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Thread: How would you have responded?

  1. #1
    Super Member shequilts's Avatar
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    A close friend of mine designed and copyrighted a beautiful 12 Days of Christmas BOM. I participated and gladly paid the monthly fee. Like so many exceptional BOMs, it wasn't cheap!
    Tonight, a mutual acquaintance of both the designer and me, called to ask if I had made the BOM. I responded that I had. She immediately said, "Oh goody, I'll have to get a copy. It's too expensive to buy."
    I was floored! I said, "You know it's copyrighted." She did not back up one inch. She proceeded to try to make a date to come by and get the pattern. I literally made up every excuse in the world why not this week. I have no intention of giving it to her, but don't want a confrontation. I just keep hoping she'll forget about it if I make it inconvenient for her.
    I'm so annoyed about this. I know what I'm going to do and I'll end up having to end this relationship.
    What would you have done?

  2. #2
    Google Goddess craftybear's Avatar
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    explain to her it is copyrighted and you cannot give her a copy

    and she may have to contact the designer, out of your hands

  3. #3
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Karen, I have read many posts like this one and I honestly don't understand when someone says "I don't like confrontation".
    You already explained about the copyright. The answer was NO.
    End of story!!!

  4. #4
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    Copyright is copyright. You did the right thing in not giving the pattern. She could ask the designer if she knows her, but you should not have shared. Good for you. Just direct her to the designer.

  5. #5
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
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    Be straight forward with her. Tell her exactly why you won't share--- it's the right thing.

  6. #6
    Super Member fidgety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by craftybear
    explain to her it is copyrighted and you cannot give her a copy

    and she may have to contact the designer, out of your hands
    ditto

  7. #7
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    "you mean it's too expensive for YOU to buy, but it's not too expensive for ME to buy?"
    Since when it is OK for someone else to dip into your wallet to get THEIR goodies? Tell her "H!LL NO!"

    And BTW, some people don't understand anything less than a confrontation.

  8. #8
    Cyn
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    Just say you don't have it anymore. I'd try to save the relationship by saying I lost the pattern but will let her know when it shows up. I guess I lie :(

  9. #9
    np3
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    I would have said....in a laughing voice......"Heck no! I paid full price for that sucker, I'm not giving it away!"

    It works for me.

  10. #10
    Super Member JanetM's Avatar
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    I would explain that it is copyrighted and the designer is entitled to benefit from her work.

    Not only is she breaking the law but is asking you to do so also. She is also I guess expecting that the cost should fall only on you, and that it is okay to cheat an acquaintence...not much of a friend in my eyes.

  11. #11
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    You have to SPELL It out to some people. Simply say, that YOUR copy is not up for sale that she will have to buy her own!

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptquilts
    "you mean it's too expensive for YOU to buy, but it's not too expensive for ME to buy?"
    Since when it is OK for someone else to dip into your wallet to get THEIR goodies? Tell her "H!LL NO!"
    amen...aint it the trueth...she does mind that you spent YOUR money for the costly pattern!

  13. #13
    Super Member trisha's Avatar
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    Wouldn't it have saved a lot of time and engery if you had just told her right out that you weren't going to give it to her? Not telling her is just going to drag the whole thing out and stress you out that much more. I would have said I am sorry, I had to pay for it, so I guess it would be unethical of me to just give it to you. Unless of course, she is a really good friend and cannot affort to pay, then just go ahead and give it to her. Can you tell you are not the only wishy washy person on this planet? LOL

  14. #14
    Super Member OneMoreQuilt's Avatar
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    Maybe you could put it back on her. Say, "Is this a test? You know it's copyrighted and I can't give it to you. Are you trying to see if I'd cheat?".

  15. #15
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    or try saying, "you know I am friends with Ms. Designer, why would you want me to cheat her out of her hard-earned profits?"

  16. #16
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyn
    Just say you don't have it anymore. I'd try to save the relationship by saying I lost the pattern but will let her know when it shows up. I guess I lie :(
    Why lie???? Makes no sense to me.

  17. #17

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    If she knows the designer - how about telling her that you don't feel comfortable "giving" away copyrighted material and suggest that she should call the designer directly for a free copy.

    OR, tell her you'll tell the designer that she's looking for a copy of the pattern and that you'll have the designer contact her.

    This way you're helpful and at the same time not giving her what she wants.

  18. #18
    Senior Member DebbyT's Avatar
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    It may be a bit harsh but if all else fails, tell her "I value your friendship and won't make any more excuses, but if you want a copy you will have to pay for it like I did. I respected the copyright, and expect you to as well. If you plan to get this as a freebe, please stop planning. I won't assist one friend to take from another." A mutual aquaintance can become a friend when they respect each others values. Otherwise she remains a mutual aquaintance.

  19. #19
    Super Member Candace's Avatar
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    You sound like a nice person and I feel badly for you that your friend is making you feel uncomfortable and pressing the issue. Friends shouldn't do that to other friends, plain and simple:< It's sad that a friendship may be lost for less than $100.

  20. #20
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    Tell her it was lost in a fire!!

    Seriously, I am all for the free stuff but you have to break down and buy what you want sometimes. If the lady who designed it wants to give it to her then great but tell her to kiss your #%^ and leave you the heck alone!!

    Billy

  21. #21
    LMB
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    I have become a fan of this saying... it only took me 60 years to learn it, and only two years to say it without getting sick to my stomach. But you know what? I found it really causes me less stress than trying to sneek my way out of uncomfortable situations... and once it is said the person or persons causing me grief have a clear picture of my feelings. The saying is... wait for it... NO!
    I say it politely, but not with an "I am sorry" because I am not. You have to stand for something or you end up standing for nothing.

  22. #22
    Senior Member PiecesinMn's Avatar
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    Thank her for the complement of appreciating your quilt so much that she would like to make one of her own. Tell her that you appreciate the value of your other friends creativety and feel that it is wrong to make a copy of a pattern for one friend at the expense of another. You are being true to both friends and if she takes offense at your words and non action that's her choice.

  23. #23
    Senior Member hannajo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LMB
    I found it really causes me less stress than trying to sneek my way out of uncomfortable situations... and once it is said the person or persons causing me grief have a clear picture of my feelings. The saying is... wait for it... NO!
    I say it politely, but not with an "I am sorry" because I am not.
    Amen to that! I've struggled with this same thing myself, and gaining the ability to say NO and mean it has been one of the most freeing things in my life. Now, I really try to just say what I mean. If I was in this situation, I would say, "no, I can't give it to you because it's copyrighted, and that's illeagal."

    She might respond as others have responded to me with, "well, no one will know." And I respond with, "but I'll know and I don't do that." You don't have to get her to agree with you or to be happy about your decision.

    Sometimes we don't like confrontation because we hate to make someone feel uncomfortable. But they are the ones who are putting us in the awkward situation, so we really don't owe it to them.

  24. #24
    LMB
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    Thank you hannajo. Nice to know someone else has been there.

  25. #25
    Super Member tuesy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hannajo
    Quote Originally Posted by LMB
    I found it really causes me less stress than trying to sneek my way out of uncomfortable situations... and once it is said the person or persons causing me grief have a clear picture of my feelings. The saying is... wait for it... NO!
    I say it politely, but not with an "I am sorry" because I am not.
    Amen to that! I've struggled with this same thing myself, and gaining the ability to say NO and mean it has been one of the most freeing things in my life. Now, I really try to just say what I mean. If I was in this situation, I would say, "no, I can't give it to you because it's copyrighted, and that's illeagal."

    She might respond as others have responded to me with, "well, no one will know." And I respond with, "but I'll know and I don't do that." You don't have to get her to agree with you or to be happy about your decision.

    Sometimes we don't like confrontation because we hate to make someone feel uncomfortable. But they are the ones who are putting us in the awkward situation, so we really don't owe it to them.
    I totally agree!

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