How to make the best of it...
#101
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: long island ny
Posts: 1,337
Originally Posted by Texasjunebug
I agree with Up North. The perfect place for Son is the couch. Evidently he is of mature age to have lived on his own for two years. It would also be the needed constant reminder that he needs to make further education or better job hunting a priority in his life. In the meantime, the sewing room stays where it is, and used regularly! You'll be doing him the ultimate favor of love. In my opinion, of course. You must love him very much and want to help in any way you possibly can. I would too; being a parent, I totally understand.
#102
Originally Posted by julia58
I have always believed in "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." And by all means "I sure don't want to offend anyone, but...." This thread has opened my eyes. I THOUGHT quilters were a nice bunch of people.... After this thread, and a few others I see the light on how some of you really are. Just let me say this, I hope none of you are ever put in the position this young man has had to lower himself to. Because you wouldn't deserve the doghouse outside to sleep in.
#103
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: England
Posts: 2,365
Originally Posted by Pommom
Originally Posted by ssnare
Do you have a basement?
#104
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Merritt Island, FL
Posts: 672
Originally Posted by julia58
I have always believed in "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." And by all means "I sure don't want to offend anyone, but...." This thread has opened my eyes. I THOUGHT quilters were a nice bunch of people.... After this thread, and a few others I see the light on how some of you really are. Just let me say this, I hope none of you are ever put in the position this young man has had to lower himself to. Because you wouldn't deserve the doghouse outside to sleep in.
You didn't want to offend BUT...so maybe you should have kept your fingers off the keyboard as you have offended this 73 year old who has helped family (home, money & food) but also drew limits to help the person maintain their own self respect by getting out EVERY day and looking for work. There ARE jobs, maybe not with the desired pay or in the desired field of work but anything is better for your self respect than nothing and sometimes limits are needed for that extra push. Grow up and face it!
#105
Thank you blueheavenfla. That was very well put and is exactly what I believe in. Of course, I am in the Senior citizen's group also and am some times astounded at what this younger generation does. There are still a lot of good young minds out there also.
#106
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,694
The attic it is! He can make it as comfortable as he wants.
I have lost track of how many people have lived with me for a time. My first count is about 30 people, that is right 30. That is in about 54 years. Different reasons for all of them.
I am now retired and will limit my generosity to people that I gave birth too.
I have lost track of how many people have lived with me for a time. My first count is about 30 people, that is right 30. That is in about 54 years. Different reasons for all of them.
I am now retired and will limit my generosity to people that I gave birth too.
#107
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
I just read this entire thread and see NOTHING heartless in any of the responses.
A lot of them are varied but I didn't read anything that suggested anyone doesn't love their child.
It's hard being a parent, but the most rewarding job I've ever had. I always want what's best for my children but best isn't always pretty!
A couple of my thoughts on this:
An adult child is not the same as an aging parent. Aging parents are usually, but not always, compromised in some way that is out of their control.
Adult children however, are usually able bodied and just starting their lives. I've seen kids move back home for many reasons and haven't like what I've seen. But they weren't my kids so it's none of my business. It really depends on the circumstances.
My Mom instinct is always to fix and rescue but that's not good for adult kids. It's a hard call to be sure.
I'm not even going to comment of what this poster should do but I wish you all the best!! :D
A lot of them are varied but I didn't read anything that suggested anyone doesn't love their child.
It's hard being a parent, but the most rewarding job I've ever had. I always want what's best for my children but best isn't always pretty!
A couple of my thoughts on this:
An adult child is not the same as an aging parent. Aging parents are usually, but not always, compromised in some way that is out of their control.
Adult children however, are usually able bodied and just starting their lives. I've seen kids move back home for many reasons and haven't like what I've seen. But they weren't my kids so it's none of my business. It really depends on the circumstances.
My Mom instinct is always to fix and rescue but that's not good for adult kids. It's a hard call to be sure.
I'm not even going to comment of what this poster should do but I wish you all the best!! :D
#109
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: new hampshire
Posts: 1,550
blueheaven fla. caring does not mean enabling. I feel bad for you. Tough love....I'v seen a 16 yo neice thrown out of her house with "tough love. how was that tough love. that was stupidity on my sisters part. My neice grew up in my house. It drove my sister and I apart. Tough love has anger in it and is fueled by a hard heart. My neice had 2 beautiful girls and was a good mom. However she passed away suddenly at 34. Her girls came to me at 15 &16 years old, My sister greives every single day about her Tough Love approach. One great neice will have a baby in April. He will call me Gramma.
quote=blueheavenfla]
There is a difference between being a loving parent who helps out short term and an enabler who helps turn their own kid into a drag on society after the parent gets fed up. We don't know the circumstances so many options are offered up for Mom to weigh and decide what she and Dad are to do. I honestly believe that you in the quote above show that you are also an immature (whether in years or just personality) person who doesn't understand what "tough love" really is. Perhaps you needed some yourself.
You didn't want to offend BUT...so maybe you should have kept your fingers off the keyboard as you have offended this 73 year old who has helped family (home, money & food) but also drew limits to help the person maintain their own self respect by getting out EVERY day and looking for work. There ARE jobs, maybe not with the desired pay or in the desired field of work but anything is better for your self respect than nothing and sometimes limits are needed for that extra push. Grow up and face it![/quote]
quote=blueheavenfla]
Originally Posted by julia58
I have always believed in "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." And by all means "I sure don't want to offend anyone, but...." This thread has opened my eyes. I THOUGHT quilters were a nice bunch of people.... After this thread, and a few others I see the light on how some of you really are. Just let me say this, I hope none of you are ever put in the position this young man has had to lower himself to. Because you wouldn't deserve the doghouse outside to sleep in.
You didn't want to offend BUT...so maybe you should have kept your fingers off the keyboard as you have offended this 73 year old who has helped family (home, money & food) but also drew limits to help the person maintain their own self respect by getting out EVERY day and looking for work. There ARE jobs, maybe not with the desired pay or in the desired field of work but anything is better for your self respect than nothing and sometimes limits are needed for that extra push. Grow up and face it![/quote]
#110
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 601
Tough love is doing what you know is best for your child in the long run, even when it's difficult for you, and often for the child, in the short term. Tough love takes not only guts and foresight, but immense bravery and love. It's fueled by anything but anger and a hard heart. It can only be accomplished with immense love.
[/quote]
Originally Posted by great aunt jacqui
blueheaven fla. caring does not mean enabling. I feel bad for you. Tough love....I'v seen a 16 yo neice thrown out of her house with "tough love. how was that tough love. that was stupidity on my sisters part. My neice grew up in my house. It drove my sister and I apart. Tough love has anger in it and is fueled by a hard heart. My neice had 2 beautiful girls and was a good mom. However she passed away suddenly at 34. Her girls came to me at 15 &16 years old, My sister greives every single day about her Tough Love approach. One great neice will have a baby in April. He will call me Gramma.
quote=blueheavenfla]
There is a difference between being a loving parent who helps out short term and an enabler who helps turn their own kid into a drag on society after the parent gets fed up. We don't know the circumstances so many options are offered up for Mom to weigh and decide what she and Dad are to do. I honestly believe that you in the quote above show that you are also an immature (whether in years or just personality) person who doesn't understand what "tough love" really is. Perhaps you needed some yourself.
You didn't want to offend BUT...so maybe you should have kept your fingers off the keyboard as you have offended this 73 year old who has helped family (home, money & food) but also drew limits to help the person maintain their own self respect by getting out EVERY day and looking for work. There ARE jobs, maybe not with the desired pay or in the desired field of work but anything is better for your self respect than nothing and sometimes limits are needed for that extra push. Grow up and face it!
quote=blueheavenfla]
Originally Posted by julia58
I have always believed in "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." And by all means "I sure don't want to offend anyone, but...." This thread has opened my eyes. I THOUGHT quilters were a nice bunch of people.... After this thread, and a few others I see the light on how some of you really are. Just let me say this, I hope none of you are ever put in the position this young man has had to lower himself to. Because you wouldn't deserve the doghouse outside to sleep in.
You didn't want to offend BUT...so maybe you should have kept your fingers off the keyboard as you have offended this 73 year old who has helped family (home, money & food) but also drew limits to help the person maintain their own self respect by getting out EVERY day and looking for work. There ARE jobs, maybe not with the desired pay or in the desired field of work but anything is better for your self respect than nothing and sometimes limits are needed for that extra push. Grow up and face it!
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