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Thread: Watching out for Tender Feelings and yet Giving Advice

  1. #51
    Senior Member bunniequilter's Avatar
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    Some things in life need to be learned thru experience. Let her learn the hard way, the lesson will stick. We all made mistakes when we started quilting, those mistakes are what made us bettert quilters!
    Quilt outside of the box!

  2. #52
    Junior Member eyes's Avatar
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    If you told them once and they didn't take your advice leave it alone. Both of the girls and the mother will find out when they wash it. The girls grew up as part of the microwave generation...3 minutes or less and it's done.
    They will learn that some things take time and love. They haven't learned that yet.
    Last edited by eyes; 03-31-2013 at 05:41 AM.
    Linda Lee

    "Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

  3. #53
    Senior Member maryfrang's Avatar
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    It is so hard to give advise to someone that knows what they want. But it is their quilts and if they love the work they did, then accept it and move on. Their next quilts (if they decide to another) will be quilted so much more, and they will make that decision. Not someone else. Yes it is hard, but life is hard. We all must find our own way to doing something. Good luck, and be proud that they wanted to learn to quilt with YOU.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarLeClair View Post
    I suggest they make their own mistakes. My first quilt had very little quilting and after washing it I learned real fast. They put the time in the quilt, you have said your peace, the rest is up to them.
    I agree, we know the money you put in the supplies but if they don't want to listen then let them learn. If they come to you and ask what happened then nicely let them know that more quilting was needed. You can also let them know that quilters are always learning how to make their quilts better. I wouldn't be paying for more supplies they need to have a stake in the making of a quilt. Most people have no idea what all goes into a guilt or appreciate what we put into quilting. I think people look at the
    $29.99 quilts in the stores and think that is what we make.

  5. #55
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    Warm & Natural says that you can quilt up to 10" apart, so it may be fine. And I agree with others - learn by doing! Keep your head down and know that when they want advice, they will ask.

  6. #56
    Super Member wildyard's Avatar
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    I don't agree with letting them learn the hard way without at least trying to help them learn the easier way first. That could turn into a "why didn't you tell me?" situation.
    I agree with the sandwich equation of how to discuss problems with the quilting, and with suggesting they double check the directions on the batting and telling them why that is important! Just saying something like, "I'm concerned that you are going to need more quilting to keep your batting from shifting, but check the batting directions just to be sure it is ok." You will have expressed your concern without being critical, and offered a way for them to check on their work on their own initiative.

    Edited to add: I didn't understand that you had already spoken to the girls about the quilting, only to the one's mother. If in fact you have already expressed your concern to the quilt makers themselves, and they were not receptive, then I would have to say to let it go and hope for the best.
    Last edited by wildyard; 03-31-2013 at 06:57 AM.
    Linda Wedge White

    I believe UFOs are like scraps, ferns and dust bunnies. Once you get two, they send spores out into the air and more just happen anywhere the spores meet.

  7. #57
    Junior Member eyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildyard View Post
    I don't agree with letting them learn the hard way without at least trying to help them learn the easier way first. That could turn into a "why didn't you tell me?" situation.
    I agree with the sandwich equation of how to discuss problems with the quilting, and with suggesting they double check the directions on the batting and telling them why that is important! Just saying something like, "I'm concerned that you are going to need more quilting to keep your batting from shifting, but check the batting directions just to be sure it is ok." You will have expressed your concern without being critical, and offered a way for them to check on their work on their own initiative.

    Edited to add: I didn't understand that you had already spoken to the girls about the quilting, only to the one's mother. If in fact you have already expressed your concern to the quilt makers themselves, and they were not receptive, then I would have to say to let it go and hope for the best.
    I am not certain the quilting was discussed to the girls. It just seems like it would have come up in conversation and especially since it was mentioned to one of the mothers. I was assuming...and you know what is said about that. :-)
    Linda Lee

    "Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

  8. #58
    Senior Member GramMER's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by coopah View Post
    Leave them be. As others have said, they will learn. They aren't ready to listen yet. So be it...I know you have wonderful intentions, but no way will you come out the winner on this.
    I have to remember some people can be OCD about details, and I certainly do not want to come across that way to a DDIL or DGD either one. Since they are willing to try the quilt making at all, I probably should be happy and let the rest go by the by. But inside, I get this "gut" wrenching feeling every time I think about what will happen. Cloth is so expensive and time spent is VIP too. Then I have other thoughts: What if they blame me for what happens down the road. They might say, "You should have told me!"

    I may just casually ask about the manufacturer's directions on the batting. That seems like the best way to deal with the issue. I have already given my accolades on the piecing, design, color and the final appearances. They really did do a great job and I have told them that over and over.
    GramMER to eighteen, plus two great-granddaughters and four adopted greats soon we hope!

  9. #59
    Super Member patdesign's Avatar
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    I relieve the warm and natural cotton batting has a 10 inch spread that it will handle, so if that one is within the parameters do nothing, otherwise "put the blame on the batting" say you know I have used warm and natural in the past and I know it will take up to 10 inches between quilting so there might be a problem if it is less. For the other one something along the same line , "oh the batting is thus and so, I usually use warm and Natural and it has a nice wide spread of 10 inches, you might want to check the manufacturers requirements since every product is different." " This takes the blame away from the person and places it as a requirement of the product. One offered in ahelpful way back off since they will have to learn the hard way, some of us have to learn lessons that way, (one of my sons) and it is better to let them learn that way, the next time they may seek out worthwhile advice.
    Pat
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  10. #60
    Junior Member mlt150's Avatar
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    My quilt teacher said you should be able to put your hand anywhere on a quilt and touch the quilting. Good guide as to how much is enough.
    Dianne

  11. #61
    Senior Member GramMER's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BellaBoo View Post
    Your GD's mom sounds like she doesn't care about the quilt her DD made or she would listen to your suggestion so the quilt maybe won't be ruined by washing it. Your DDIL is an adult so let her learn on her own if she didn't ask for input on the quilting.
    The DGD is 12 and that makes a difference in how she takes correction. Yes, her mother's answer did seem strange to me, but she is around on the other side of the earth from me and maybe emails seem sharper than being there in person would sound.

    The DDL just may listen if I offer to help her when we go back. She has more "irons in the fire" than most young mothers and may just be thinking of how to finish the project in a hurry. I may offer to tie it for her or something. I think I will try posting photos of their quilts to let you judge by sight rather than by my explanation. The DGD made a baby quilt for her new niece and the DDL made a double bed sized quilt for a new bunk bed set for her three year old.
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    GramMER to eighteen, plus two great-granddaughters and four adopted greats soon we hope!

  12. #62
    Senior Member GramMER's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GramMER View Post
    The DDL just may listen if I offer to help her when we go back. She has more "irons in the fire" than most young mothers and may just be thinking of how to finish the project in a hurry. I may offer to tie it for her or something. I think I will try posting photos of their quilts to let you judge by sight rather than by my explanation. The DGD made a baby quilt for her new niece and the DDL made a double bed sized quilt for a new bunk bed set for her three year old.
    Seems strange to quote myself, but it saves time... ;-)

    Anyway, maybe the baby blanket will handle the washing with Warm and Natural batting the way it is. However, consider a few more photos of the double sized quilt my DDIL made and let me know what you think.
    Attached Images Attached Images

    GramMER to eighteen, plus two great-granddaughters and four adopted greats soon we hope!

  13. #63
    Super Member wildyard's Avatar
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    I personally would want to add some to the larger quilt. She did a lot of work and it would be such a shame to have it spoiled with the first or second washing.
    Linda Wedge White

    I believe UFOs are like scraps, ferns and dust bunnies. Once you get two, they send spores out into the air and more just happen anywhere the spores meet.

  14. #64
    Power Poster solstice3's Avatar
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    while complimenting them on an outstanding job, express your concerns based on the experience of you and others. Let them know you are not criticizing just suggesting from experience... what they do after that is their choice

  15. #65
    Super Member IrishgalfromNJ's Avatar
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    I might try something like, "oh, by the way, did I even explain to you about how batting works? Batting needs to be quilted a certain distance to keep it from falling apart when you wash the quilt. The manufacturers recommendations are on the package. Did you happen to read the package the batting came in." I would keep it real light and see if the girls respond. I always make it sound like it's something I forgot to mention in my instructions, so I don't hurt anyone's feelings.

  16. #66
    Super Member sahm4605's Avatar
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    if it was me i would look at said quilt and complement then ask what batting they used because there wasnt alot of stiches and you want to get some batting and then maybe talk about stiches to different batting you have used.
    when life gets you down go and talk with a little kid. They will help you work out even the worst problems with their simple logic.

  17. #67
    Super Member orangeroom's Avatar
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    You know what? If you've already broached the subject with them, that should be enough. In time, they may realize that their quilts needed more. They may be happy with them for years to come. Who says a quilt has to last more than one generation? I know you paid for one of them. That was done out of the goodness of your heart. They may, in time, ask for assistance. If they haven't, leave them be. They may be as happy as clams for the time being. Also, they may want to make more in the future. If and when that happens, bring them on shop hops and let them see 'quilting templates' or a design wall that has examples of quilting. They may notice then the difference between theirs and the ones hanging up. Everyone has to start somewhere. Maybe they feel they're 'done' with their quilts. After all, it is theirs, correct? If quilting is something either takes up, they will realize it one day anyway. Just be happy for them.
    Last edited by orangeroom; 03-31-2013 at 10:14 AM.
    Go forth and sew!

  18. #68
    Super Member Caswews's Avatar
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    Good luck as either way well you know the old saying!LOL!!
    Let them make their own mistakes and as they get better they will learn from their mistakes and realize oh man I really did make a mistake on that. With my grands I have learned to just let it be and let them learn as they go forward with their sewing/quilting/crafting.
    When Life brings big winds of change that almost blows you over.Hang on tight and Believe.
    Words and hearts should be handled with care-for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair. Author unknown to me
    Do what you feel in your heart to be right; for you'll be criticized anyway-Eleanor Roosevelt

  19. #69
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    Here's my take on it from the other side of the fence:

    If I were 12, or even as just a 'first-time-quilter' I would be more proud of "my" quilt than concerned about technicalities. Let them be happy with their successes. Should they come back and want to continue quilting, they will learn more than just the basics, and their techniques will improve. They'll be able to have the comparison later on, and be able to see their own growth with each project.
    Personally, I'd let it go.

    ETA: I didn't realize that Cas said pretty much the same thing a bit ago...as perhaps did others on this thread.

  20. #70
    Super Member Scissor Queen's Avatar
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    I would ask myself which I valued more, the relationships or the quilts.

  21. #71
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    It can be fixed. Leave it be, and then help them rip it out and fix it when the time comes.

  22. #72
    Power Poster Jingle's Avatar
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    I would compliment colors and patterns. If they fall apart when washed I think they will ask you why that happened. Then you could suggest more quilting on the next one. Some people have to learn on their own.
    Another Phyllis
    This life is the only one you get - enjoy it before you lose it.

  23. #73
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    Maybe they just got tired of quilting. Suggest that you would help them tie some of the larger areas instead of quilting it. Would go fast and hold the quilt together.

  24. #74
    Power Poster sewbizgirl's Avatar
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    I would let it go, hard as that is. When things don't go we'll after washing, let them come ask why, if they will. Unsolicited advice may make them defensive.

    Are you sure the quilt needs more stitching? These days, Warm and Natural says you can quilt it up to 10" apart. That's pretty wide!
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  25. #75
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    I would suggest you say something about spacing their hand quilting stitching-if you don't and the batting gets bunched up after washing - then they will come to you and say why didn't you tell me--after all you are one that has the expericene in quilting-and apparently your daughter don't care-she has no interest in quilting and as for the dil she probably has no one to guide her in quilting(here your chance to earn some brownie points) if you get what I mean!

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