Gramof6

I go along with the above poster. In this day & time, if your kids want ot have sex, it can be done during School hrs. Drugs, alcohol as well during School hrs. The fact that your DD came & told you about the plans, to me shows that it is on the up & up. If it wasn't, she would have left out the part of the boys staying over. You cannot protect & shelter your kids 24/7. By the age 16 they should have good solid foundations from their raising so they can make good decisions. I raised 4 kids of my own and 2 of a family member. Not 1 got pregnant before marriage, no drinking, no drugs, no law breaking. I was very lucky. But I also was very open with them so they would come to me about everything.

I have a 19 yr old DGS & he has a great group of friends. Rather than socialize with party groups or sex parties like some, he preferred to have mixed couples over to my DD's home for parties or holidays, like New Years Eve. My DD, her DH & I as well as any parents that wanted to chaperoned or dropped in at any given hr. They stayed right in the middle of all of the kids. They had movies, video games, board games, card games, food out the wazzoo & the kdis were safe & off of the streets. She had ea kid lock their vehicle & bring her the keys. They got them back soon as they had breakfast & called their folks to say they were leaving. She set the alarm on her home so it would go off if the doors were opened. It was & is very tiring for the parents to have something like this in their home, but....they know what the kids are doing & it is safe. Go talk to these parents by all means. Ask if they are comfortable with you dropping by at any givent time you feel the need. Main thing is to keep up the communication and repoire you have with your child. If you choose to not let her attend, she may not tell you about the mixed company mext time. Good Luck & we are here for you regardless of what decision you make on this Mom. :wink:

Barbm

My DDs- now 31 and 26 never had sleepovers where boys were invited. My son had a request- I said no- the Mom called me and I said no to her. He wasn't happy, but his friends didn't treat him any different.

His friends could stay over, but the girls went home at midnight (and we were right there in the next room- popping in unexpectedly all evening).

I always told my kids they could blame me- I was going to keep them from "sticky" situations where they were afraid to tell their friends they didn't want to go along.

Quiltforme

I want to thank you all for saying exactly what I was feeling. It is just no appropriate. I picked her from school today and we went to starbucks. A place where neither one of us could get upset. I asked her to reverse rolls with me for a minute and really try to understand what it is like to be a mom. I calmly explained that 1 a few weeks ago some kids from Easter Washington went to a party thinking it would be a fun time. A lot of GOOD girls were drugged with the date rape drug. I know this is extreme but I needed her to understand this is not ok to do. I then gave her an ultimatum. She could go to the house and stay there for a couple of hours after the dance but if the boys were staying the night then she will have to come home. I also told her that if it is just her and her friends then no problem but I have a problem with the boyfriends there. She understood it was much easier than I thought being in a coffee shop with her no yelling screaming matches. She is going to find out more information and we will see. I also thanked her for telling me about the boys. I also told her if she had not and I found out after the fact she would be back to home schooling again. I want to thank you all for your input this was something I had never thought I would have to deal with I am overprotective and also letting go of the apron strings is hard but I know she has to grow up, however this was not an area I didn't want her to have to deal with just yet.

quiltluvr

You know your daughter better than anyone. Nice to hear it went as smooth as it did. The pay is lousy, the benefits priceless, there's nothing like being a parent, for better or for worse.

maryb119

I am the mom of 3 girls and 3 boys. We have delt with this with the kids. Sounds to me llike you handled things very well. The fact that she came and asked you first says a lot about the trust you two have and that she is a responsible girl. I hope all goes well for you....you are doing a great job so far.

MadQuilter

If your daughter wants to have sex with a boy, she will do so and trust me, you won't know anything about it unlesss there is an urgency to tell. The fact that she tells you the truth about the situation speaks to the trusting relationship you and she have. If you know "the boys" who would be part of this, and you have no ill feelings toward them any other time, why should a sleepover be different.

Now that said, I am sure that she will also understand that you are not entirely comfortable with the plan. Good luck with that - and again -----soooo glad I ain't got kids.

sew_southern

NO WAY!! My girls are 17 & 19, if they decide to do anything at this age it won't be with my approval! At this age most of them want a parent to say no.

trupeach1

OK now my DD is 25 but in high school many of the kids did it. They don't sleep in the same room it is usually the girls in a bedroom the guys on the fllor in the family room. and a PARENT UP AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!! I myself for my DD 18th b-day had both guys and girls sleep over. The funny thing is the girls left the bedroom a mess and they guys had the family room all neat and tidy before they left. As long as there are adults and you know the adults I see nothing wrong with it. I ask you how many girls get pregnant at 16 or 17 and they NEVER were at a boy girl sleep over. If they want to do something they will and it would not be in a house with parents.


I also agree with madquilter she told you she could have lied. You have to trust that you raised her right and then you
shouldn't have to worry.



I do have a questionn for all of you who think it is wrong or claim you wouldn't allow your daughter to go to a boy girl sleep over. Where you all Saints???????????? Or is it because you weren't and know what could happen that you feel it is wrong? I don't get it, not every parent in the world did the right thing when they were young but they expect their child to do everything as to not look like a bad kid. I think parents should lighten up. My kids were good kids they were taight right from wrong but they also knew me and their dad were not perfect kids either. I was always open and honest with them. It you are going to drink (when they were legal) don't drive. I never told them to not drink. Getting sloshed is one thing. My DD was having a drink with dinner and she was responsible she took a cab. She would have been better off sloshed out of her mind and driving. She would have been fine and not brain injured today. YES SHE TOOK A CAB and almost died.

Joan

You are one perseptive mom and deserve a pat on the back.

My daughter (now 30) did this in High School. She and her friends would go to a school dance and have a "Slumber Party" at one of the girls' home. I found out much later (like when she was in her twenties) that these Slumber Parties included boys and that they partied all night. I can't believe I was that naive.

Be tough, give her a curfew and get that girl home!

trupeach1

OK but how did your DD turn out??????????? Is she a bad adult because she attended girl/boy slumber parties? Did she sleep around with every guy she met??????Did she get pregnant while she was attending these parties? I am just wonder why you made such a STONG statement of GET THAT GIRL HOME.