quilter on the eastern edge

I'm not a parent or a grandparent but I did teach for 30 years so I feel qualified to have an opinion. I feel that children are like vines - you have to train them in the way you want them to grow. If a child is allowed to get away with bratty behavior when he/she is young, then they will grow up thinking that they can get whatever they want with that kind of behavior. They should be taught manners early and how to get along with others. Parents who encourage bratty behavior in their children by letting them away with it are only making a rod for their own back.

DawnMarie

I'm glad to hear there is a grandma out there that doesn't give in to screaming and tantrums. Kudos to you. :)

mic-pa

I have 10 grand children and in my house it is my rules. Also when my kids were home as long as I paid the bills and thye lived here it also was by my rules. No questions asked

Up North

first off I am going to admit I did not read this whole thread. But this is what I do My grandson and his parents moved into my home for 6 months when he was 2 He got put in time out EVERYTIME he did something he wasn't supposed to he is now 6 and respects my rules. I also do it with the now 3 year old even in their home. I catch you it is time out. They both still can get away with things with mom but my son is a little stricter. She is learning from my role modeling. I do not ask permission, I just react quickly. But then I taught discipline in my job so it is natural for me. At one p[point my DDIL was upset about it but now she thanks me for being consistent. She can see how they behave around me.

Quiltforme

She is exhausted and it is easier to give in then to discipline try to talk with her again. Take her to lunch just the 2 of you. I am not a grandma but a mom in her shoes. I have a 5 yo and my older kids one day just had a fit because I was so tired and because of a back injury I was in pain. I told them to give in. There response opened my eyes. The kids are so close in age I would just bet she is so tired she doesnt want to deal with the screaming. I know that advice coming from mom is hard she is trying to be you and if you are giving her advice then she feels like she has failed. Maybe give her some me days and I bet with more time to get herself recoverd she would be able to deal better with the 2 year old.

sew cornie

Pam, my best wishes to you. It looks like you've received some great advice here.

Omak, you are so wise. I need to meet you in person some day. :-D

My degree is in elem.ed. and I taught in early childhood for 10 years - 4/5 yr olds for 5 years, then newborns-2yr olds for 5 years. I now have two boys of my own ages 4 & 6. When my first was born, my mom took great offense that I was doing things differently than she had, as if I were criticizing her mothering or calling her a failure. No so - I simply had much background experience to pull from to make the choices we thought were best. My MIL was very respectful of our choices because she was willing to listen to our sound reasoning behind them and did her best to support them even at her home. As the boys have grown, we've received only praise from all of our parents. They've been with us in public when strangers comment on how polite and well-mannered our kids are. Our kids aren't perfect of course, but the're learning to be respectful and to be proud of their behavior. Nothing can compare to intrinsic motivation. It pleases us very much that not only are our children well-behaved, but that our parents are proud of us as well.

NOW - we're having to tell the grandparents to not give in all the time! LOL. We have to remind them, "It's okay to say 'No'".

Oh, one other thing: when our children were born, we welcomed them as PART of our family, not RULERS of our family. A thing I think many parents reverse these days. No pedestals in our house simply for being young and cute.

ptquilts

we just started having GKS, I was very happy to see the parents of the 3yo DGS giving him little time-outs, ignoring him when he tries to get their goat, and (My favorite) responding to whining by saying, "I can't understand what you're saying when you talk like that"!!!

Ramona Byrd

They've been with us in public when strangers comment on how polite and well-mannered our kids are.
--------------------------------------------------------
My sister came to visit for TG and we were shopping in the grocery store. There was a tired looking young black lady with her husband shopping, but they had 4 kids who stayed with them and moved out of the way of others when daddy waved his hand at them. They stayed together and ASKEd if they could have some small treat, which was laid in the basket and not touched again, though there were longing looks from the kids. Sister and I went over and congratulated them in how well their kids were trained. They looked surprised first and then pleased.
(No one has ever complained about being told this).
We both make a point of telling parents of well mannered children this in public, especially in front of families with brats running wild and screaming because they don't get what they want. Fast food joints, high end restaurants, grocery stores, etc, all of them have bad mannered kids running wild. Only exception we see all the time are the Mennonite kids. Back home we had the Amish, but sadly, most folks want to "be their children's friends". Friends are equal, me, I'm their Mother and boss, right after Daddy.

zyxquilts

This is a very interesting thread! I'm not a Mom, but I am THE AUNTIE :D Most of my friends' kids grew up with our whole 'gang' - we're in our 40s & 50s & have known each other since high school. We always have followed "house rules" for all the kids, no matter who's house they were at. If any of the kids needed a swat on the bumba (love that word! lol ) or hugs, any one of the 'grown ups' could step in, and they seem to all be growing up to be awesome adults & parents themselves. Guess it's that "It takes a village" concept.
Good luck Pam. All you can do is the best you can. (And come back here to vent when you need to!)

sew cornie

They've been with us in public when strangers comment on how polite and well-mannered our kids are.
--------------------------------------------------------

I bet you really made their day!! :thumbup: Everyone involved benefits from this. It's great for the parents to be given a boost, for the kids to hear that their good behavior shows, and also for the kids to hear the parents values supported by others.