gwanma

I understand the hurt that many of you feel, i've also been there. But the original poster has the right idea on how to "feel them out". Smart thinking.
I plan to make less than 10 quilts in my lifetime, all for my grandchildren and children. I hope that because they know it is from me, they will treasure the quilt they get.
HOWEVER, once a gift is given, it is not fair to question how a person uses it. You gotta let it go.
I used to handpaint pottery and one day I expect to see one of my projects at a garage sale because I know what you all are learning...not everyone appreciates handmade items.
Maybe they have never had the pleasure of creating something of their own (poor people), or they are just too immature to understand the worth (i was young once). Let's forgive them and move on with more wisdom than we had before. Thanks so much for this post. It makes me feel better that i was not alone.

born2quilt

I made my MIL a beautiful lap size quilt one year and the next time I saw her, it was all folded up and she was using it for a cushion to sit on. Oh well, at least it was being used.

lynn_z

I win the stupid prize there. My DIL pretends to like my quilts, etc.
and I have to do something with them....can only keep so many. However, HER mother wanted to learn how to make them so I taught her. Guess whose DIL uses now.

ginnyk

I just had a thought :idea: :oops: If someone gave us a home crafted gift, would we know how they intended for us to use it. Would I be mortified to find out that they were offended by the way I treated it? I notice a range of actions that goes from the recipient wrapping it up and putting it away because it is too lovely to use, all the way to loving it to death. Maybe they did not know our intentions for the gift. In some cases, would it be the kind thing to tell them?

Having shed tears because of a misunderstanding when my DD received one of my quilts, I have begun to think about better communication and my motive for giving the quilt in the first place. That motive thing became a real opportunity to look at what goes on within myself and the need to have others validate me. :oops: Sorry to get so heavy but I am convinced that as we develop our quilting skills, we develop ourselves. :lol: :lol: :lol:

quiltinNsmilin

I live in Florida and most of my family is RI and MA. It's sad that there are a lot of people who don't appreciate the love, the thought, the time and the money it costs to make such a unique
gift. I always think of my lap quilts as long-distance hugs. Several years ago my SIL's mother was quite ill. I made her a lap quilt.
The 24 squares had all different machine embroidered 4 inch butterflies and the quilt was latticed, bordered & backed with a gorgeous butterfly fabric. Georgie, the Mom absolutely loved. My
SIL called me after Georgie died to say she put the quilt in the coffin with her Mom. I have to say that totally freaked me out. Perhaps I should have seen it as a supreme compliment, but I thought it was weird. Why not keep it as a nice memory? Am I nuts?

quiltilicious

There are some thrift stores here where my guild-mates go every Monday and Thursday (when they have their extra 10% off weekly sales) and hunt for handmade quilts and afgans. They rescue them and bring them to the next guild meeting. I am always shocked to see these items (and that they got them at a steal).

I went in there to look for costume pieces for DD's school (where ELSE will you find a hand-stitched 3-piece wool suit for 15 dollars?) and it was heartbreaking to see aprons with children's hand-prints on them and the words "we love you grandpa!" and other such items. I can only hope that the estates these came from were from people who passed with little surviving family...

I try not to think about some of the quilts I give away. Baby quilts, I make to be used and loved, so if they wear out, I can deal with that. My MIL doesn't put the quilt I made her on her bed because she's afraid FIL will destroy it (he's rather incontinent now). The chemo quilt I made my mother was used a lot by my dad at the assisted living after mom died and before he died, and they were rather harsh washing it, so it's pretty faded from being bleached now. It's one of our couch quilts.

I only give quilts to people who I know will appreciate them and understand the effort it takes to make one of these things. (also why I only knit small items for family members. If it's a sweater, it's for me :P )

Emma S

This is a subject dear to my heart. I want my quilts to be used and loved not wasted. I don't care as long they are well loved. I made a quilt for my son, when I gave it to him he didn't seem to like it very much and I was very disappointed. He flew home and in a couple of days he gave me a call. He said his girlfriend absolutely loved it and all his friends were raving about it. I don't think he really appreciated it until he saw it through someone elses eyes. He sent me a picture of it on his bed. Sometimes the pats come in a round about way.

sewandsewcarol

what a great (fairly inexpensive)way to find out about the quilts we give as gifts. I never would have thought of that I spent 3-4 years making 21 quilts to allmy children and grandkids quilts for Christmas three years ago. I knew they would enjoy them and they love them and cherish them.
Nnow I can start on great grands. Love making quilts

Bev

What a wonderful quilt!!! I love it!
She sounds like she has a hard time expressing her feelings about gifts. She just HAS to love this quilt. And lots of people put these gifts away because they think they're too precious to take a chance on having them out where they can get damaged. Do you think maybe this was the problem with her?

8-)

quiltilicious

No, but you also have to remember the quilt may not have been in as "pristine" condition after the passing as it was when you gave it. And maybe the quilt would remind them of the illness and end-of-life rather than happier times. I think it's rather a huge honor that they buried the quilt with the mother. Perhaps she requested that specifically.

Thankfully the "official" extended family rule is that the adults don't get gifts (of course, we tend to violate that rule, LOL). I make small handmade things for the family (including jam and pickles). The kids are at an age where they prefer cash :)