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Thread: First Son Getting Married Friday.... etiquette question

  1. #26
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    YES, we gave our son and his wife new kitchen app. for their new, just built, house, letting them pick out what they wanted. Had I know how she was going to turn out, like not letting use enjoy our grands, I would not have given them anything, or been so welcoming her to our family. My husband feels the same way. She is and has been and will always be a spoiled brat. She hates our other son and I don't know why. He and I have talked about this and he doesn't know or understands why either. I hate holidays and walk on egg shells when she is around. I could go on and on but I want.

  2. #27
    Super Member AZ Jane's Avatar
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    Not sure if it is a question of etiquette or finances. Some couples need more than other. And sometimes it is better to wait and see what they need, VS just something to have to open. A big part has to do with your relationship with the bride. If you paid for the wedding AND brought a gift to the shower(s) and now a wedding gift, to me, that would be over the top.
    Better to do something imperfectly, than nothing perfectly.
    Done is better than perfect.

  3. #28
    Senior Member germanquilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NJ Quilter View Post
    Here's the other end of the spectrum. I have no children (saving fur babies). When I married husband #1, we paid for the wedding; honeymoon, etc. ourselves. It was not a large or lavish wedding. Had a home and all the trimmings for it. My folks gave us $500. They never liked him either.

    When I married DH (current) #2 (whom the folks liked) - same deal We paid for everything. Even smaller this time - immediate family only. Got a picnic basket and a check for $300 from folks.

    When Bro #1 married- destination; large; lavish wedding - the gift to them was - hotel rooms for everyone on our side of the family; rehearsal dinner; sizeable check. Justification - her folks were spending a lot of $$.

    Bro #2 married - local; large wedding. As far as I know - sizeable check.

    When sis married - paid for the entire wedding (minus a few small items they required her to pay for -they didn't like her (then) husband either.

    My only suggestion - make sure whatever you are doing for this child, you are also able to do (at least in kind) for any other children you may have.
    I whole-heartedly agree with that!!!

  4. #29
    Power Poster Onebyone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eva Knight View Post
    YES, we gave our son and his wife new kitchen app. for their new, just built, house, letting them pick out what they wanted. Had I know how she was going to turn out, like not letting use enjoy our grands, I would not have given them anything, or been so welcoming her to our family. My husband feels the same way. She is and has been and will always be a spoiled brat. She hates our other son and I don't know why. He and I have talked about this and he doesn't know or understands why either. I hate holidays and walk on egg shells when she is around. I could go on and on but I want.
    I have told my DDs if they ever acted like snots to their inlaws for no justifiable reason to anyone but themselves it would not be tolerated and if they ever ever use the kids as pawns or blackmail then they would be lower then the low and not someone I ever want to be around. I'd write my child off quicker then blink if they ever did that to their kids.
    I believe giving what I can will never cause me to be in need.
    Being cheap is not a badge of honor.
    My heroes are working people, paying their own way, taking care of their children and being decent human beings.

  5. #30
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    My son is getting married in June. Out of state wedding, rehearsal party for 3/4 of wedding guests in up scale restaurant, bus rental to/from hotel to rehearsal party AND actual wedding, our air travel/hotel/car for event, cash to help pay for honeymoon. I think they'll be ok.
    I only hope we can do this for the other 2 boys

  6. #31
    Senior Member Three Dog Night's Avatar
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    My son just got married in September at a small B & B in Twisp, WA; we paid for renting all rooms (8) for immediate family and the best man and matron of honor. We gave them additional money to use on their honeymoon and I also made them a quilt and bride & groom teddy bears. If other son gets married will do the same for him.

  7. #32
    Super Member Stitchnripper's Avatar
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    We gave gifts to both kids.
    Alyce

  8. #33
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    Lynnie, your mother is the one who lost out on your marriage. She could have had a wonderful relationship with you and your family. Perhaps she just had some preconceived ideas and let them get in the way. Anyway, I love seeing your work and comments on this board.

  9. #34
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    When I married DH, he had three single adult children. They have all since married. I made a quilt to celebrate each marriage and we paid for the wedding for his daughter and the rehearsal dinners for his sons. In addition, we gave each of them a fully paid week at a time share (our time share allows the points to be used anywhere in the world.) One spent his honeymoon in Andorra with our gift and the other have yet to use the gift, but they know it is available whenever they decide to request it.
    "Accomplishment is a consequence of effort" -- Michael Crichton

  10. #35
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    When our daughter got married, we paid for the wedding and also gave them a check for a wedding gift. Our daughter married a wonderful boy. They were moving to Albany, where he went to school for his doctorate and she, her masters. Both of them also got jobs. We felt they were going to be able to use some money. They returned home after they both got their degrees. Both have helped us out tremendously, physically and any other way they could.

  11. #36
    Power Poster solstice3's Avatar
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    I did. But if the budget doesn't allow it, don't feel bad. I am sure they are happy with anything you do.

  12. #37
    Senior Member ladydukes's Avatar
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    I gave my daughter and son-in-law a queen size DWR QAYG quilt as a surprise gift. It was in her favorite colors (those she used in her wedding) and she cried when she opened it, and again when she read the label on the back because it contained the words from her wedding invitation.

  13. #38
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    I made a log cabin quilt for both my son and daughter when they got married. Also paid for various expenses for both weddings. They were both graduated from college and each had already worked a year in their chosen professions so had money to share expenses which they both insisted on doing. We were very blessed and after 15 years have 3 grandsons and 2 granddaughters. God has blessed us.

  14. #39
    Super Member madamekelly's Avatar
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    I made DD1 a quilt as her wedding present, and am currently working on ideas for his quilt. They eloped so have no idea what I would have done. I also made DD2 a quilt as a wedding gift, but she was divorced before I made him one. Made BFF's son a quilt for his wedding gift. Notice a pettern here? Lol!
    If you always do, what you have always done, The results never change. Change is the wings you give yourself.

  15. #40
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
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    June 9th will be our 8 yr. wedding anniversary. I'm so in love with my dh and he's the best in the world. His parents are such a blessing. Especially his mom. we get along great and she refers to me as her daughter. we shop together, eat out together and play games on Friday together. I was truly blessed with a woman like her. What a wonderful gift they are to me and my dh. Larry and I get along so well, we never fight or argue. we get along so well. He's a blessing to me for sure!!!
    put off till tomorrow what you can do today, and if you procrastinate long enough, you may never have to do it.

  16. #41
    Power Poster lynnie's Avatar
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    thankyou Nanoo, I forgot to say, we had a very small wedding 23 people. My dh's parents walked him down the aisle, (he's Jewish) and that's a tradition. My son walked me down.
    put off till tomorrow what you can do today, and if you procrastinate long enough, you may never have to do it.

  17. #42
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    Our son and his wife had a destination wedding and a reception here in the community where both we and they live. They had both been working for several years and completely paid for all their wedding/reception expenses. We bought them a lovely, large upright freezer. We are a farm family and they wanted a freezer to store pork and beef, etc. When middle DD married just after graduating college we, of course, paid for her wedding and reception (about $12k). Now,four years later, she and her husband have justbuilt a huge, beautiful home. We recently gave them patio furniture. Youngest DD was married in Nov. Of course, she had the wedding of her dreams at a cost of double her sisters wedding. We will eventually give she and her husband a gift comparable to her siblings but will wait till they, also, have a house. We like to help our kids but didn't feel the pressure to 'gift' them right at the time of their wedding. They have been very appreciative of the way we've done it.

  18. #43
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    Here's a pic of my son and his beautiful bride. I'm trying to rotate pic.
    Last edited by baronreads; 05-04-2015 at 05:48 AM.
    ​Julie S.

  19. #44
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    My husband and I with the happy couple at the end of the night.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    ​Julie S.

  20. #45
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    My son and his beautiful bride. I give up, I can't get it turned correctly! UGH!

    Attached Images Attached Images
    ​Julie S.

  21. #46
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    Beautiful picture! Congratulations to all of you!

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