I am just sick!!
07-25-2009, 06:49 PM
#41
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Somewhere in SANTA Land.
Posts: 9,696
I am so sorry to hear of this unfortunate
happening to the quilt you lovingly made
for your son. My Mother made a quilt for
my younger brother & when he moved,
he just left it in the apartment. Mom was
just crushed, so I know how you must
feel. He'll always be your son & I know
you love him. Do what's right for you!!
Thank you for sharing.
Cheryl
happening to the quilt you lovingly made
for your son. My Mother made a quilt for
my younger brother & when he moved,
he just left it in the apartment. Mom was
just crushed, so I know how you must
feel. He'll always be your son & I know
you love him. Do what's right for you!!
Thank you for sharing.
Cheryl
07-25-2009, 07:25 PM
#43
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Lost in a quilt shop :-)
Posts: 1,342
Love covers a multitude of mishaps. The answer depends on the reaction of the initial damage. If it makes you and your son happy to repair it, do it. If there is going to be any resentment attached from either side, let it be.
We all fail each other many times and altho' you put so much of yourself into making something special for your son to enjoy and hold dear, at the end of the day it's a possession, not the definition of your relationship.
Yes, it does hurt tremendously to see your work destroyed, but as others have said so much better, when it is given away you no longer own it. It's the risk any quilter takes on when giving away a project. It made you feel good to make it. That's your true payoff. It's icing on the cake if the recipient loves it and uses it, no matter the outcome.
You're a wonderful, caring mother that brings much joy to your family. I hope you've gotten some relief after reading all the posts and listening to your heart. :thumbup:
We all fail each other many times and altho' you put so much of yourself into making something special for your son to enjoy and hold dear, at the end of the day it's a possession, not the definition of your relationship.
Yes, it does hurt tremendously to see your work destroyed, but as others have said so much better, when it is given away you no longer own it. It's the risk any quilter takes on when giving away a project. It made you feel good to make it. That's your true payoff. It's icing on the cake if the recipient loves it and uses it, no matter the outcome.
You're a wonderful, caring mother that brings much joy to your family. I hope you've gotten some relief after reading all the posts and listening to your heart. :thumbup:
07-25-2009, 07:34 PM
#44
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15,639
I understand that you were curious about how well the quilt was doing since you put a lot of love into the project.
Sorry about your disappointment.
The fact that the quilt is still on the bed (regardless of the condition) says a lot to me. The fact that nobody has fessed up to the damage says even more..
If they ask for things and you KNOW how careless they are, it is still your decision whether you give them what they want or not.
Once a gift is given (unless it comes with clauses) it belongs to the recipient. REGARDLESS how the recipient treats the gift.
You don't want to fix it (you hate patching) and you were not asked to do so.
My thought: let it go.
My niece-in-law was expecting to get a quilt from me. She took a path in life that was destructive and irresponsible. In one of the chapters she lost a beautiful hand-made afghan from her grandmother because she didn't pay the storage fee and everything she owned was auctioned off. I refuse to make a quilt under those circumstances. I felt bad because I went back on a promise, but the promise was made under a different set of expectations.
Sorry about your disappointment.
The fact that the quilt is still on the bed (regardless of the condition) says a lot to me. The fact that nobody has fessed up to the damage says even more..
If they ask for things and you KNOW how careless they are, it is still your decision whether you give them what they want or not.
Once a gift is given (unless it comes with clauses) it belongs to the recipient. REGARDLESS how the recipient treats the gift.
You don't want to fix it (you hate patching) and you were not asked to do so.
My thought: let it go.
My niece-in-law was expecting to get a quilt from me. She took a path in life that was destructive and irresponsible. In one of the chapters she lost a beautiful hand-made afghan from her grandmother because she didn't pay the storage fee and everything she owned was auctioned off. I refuse to make a quilt under those circumstances. I felt bad because I went back on a promise, but the promise was made under a different set of expectations.
07-25-2009, 07:38 PM
#45
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: New York State
Posts: 36
Uh... if they are still using the quilt on their bed, holes and all, then they MUST actually like it, otherwise they would be using something else on the bed, right?
I would take it to mean that they like the quilt YOU made, damaged though it now is, better than they like the thought of a mass-produced but perfect replacement.
I would take it to mean that they like the quilt YOU made, damaged though it now is, better than they like the thought of a mass-produced but perfect replacement.
07-25-2009, 08:26 PM
#46
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,299
OK, I am probably the only one on the other side of the fence here. But I am also a weaver and knitter. I have given hand wovens to people, quilts, hand knits.... and I have seen them abused time and again, not gotten any thanks, or other 'mistakes in judgement' made by the recipients.
I long ago decided that if I give a gift, it is theirs to use as they wish. Just cause I appreciate it, doesn't mean they really know the value of it, I can't control how people feel about or treat things I make. They can regift it, they can wash the floor with it, they can feed it to the dog. And how many times have we put ourselves out for our kids and not got back the gratitude we think we deserve. How many meals, housecleaning. chauffering goes without thanks. I do what I do cause I love the recipeient, their loss if they don't know how valuable the gift is.
I long ago decided that if I give a gift, it is theirs to use as they wish. Just cause I appreciate it, doesn't mean they really know the value of it, I can't control how people feel about or treat things I make. They can regift it, they can wash the floor with it, they can feed it to the dog. And how many times have we put ourselves out for our kids and not got back the gratitude we think we deserve. How many meals, housecleaning. chauffering goes without thanks. I do what I do cause I love the recipeient, their loss if they don't know how valuable the gift is.
07-25-2009, 09:35 PM
#47
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: "stashed" away in a mound of fabric
Posts: 655
My sister and I make quilts for our kids and nieces and nephews weddings. We also make baby quilts for members of our family who are having babies. We decided with, oh, about the second quilt we made that once they leave us, they belong to someone else. Sometimes we don't want to know what has happened to the quilts we've made, but other times we can see how much they have meant to the recipients (several have been hung on quilt racks to be displayed for others to see...).
I recently helped my mother make a Crown Royal quilt for my nephew. When it was all said and done, it cost close to $500 (the fabric was expensive and we had it custom quilted). I have a suspicion that this quilt will not be taken care of very well. I told my mom that she should share with him what the quilt cost, and maybe it would make a difference on how it was cared for. She wouldn't go for that because she has always believed that you shouldn't tell others how much their gift cost. So, we are back to adopting my sister's philosophy of "once the quilts leave us, they belong to someone else"...
My mom and I enjoyed the process and we both learned a great deal from doing this pattern. It truly was a labor of love.
My advice? Fix it if you feel like it, forget it if you don't. I do, however, feel that an awareness of the cost of producing a quilt would be helpful to the recipients level of respect and appreciation! I am not meaning that we should tell each person how much their quilt cost, but at some point there could be a general conversation about the subject.
Another thought--I suppose we as quilters expect others to love quilts the way we do. I suppose there are those people who only think of them as utilitarian objects and not works of art or labors of love. So, the value of the quilt lies with the new owner once it is given, and unfortunately isn't always transferred from the quilter.
I recently helped my mother make a Crown Royal quilt for my nephew. When it was all said and done, it cost close to $500 (the fabric was expensive and we had it custom quilted). I have a suspicion that this quilt will not be taken care of very well. I told my mom that she should share with him what the quilt cost, and maybe it would make a difference on how it was cared for. She wouldn't go for that because she has always believed that you shouldn't tell others how much their gift cost. So, we are back to adopting my sister's philosophy of "once the quilts leave us, they belong to someone else"...
My mom and I enjoyed the process and we both learned a great deal from doing this pattern. It truly was a labor of love.
My advice? Fix it if you feel like it, forget it if you don't. I do, however, feel that an awareness of the cost of producing a quilt would be helpful to the recipients level of respect and appreciation! I am not meaning that we should tell each person how much their quilt cost, but at some point there could be a general conversation about the subject.
Another thought--I suppose we as quilters expect others to love quilts the way we do. I suppose there are those people who only think of them as utilitarian objects and not works of art or labors of love. So, the value of the quilt lies with the new owner once it is given, and unfortunately isn't always transferred from the quilter.
07-25-2009, 10:46 PM
#48
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: South Puget Sound, Wa. State
Posts: 2,462
Originally Posted by gcathie
guess I see it a little different.......seems to me he knew this would hurt you and couldn't tell you about what happened to the quilt....after the fact he should have known better .......and they weren't thinking when the dog was left in there and accidents do happen........I would make a new one and say now take care of this one......after all it is just a quilt......and life goes on..........I'm a fine one to give advice....I pretty much have all my quilts cause I can't stand the thought of someone not loving them like I do....:-)
Common Mom...forgive and make him another.....you both will feel better for it......:-).....Boys will be boys....yatta yattta....:-)
Common Mom...forgive and make him another.....you both will feel better for it......:-).....Boys will be boys....yatta yattta....:-)
I kinda sorta have to agree with you...
Quilts are special, we put alot of time into them.
I could tell you a story about my sis and the 3 small, easy quilts I made for her kids...they never got to enjoy the quilts when they were small cuz mom put 'em away and have since been "lost"...
So, quilts are meant to be enjoyed and loved and lived and used...one of my favorite couch quilts is one the dog nibbled on the binding...
Just my 2 stitches.
Kirsten
07-26-2009, 03:21 AM
#49
Power Poster
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: new york state
Posts: 10,302
I am sorry (((hugs))) to hear about the quilt. here is another way to look ,I know its hard, at it. Would you put a quilt or blanket on your bed with holes on it? probably not, I wouldnt want to. The fact that they did shows the love they have for it. They could have hid it in the closet. If the askes for it to be repaired do it gladly remembering they still love and use it.
My two cents.
My two cents.
07-26-2009, 03:25 AM
#50
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: saint louis, mo
Posts: 253
Purplepassion,
I can completely commiserate with you!
I have made many quilts and have given them as gifts. Every time I have the conversation with the person about how to care for it. I always leave out the part where you're not supposed to leave it in full access to an animal who destroys fabric!
I made a quilt for a pal of mine - who has many dogs... I think you'll know how this will end. She feels horrible and is going to repair it herself!
I've seen it and get a little sick in my stomach when I think about what it had meant to me at one time. . . the work, the thoughtful planning, the work, the fabric costs, the work, etc.
On the other hand, when I give someone a baby quilt, I expect the baby to do its thing on it (the variety of gross things that come out of a baby) and its need to be washed pretty regularly. Knowing this, I do extra quilting on it, secure every seam, and tell them to wash the bejesus out of it and when baby gets old enough, I'll do a bigger quilt for the bigger bed.
It still hurts, tho, when adults don't seem to care enough about it.
I do know that my pal (with the dogs) was too embarrassed to show me the quilt because of the damage.
All of this to say, I can commiserate. I take a deep breath and say to myself, it's her choice how she wants to handle it... but I'm not going to be too quick to make another!
I hope you find the way to heal from this. We get really connected to our quilts, so it is a loss. An unnecessary loss.
I can completely commiserate with you!
I have made many quilts and have given them as gifts. Every time I have the conversation with the person about how to care for it. I always leave out the part where you're not supposed to leave it in full access to an animal who destroys fabric!
I made a quilt for a pal of mine - who has many dogs... I think you'll know how this will end. She feels horrible and is going to repair it herself!
I've seen it and get a little sick in my stomach when I think about what it had meant to me at one time. . . the work, the thoughtful planning, the work, the fabric costs, the work, etc.
On the other hand, when I give someone a baby quilt, I expect the baby to do its thing on it (the variety of gross things that come out of a baby) and its need to be washed pretty regularly. Knowing this, I do extra quilting on it, secure every seam, and tell them to wash the bejesus out of it and when baby gets old enough, I'll do a bigger quilt for the bigger bed.
It still hurts, tho, when adults don't seem to care enough about it.
I do know that my pal (with the dogs) was too embarrassed to show me the quilt because of the damage.
All of this to say, I can commiserate. I take a deep breath and say to myself, it's her choice how she wants to handle it... but I'm not going to be too quick to make another!
I hope you find the way to heal from this. We get really connected to our quilts, so it is a loss. An unnecessary loss.
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