Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Page 1 of 4 1 2 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 87

Thread: Watching out for Tender Feelings and yet Giving Advice

  1. #1
    Senior Member GramMER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    India
    Posts
    506
    Blog Entries
    1

    Watching out for Tender Feelings and yet Giving Advice

    I have been able to influence two young ladies to make a quilt each. One is a granddaughter and the other is my youngest DDIL. Both of them chose to quilt on the regular sewing machine, but they have done way less quilting than seems necessary to me. I mentioned to the mother of my GD that her quilt needing more to "hold it together" but she just made the statement, "It has enough."

    Now what? I was the one to buy the fabric and batting for the granddaughter and I know the batting is cotton--Warm-n-Natural. Then the DDIL (a different son's wife) has just sent me photos of a double bed quilt with a panel she put blocks around and then a very wide border. She has only quilted around the panel and the small blocks around that. It looks nice, but I am concerned when it is washed, the batting will fall down inside.

    Any suggestions about how to approach them without causing hard feelings? Any tutorials you know of that deal with that issue?
    GramMER to eighteen, plus two great-granddaughters and four adopted greats soon we hope!

  2. #2
    Super Member DOTTYMO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    England Alton Towers
    Posts
    6,641
    Blog Entries
    1
    Tricky no idea not without sounding like ........
    Finished is better than a UFO

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Arkansas
    Posts
    559
    Don't know about relationships, but all of us can benefit from reading the manufacturers recommendations.

  4. #4
    Senior Member TinkerQuilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Big Horn Mountains, Wyoming
    Posts
    543
    I agree with adamae. Maybe just ask them if they read on the batting package how close the stitching should be. At the same time of course admiring their beautiful quilt(s).

  5. #5
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    1,337
    Compliment first, then ask what the manufacturers recommended for quilting, stating that different battings have different requirements and that you want her beautiful quilt to last forever.

  6. #6
    Super Member ArtsyOne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Canadian in Minnesota
    Posts
    2,111
    I used to judge baked goods for 4H'ers. Some would be really awful, but I always concentrated on what was good about their product. For instance, for a dinner roll that was raw dough inside I would say "You did a beautiful job on judging the color that the rolls should be!" and for one that was burnt on the outside I would say "What a great job you did making sure that they were all the same size!"

    I did once read an article on this topic. Apparently it's: Compliment - Critique - Compliment in that order.

    You can use the same tactic here. "What a great job you did on choosing the colors! Did the batting manufacturer have information about how closely it should be quilted? I'd hate for it to get lumpy when you did such a great job on it."
    A fabric stash is always missing that one fabric needed to finish the quilt on which you're working.

  7. #7
    Super Member hopetoquilt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    2,873
    We use a sandwich formula when talking with parents in the school setting. Compliment strengths, discuss weaknesses with specific ways to work on them, followed up with more complimentary information. Works well.

  8. #8
    Super Member Gladys's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    3,647
    Could you compliment them, then after talking about the batting manufacturers recommendations , say would you mind if I show you something? ( I feel for you.) The thing is, it is their quilt and it might just be better to see what happens when it's washed and when they come to you asking why then you can explain.
    It might be ok but this could be used as learning experience.

  9. #9
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Alaska
    Posts
    2,726
    With the older one- why not complament her and then suggest that being she did such a great job she could add demension by stitching in the different areas.

    With GD - Maybe just ask if you could give it some grandmother stitching. Add what you want and explain every stitch is contains love to last forever.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    783
    I suggest they make their own mistakes. My first quilt had very little quilting and after washing it I learned real fast. They put the time in the quilt, you have said your peace, the rest is up to them.
    Marilyn

  11. #11
    Power Poster
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    29,681
    I would just let it go and address it if they come to you for assistance again. If they ask your opinion, just say it looks great but the quilting should meet the batting requirements if they want their quilt to last.

  12. #12
    Cyn
    Cyn is offline
    Super Member Cyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Jacksonville NC
    Posts
    6,761
    Blog Entries
    17
    Quote Originally Posted by ArtsyOne View Post
    I used to judge baked goods for 4H'ers. Some would be really awful, but I always concentrated on what was good about their product. For instance, for a dinner roll that was raw dough inside I would say "You did a beautiful job on judging the color that the rolls should be!" and for one that was burnt on the outside I would say "What a great job you did making sure that they were all the same size!"

    I did once read an article on this topic. Apparently it's: Compliment - Critique - Compliment in that order.

    You can use the same tactic here. "What a great job you did on choosing the colors! Did the batting manufacturer have information about how closely it should be quilted? I'd hate for it to get lumpy when you did such a great job on it."
    Great answer!

  13. #13
    Power Poster nativetexan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    home again, after 27 yrs!
    Posts
    15,684
    Blog Entries
    2
    I don't know, I think I'd stay out of it. they will live and learn.

  14. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    861
    Oh this is so hard and family is extra hard I did like ArtsyOne's suggestion. Good luck.

  15. #15
    Super Member helou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Quebec
    Posts
    1,327
    Blog Entries
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by GramMER View Post
    I mentioned to the mother of my GD that her quilt needing more to "hold it together" but she just made the statement, "It has enough."
    well that says it all in my opinion...

    live and learn, that's all what's left to do I guess. It is going to be a learning experience...

    Quote Originally Posted by GramMER View Post
    It looks nice, but I am concerned when it is washed, the batting will fall down inside.
    and for you DDIL if you have not mentionned anything yet, I would say exactly what you wrote!

  16. #16
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Long Island
    Posts
    37,633
    Blog Entries
    1
    Oh my, thry,it tturned out so nice, your quilting is beautiful, is it the reccommended spacing. You should be proud of yourself for such a great compliment.

  17. #17
    Super Member QultingaddictUK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    North Wales UK
    Posts
    2,035
    Quote Originally Posted by michelleoc View Post
    Compliment first, then ask what the manufacturers recommended for quilting, stating that different battings have different requirements and that you want her beautiful quilt to last forever.
    Sounds good to me, saying nothing is not an option IMO I would go for because if they don't learn the right way now they will never learn to be a quilter.

  18. #18
    Super Member coopah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Horse Country, FL
    Posts
    6,130
    Blog Entries
    1
    Leave them be. As others have said, they will learn. They aren't ready to listen yet. So be it...I know you have wonderful intentions, but no way will you come out the winner on this.
    "A woman is like a tea bag-you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." Eleanor Roosevelt

  19. #19
    Super Member LynnVT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Vermont, USA
    Posts
    1,336
    Yeah, some people have to learn the hard way. Tough to say if you bought the fabric, but once they found out why, they learn to do it right next time. Tougher still will be NOT saying, "I told you so!" when it falls apart.

  20. #20
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Front row
    Posts
    14,661
    Blog Entries
    2
    Your GD's mom sounds like she doesn't care about the quilt her DD made or she would listen to your suggestion so the quilt maybe won't be ruined by washing it. Your DDIL is an adult so let her learn on her own if she didn't ask for input on the quilting.
    Got fabric?

  21. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    26
    Depends on which is more important- the quilt coming out the way you think it should, or your relationship with them and their feelings.
    If it was my sister, I'd tell her, "This is incredible, I can't believe you're already this good! With this batting, I'd quilt closer together though, because it has the tendency not to stay together... double check the bag, too, because different battings have different amount of inches you can have your quilting spaces. Sometimes, they'll get all warped in the wash if you don't do it close enough together... and I'm not criticizing, I LOVE what you did!"
    My sister and I are close, and I'd never want to hurt her. I don't care if people are thick skinned or thin skinned, or whether they SHOULD be or not, I tippy toe because I hate hurting people in my life. Also, I don't think there's a wrong way to make a quilt as long as the creator is happy with the outcome. If they don't want it to last forever, I'm not gonna tell them they're wrong.

  22. #22
    Junior Member Ashjoy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    202
    I would just make sure they know that when quilting there just be stitches at least every one inch. Other then that I guess we all learn from our mistakes.

  23. #23
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Far NW
    Posts
    209
    That's a tough one. But in my husbands family a phrase "it has enough" would mean "let it go for better or worse".

    I know how you feel. A quilt is a terrible thing to loose.

  24. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    26

    Red face

    Also, the first line of what I posted looks catty and that's not at all what I was going for. I'm sorry it came out like that!

  25. #25
    SEW
    SEW is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    575
    I would admire and highly praise the work they have done. I would not say anything about the lack of quilting and let them find out for themselves if the amount of quilting they have done is adequate. Some times the best lesson learned is the one we learn for ourselves.

Page 1 of 4 1 2 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.