When a person is "self-quilt-policing"
05-24-2017, 05:42 PM
#11
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 9,512
Originally Posted by Jennifer23
I don't believe in encouraging people to obsess over things that won't actually matter in the long run. Now, if the flaw matters (either artistically or structurally) I will encourage them to fix it, but I think most of the time we need to forgive ourselves the small mistakes and move on.
Mamagrande makes a good point - it's usually beginners who ask this question. I think that telling them it doesn't matter helps them "calibrate" their level of concern. You have to learn to live with some things being less perfect than you want; that's part of handicrafting.
There are levels to self-criticism. I agree, we are our own severest critics, and that isn't necessarily bad. However, people (and especially women) can go way too far. I don't believe in helping people beat themselves up over things that, in the big picture, aren't important enough to warrant that level of concern.
If I say that, I mean nobody to whom it hasn't been pointed out. I feel like that's pretty common in spoken English.
Mamagrande makes a good point - it's usually beginners who ask this question. I think that telling them it doesn't matter helps them "calibrate" their level of concern. You have to learn to live with some things being less perfect than you want; that's part of handicrafting.
There are levels to self-criticism. I agree, we are our own severest critics, and that isn't necessarily bad. However, people (and especially women) can go way too far. I don't believe in helping people beat themselves up over things that, in the big picture, aren't important enough to warrant that level of concern.
If I say that, I mean nobody to whom it hasn't been pointed out. I feel like that's pretty common in spoken English.
I also think the says "No one will notice" is a bit dismissive. It's kind of like saying "It's okay. It's just yours and doesn't matter" Just the way I see it.
05-25-2017, 03:00 AM
#12
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,463
The reason I might ask some one if they notice a mistake or if I should fix it is : I don't really want to fix it and I am hoping someone can convince me I don't need to fix it. It is rather stupid and I usually end up fixing it. It is more a thinking out loud question.
05-25-2017, 03:24 AM
#14
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Davenport, Iowa
Posts: 3,779
There have been times when I wanted to say "Oh really? Was that intentional?" or even "Ewww", but my mother taught me if I can't say something nice don't say anything at all. Most of us are in the same generation and grew up with this....be polite, don't tear someone down, especially if they have done the best they could. While I may think "Ewww" , I refuse to allow my mouth to open up.
05-25-2017, 04:01 AM
#17
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NE Missouri
Posts: 6,418
If I asked a question, I want to know the answer. I have noticed as I have progressed along my quilt journey, I asked fewer and fewer questions. I heard on the Quilt Show once, if you asked the question, you KNOW the answer, ie, do you think this looks strange? If you have to ask, it looks strange. I have asked questions and I sincerely want to know the answer. And I sincerely appreciate people taking the time to try to help me find the answer. I consider myself lacking in color knowledge so I want opinions. I will make the final decision and live with the consequences.
05-25-2017, 04:13 AM
#19
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 15,947
Originally Posted by Cotton Mama
I also think this exchange includes a lot of judgement of other people's postings.
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