Just be very careful and do tons of research.

  13. #13
    Senior Member lindy-2's Avatar
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    i know a family who had the same problem they adopted 2 boys from there and they had lots off problems child sevices got involved boys got taken away dident do well in a foster home eather so i think the adoptive parents have them back now.
    Quote Originally Posted by charity-crafter
    My sister's in-laws adopted a child from the former Soviet Union. After they broght her home, they found she has serious mental problems from the neglect at the ophange, learning disabilities and in-abililty to connect to people-sort of autistic like sypmtoms but not quite. They love her dearly but have spent a fortune on her therapy and education.
    Just be very careful and do tons of research.

  14. #14
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
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    My husband and I adopted our4 boys from Mexico in 1985. They are all grown and doing fine and living in Washington state. We went to the orphanage expecting to adopt one child, ended up with 4 boys, we're the lucky ones. We didn't go through an agency, just talked to the woman in charge. She told us what we needed for documents and refered us to an attorney in Mexico to adopt in the family court there. We spent a lot of time, many trips to the orphanage to get to know the boys and do paperwork. The kids didn't speak English so I learned Spanish fast and wrote to the boys every day. Our adoption and the US immigration process took us about 10 months. One of the biggest accomplishments in my life is getting my kids through the US immigration process without a lawyer! The costs were high for our middle America family. The biggest expense was for document translations and certifications, every English document had to be translated into Spanish and every Spanish document translated to English. Also every document had to be stamped by the Mexican Counselate for a fee and/or certified by a licensed US translator.
    Every country has it's own requirements and these requirements are subject to change. Do your research and good luck! :thumbup: :thumbup:

  15. #15
    Super Member dixiebelle162002's Avatar
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    My twins were adopted from Russia a little over 9 years ago when they were 21 months old. It is a long, expensive process; but I have never regretted it. If you decide to proceed with the this please make sure you use an adoption agency with a good reputation. At the time I was adopting many were trying to scam people. Good luck.

  16. #16
    Super Member dakotamaid's Avatar
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    My favorite saying is "if it is meant to be it will be". Take one step at a time and find out what is ahead.:)

  17. #17
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    I would wait a year before making the final decision to proceed. If you expect the adoptive child to be the solution to your feelings of wanting to help, it may not be the right thing to do for your family.

  18. #18
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    There are plenty of kids in our own country who need good homes. If I were to adopt a child, I would look "locally" - maybe not my own town, but certainly within my own or a neighboring state.

  19. #19
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BellaBoo
    I would wait a year before making the final decision to proceed. If you expect the adoptive child to be the solution to your feelings of wanting to help, it may not be the right thing to do for your family.
    I agree with BellaBoo. We took 5 years to decide, knowing adoption would change our lives and family.

  20. #20
    Super Member Barbm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cathyvv
    There are plenty of kids in our own country who need good homes. If I were to adopt a child, I would look "locally" - maybe not my own town, but certainly within my own or a neighboring state.
    I've always been of the mind set to "buy local"- same with children. The USA has many children in need of a loving home.

  21. #21
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    I loved your openness....and your willingness to reach out to the less fortunate. My daughter adopted two girls (ages 8 and 13) from Russia. My husband was really worried that it would be a big mistake. We all agree it was a "God-thing"! It has turned out sooooo well. She has had them 9 years now and one is in graduate school working on a doctorate in Psychology and the other is a Jr. iin college working on an art degree. How very very much they enrich our lives. You will be in my prayers and I know you will be led to do the best thing for all concerned.

  22. #22
    Senior Member laughingquilter's Avatar
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    My family has been build through adoption, not international, but multi-racial and multi-cultural. I think your heart is in the right place but it's definitely something that you have to consider for long-term. I adopted from within the United States as my feelings have always been that there are children right here in this country who need us, they just don't make the news. That said, my girls have both been raised in predominantly white communities and done very well.....both have been on the honor roll, involved in things, etc. I've run into my share of people wanting to tell me how "lucky" the girls are to have me.....to which I've always replied - and believe with all my heart....."they're not half as lucky as I am to have them!"

    Me and my girls.....
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  23. #23
    Power Poster Annaquilts's Avatar
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    I am glad to hear that and hope you adopted many children from the foster system. Every child deserves a home no matter where they are from.


    Quote Originally Posted by Barbm
    Quote Originally Posted by cathyvv
    There are plenty of kids in our own country who need good homes. If I were to adopt a child, I would look "locally" - maybe not my own town, but certainly within my own or a neighboring state.
    I've always been of the mind set to "buy local"- same with children. The USA has many children in need of a loving home.

  24. #24
    Power Poster Annaquilts's Avatar
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  25. #25
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    The fear of the bio. parent reclaiming them, encouraged me to adopt internationally....but I do agree that there are so many here in America who need a family. I know, I grew up in a orphanage in St. Louis and always dreamed of having parents!

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