FroggyinTexas

For the life of me, I can't figure out why so many of the women on this board act like children instead of mature adults when it comes to spending money. I quit a SS class one time because the women talked incessantly about hiding the clothing they had bought from their husbands--and nearly all those women worked outside their houses. I can't bear to call it a home where one adult is so dictatorial that he/she inspires the other to lie to keep the peace.

I don't know whether you live in a community property state, but if you do, half the assets are yours. If you earned the money yourself, half of it is his and half is yours and when you spend a portion of your half of the assets, it is your right to do so. If you don't live in a community property state, what is yours is yours and he doesn't have any say except as a matter of courtesy if you choose to tell him.

Try asserting your rights as an adult and if he "has a fit," call the police. froggyintexas

denveremerson

Never lie to the husband. They'll find out sooner or later.

Elaine433

I have been in the same position. I know that the lie eats at me like a sickness. Eventually, I will tell him the truth.
Every relationship is different. I try to wait awhile before I brake the news of what I really spent. I usually wait until
he is shopping for a tool for his workshop. I never have a problem with what he spends on tools so why should he
have a problem with what I spend.

denveremerson

Hey, Elaine 433....What's my dogs's picture doing as your avatar?? They're both little dolls, aren't they! :-)

IdahoSandy

First fix him his favorite meal, then after eating when you both are relaxed, tell him the truth. Say you are sorry. If you tell one lie, then you will have to tell more lies to cover up the first one. Voice of experience.

Fiber Artist

Yes I agree

QuilterMomma

Froggin, when I really wanted something, saved the money and spent it, that is what I do or I wait till he sees it and asks then I tell him. I work as well, he smokes, I don't so it evens out in the end. I used to cower but now it is what it is. I show a result for my spending, he lets it go up in smoke.

There are so many responses concerning this issue, interesting.

Rose_P

I often see advice to the effect that each partner in a marriage should have an agreed upon discretionary budget, money that is yours to spend without discussion. The key is to have that agreement made before the spending happens. We haven't actually worked that out in 40+ years, but my DH has an much more expensive hobby (golf), and so I could probably get away with murdering the budget if I wanted to, but I'm pretty much a tightwad anyway. I don't know how to get out of the situation that you're in without coming clean. Possibly you could work it out from the question of why he thinks he should get to decide what you spend on your hobby. You would be in a position of strength in this as long as your spending isn't cutting into the budget for necessities - especially if he has something he spends money on that you don't have a say in - cigarettes perhaps? Fishing tackle? Whatever it is, there's probably something.

Material Witness

Let well enough alone. You've already told him, to bring up the subject again would just keep his ire up. Does he come home and confess everything that he has bought with "our" money? Probably not. It's a fact that women "splurge" on little things, but when men splurge, it's big things like boats or tractors. Call it even and call it quits. Next time, dont volunteer information not requested. If he complains, start keeping track of every dollar spent from "our" budget, then agree that you each have a certain amount to spend weekly without strings, even if it's only $10. Yours will add up.

mdall

I would just fess up after all what he is going to do? Probably pitch a fit and yell but then hell get over it. You will not be able to enjoy the item you purchased if youre always worried about the lie coming back and haunting you. My husband also gets on my case about the amount of money I spend on quilting but i just remind him that it makes me happy. I do however talk to him before making any purchases over $100.00 ecpecially if I have already purchased other things recently. Other than that he doesnt pay much attention. Maybe next time just talk to him about it then start bidding then you dont run into this problem.. Also, if it was truely your money that you got for your sole use then there should not be any problems. If it presents a problem then it probably was both of yours money which means that you probably should discuss large price item first. Hope this helps.