Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 1 2 3 ... LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 181

Thread: How would you have responded?

  1. #26
    Super Member knlsmith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    West central Illinois
    Posts
    2,966
    I sometimes lack a little tact. But most of the time I choose the kill them with kindness thing because I LOVE to watch people squirm.... BUT after I told her no it's copyrighted and she is still being a pill, I would have told her to buy her own. Or hey, here's my heating bill for this month, let's trade! I would not be polite after trying to explain why this was wrong. She's just an acquaintence, who cares what she thinks. There's something else I would have said, but probably not very polite. ;)

  2. #27
    Senior Member FranW's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    OH
    Posts
    625
    If she continues to ask, then tell her you can't do that. You don't have to justify why, in fact, she already knows why. If she is really a friend, she will drop it. If not... I am sorry you have to deal with this.

  3. #28
    Super Member gzuslivz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Federal Way, Washington
    Posts
    1,472
    If you are ok with it, you could tell her that while you won't violate copyright law and cheat a mutual friend but you will sell it to her:-) Tell her that you wouldn't cheat her if she was the designer, either.

  4. #29
    Super Member DogHouseMom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Knot Merrill, Southern Indiana
    Posts
    5,805
    you are both friends of the designer? So she's asking one friend to help cheat another friend? My oh my.

    OK ... invite her over. Invite the designer friend at the same time. Tell the designer friend to bring a copy because the other friend wants it. When the designer arrives it's up to her if she feels like giving it away or selling it.

    Ta da.

  5. #30
    Super Member CloverPatch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Clarksville, TN
    Posts
    1,085
    Blog Entries
    2
    why is it we spend so much time trying to avoid hurting someones feelings, or getting them upset? When they are not returning the favor? No, means No. You do not owe her an explanation nor do you need her to agree with you.
    It is not confrontation, It is simply not allowing yourself to be a doormat.
    You did not buy it for her.
    I have told my sister, My sister! I am not paying full price for you to have it for free! With my sister, I say, pay half and we share, but for what your talking about No. She can go buy it brand new.

  6. #31
    Super Member GwynR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Spokane, Wa
    Posts
    1,199
    Quote Originally Posted by ptquilts
    or try saying, "you know I am friends with Ms. Designer, why would you want me to cheat her out of her hard-earned profits?"
    I agree with this. Tell her you paid full price to support your very good friend, and if it's too expensive for her to buy now, perhaps she should wait for it to go on sale!

  7. #32
    grugirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Graham, WA
    Posts
    373
    All of you woman have the right response... honesty is always the best policy and when she said Oh Goody you have it.. I will get it from you.. she was using you. That is not a friend in my eyes either. Sharing is one thing but respect comes first. A true friend would not try to use you to get something that she had no right to in the first place and that was illegal. I say, tell her No and if it does ruin the friendship, she wasn't worth having as a friend. I hate when people do that and say they want or will take my things like they have the right. It is just not respectful or ethical.

  8. #33
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,609
    Blog Entries
    1
    I would just say No. It is very hard for me to say and I have been another person who has tried to make the offending person not feel uncomfortable. By doing that I have had bad feelings about myself that are hard to get over. So I am learning to just say No. The more we practice it when we know it is the right thing to say, the better we will get at it. So just say No. She knows she is in the wrong, but wants to make it ok by having you agree with her. Don't!

  9. #34
    Super Member quilt queen 2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,339
    I have a friend who is very generous with me in every way but every time I take a course of any kind she always asks for the pattern.For years I have said "no the teacher doesn't want us to share her directions". This stops her for a while till she finds I have gone to anoter course. I have told her about courses and financially she is able to do them she just doesn't want to go! I feel bad about this as she is so generous in every other way. I even went so far as to pay and give her a course for a birthday gift and she was a no show!!!

  10. #35
    Senior Member GrammaO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    597
    Blog Entries
    3
    Quote Originally Posted by sueisallaboutquilts
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyn
    Just say you don't have it anymore. I'd try to save the relationship by saying I lost the pattern but will let her know when it shows up. I guess I lie :(
    Why lie???? Makes no sense to me.
    Makes no sense to me either. If a friend asks you to cheat and won't take no for an answer, is this the caliber and integrity of someone you really want for a friend? If you have to lie, or avoid her, or make up excuses to 'save the relationship' what kind of relationship do you have? I know it is always easier said than done but I used to be a people pleaser and believe me, compromising your standards, morals, character and reputation are NOT worth it, ever. If this person doesn't understand No, then it is her problem, not yours. You are doing the right thing, so don't back down.

  11. #36
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    NW Indiana
    Posts
    372
    Quote Originally Posted by DogHouseMom
    you are both friends of the designer? So she's asking one friend to help cheat another friend? My oh my.

    OK ... invite her over. Invite the designer friend at the same time. Tell the designer friend to bring a copy because the other friend wants it. When the designer arrives it's up to her if she feels like giving it away or selling it.

    Ta da.
    LOVE this idea! I doubt she's have the guts to ask the designer for a free copy, or ask you for a free copy in front of the designer. Put her on the spot; that's what she did to you, so turn it back on her.

  12. #37

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    CA & NM
    Posts
    1,125
    Quote Originally Posted by np3
    I would have said....in a laughing voice......"Heck no! I paid full price for that sucker, I'm not giving it away!"

    It works for me.
    Ditto here!

  13. #38
    Super Member roseOfsharon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    4,508
    Blog Entries
    3
    You can just tell her that the pattern is not meant to be passed around once purchased. If she wants to ask the designer for permission to use yours and she agrees and you agree, then that is another thing.

  14. #39
    Senior Member anniec55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    MO
    Posts
    844
    No, No, No. Plain and simply I agree with np3, love everyones suggestions...Really not fair of her to put you in this very uncomfortable situation, I don't think you owe anyone any apology!!

  15. #40
    Power Poster dreamer2009's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    WHERE THE SUN ALWAYS SHINES
    Posts
    10,093
    Blog Entries
    7
    if all else fails...TELL HER THE DOG ATE IT
    hahahahahahahah

  16. #41

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    CA & NM
    Posts
    1,125
    Quote Originally Posted by Candace
    You sound like a nice person and I feel badly for you that your friend is making you feel uncomfortable and pressing the issue. Friends shouldn't do that to other friends, plain and simple:< It's sad that a friendship may be lost for less than $100.
    Seems to me it might be worth $100 to know what kind of "friend" she really is. Don't think you are losing as much as she is losing a real friend with integrity. You rock in my book.

  17. #42
    Super Member Jill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Central Ohio
    Posts
    1,078
    Quote Originally Posted by grugirl
    All of you woman have the right response... honesty is always the best policy and when she said Oh Goody you have it.. I will get it from you.. she was using you. That is not a friend in my eyes either. Sharing is one thing but respect comes first. A true friend would not try to use you to get something that she had no right to in the first place and that was illegal. I say, tell her No and if it does ruin the friendship, she wasn't worth having as a friend. I hate when people do that and say they want or will take my things like they have the right. It is just not respectful or ethical.
    Ditto

  18. #43
    Power Poster Annaquilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    10,789
    You are having a confrontation already. Tell her it is copy righted and that you are unable to give her a copy unless you have the author's permission to do so.

  19. #44
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Mabank, Texas
    Posts
    8,857
    I would stick to my principles and not backdown. If she gets mad and it relults in the end of your friendship, consider it her loss and move foreward as she wasn't really your frend. Friends respect each other and what she is doing isn't showing you any respect.

  20. #45
    Super Member Nanamoms's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    MS
    Posts
    3,166
    Blog Entries
    1
    Oooh, but wouldn't this put your designer friend on the spot, too?? It took me a long time to understand that I can say "NO" and not have to explain myself. It's harder when you're caught off guard, though. I always think of the best things to say a day later! :)


    Quote Originally Posted by sarge1
    Quote Originally Posted by DogHouseMom
    you are both friends of the designer? So she's asking one friend to help cheat another friend? My oh my.

    OK ... invite her over. Invite the designer friend at the same time. Tell the designer friend to bring a copy because the other friend wants it. When the designer arrives it's up to her if she feels like giving it away or selling it.

    Ta da.
    LOVE this idea! I doubt she's have the guts to ask the designer for a free copy, or ask you for a free copy in front of the designer. Put her on the spot; that's what she did to you, so turn it back on her.

  21. #46
    Super Member bamamama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Madison, AL
    Posts
    2,015
    The designer is my friend, that's how she earns her living, sorry I cannot help you! End of story!.

  22. #47
    Senior Member PWinston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    North Central Arkansas
    Posts
    864
    Blog Entries
    2
    You've gotten some great advice/comments re. how to handle the situation with your "mutual acquaintance". Would you mind sharing a picture of your "Twelve Days of Christmas" BOM? That might generate some business for your designer friend to sell more patterns.

  23. #48
    Super Member Quiltforme's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Beautiful Washington state!
    Posts
    3,339
    Get a copy of the copy right laws and your friends business card and hand it to here and leave it at that.

  24. #49
    Senior Member Tilladare's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Valparaiso, IN
    Posts
    358
    It's wonderful to know there are so many people that are better than me! If a friend of mine tried to put me in a spot like this, I would tell them to pick it up later in the week, and use the intervening time to "adjust" the pattern. But then I have been accused of being less than saintly at times!

  25. #50
    Super Member Flying_V_Goddess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,722
    If it were me, after the point where she wasn't taking the hint I would of bluntly said, "My close friend is the designer and I still had to pay for it. Why should you get it for free? And it wouldn't be fair or right to her to just give away her copyrighted design."

Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 1 2 3 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.