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Thread: Tonight was a hard night....

  1. #1
    Super Member ginnie6's Avatar
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    tonight I went to the visitation for the 21yo son of a friend. He was killed in a motorcycle wreck this weekend. I feel so bad for her ...I can't even begin to imagine. I'd like to in a couple of weeks get in touch with her and get some of his clothing and make her a quilt. Has anyone done this and any patterns recommended? I'm thinking lap quilt size.

  2. #2
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    I'm so sorry for her loss i started a lap quilt after my Dad pass away but to this day i still just can't seem to bring myself to it yet i was making it out of his PJ's i sent my prayers to your friend

  3. #3
    Power Poster earthwalker's Avatar
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    It is always so tragic to lose someone so young. I think your idea of a memory quilt is a beautiful idea, I am sure whatever design you incorporate it will be very treasured.

  4. #4
    Moderator Jim's Gem's Avatar
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    I am sorry for your and her loss. 21 is way to young to die!! What a wonderful idea to make her a quilt with some of his clothing.

  5. #5
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry to hear about young people having these kinds of fatal accidents. I agree that the memory quilt sounds like a loving thing to do.

  6. #6
    BlueChicken's Avatar
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    My condolences too.... what a terrible thing to be going through.

    The memory quilt is an awesome idea. I have made two, for my niece and nephew, when their dad died a couple of years ago. It's difficult to make, emotionally, but relatively simple as far as technique goes. Use an iron on stabiliser on the fabrics before you cut them up (I used a product called violene (sp?) that you normally iron on for interfacing) and then simply cut the fabrics as per normal. I think simple patterns work best, minimal handling of the pieces and less bulk for the seams.

    My only caution would be about when to mention the possibility of doing it. Some people find the idea of a quilt made out of a dead person's clothes quite morbid and upsetting, and it's possible to suggest it too soon. But it's such a perfect way to deal with their clothes... my nephew was just 7 when I gave him his quilt, and he said "it's like having daddy's arms around me". At the same time, it can be thrown across the back of the couch and the average person would have no idea of the significance, so it's not an over the top memorial.



    My nephews quilt, made from his dad's shirts and rugby jerseys. I kept the design very simple, but it's still effective.
    Name:  Attachment-44373.jpe
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  7. #7
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss and the family. 21 Is way to young and every day I read about more and more of the young ones passing one, kinda scary. The memory quilt is a great idea . Maybe approach the subject gently and see how the family feels .
    Sharon

  8. #8
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    I am so sorry!!! That is so young!!!
    I agree with what Bluechicken wrote.....

  9. #9
    Senior Member Quiltntime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ginnie6
    tonight I went to the visitation for the 21yo son of a friend. He was killed in a motorcycle wreck this weekend. I feel so bad for her ...I can't even begin to imagine. I'd like to in a couple of weeks get in touch with her and get some of his clothing and make her a quilt. Has anyone done this and any patterns recommended? I'm thinking lap quilt size.
    Very sorry to hear about your friend's son. What a terrible tragedy!

    Cindy Casciato's Block Explosion book has a quilt pattern which was cut from flannel shirts of the friend's grandfather, with 4 photos of the grandfather in the middle of the quilt. You can make it either by a wall hanging or a lap quilt. JoAnn carries this book.

  10. #10
    reneebobby's Avatar
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    Very sorry for your friends loss. I know you will find the perfect quilt for the clothing you recieve.

  11. #11
    Super Member mimisharon's Avatar
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    So so sorry for the loss of such a young person. It's heartbreaking...

    May I suggest you wait longer than a couple of weeks. I'm speaking from my own recent loss. I'm still not ready to go through my husband's clothing. It's been two months and it still feels like an hour ago in my heart.

    Hugs,
    Sharon

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    Great idea! :cry:

  13. #13
    Super Member ghostrider's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your friends loss. I, too, think you should wait much, much longer before you approach her about doing this, and perhaps even wait for her to suggest it herself.

    I lost my father when I was 16 and my husband when I was 22, and would find a quilt made from the clothing of either to be something I would hold so 'sacred' I would never use it. It would be put away in a very safe place and rarely see the light of day. I don't think that is what you want to happen to something you made to help ease her pain, so please be sure it is something she really, truly wants you to do. It will be quite a long time before she will be able to know if it is.

  14. #14
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    how sad. i'm so sorry
    thats a great idea about a quilt tho

  15. #15
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    The quilt is a wonderful and caring idea. I do have to agree that you should wait more than a couple weeks. Give her a little more time. I'm sure she will cherish that quilt. My SIL had memory bears made from my moms clothing and we all were so happy to receive them.

  16. #16
    Super Member SharonC's Avatar
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    I couldn't imagine the pain this woman is going through. The idea of a quilt is so sweet of you, but I'd wait a little longer, and sorta talk around the subject...before suggesting it. See how she feels about the idea, before the offer.
    Prayers to all who are suffering from this tragic loss.

  17. #17
    Super Member ginnie6's Avatar
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    well what I did was mention it to a friend of the family. She called me today and asked me what I needed to make it. His mother definitely wants one. So I'll meet her Monday and see what they bring me and go from there. I have a feeling there will be some t shirts in the mix and I'm kind of nervous about those.

  18. #18
    Senior Member quiltswithdogs's Avatar
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    How very sad. I've never made a quilt for a recent loss. I'm never sure if looking at it will make the person grieving sadder and she can't bear to look at it, no matter how much she appreciates the kindness. I just don't know what to think, maybe others here do. You are very sweet to consider this. Maybe you can give it to her in a few months from now. The reason I say this is because when I volunteered with Hospice, in the Bereavement dept, we usually did not get called for support until about 3 months had passed after the death. That's because around that time the friends and even family members are tired of it (grief) and just want the person to get on with life. So maybe receiving the quilt then will be a visual validation that you realize she is still in mourning and you haven't forgotten. I don't really know, I haven't been there myself, thank God.

  19. #19
    Super Member ginnie6's Avatar
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    well its going to take me awhile to make it as I do the quilting by hand. So that will take care of a few months...and from what I understand his mom requested it. so.....I'm not going to rush to do it though.

  20. #20
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    This is my first time responding to anythng on this great site.

    However, I wanted to respond with a "heads-up". My condolences to all. This is a very sad sad situation.

    The others have said simple pattern and I agree with all they have said.
    I just want to make this statement. When my husband died I wanted to make a quilt out of his flannel shirts. My younger son and my sister-in-law were thrilled. So I made one for each of them and myself. They all love them. HOWEVER, my older son DID NOT WANT ONE. I was not hurt by this, although I really did not understand, but I respected his wishes and WAS VERY GLAD I had asked him before I started on one for him.

    So, if your friend is not receptive to this idea, do not feel badly. If she says no, prehaps in several months time, she might change her mind. I think it is a very comforting thing, but others might not. My best friend, could not even consider this thought, but another friend made 3 lovely small laprobe quilts from her husbands shirts for family. So, it is just an individual feeling. I hope she will be happy by this great suggestion, but don't be offended if she says No.

    Thanks for all the great ideas on this site.

    Julie

  21. #21
    Super Member ginnie6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3cats
    This is my first time responding to anythng on this great site.

    However, I wanted to respond with a "heads-up". My condolences to all. This is a very sad sad situation.

    The others have said simple pattern and I agree with all they have said.
    I just want to make this statement. When my husband died I wanted to make a quilt out of his flannel shirts. My younger son and my sister-in-law were thrilled. So I made one for each of them and myself. They all love them. HOWEVER, my older son DID NOT WANT ONE. I was not hurt by this, although I really did not understand, but I respected his wishes and WAS VERY GLAD I had asked him before I started on one for him.

    So, if your friend is not receptive to this idea, do not feel badly. If she says no, prehaps in several months time, she might change her mind. I think it is a very comforting thing, but others might not. My best friend, could not even consider this thought, but another friend made 3 lovely small laprobe quilts from her husbands shirts for family. So, it is just an individual feeling. I hope she will be happy by this great suggestion, but don't be offended if she says No.

    Thanks for all the great ideas on this site.

    Julie
    She's the one who asked our mutual friend to ask me. They're very close and this friend is her shoulder to lean on at this time in her life.

  22. #22
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    Ginnie, I think it is wonderful that SHE ASKED for the quilt while there are still articles around to use in it. Sometimes people clean out things and then wish they had saved this or that for.......

    I think it is funny how we read the threads and then do not see what is being said. :?

  23. #23
    Senior Member hpylady's Avatar
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    :cry: Oh, that is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry. I rode my own motorcycle myself and I really hate to hear of such a tragedy. My prayers are with her! I have sold my bike though, but I always had that fear. I hope your friend's broken heart will mend again, please let her know we all are very concerned and for you too.

    If I lost my love one like that, I'd want that quilt made as soon as possible so I could just wrap it around me and cry my heart out. Holding the quilt that was made from my loved ones clothes would make me feel their spirit is with me. I would not put it away folded up to hold on to it, I'd have it at all times right there on the back of my chair, so when I sit down, I can just grab it and hold it to my heart, lay my head against it and whisper "I love and miss you so much". That would be my healing process. It would mean so much to me.

  24. #24
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    Wonderful then.. Didn't realize that. I hope then that everything goes very smoothly. I know whatever pattern you chose will be beautiful. Everyone on this site is very very talented. Good Luck to you in creating this wonderful memory.

    Thanks for the response back. Look forward to seeing the finished product. You are a special person for doing this.

    Julie




  25. #25
    Senior Member quiltswithdogs's Avatar
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    ginnie, you hadn't mentioned before my reply that your friend said she wants a quilt.

    Now I say that making one of his clothing sounds soooo comforting and wonderful. About advice tips, the one thing I've heard is that lightweight tee-shirt material needs a backing but I don't know how or with what. Somebody here will, I'm sure. At his age, that was probably his primary wardrobe.

    You are to be commended for your very compassionate undertaking.

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