Mom's with daughters I need your advice again....You will love this one
10-22-2010, 03:39 AM
#61
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 506
It is never wrong to say NO to keep our children safe.
I would say NO too! Your daughter will thank you one day!
Your daughter will probably break your rules sometimes but why give them an opportunity and an availability to be in a situation that they may not be ready to handle.
It is our jobs as parents to keep them as safe as possible, teach them God's laws and when they are adults and out from under our households let them make their decisions. It doesn't hurt any less when they decide to choose things they shouldn't but as a parent you have done what you can while you were responsible for them.
If they were small would you leave them unguarded at the edge of a cliff??? There are many cliffs in life...
I would say NO too! Your daughter will thank you one day!
Your daughter will probably break your rules sometimes but why give them an opportunity and an availability to be in a situation that they may not be ready to handle.
It is our jobs as parents to keep them as safe as possible, teach them God's laws and when they are adults and out from under our households let them make their decisions. It doesn't hurt any less when they decide to choose things they shouldn't but as a parent you have done what you can while you were responsible for them.
If they were small would you leave them unguarded at the edge of a cliff??? There are many cliffs in life...
10-22-2010, 04:03 AM
#64
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,866
Check with the parents to be sure they will be supervising. If any of the parents of your daughters friends, know the parents where the sleep over is held, don't be afraid to ask them about the parents of the host girl. Also ask about the girls dates, if they will be there and what time they will be going home. If you get satisfactory response from the parents, and if it is a girls only sleep over, let her go. Of course she would get the "we trust you to use your head talk--grin". When my daughter was that age we had this come up. After talking with the other girls parents we were satisfied it would be a girls only and it would be supervised. Never be afraid to check, then give your daughter a hug and tell her you love her and trust her, but sometimes bad things can happen to good people.
10-22-2010, 04:44 AM
#65
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NE OH
Posts: 672
Originally Posted by Quiltforme
My daughter is almost 17 and is going to her first homecoming dance on Saturday. All well here me very excited, dress check, shoes check, makeup check. Then tonight she comes home and ask if she can spend the night at her friends house. I am ok with this but that little gut feeling something more was comming. Then she said well here is the catch I pop up and said what no parents she says no "The Boys" will also be staying over. INSTANT brakes HECK NO my daughter is upset. Ok I need to know am I over reacting?? I was a single mother for a few years I was 21 but still. I know that the parents will be there but I do not know the parents. I honestly do not know what to say. I told her I need to calm down and then talk with her tomorrow. You all have really helped me with my quilting and sorry to bug you but I know that with so many mom's out there with older kids you have already been through this. I live in an area were all the kids 12 and younger. So I really do not have anyone else to talk too. Her best friend's mom and I are good friends but I cannot believe she would let her daughter sleep over with her boyfriend. Please tell me if I am overreacting or being a mom who loves her kid. I value all opinions on this one.
Try to stay calm and talk to her without losing it. She won't be happy now but she will eventually understand. She may even be greatful that you have nixed it - that way she won't have to look bad to her peers for not being there when deep down she doens't want to be there.
10-22-2010, 04:47 AM
#66
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: blink and you've missed it
Posts: 2,564
after reading more- it brought to mind one very close situation to confirm my belief not to have sleepovers- bff's dd was 15 and pregnant. ummm- no sleepovers in my house.
I have a fb friend right now that is dealing with her 9 year old daughter being asked to a birthday party. She did not attend, but found out the 9 year olds were playing spin the bottle- and the parents were taking pictures.
Come on- is this good behavior? 9 years old? Parents need to stop making their kids grow up too soon.
I have a fb friend right now that is dealing with her 9 year old daughter being asked to a birthday party. She did not attend, but found out the 9 year olds were playing spin the bottle- and the parents were taking pictures.
Come on- is this good behavior? 9 years old? Parents need to stop making their kids grow up too soon.
10-22-2010, 04:54 AM
#67
Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North East Lower peninsula of Michigan
Posts: 6,231
Originally Posted by Barbm
after reading more- it brought to mind one very close situation to confirm my belief not to have sleepovers- bff's dd was 15 and pregnant. ummm- no sleepovers in my house.
I have a fb friend right now that is dealing with her 9 year old daughter being asked to a birthday party. She did not attend, but found out the 9 year olds were playing spin the bottle- and the parents were taking pictures.
Come on- is this good behavior? 9 years old? Parents need to stop making their kids grow up too soon.
I have a fb friend right now that is dealing with her 9 year old daughter being asked to a birthday party. She did not attend, but found out the 9 year olds were playing spin the bottle- and the parents were taking pictures.
Come on- is this good behavior? 9 years old? Parents need to stop making their kids grow up too soon.
Birthday parties when I was a kid unless they were using Alcohol or something it is a childrens game that has been adapted by adults for a drinking game.
http://www.topics-mag.com/edition11/...nsequences.htm
10-22-2010, 05:07 AM
#69
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central PA
Posts: 5,573
As one would expect, there are as many answers as there are people and for different reasons. My girls are grown now, and I am glad I don't have to make the decision. I feel you handled it very well, as did your daughter. Also great that you acknowledged that you were proud of her for telling you!
I don't have any advice on what to do, just that you have to make the decision that feels right to you. But, I do want to say that I work at an STD clinic and have had girls as young as 11 with sexually transmitted diseases come to the clinic. I also work as a Nurse Home Visitor for a program that works with first time mums and babes. I currently have two 14 year old clients. Our program has had them as young as 13. Our young ones are having sex younger and younger, yet the part of their brain that can make intelligent decisions about having that type of a relationship doesn't even fully develop until sometime in their early 20's! I don't pretend to have a solution, but do urge parents to be straight forward with their kids about this topic and make sure they are protected!
Good luck and God Bless!
I don't have any advice on what to do, just that you have to make the decision that feels right to you. But, I do want to say that I work at an STD clinic and have had girls as young as 11 with sexually transmitted diseases come to the clinic. I also work as a Nurse Home Visitor for a program that works with first time mums and babes. I currently have two 14 year old clients. Our program has had them as young as 13. Our young ones are having sex younger and younger, yet the part of their brain that can make intelligent decisions about having that type of a relationship doesn't even fully develop until sometime in their early 20's! I don't pretend to have a solution, but do urge parents to be straight forward with their kids about this topic and make sure they are protected!
Good luck and God Bless!
10-22-2010, 05:38 AM
#70
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Was Kansas ,now Australia
Posts: 134
I teach high school. Usually when the kids have these sort of parties they stay up all night talking and goofing around. The kids that want to "hook-up" are finding ways to do it and don't need a party as an excuse to get together. If your daughter's values and self-esteem are intact, she will probably be fine. If they aren't then it's probably too late at 17. Have a talk about what you expect of her and trust her.
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