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Thread: Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?

  1. #1
    Senior Member LovinMySoldier's Avatar
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    I thought I would come to you wonderful ladies for a little advice and opinions! I frequently am reading on here about anniversaries 25, 30, 40 even 50 years long! I think that is absolutely amazing! Now a days if something doesn't work out ya get a divorce :(

    I would love to know all of the advice that you all have! Just like your one best piece of advice for a young couple. Especially in the communication department. Especially when bringing up touchy subjects that HAVE to be addressed!

    I am 25 years old. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and have been married for over 5. Yes we were married young :) We both still love each other very much and NO we are not having problems or contemplating divorce :P Just looking for advice to keep our marriage strong and healthy!

  2. #2
    Super Member TonnieLoree's Avatar
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    Trust.

  3. #3
    Senior Member nycbgirl's Avatar
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    I have been happily married for nearly 16 years and what has served me well is the thought: We are in a marriage and it's give and take and it's never 50/50 it's 100/100 on each side and if we have a disagreement I always remember the goal is not to "win" the disagreement but to settle it.

  4. #4
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
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    Cant help ya, divorced. In a relationship though, 5 years or so. I've learned that it doesnt matter which way the toilet paper comes off the roll.

  5. #5
    Super Member tammy cosper's Avatar
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    Always remember your best friends. That can get you through lots.

  6. #6
    Super Member jayelee's Avatar
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    I am 51 have been married for thirty years in September and all I can tell you is that it is work keeping a marriage together Please dont walk out every time there is a problem Work it out Compromise on both sides is necessary. Personnally I think divorce should cost $100,000 and weddings should be $100 if it cost more people would work on it and not just walk away Thirty years ago my brother in law got married two months before us and his bride to be said if it doesnt work out we can divorce the hour of her wedding three years later they were divorce My parents said divorce is not done in our family so make sure you know who you are marrying

  7. #7
    Super Member BarbaraSue's Avatar
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    The only advice I will give you is that you both need to believe in each other as the person they are as well as who they will become. Meaning: you must allow each other to grow as an individual as you are growing as a couple.
    Neither should be stifled/smothered/denied the opportunity to learn, to have hobbies, or to give up dreams. You each have the the right to be the you you want to be.
    Talk honestly about your dreams/wishes and where you want to be in 5 more years. Listen to each other.
    An example is my DH and I will be married 40 years this fall. We both went back to school and got our degrees after we were married and with kids. I love to sew and quilt; he does woodworking. He is taking flying lessons as he always wanted to fly. We moved from southern IN to central IL for his job opportunity. It was a mutual decision.
    Lastly, do not assume anything. That can be the start of taking for granted what one of you do for the relationship. It takes 2 (3 if you include God) to make a marriage, but it only takes one to make a mess that ends it all. Good Luck!:)

  8. #8
    Super Member NancyG's Avatar
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    Trust, communication, honesty, fidelity, sense of humor, and don't sweat the small stuff!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Crabby Patty's Avatar
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    The best advice my mom ever gave me is to never go to bed on an argument. If you're angry when you go to bed and one passes away in the night, you never get a chance to make up and it will haunt you forever. This has served me well for 40 years. Good luck.

  10. #10
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    You are responsible for your own happiness, that's not your husband's job (and vice-versa). I can't stress enough how important this is in any relationship!
    Having your spouse is the most wonderful way to share your happiness :)
    Also give each other space to grow. I think it's especially important when you marry young. ( I was young too)

  11. #11
    Super Member icon17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LovinMySoldier
    I thought I would come to you wonderful ladies for a little advice and opinions! I frequently am reading on here about anniversaries 25, 30, 40 even 50 years long! I think that is absolutely amazing! Now a days if something doesn't work out ya get a divorce :(

    I would love to know all of the advice that you all have! Just like your one best piece of advice for a young couple. Especially in the communication department. Especially when bringing up touchy subjects that HAVE to be addressed!

    I am 25 years old. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and have been married for over 5. Yes we were married young :) We both still love each other very much and NO we are not having problems or contemplating divorce :P Just looking for advice to keep our marriage strong and healthy!
    Just remember that With God as your 1st step in all things all other things are easyer. And that a fight does not mean this is the end! but A way to learn to be have stronger partnership by overcoming the diffcuty as a team. When you married you became ONE, Therefore you have to think kindly about each other as you would your self! 8-)

  12. #12

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    Hi There.... We have been married 48 years. First of all, we can't afford to divorce. LOL Also, approach your marriage with the attitude that divorce is NOT AN OPTION. There will be highs and lows, but communicate from the very beginning so that it is a habit. Discuss everything in a timely manner so things don't build up. Don't blame... and start conversations with "I am feeling" or some such not with "You never.." It is alright for both of you to have your own time and interests as long as you don't let them become more imortant than your shared life. Marriage takes work, but it is all worth it. Wishing you many. many happy years of companionship and true love.

    Don't forget to keep a good sense of humor. Laughing is good for you and helps keep things in perspective.

  13. #13
    Super Member Charlee's Avatar
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    I've been married 3 times. First time at 16, divorced 4 years later. He was 27 to my 16 years.
    Second time lasted 21 years. I left when I couldn't stand the control issues he had anymore.

    Third time's a charm. William and I have been married 12 years, and are still madly in love. When we got married, a good friend that had at the time been married for 30 years told us, "Find SOMETHING to laugh about EVERY day, no matter what life brings...seek out something that will make you both smile"
    The other thing I always remember is a couple that had been married for 78 years were interviewed. When asked their secret for staying happily married that long, she responded, "We never fell out of love with each other AT THE SAME TIME."
    I really do believe that a couple, individually, will fall in and out of love several times in the course of their union. The key is to "tough it out" until you fall back in love... :)

  14. #14
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    Sit down and talk about everything. Let him rest and eat, don't bring up bad things while he's tired and hungry. Choose your battles, but do fight fair. No yelling, if you disagree, calmly discuss that disagreement.

    My late DH and I were married for 39 1/2 years, he died 4 years ago and I still miss him. No no one else in the picture at all. Still miss him, he was strong and gentle and was my rock to lean on. And I took care of him the last few years he was at home and becoming weaker as time went on, because he was a lovable person. And I'll always miss him.

    Become friends first and lovers next. And like someone else said, forget that 50/50 crap, each one should give 100 percent in a marriage.

  15. #15
    Power Poster alikat110's Avatar
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    I theaten to take mine back to Wal-Mart (that's where I picked him up 14 years ago) if he doesn't do things my way!!!!

  16. #16
    Power Poster alikat110's Avatar
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    I theaten to take mine back to Wal-Mart (that's where I picked him up 14 years ago) if he doesn't do things my way!!!!

  17. #17
    Super Member lalaland's Avatar
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    Have a freakin' sense of humor. That said....

    Marriage is a partnership, no one says you have to like each other all the time or agree with each other all the time, if you did you would have married someone exactly like yourself and who in their right mind would want to do that!

    Treat your marriage like a partnership, treat each other with respect, kindness and consideration and accept each other's differences and treat each other as equals. You can't solve every problem and sometimes will just have to agree to disagree. Form a united front when dealing with your kids, don't let them manipulate you or play you against one another. Let them know your relationship is as important to you as they are.

    I've been married 34 years, it's my second marriage and my DH's first, we haven't agreed on the time of day since we met but we each had all the qualities important to us both and our marriage has lasted. What's that old saying - something worthwhile is never easy.

  18. #18
    Super Member isnthatodd's Avatar
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    Never ever say anything negative about your spouse to anyone, even in jest. Always point out the good parts at every opportunity.

  19. #19
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    I'll give you the same advice my Gramma gave me---TALK and LISTEN to one another-- NEVER EVER go to bed mad and ALWAYS tell one another you love the life you have together Never take one another for granted- Hold hands every chance you get- Help each other get over the hurdles because there will be hurdles AND once an argument is settled leave it that way don't dwell on the petty things Last but not least -----Love-Honor and Cherish your lifes partner--- I only had my Husband for 25 yrs before he passed away And we were still IN love and I'll always be in love with him

  20. #20
    Super Member Peckish's Avatar
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    Wake up each day with the thought "what can I do to make his life better?" Too many of my girlfriends always want to know what their husbands can do for them - when instead, if they thought about what THEY could do for their HUSBANDS, their husbands would worship the ground they walk on.

    Also, enable each other's hobbies. :)

  21. #21
    Super Member Lv2sew2011's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyG
    Trust, communication, honesty, fidelity, sense of humor, and don't sweat the small stuff!
    I've been married almost 38 years when
    December comes around...

    All I can say is Ditto to this post, most of all communication....

  22. #22
    Super Member dellareya's Avatar
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    July 16 is our 34th Wedding Anniversary. My best advice would be to communicate as clearly as you can. Let your needs be known and respect each other.

  23. #23
    Super Member lindyline's Avatar
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    Everything already said, but especially laugh together. In just over 29 years, there has not been one day that my DH hasn't made me laugh. A sense of hunour is invaluable.
    And NEVER(yes I meant to yell) go to bed mad at one another. Not because one of you might pass away, as stated earlier, but because if you don't work it out, it will seem even more insurmountable in the morning.
    And good luck for a long and happy married life together.

  24. #24
    AbbyQuilts's Avatar
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    I started a thread last year about long marriages and I got some wonderful responses and stories. I loved reading all of them and it gives me inspiration! you can find it here if you are up for some reading
    http://www.quiltingboard.com/t-61405-1.htm

  25. #25
    Super Member gaby4v's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyG
    Trust, communication, honesty, fidelity, sense of humor, and don't sweat the small stuff!
    That's about sums it up!!! For me communication is number one. Talk to eachother, let him know how you feel and tell him to do the same. Took my hubby a while to do so, was not a big talker.
    I've married young too. Meet my hubby when I was 15, married at 19, had two kids, nine moves and now we've been married 26 years and going strong.

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