nancia

ah, mj, my heart is saddened for you. it is so hard to acknowledge that not all battles are won, and that someone you liked and cared about is dead. i know the current word is passed, but personally, i prefer dead. it has the exact sense of finality that we need to come to terms with the permanence of the situation. at least your client/friend had made an effort to put his demons aside.
for those of us on this thread, one of our demons is food. life sustaining and nurturing, in uncontrolled amounts it kills. obese, morbidly obese, and that common little word, FAT. it's not harsh to call someone, perhaps, not to their face. but in talking about our situations here, fat is fat, where ever you are on the spectrum. the first time i was told i was obese, the dr was all apologetic and 'broke' the news to me. funny. did he think i didn't know? did he think i thought i just had big bones? the only ones with bones that large are all extinct. i prefer to think i'm just under-tall. another 18 inches and my weight would be perfect! i look in the mirror, and yes, i see me. of course, mirrors add an extra 50 lbs. no, i see an uncomfortably fat older woman. she does not match the very cool, sassy 23 yr old vixen in a size 10, that my husband and i believe i am. i must be standing behind that old tubbo and that's why you can't see me, too. dam, where did she go? my kids grew up, even while i was looking, but when did i get older? we all know i didn't grow up. but when did i become my grandmother (minus the dolly parton rack)? i don't mind becoming a grandmother, but i do resent i had to add on the years to do it. and while i was busy adding years i added pounds. i live on the banks of the great river, de nial. and i dip my thin little perfect toes in it every morning, and probably, my sweet little head. my mom was cruel and abusive with words. i grew up thinking it was me, not her, that caused her cruelty. 5 yrs ago, i discovered that my sister, the saint(truly) was abused by our mother, too. words can be as deadly as drug interactions and knives. they cut to the bone and lacerate the spirit. no matter how much i eat i will never be able to armor myself against the pain of her words. you only have to hear your mother say 1 time 'i don't love you' for it to echo in your brain for the rest of your life. and no matter how much food i eat, our how much sugar i put in, there is not enough padding or sugar to sweeten or protect against those words. i was not the kind of mother my mother was, and i take pride in that. if my children learned anything growing up, it was that they were/are loved. my 2nd son was looking at pictures of his youth one day and yelped! wait a minute! why didn't anyone tell me i was a fat kid? inside, i was so proud that he now knew we didn't judge his value by his physical appearance. but at our age,it's not our value that we are in danger of losing. it's our lives. being larger that a few pounds overweight puts all of our systems at peril. look at the diabetes, the heart problems, the breathing problems, and all of the other systems that are affected. you can't live without your heart or your breathing. you can get replacements, sure, but not if you are morbidly obese. you're a bad risk, and others with a better chance of success come first. so, really, we need to look in that mirror and see the real state of affairs, and address it. it's our lives we stand to lose if we don't lose the weight. lose the weight, gain your life. pretty good trade! i am losing, in micro amounts, BUT i AM losing! (sorry, if this seems like a long rant, but i needed the reality wake up call. this isn't to fit in size 6 jeans. this is to see my grand daughter graduate).

purplemem

nancia,
I use the term "passed" in the Cherokee sense of having passed from this world to the Creator. We actually have a song we sing for the angels to come get the soul of the dead to pass it back to God.

charity-crafter

Wow, Krispy Kreme donut bread pudding-wow, I just can't imagine how rich that would be. Talk about ultimate indulgence...I'd be temepted to have a bite myself, but then that bite would turn into another bite, and then by the time I stopped I'd have eaten half the pan.....so don't be tempted. Run, fast...far away.

17 lovey ladies have sent their fabric. One actually sent me 3 large pieces of patriotic fabrics that will make a wonderful QOV. Thanks to all. I've sent a private message to everyone.

When I'm considering turning to ice cream to make me feel better about something I see the nice little notes that were included with the fabric, (I posted them around the house where I tend to overeat) and it makes me stop and think that ice cream won't help my weight loss.

JHolm

Good morning everyone!
It is amazing how much we are all alike. I to was raised in a very dysfuntional family which included verbal, physical and sexual abuse. MJ, I was also an AODA counselor. It is a painful job because you do watch your clients die. I retired in 1998 and was called by the intensive care unit of a local hospital two months ago because one of my clients was admitted and gave me as an emergency contact. It's a part of your life that never really goes away.

I weighed in this morning and found I gained another pound. Hope it's just water weight. I'm really struggling right now, the week I had the reaction to the new med I was taking and ate everything in sight has really stuck with me. My eating is much better (I went to the thrift store yesterday and bought 2 sauce bowls, 2dessert plates and two salad plates.) I dug out my Weight Watchers scale and measuring cups. I am weighing and measuring everything. The smaller dishes help me control my portions. Kind of like a double check with weighing and measuring.

Have to run - got a chiropracter appt in 30 minutes.

Have a good day!

nancia

mj--i like that, being passed to god. actually, i didn't mean to be critical of your use of the word, i was just explaining that it helped me realize the finality to use dead or died. i did not mean to offend you, and i'm sorry .

purplemem

I was not offended. Thank you for the apology though. I just wanted you to know mine was an "old"use, not a "new" one. I agree, death is final.

Passing does give me the hope this is not the final end.

irishrose

Oh, MJ, my heart hurts for you.

We are a group of wounded warriors. We need to be make ourselves a quilt. Actually, mine is cut out. Years ago, in that same Workplace Wellness program where I was told I was obese when I wore a size 14 pants, I saw a physiologist for a time. When he heard some of my childhood experiences, he sat and cried. He said he had never done that before in his life. He actually recommended that I leave the past buried rather than work through it. Works for me, except when the world gets too close. This winter I was involved in a small group at the church. The study book asked too many searching questions and brought up too many of those buried feelings. I have been crying at the drop of the hat (or drop of a word) for six months. Obviously, I left the group. I talked to my physiologist, but he has retired, so I'm on my own. I can't start with a new one at this point. I definitely was NOT the kind of mother I had, nor did I marry a man with my father's problems.

I need to get moving. I have to work at the church with that group. They are a nice bunch and it will be fine. I have two grandsons coming for the evening. Their sitter is out of town and I'm the back up. The oldest one is afraid of dogs, so it's always hard for him at first. My smaller dog is protective and greets with a bark. If she'd be quiet, it'd help, but she's Border Collie/Lab. I'm her sheep.

Jeanne, I have been looking for a child's divided dish that doesn't have cartoon characters on it. MJ recommended one a few months ago.

I am losing weight and getting healthier. For today, I am going to eat clean.

MissyGirl

With all of us sharing so many things I thought it would be interesting to share one of my favorite quotes:

(in latin) Vulneratus non Victus
(in english) We are wounded but not conquered

We might be wounded but we are NOT conquered and never will be!!!

BIG HUGS!!!

Missy

watterstide

i never thought of myself as "fluffy" until i see a picture of myself! i don't see it in the mirror,just pictures.

irishrose

You got it, girl! So true. We all need to remember what I recently taught my granddaughter - Put your shoulders back and your butt under you and go meet the world.