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Thread: When you give your guilt

  1. #1
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Bosque County, Texas

    When you give your guilt

    I was so glad to hear that most of you don't get your feelings hurt when your gift quilts aren't used as you expected them to be used, or aren't used at all. Most of you turn your feelings off when you give the quilt away. Good for you, truly! But do you really not care when you find out that the person has in turn given your quilt away to someone else? Maybe Goodwill, maybe a friend or a stranger? When they so obviously didn't want the quilt? That has made me put a person on a "gift card only" list.

  2. #2
    Power Poster ckcowl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Northern Michigan
    Blog Entries
    why would you be hurt? i would be hurt if someone sent a quilt to the landfill- or burning barrel- feeling it was so bad it should be disposed of- but other than that-
    if someone gives me a gift i have no use for-do not care for- simply is not something i want why should i keep it? i give it to someone who does like it/want it/will use it- whether it's someone i know or a charitable organization.
    i do tell some people when i give them a quilt---if this one doesn't work for you-your decor- it 's ok to give it back & i will make you something else- so i always give them an out-
    i made a quilt (that i thought) was a pretty nice one- for one of my brothers---he always says he loves it! he uses it to cover the wood pile, to cover stuff in the back of his truck, to lay out & put tools on when working on something---he's used it for all kinds of things---which would cause some people to just have heart attacks---& be very upset about---he laughs & says---its the best quilt i've ever seen! i use it for everything- i just shake my head & walk away- one day i may manage to make one that's (so worthless) it will only be on his bed
    there really is no point in being upset- hurt- by what people do with something that is not yours...you gave it away---why can they not give it away?...or use it anyway they feel it should be used-
    i get upset sometimes about kids quilts that parents pack away never to be touched- to me that is an insult...when i make a kids quilt i expect that child to be able to haul it around, build forts, have sleep outs, take in the car---wear it out- then i have an excuse to make another one- if it's just packed away & never touched---those are the ones i will not make another one for.
    hiding away in my stash where i'm warm, safe and happy

  3. #3
    Super Member May in Jersey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    I tell the mothers of the babies or kids that I give quilts to that it should be used, washed, and used again. My BFF gets upset when the grands are over and play with the quilts I gave her, baby grand sucks on one of them, told BFF just wash them (the quilts that is) they can take.

    You know we all feel 'bad or hurt' when any gift we give isn't liked or is discarded but that's life. Good suggested someone made, add them to your gift card list and save your feelings and it saves a lot of time and effort on your part.

    Had to laugh at brother who says his quilt does everything, covers firewood, etc., at least he puts it to good use and probably thinks about his sister each time he does. I was surprised that my brother who hardly every says anything always thanks me for the scrappy lap quilt I made him when he bought a house in PA. He was recently widowed at the time I gave it to him and when his wife was alive she lived mostly for her family and he was sort of left by the wayside so someone making him something just for himself must have meant a lot to him. I just happened to be that someone because I had never thought it out - I was looking for a reason to visit him in his new home as he had been there quite some time and hadn't invitied anyone to visit him. Guess I was more self serving than caring.
    Last edited by May in Jersey; 08-18-2012 at 07:57 AM.

  4. #4
    Super Member
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    Jul 2012
    Beautiful BC
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    I re-gift if I know I will not use something I have been given. I have never been given a quilt, but I have given a few rag quilts and a great many crochet baby blankets, once they are gone they are gone.

    If I was given an item that I knew a lot of time and money has gone into and the giver had made it (instead of buying it) I would give it back to the giver. I often regift to silent auctions and school fundraisers I do not give beautiful items not to my taste to Thrift Shops.

    But then I am also the person who put a limit on Christmas gift giving a few years ago. I truly hate the pressure to give and get so much, when we really do not need it. Now we draw names.

    I have also requested that people not buy me gifts. My MIL decided that because I like cats I should collect cats knick knacks. She would buy something for every occasion. I am not fond of dust collectors and took her out for tea and let her know that yes I love cats, but only living purring ones. I offered to return the gifts, but she did not want them to I regifted them.

    I do make small relative inexpensive items that I give away (25 fluffy scarves one year, many homemade dish cloths another). I either let the children choose which one to give to whom, or let the recipient choose. I think of the 25 scarves I chose who got what maybe 5 times. I worked on them during idle time (meetings, watching TV, when DH was driving etc), so my time investment was negligible.

  5. #5
    Super Member ghostrider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by TanyaL View Post
    But do you really not care when you find out that the person has in turn given your quilt away to someone else? Maybe Goodwill, maybe a friend or a stranger? When they so obviously didn't want the quilt? That has made me put a person on a "gift card only" list.
    Yes, I really do not care. I have been known to give away things I treasure...why would I not assume the recipient of a quilt I gifted was doing the same, giving away something she treasured, something important to her, something she wanted to bring pleasure to that recipient? The gift is in the giving and it is never lessened by what subsequently happens to the item changing hands.
    The Earth without art is just "Eh".

  6. #6
    Super Member Deborahlees's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Wine Country-Southern California
    If I made what I thought was a wonderful personal quilt, that I labored over in regards to colors and pattern, I would certainlly say to the recipent, "please if you don't like it, its not your style, then let me know, return it to me knowing my feelings will not be hurt and I will will make you another and do something else".....but to learn they 2 months after receiving it, they gave it to Goodwill...my feelings would be hurt.....But if they said to me, I loved that quilt that you made for me, but I found a man that was cold and wrapped him in your quilt to keep him warm....that would make me happy !!!
    Yes that is a real picture of my hometown Temecula, California. We feature premiere Wineries, World Class Golf Courses, Pechanga Indian Casino and Hot Air Balloons

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Clayton, Indiana
    I understand it is hard with a quilt after you put time and money into it. When my kids were in their 20's and needed money we were glad we had it to give and told them it was a loan. But in truth I gave it with the heart that if I never got it back it was okay. The same with a quilt. You give it and wish them well. What they do with it is none of you business.
    Grammy to Isaiah and Ruth

  8. #8
    Super Member burchquilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Holmen, WI
    Maybe I'm an odd duck (well, actually... no "maybe" about it... LOL!) but I kind of "pre-qualify" people before I make a quilt for them. If I get the vibe that they're not into quilts or won't really appreciate it, I give them something else. I learned this lesson the hard way after I spent considerable $$$ & time on a wool bargello pillow for my ex-MIL & she used it on their fishing boat. Yeah. So now I'm more discerning.
    (.(. (..`..♥ rebecca

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