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Thread: looking for feedback...

  1. #1
    Super Member carolaug's Avatar
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    I am struggling with a quilt that I am making....my sister is battling breast cancer and I also lost another sister a few years ago (cancer) My sister is in remission and hopefully its not coming back...she is very private with this...anyways I am making her a quilt. The top is done and I bought flannel backing with small pink ribbons. My husband thinks this is a terrible idea...for anyone out there that has battled cancer. What are your thoughts??? Should I use the flannel backing with the pink ribbons or would that be a constant reminder of the horrible ordeal she has gone through as my husband suggests? Thoughts??? When I emailed my folks I mentioned it and my husbands concern...when they emailed me back they did not mention it...now I am starting to think I am doing the wrong thing.

  2. #2
    Super Member lynnsim's Avatar
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    It is what it is. I just had breast cancer surgery in January and am now cancer free. I was lucky enough to receive a Breast Awareness quilt from an internet group. I love it! It is a reminder that I am a Survivor. Hope this helps.

  3. #3
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    I've never had cancer, but a coworker lost her mother to breast cancer at a young age and she may have to have her own breasts removed after childbearing. She HATES the whole pink ribbon thing. A friend of mine died a tortuous death from metastatic breast cancer, at age 35 or so. If I described it, you'd sob. It was very drawn out and gruesome. You wouldn't think a person could live in that condition for as long as she did. Sometimes I feel like the friend who hates pink ribbons, that it's all cutesy and not going to help. But when I see the Hancock building in Chicago with pink lights in October, I think, well, at least folks care. So try to figure out which side if this your sister is on, most days.

  4. #4
    Super Member Dina's Avatar
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    I have not battled cancer, but if your sister has been very private with it all, the back you have in mind may not be right for her quilt. I am curious to see what cancer survivors say about this.

    How sweet of you to make your sister a quilt though. You are so thoughtful.

  5. #5
    Power Poster Mariposa's Avatar
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    Please use the backing as you intended. Pink ribbons are for awareness. They will be a reminder that she is indeed a survivor!!! :)

  6. #6

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    of all the people i know who have gone through this terrible ordeal, the most of them think the ribbon thing is way over done and think it is a big joke. i believe the original intention was to draw "awareness" to the disease, and the cancer victims do not need additional awareness, so to speak. maybe she does not need a "reminder" of her cancer. something to think about. she will treasure your beautiful thoughts of her either way.

  7. #7
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
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    Wow, I never though of it that way. I love the pink ribbons....I think they remind me of all the people going through such a horrible ordeal. I honestly dont think anything bad about them, so I would use them if it were me, JMHO!

  8. #8
    Super Member quiltsillysandi's Avatar
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    I am a 16 year breast cancer survivor and those pink ribbons represent HOPE..and CURE...and FAITH....and SUPPORT....and I know that I am a part of a group of women and men, that I've never met, where there's an unspoken bond.....Bring on the PINK......I am thankful for every pink ribbon I see...

    People handle things differently, so knowing your sister is a very private person, and having lost one sister (of which I'm so very sorry), If you are unsure, maybe you could ask your sister how she would feel about it...

    Wishing you both the very best...Stay positive and keep the faith......

    San
    FL

  9. #9
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    I'd just ask her. You say she's been very private about her situation - that makes me think she wouldn't want to have the pink ribbons as a constant reminder of what might lay ahead, but she may say that it would be a comforting reminder of what she's been able to put behind her.

    If you'd prefer to keep the quilt a secret for the time being, then I'd probably use something else for the backing - something that either coordinates with the colors used in the top or something that is more reflective of her life (horses for a horse-lover, mountains for an out-doorsy person, coffee mugs for a coffee lover, etc.).

    I hope you'll come back and share pictures when you're finished!

  10. #10
    Super Member janRN's Avatar
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    I say go with your gut feelings. You obviously have some doubts. Listen to your "inner angel" and you'll do the right thing. She's lucky to have you for a sister-you care so much.

  11. #11
    Super Member Kitsie's Avatar
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    I won my fight with a different kind of cancer and in some ways do not always like all the attention going to breast cancer. There are many cancers in women, men and children and I would rather all cancers be recognized.

    For me, it was like I had any serious medical problem that was resolved and I don't want to identify my self and my life as "a cancer survivor".

    Maybe she'd rather move past it, too.
    Bless you for your support and love to her.

  12. #12
    Senior Member bigdogmom's Avatar
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    I survived colon cancer about 13 years ago (Yeah!). After the surgery and chemo was all over, I wanted no reminders. I did not want to feel different. Over time it got easier to talk about and the word "cancer" quit making me cringe. Like others have said go with your gut. Myself I would have loved a quilt but maybe something that signifies new beginnings or even her favorite color. What a wonderful sister she has and I know the families struggle right along with the family/friend fighting that cancer battle.

  13. #13
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    If you are questioning this choice of backing then chose another one. Better to be safe that upset your sister.

  14. #14
    Super Member Dina's Avatar
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    I have really been thinking about this subject, and I have changed my mind back and forth several times. I belong for a support group for macular degeneration, and, even though I know it is a different thing, most of the members stress that "they are more than just the disease." If that transfers over to breast cancer, the pink ribbons fabric really may not be the right backing for your sister's quilt.

    I am going to second bigsister 63, if you are in doubt, use another fabric. (Just my thoughts on it all....) You are so thoughtful, not only to make the quilt, but to try to really really please your sister.

  15. #15
    Power Poster Sadiemae's Avatar
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    Whatever your decision, you are doing a wonderful thing. Listen to your heart.

  16. #16
    Super Member ghostrider's Avatar
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    I, too, would suggest that if you have any doubts at all, you should go with something else. The pink ribbons call attention to the disease, as is the intent of the awareness campaign, but a great many women, like your sister, do not want that attention drawn to themselves. Do not let her think the disease defines her, for it clearly does not.

  17. #17
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    I agree with EIQuilter. Just ask your sister. I'm sure she will be glad to let you know her feelings.
    I have survived breast cancer twice, radiation, mastectomy and reconstructive surgery (most recently 5 years ago) and I have mixed feelings about having a pink ribbon quilt (I don't have one and have never made one). On one hand, during my treatments, it meant hope and support. Now, I don't want a constant reminder of what I went through. I am happy and proud to be a survivor but don't want to be thought of as a victim. I will pray for your sister's complete recovery.

  18. #18
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    Maybe just put a little square in one of the back corners...that way you'd be safe either way.

  19. #19
    Super Member carolaug's Avatar
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    Thank-you all for your feedback - after reading all of these responses I think I will be on the safe side and use a flower flannel background instead. Again thank you!!!

  20. #20
    Senior Member cmw0829's Avatar
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    Glad you made that decision. If you'd used the pink ribbons - as unsure as you sounded in your first post - you'd always wonder how she felt about it and whether you'd offended her.

  21. #21
    Super Member SuziC's Avatar
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    No matter what is on the fabric....she will always remember. It is a wonderful thing you are doing for her......A SURVIVOR!!!!!
    I would go ahead and finish it with your first design.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Hosta's Avatar
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    I made a quilt for my boss she had breast cancer in fact she passed away a few months after I made the quilt. She also was very private about her disease.I did not include any pink ribbons on her quilt she was very Irish so I made it all in greens with a minke backing. She loved the quilt even had it laying over her when she passed. She never talked about her illness but when someone wore something with a pink ribbon she made a point of speaking to that person and thanking them. I don't think she liked being reminded about her illness but she battled for 15 years to survive and wore the pink ribbon proudly

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by carolaug
    Thank-you all for your feedback - after reading all of these responses I think I will be on the safe side and use a flower flannel background instead. Again thank you!!!
    I am sure that sister will love the quilt knowing that she is wrapped in your love and support! God bless you and your sister!

  24. #24

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    I'm a breast cancer survior. Even though this happened to me a long time ago (1981), it's still quite painful for me to remember that time. I know that a lot of people think the pink ribbons are a good idea, but for me, it would not be a pleasant thing. I would love a quilt, but I would want it to be my favorite colors and flowers, not a reminder of a very sad and unhappy time. I guess what I'm saying is that I wouldn't like those pink ribbons because they would remind me of the cancer and I don't need or want any reminders. That's just my opinion, though. Thank you for reading my post and I'm sure she will love the quilt, whatever you decide.

  25. #25
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    I would think the pink ribbons would include her in a unique group that is striving for the same goal and give her a feeling of togetherness and strength to carry on as others are and do. It's a great gesture on your part and I hope you feel good about what you are doing for her!

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