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Thread: Christmas with Adult Children

  1. #51
    Super Member carolaug's Avatar
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    I purchase what I want for my kids and granddaughter. I like to buy them something they would not be able to buy. Some years I give them cash along with the gifts so that they have a stressfree christmas. My father inlaw would give us all cash the week before Christmas - 50.00 for each member of the family for us to go Christmas shopping. We loved it...helped us and keep us out of Christmas debt. I never did the family gifts besides my parents...well we did a few times, but it was sorta weird...many times we just got gift cards/same amount...pointless...I rather just have visit time without the gift. I do not want or expect high dollar gifts from my kids. I am very happy with a photo, book or whatever. They always find something we love and they do not have to spend a lot...its not the money its the thought.
    For my folks I get them gift certs so they can get out of the house and go shopping or out to eat. They are retired so tight budget.

  2. #52
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    Our family is so large that we now play Christmas Bingo. Each person buys maybe 5 gifts and wraps them. Then the Bingo winner choses a gift but watch out the person with a previous gift just may lose it to the next winner. It keeps us occupied for hours. The gifts are not big so the cost is not that much..We always buy the children a couple of gifts each.

  3. #53
    Super Member carolaug's Avatar
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    I purchase what I want for my kids and granddaughter. I like to buy them something they would not be able to buy. Some years I give them cash along with the gifts so that they have a stressfree christmas. My father inlaw would give us all cash the week before Christmas - 50.00 for each member of the family for us to go Christmas shopping. We loved it...helped us and keep us out of Christmas debt. I never did the family gifts besides my parents...well we did a few times, but it was sorta weird...many times we just got gift cards/same amount...pointless...I rather just have visit time without the gift. I do not want or expect high dollar gifts from my kids. I am very happy with a photo, book or whatever. They always find something we love and they do not have to spend a lot...its not the money its the thought.
    For my folks I get them gift certs so they can get out of the house and go shopping or out to eat. They are retired so tight budget.

  4. #54
    Senior Member Carol Wilson's Avatar
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    We are in our senior years and have more than everything we need. I tell my friends not to buy gifts otherwise I will have to extend the house, as they have their own families to buy for. Most families have what we call a "Chris Kringle" where you buy a gift for one person for a determined cost. Christmas has become so commercial and a financial nightmare for some families. The money I would spend on friends who also have everything they need we give to our favourite charities. As we are not religious I say we don't really celebrate Christmas I celebrate my birthday which is on the 25th December and not to bring Birthday presents either just bring themselves for a nice lunch with lots of laughs to share. I do however buy gifts for my great neices and nephews who are all young, Christmas is for Kids.
    Aussie Carol

  5. #55
    Super Member tlpa's Avatar
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    Many years back when my oldest brother got married we started the name draw. Now, for those with kids, those families draw names for the kids. We all chip in to buy one thing for each of our folks, and actually last year dad & his wife wanted to stop that as well. I agree the more to buy for the more stress. I would love not to do any gift exchanging and just spend the time together....

  6. #56
    Senior Member Barbshobbies's Avatar
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    We take all of the families out for Thanksgiving dinner, (no home is big enough for a full meal), then we go to one of our children's homes. None of us needs any thing, but it`s Christmas, so every one writes down 3 items on a list, none over $25.00, and draw names from a hat. Childern let us know when they want to be in with adults, little kids get small gifts under the tree. All adults also give good amounts to one or more of the chairities of their choice.

  7. #57
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    We have 6 adult children including the in-laws 6 grandkids. I try really hard to get the adults something I personally love, one year it was good powder for the girls,another year it was my favorite pj's. my DH usually gets the boys a power tool or something. We also give each of the adults a envelope with cash in it on Thanksgiving so if they choose to go shopping on Black Friday they can. I usually shop online at home on black Friday for the grandkids.

    when my parents were living my siblings and I would go together and pay for their cable tv for the year.
    For my mother in law DH and I pay for her apartment to be cleaned once a month and pay her local paper subscription.
    Last edited by mimiof4; 10-19-2014 at 02:26 PM.

  8. #58
    Super Member Neesie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tenngal View Post
    Our family has increased quite a bit - 17 kids, grandkids, wives, husbands, and now 3 great grandchildren. They all make more money than we do. We've always bought all the food and done all the cooking, plus cash gifts or gift cards for adults & teens and presents for the little ones. I am worn out due to a sick husband and would like to STOP - except for the little ones. Can't get anyone else to agree, though. And, we sure don't need any gifts.
    Well of COURSE they won't agree! They've got it made, with you doing all the work!

    Just announce that you're planning to simplify this Christmas and will be making charitable donations, in lieu of gifts for all but the little ones (IF you want to still include them). At the same time, announce that someone else will have to be responsible for Christmas dinner. Then don't let anyone make you change your mind!
    Neesie


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  9. #59
    Super Member Neesie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luv Quilts and Cats View Post
    I would like to stop the giving to adults in my family and just enjoy the time together. We have all we need, and don't need any gadgets. And some of the things I would want are too costly for one person to pay. However, every year I get out voted because my brother will not go along with the no gifts/pick a name deal. There is only one grandchild in my family and she is now 25. She is my niece and I would buy for her forever because I love her so much and I get pleasure in giving her gifts. We have as a group toned down the spending which is a good thing. We used to make lists at Thanksgiving of what we would like to make shopping easier. Somehow that has stopped and had made shopping harder. I may suggest the list tradition return. We are a very small family, three generations with a total of 8 people, and 2 cats. Every year lately the pressure to buy gifts is too much and I end up hating the holidays.
    So who made your brother the boss of everyone? Just state what YOU are going to do, then DO IT.
    Neesie


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  10. #60
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    We give money. Between kids, their spouses, their children, their spouses, and then the great grandkids, I don't like the shopping. Of course, to try and find the right thing and the right size, and then paying for postage we could buy even more. We send each family money, and if they want to shop for the kids okay. The great grandkids have found out its fun to rec. money because if they didn't get what they wanted they can wait for the sales. They all love it. As far as siblings we stopped that along time ago. We just wish everybody a Merry Christmas. Whatever works for you is what you should do.
    Love to quilt and play with the great grandkids

  11. #61
    Senior Member Chester the bunny's Avatar
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    We don't exchange gifts anymore. My poor mother who could not really afford it had been sending all the kids (grown up and all working) a check at Christmas and our Birthdays. It took a while for her to figure out that none of us were cashing the checks so she stopped.
    I exchange with a few friends and we have rules. One of them only wants things that come from the thrift store/garage sale that way no one feels bad if it isn't kept and it's really a lot of fun shopping.
    The other friend has a "user-upper rule" If you can't use it up, don't buy it. (Which leaves us with food (chocolate, spices, teas, ect...), soaps, fabric, paper napkins ....)

  12. #62
    Super Member sewellie's Avatar
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    We do not buy gifts anymore except for one grandchild, 1 gift. Our theory is to be together, not spending money, is what Christmas is about. Jesus is the reason for the season. Christmas is so commercialized that it's forgotten what the word Christmas means.
    sewellie

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  13. #63
    Super Member misseva's Avatar
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    I hate shopping for any reason. After my two children were out of elementary school, I started giving them money for birthdays and Christmas. I have 9 people all told to buy for including daughter in law & son in law and 4 grands (1 is married). No stress at all. I also prefer cash for gifts. Sometimes I save up and buy a rather large gift, sometimes I buy underwear or something for my sewing/craft hobbies. The fun in getting money is deciding on what to buy - I'm like a kid in a candy store.
    TwandasMom

  14. #64
    Super Member IrishgalfromNJ's Avatar
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    I have one grown daughter and no grandchildren. My daughter has a good job and can buy herself anything she wants. I decided several years ago that I would not buy her Christmas presents anymore. We make a date to go out for a nice meal, maybe a movie or stay in and cook and spend quality time together. We still celebrate birthdays with gifts and meals, but that is much easier to do because we don't have that crush of shoppers for our birthdays. My brothers and I do not exchange Christmas gifts or birthday gifts. Cards only.
    Everyone can't be Irish, somebody has to drive.

  15. #65
    Senior Member EmbQuilt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prism99 View Post
    gramma nancy, I would save those duffels for birthday presents!
    I totally agree

  16. #66
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    I hate shopping so I am one to order on line. However for the adult kids (2 kids and spouses) we give tickets to a concert or event they want to attend. DH and I will finish off that gift with 1 overnite kid watch during the event. Everyone is happy with that.

  17. #67
    Super Member cashs_mom's Avatar
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    I have to agree with Neesie. You are doing all the work and going to all the expense by yourself. Why does that get to be a group vote? After doing Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner every year for my inlaws (or outlaws depending on how you look at it lol) for several years while working full time, I just said "No more". They are retired, comfortably well off and don't so much as invite us over to their house. The only time they invite their only surviving son (my husband) over is when they want him to do some work for them like moving the refrigerator. I just decided that this was way to one sided for me and was making me resentful so why continue. My husband would rather I did but since I'm the one doing all the work, he doesn't get a vote either lol
    Patrice S

    Bernina Artista 180, Singer 301a, Featherweight Centennial, Rocketeer, Juki 2200 QVP Mini, White 1964 Featherweight

  18. #68
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    Seems like "the holidays" are stressful for many people.

    Sometimes after one person puts a stop to the "stressful giving" part of it - even though the rest of the group might complain about it at first - most of the people are relieved.

  19. #69
    Super Member dotcomdtcm's Avatar
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    I have 3 adult children and one SIL. We will draw names and I will fill their stockings. I made napkin sets and microwave bowl holders for friends near and far, and one Chanukah table runner. I satisfy myself with a lot of charity sewing,
    for children in shelters and hospitals. I miss shopping year-around when the kids were little, with the magic of Christmas morning filled with gifts from Santa. I used to bake a million cookies but then I used to eat 1/2 of them!!
    Dotty in NYC

  20. #70
    Senior Member amelia0607's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IrishgalfromNJ View Post
    I have one grown daughter and no grandchildren. My daughter has a good job and can buy herself anything she wants. I decided several years ago that I would not buy her Christmas presents anymore. We make a date to go out for a nice meal, maybe a movie or stay in and cook and spend quality time together. We still celebrate birthdays with gifts and meals, but that is much easier to do because we don't have that crush of shoppers for our birthdays. My brothers and I do not exchange Christmas gifts or birthday gifts. Cards only.
    I would love that but unfortunately my kids stay so busy that they don't want to get together. When they have down time, they want to stay home. I understand that but I do miss doing things together

  21. #71
    Super Member Billi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tenngal View Post
    Our family has increased quite a bit - 17 kids, grandkids, wives, husbands, and now 3 great grandchildren. They all make more money than we do. We've always bought all the food and done all the cooking, plus cash gifts or gift cards for adults & teens and presents for the little ones. I am worn out due to a sick husband and would like to STOP - except for the little ones. Can't get anyone else to agree, though. And, we sure don't need any gifts.
    Wow that s a lot....I hope you and your husband feel better soon. Being a caregiver to someone is exhausting and can affect your health as well.

    You know they can not stop you from doing your way..I assume dinner is at your house. Very soon like Thanksgiving or before you should tell all the adult children and adult grandchildren what part of dinner you are making and what you expect them to bring you can be specific, like bring the green beans we all love, or make aunt mabels sweet potatoes, or just say side dish or appatizer, rolls dessert. What ever part you want help with.

    Then tell them due to your husbands health and your exhaustion you are only giving gifts to those that are 21 and under, or younger you choose the age. Then tell them Dad and I really have everything we need if you want to give us gifts, give us the gift of your time come help me decorate the house for the holidays , or bake or clean, or maybe come help us take everything down and put it away.....If they feel the need to spend money maybe they can get you a couple of hours with a local housekeeping service for after the holidays.

    Remind them what it is about the holiday you truly love and value, family time, or your religious belief. Both maybe?

    Assure them that they are more than welcome to give all the gifts to each other they want to give that it's ok you will not feel left out or cheated because your gift is having your family together and spending time with them.

    They can not make you buy more gifts than you want to it may even be a little difficult to do the first time but they will get used to it and maybe actually feel a little less pressured to find the perfect gift in the correct price range.
    Billi
    It's never too late to have a happy childhood

  22. #72
    Senior Member amelia0607's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billi View Post
    Wow that s a lot....I hope you and your husband feel better soon. Being a caregiver to someone is exhausting and can affect your health as well.

    You know they can not stop you from doing your way..I assume dinner is at your house. Very soon like Thanksgiving or before you should tell all the adult children and adult grandchildren what part of dinner you are making and what you expect them to bring you can be specific, like bring the green beans we all love, or make aunt mabels sweet potatoes, or just say side dish or appatizer, rolls dessert. What ever part you want help with.

    Then tell them due to your husbands health and your exhaustion you are only giving gifts to those that are 21 and under, or younger you choose the age. Then tell them Dad and I really have everything we need if you want to give us gifts, give us the gift of your time come help me decorate the house for the holidays , or bake or clean, or maybe come help us take everything down and put it away.....If they feel the need to spend money maybe they can get you a couple of hours with a local housekeeping service for after the holidays.

    Remind them what it is about the holiday you truly love and value, family time, or your religious belief. Both maybe?

    Assure them that they are more than welcome to give all the gifts to each other they want to give that it's ok you will not feel left out or cheated because your gift is having your family together and spending time with them.

    They can not make you buy more gifts than you want to it may even be a little difficult to do the first time but they will get used to it and maybe actually feel a little less pressured to find the perfect gift in the correct price range.
    You mentioned getting a housekeeping service. I did that one year for my mom. I asked two of the teen-aged girls at our church if they wanted to earn extra money for Christmas. They did and so they were "elves" for my mom! They put on their Santa hats and went to my mom's the Saturday before Christmas and gave her house a very thorough cleaning. They also baked a couple of pies and wrapped some presents. My mother had a broken right foot and a very sprained left ankle that year so she needed the help but didn't want to ask us since we all worked. And she loved that she got to spend time with these wonderful young ladies!!

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