adrianlee

Glad to hear your friend didn't let this unhappy cousin get in the way of the friendship. Some people sure can make life interesting on some days. I have met a few in my lifetime and I can understand why the earth's axis is on a wee tilt. Thanks for sharing, I wondered how things were going.

kathyjg

Someday life is going to pass this young lady by and she is going to wonder why she is alone and with few friends. I feel sorry for her because she obviously does not know about the simpler pleasures in life that can bring a person so much joy and happiness. A few weeks ago, one of the subjects we discussed were people who give away beautiful handmade items given to them as gifts--sounds like she may be 'one of those.'

kerrytaylor

I read your 1st post and I'm still reeling my jaw up off of the floor. We all put our pants on the same way, it appears she has an aggravating knot in hers. The good news is she left for Fl totally opposite direction from my neck of the woods. Whew!

arimuse

I'm with you, you have to feel sad for someone so insecure they drive people away from them when what they crave is to be close.
Also, maybe the cousin (your friend) should step away too - her relative may not get it, yet - but, just because you were born into or married into a family it doesnt mean they are attached to you at the hip like a Siamese twin! We do get to choose whom we love and care for and about, many people figure they can treat you like doodoo but you have to take it cus you're related! Not true!
Also, since the relative is so "helpful" she should not be insulted if one chooses to "help her" see the light-
anyway, it is good you took your friend under your sewing needle, and are there to help her develop w/o being judgmental, if her family is like her cousin she will need you quilting support sharet

ChildoftheUniverse

I'll say a prayer for the cousin. :-(

stitchengramie

Sounds like she needs an attitude adjustment, and a crash course in manners and respect. Sometimes people like this need to hit rock bottom first, before they realize they have a mental problem.

arimuse

we really all agree with you, but (heres the BUT, lol) 1. she wouldnt even understand why you're yelling at her, shes so shallow and self absorbed, so, 2. it will make you even madder to have wasted your breath pointing out her doodoo attitude, and 3. it gives her the attention she really wants undreneath; attention is attention in her world.
to start to change her she needs to be shunned for her badness and every little tiny nice thing she can do must be phrased - so she wants to be nicer and nicer. That is what she should have learned when she was about 10 mos old and up - she should have had that down before kindergarden. Now, she may go her whole life this way, and its sad because she's doing this to herself and doesnt even know it. We can walk away from her and tell her off, tell her to leave, but she can't walk out on herself. She may have been a really wonderful person and friend, and that is a waste of a life.
There are a lot like her roaming the world these days. sharet

arimuse

I get it, it's so true, sharet

KastleKitty

I agree with Kay! We are brainwashed into believing that it is our religious moral responsibility to be understanding and accepting of poor behavior from others, especially if it comes from somebody related to us or someone who has it as a behavior pattern in their life. This complacency on our part, or making excuses for them, is what is called "enabling." So, you are not doing this difficult person any favors! They need to learn boundaries.

Obviously there are many people who have problems with understanding where their boundaries end and another's begins. And to keep yourself both emotionally and physically safe you must stop them. Because sure as sugar, they are not going to stop themselves! If they would, we would have no rape, murder, or war! They did not start out as rapists, murderers, or warlords on day one. They were able to get away with things all along because others made excuses!

I am not comparing the cousin to a rapist, murderer, or warlord. But left unchecked by others allowing her to get away with poor behavior, is only setting her up for bigger problems in life. If you want to be kind to her, you need to let her know her behavior is not acceptable!

svenskaflicka1

you deserve to quilt, uncriticized, for the rest of your days, after that encounter! your young friend sounds like a gem, though, and someone who values your friendship. i'm in agreement that this cousin may truly have a psychological problem--perhaps a borderline personality, or even a bit of the sociopath thrown in. these are often people who really, truly can't control what comes out of their mouths, and they believe that they are honestly right, all the time. i hope your friend can forgive her cousin, and balance the family relationship with safe distance!

kudos to you, and to your friend who is sensitive enough to take responsibility for her cousin, even when such things are out of one's control. i say keep her, and throw out the experience!