maryfrang

My husband and I have a dear friend that is 84 and lives alone. His children all live within 10 miles of him, but do not visit him. They want him to move into an assisted living home. He wants to stay in they last home his wife of 53 years had with him. His daughter complains that she has to help her dad, but guess who everyone of them come to when they need him. I lost my parents and my in laws when they were young. I wish I could have this problem (if would not be a problem) of taking care of parents. Thank your for caring for your parents, I wish more would. I do believe there is a time for nursing homes, but a family home care is best for our parents.

nanacarolyn

I took care of my mom for 4 years before her passing,I stayed with her at night during the week and my daughter stayed my husband understood he wanted no part of her being in the nursing home,my sister also came and spent the night we both had understanding husbands.......no regrets

katykwilt

My mother is gone now, but had to go to a nursing home when she passed out from undiagnosed diabetes. We had hoped she'd be able to go to home, but found the diabetes was caused by cancer. Putting her in a home was so traumatic for her. She was a very independent woman who raised her 3 kids by herself & helped care for her father as well. We all felt so terrible for her even if she tried to lay on a guilt trip.

I decided that while I was of sound mind and body, I'd warn my kids that I will probably do the same. But -- they should know right now that will not be the real me and I do NOT want them to feel guilty whatever I do then. Hopefully, this will prevent the guilt that I felt and couldn't do anything about. I'm glad I had that discussion and can only hope that they will remember it.

caspharm

I can relate. DH and I are onlies. My mother lives in assisted living (her choice in CA), my father lives in an apt with aides coming in (Illinois), and we moved my MIL in with us last Oct. We built an addition for her, so other than a complete kitchen, she has her own space. My DH had her sell her car, since she wasn't doing a lot of driving.

The only issue when we moved her here was that DH didn't go early enough to start packing her up, so when he went to help her finish packing ( and he is one of those that if he doesn't know what to do with it, it goes), he rushed her and she got upset. She lived in a 3 bedroom, 1600 sq ft manufactured home to a 688 sq ft studio addition.

However, we are all doing better now, but she is not a very social animal. Therefore, she stays in the house a lot.

barri1

It's my pleasure to look after my mom.. She is an 84 yo.. She still drives, goes to the gym three times a week, and is pretty sharp.. She fell while getting on the treadmill, and needed 60 sutures in her shin.. It's been a month, and it's taking a long time to heal.. but that hasn't stopped her.. I'm picking her up to take her to a show at the library.. The library is across from her house, and since it snowed, and it's icy, I'd perfer to walk her, and not have her break a hip.. While she is there, I'm going to update her virus software on the computer, and take a nap..
I guess I shouldn't mention that I drop my dog at her house to keep her company while at work..
I am lucky, and loving whatever time I have left with her..
Barri

karate lady

I had to leave my home in calif as the economy was killing me. So rather than lose it, I sold it and did fairly well, just before everything went into the tank...I have two single sons, and I invited them to live with me. I moved to Washington state where the oldest lived (he is now disabled) and took the youngest with me when I moved. We live together for economic reasons now, but at 77 I know time will come when i will be better off this way. We get into it sometimes, smile. but mostly we all do well. It is not always the best arrangement, but we are fine. You just cannot live on social security alone and this way we do just fine.

wordpaintervs

My mother died of brain cancer in a different state than mine, and my father from Alzheimer complications in another city. I had both MIL and FIL with us...FIL for 4 years and MIL for 6 years, and glad we could help them. In our case, there was no one near to help us with them, and hubby wouldn't accept help when it was offered from out of town family. It got stressful when it came to the point where one or the other had to be with them ALL THE TIME. Don't let that situation happen to you...no matter what it takes. Do a get away for half a day or have an evening out or something once a week. It will do wonders for your mental health. It has nothing to do with loving your (or the other half of you) parents at all. Good for you in what you are doing. I wish I'd been able to do it for my own as well, but with them it just was not possible. It has been years now and miss them all so much. God Bless All.

Vickey S.

nhnative

That is exactly why I moved to Ohio. After my father died she was living alone and I would go there every day after work. She broke 1 leg and the next year she broke her hip. So after that she had to go to a nursing home for the 21 days and didn't get along with any of the patients there. So I had to quit my job, sell her house, sell my condo, and move to Ohio where my son was living. My mother also would have liked to have gone when my father did but I guess that wasn't in the plan. She's almost 90 and doesn't do much. She only likes going out for rides and since I've been here for 5 years I've put 147,000 miles on the car. I guess I can only hope I live that long.

daisylady

That is wonderful for you to be able to have your mom and some quality sorting etc.....

paulettepoe

It wasn't pretty for me. ugh