Anna.425

I will always vote for the truth.

I sit on both sides of this fence. I had a close friend (she was a bride's maid at my wedding) who just up and told me to get lost. We saw her after the wedding and then when we moved back to the area I was pregnant and we got together for lunch with her. That was the last time we ever saw her. I received a letter with really vague reasons why we couldn't be friends any more. Stuff like, our values have changed. WHAT? HOW? Never an answer. The only thing that I could figure out is that she was single and didn't feel like she had anything in common with a couple with a baby. It hurt so much more not really knowing why she walked out of our lives. It took me years before I truly got over it and it stopped hurting. The thing of it that really made me angry wasn't that she hurt me but that she hurt my husband as well. Thanks to Facebook we reconnected later in our lives (she was married with a kid although her daughter is half the age of mine) and she explained that she was just too immature at the time that she walked out. We really haven't reestablished a friendship.

The other side is that DH doesn't speak to his family at all. It was a choice that he made, I never would have asked him to walk away from his family. I do have to say that our lives are a lot easier without them. His father is a selfish, bigoted, sexist man who I don't really think it would have been safe for my daughter to be around. I know the brother isn't safe to be around and the sister is psychotic! His mom can be problematic however she has really tried to grow and she was a good grandma to my kids when they were little. I make sure to check in on her and go to lunch every so often.

Wanabee Quiltin

I think it is easier to let someone go than to try and hold on to them. I do not have to stop loving them. I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior from anyone. I am so much more than I realize and I know if I want to enjoy life and joy, then it's up to me to do so.

lonestardreams

That is a truly awesome story. It made me cry.

ShabbyTabby

Murphy 1 - If I didn't know I didn't write your note, I would swear I wrote it !! I have a son who has broken my heart also and I have the DIL from Hell...I have 3 grandchildren who never respond to Birthday Gifts, Christmas Gifts, etc., so I have also decided that I'm done this year.

I have another son and a daughter (whom I live with) and other grandchildren who love me and are grateful for the things I send them or make for them. Sometimes we just have to leave it in God's hands and move on. I feel your pain and share your feelings....

valsma

I'm saddend but glad that i'm not the only one with family problems. My mom doesn't understand now why my youngest son will not speak to her. When my grandaughter (oldest sons child) was a year old they were here from ID for her first birthday party. While the party was in full swing at the pizza place my mom called my oldest son and his wife to wish the grandaughter a happy birthday. My youngest son sat there with tears in his eyes because when it was his son's birthday a few months earlier, she didn't even acknowledge it. No card, no calll, no gift. This broke my heart watching this play out. I have given my mom his phone number 5 or 6 times and she always seems to loose it. When the boys were growing up it played the same way, every holiday, birthday, special occasion my sisters kids got the attention and my kids were ignored. She thinks now that she is in her 80's I should make them have some kind of relationship with her, but they are mid and late twenty's. Frankly I don't blame them for their attitueds. I try to cut her a little slack with me because I know what kind of childhood she had growing up, but I have sworn I would do better and try. I never miss a holiday or birthday.
My oldest son's wife doesn't think I do enough to be able to see the grandaughter, like come visit. When we did visit when she was born we left earlier than planned because we were made to feel like intruders. I won't drive back there to be treated that way. Financially right now it is difficult to put that much money aside at once. They were here just before Thanksgiving, stayed with her parents and in the 5 days they were here, we didn't see our grandaughter once. That is why I say, I wonder if the letters will work for bridging that gap of contact with her.

That is why I say I have my sisters of choice. I am closer to them than my own and prefer their company anyways. I also get along great with my in-laws but since the parents passed away everyone has gone their own way and we live in different places.

I hope everyone of us can find a way to move on from the hurt those who move in and out of our lives can cause.

Iraxy

I have a crazy sister and she made communication with my parents who lived a continent away almost impossible. When they passed on, she and my nieces made my life miserable during the funeral time. They have gained my DH's wrath forever. I call her on holidays but never in front of my DH. She is my sister and she must be very unhappy with herself to be so ridiculous. She got mad at me for sending her a birthday card when her religion du jour did not celebrate birthdays. She said I was disrespectful. Who knew? She did not speak to me for 15 years. When my parents got older, it was like walking a minefield trying to speak to them. They had to call me when she was not there. I call her because I forgive her. She is my only relative left, except for those horrible nieces.

Luckily for me, I have a wonderful husband and two awesome friends who have the similar problems with their sisters and we get together and laugh and gripe about our siblings. It helps to laugh about it because other than that you will be crying and wondering what is wrong with YOU.

mom-6

It's really sad when family can't seem to at least be courteous to one another. As with many families we have some serious differences that serve to divide us, but so far we have been able to be civilized and at least avoid confrontation at family gatherings. I do so wish the snide remarks to others that are guaranteed to get back to the one(s) being talked about would quit, but, all I can do is tell the one(s) affected 'consider the source and go on'. Unfortunately some people just seem to bring out the worst in everyone around them.

ldmoncayo

I as well thought I had good friends in the small town I live in but have found friendships sometimes are not ment to last. Don't know what I have done to be excluded from their circle but it is noticable that I am. I was warned but didn't think it would happen to me since we were such close friends. Just goes to show you that it just doesn't happen in families but with friendships also.

valleyquiltermo

People and family come in and out of our lives all the time. I treasure the times we spent together when things where good between us. I pray for them when they leave me in the dust wondering what happen.The one thing I know for sure is that they don't make or break me. So I just go on being who I am as I like who I see in the mirror every morning. Then I found out I could be broken when my son was taken from me in an auto accident not his fault. Since then I just go on with life loving who wants to share with me and even those who don't want my love. I wish them never to suffer a lost like I did. All else is just bumps in the road. I pray you all have peace and healing this Christmas season.

valsma

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I can't even understand how hard that is for you.
I may have my difference with people but would never wish them to suffer harm. I firmly believe that to put something out in the universe such as a bad wish for someone, the old saying about what goes around, comes around is true.