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Marriage happiness and longevity... what's your advice?

Marriage happiness and longevity... what's your advice?

Old 12-23-2009, 08:22 PM
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Love is not a feeling, it is an act of the will.

A Don Francisco song, became the song at our wedding ... many things we do, not because they are fun, but because they must be done ...

but, before the wedding, I found a person who liked me as much as I like him! I liked his looks, I liked his humor, I liked his career ... in fact, he was the knight in shining armor I thought was an American myth!
(Contrasting my marriage to my first marriage, I found out: I can love anyone ... since that is something I do ... but liking them? - - totally different aspect of a relationship)
We have been married 26 years, almost 27! (and, even though most of our days are alike, no matter where we are or what our situations, ) Every day is like brand new, and yet we have known each other forever, but just now found each other.

Something my husband told me from the beginning was: If you aren't giving a hundred and ten percent of yourself to the relationship, you aren't giving enough ... and each of us has to know that we are doing it.

A promise we made to each other: "DIVORCE" was not a joke and was NOT an option ... trusting each other to be as committed as the other guy is pretty hard, but the risk is worth working toward ... and work is what it is!
Yes, there are wonderful events and feelings, and stuff, but a lot of life is just every day, the same as the last day and the same way tomorrow ... it takes some determination to stay loving and gracious and constant in one direction ... down the road together!

And, while I am usually right, or I wouldn't say/think/do something ... and, it isn't easy to admit that hubby's way of handling things is much more peaceable .... the most important thing in our relationship has been my willingness to cross the room to say "I love you" .... and make sure it is the last thing he hears, every night ... every day on his way to work .... even if I am angry ... making that commitment to say those words and MEAN THEM ... reminding each of us that this is what we have chosen for our lives ... do it while the man is still in front of you, because if he walks out that door and circumstances occur that never allows him to walk back in ... you will find that what you were angry about, wasn't really that important ... and, if the last time he sees you - - because you don't get to be there the next time ... what is it you want your love to remember?
My mom taught me that, and I witnessed the anguish of a young wife/mom who hadn't practiced this. Her husband was killed on that last morning (at work in the woods) ... the sorrow is something I will NEVER forget ...
And, I have practiced it with each of our children ... the LAST thing any of them hear me say is: "I love you" ... we have been blessed to meet many times again, but one day we won't ... and, I want them to remember .... they were loved!

When my parents had been married more than five decades, my father was reminicsing about all the blessings they had received ... what a surprise it was to him how his life had turned out ... the family he was so proud of ... he was a very satisfied old man, and he said to mother: I just don't know how you have handled me all these years so well.
My mother's response: It was easy! We were both in love with the same person!
LOL ... may we all be the people our friends and family think we are <wave>
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Old 12-23-2009, 08:44 PM
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My advise is to have separate bank accounts (and one joint account if you wish). That way there is no arguments over money!

It has worked for DH and I for the past 14 1/2 years!

I gave this advise to my son on his wedding day.
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Old 12-23-2009, 09:11 PM
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Love, respect, admiration, trust, laughter. Find a way to cherish each other every day. This will get you through all the joys and sorrows of the journey of life.
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Old 12-23-2009, 09:21 PM
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Marry the person you would cry for when you are sick and that you know would drop everything to come.

Remember that love is not Valentine's and flowers. Love is the person that scrapes your windows when they scrape their own.

Love is the person that cooks your favorite meal every once in awhile even if the smell of it makes them gag.

Don't expect life to be never ending excitement because it isn't. Marry the person you can be happily bored with.
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Old 12-23-2009, 09:23 PM
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My grandmother, at the age of 91, informed me the secret to a long happy relationship was to remember.. no matter how mad you are or upset you are over something during the day when you turn in at night leave those troubles at the door to your bedroom and NEVER carry them with you as they are too heavy to hold and to toxic to keep. The next day is always better. She was right.
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Old 12-23-2009, 09:27 PM
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My advice is to keep Christ as the central focus of your marriage and home. Lean on him during the times when you are struggling.

Battle of Roses .... remember WHY you loved your spouse in the first place
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Old 12-23-2009, 09:41 PM
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When 2 people are signing up to live the rest of their lives together, they should agree to sometimes disagree. And always have your sense of humor. When you are standing there putting the cap back on the toothpaste for the 100 time, you just have to laugh about it. :lol: :lol: And it is ok to spend time together, not doing or saying anything. Just being comfortable with each other.And never fall out of love with each other at the same time. If you hang in there, the next day, you will be back in love again.It's important to know what your spouse likes to do. I support DH in his arrowhead hunting, although I don't understand how you can walk around for hours, just looking at the ground, and he supports me in buying material, even though my sewing room runnith over. :lol: :lol:
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Old 12-23-2009, 10:36 PM
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One of the most important things I learned from my husband was to always communicate. We have always told each other where we are going to be and when we will be home. We have always made a point of sitting and talking about anything and everything. Usually in the car before we get out to go in to the kids after a trip to town!! LOL But communicate so you both know what the other is thinking. Remember your spouse is not a mind reader and misunderstandings begin when you aren't talking and sharing.

It is so vital to make sure you and your loved one have the same values and want the same things in life.
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Old 12-23-2009, 11:48 PM
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An important thing to remember is that all those little annoying things that you think you will change in a person at the start of a relationship are the things that combine to make that person what they are.

If you love them, you don't need to change a thing.
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:06 AM
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Location: Las Vegas, NV and Seattle, WA
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Originally Posted by amandasgramma
After being a divorcee and a widow, I'm now on marriage #3. My advice is to be flexible and KNOW that your way is NOT always the only way. Humor in a marriage is important......especially as you age...OMG, do we EVER need a sense of humor sometimes!!!!
OH boy, I've been there, and this is absolutely true, to the letter, AMEN to everything you said here. Thanks for writing it.
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