Grumpy attitude- a bit of whining
03-05-2010, 02:01 PM
#11
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Twin Cities, MN
Posts: 624
Oh sweetie! I'm soooo sorry that you are feeling this way! (((HUGS))) (sometimes a hug from a complete stranger helps! :-))
My first "advice" would be to go to your sons wedding if it's what YOU want to do. Don't go or not go because it might change someone else's actions (I've tried that, it doesn't work! lol) The only persons actions that you can control are your own. I've learned, in my relatively short life so far (30 years) that you have to do what feels right to you. You can't be the referee between your kids. They are grown adults, and need to work out their differences on their own. If you can help them set up a time to talk, fine, but I wouldn't go any farther than that.
This is just my 2 cents, my opinion, and you can take it or leave it, it's up to you. Take it if it makes sense for you, and leave it if it doesn't make sense to you. Also, I don't know you at all, but I am here if you need someone to talk to. (I've been told I have a good "listening ear" :-)) I have had battles with depression, and have days (sometimes weeks lol) where I just have the "YUCKS"
but it always gets better.
My favorite saying, and something I try to live my life by is: "This too, shall pass" basically...it will get better.
My heart goes out to you, and you are in my thoughts.
(((HUGS))) again!
~Heather
My first "advice" would be to go to your sons wedding if it's what YOU want to do. Don't go or not go because it might change someone else's actions (I've tried that, it doesn't work! lol) The only persons actions that you can control are your own. I've learned, in my relatively short life so far (30 years) that you have to do what feels right to you. You can't be the referee between your kids. They are grown adults, and need to work out their differences on their own. If you can help them set up a time to talk, fine, but I wouldn't go any farther than that.
This is just my 2 cents, my opinion, and you can take it or leave it, it's up to you. Take it if it makes sense for you, and leave it if it doesn't make sense to you. Also, I don't know you at all, but I am here if you need someone to talk to. (I've been told I have a good "listening ear" :-)) I have had battles with depression, and have days (sometimes weeks lol) where I just have the "YUCKS"
but it always gets better.
My favorite saying, and something I try to live my life by is: "This too, shall pass" basically...it will get better.
My heart goes out to you, and you are in my thoughts.
(((HUGS))) again!
~Heather
03-05-2010, 02:08 PM
#12
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Livonia, MI near Detroit
Posts: 627
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know what it is like to know that you are supposed to do something but be unable to do it. I just got my Christmas decorations put away 2 weeks ago. I think it is wonderful that you are able to see your blessings, sometimes even those are so hidden by the way we feel. I agree with those who say to contact a doctor. Sometimes we can't pull up by ourselves and need help. I hope the days to come will be better. I know the work I do with the rescue kitties give me a purpose and make me feel needed. God bless you, you are in my prayers.
Wendy B
Wendy B
03-05-2010, 02:27 PM
#13
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 2,221
No, I don't think you're clinically depressed. You DON'T need to see a doctor for a mood-altering drug.
You are what you said: down. It's not seasonal, it's based on circumstances. You're under stress about your business, you feel unloved by your nearest and dearest, and your surroundings aren't helping because they're dirty and smelly.
It is OKAY and VALID to be blue now and then, and it can last a while without it being something requiring medication or therapy.
I would say, start by taking 15 minutes at a time to clean up. Get those Christmas decorations back to wherever they're stored for the rest of the year as your first task. Pick another task for the next day, or for the evening, if you prefer.
And if you haven't heard of this, check out http://flylady.net and get on the free email list and join a free local group. It can help you get back on track. OTOH, you may not need or want it, but it's worth checking out.
If money is low, instead of giving away your excess stash, sell some of it on eBay. Consider building an eBay business or writing an eBook about insurance as ways to make extra money or avenues to move into if you can't continue as an agent.
You might feel better if you talk to a professional counselor, or consider finding a support group. But choose this because you think it might be good to try, not because you think you're so depressed you must.
You are what you said: down. It's not seasonal, it's based on circumstances. You're under stress about your business, you feel unloved by your nearest and dearest, and your surroundings aren't helping because they're dirty and smelly.
It is OKAY and VALID to be blue now and then, and it can last a while without it being something requiring medication or therapy.
I would say, start by taking 15 minutes at a time to clean up. Get those Christmas decorations back to wherever they're stored for the rest of the year as your first task. Pick another task for the next day, or for the evening, if you prefer.
And if you haven't heard of this, check out http://flylady.net and get on the free email list and join a free local group. It can help you get back on track. OTOH, you may not need or want it, but it's worth checking out.
If money is low, instead of giving away your excess stash, sell some of it on eBay. Consider building an eBay business or writing an eBook about insurance as ways to make extra money or avenues to move into if you can't continue as an agent.
You might feel better if you talk to a professional counselor, or consider finding a support group. But choose this because you think it might be good to try, not because you think you're so depressed you must.
03-05-2010, 03:20 PM
#14
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: blink and you've missed it
Posts: 2,564
I read this again and I feel a bit sheepish about doing this. I normally "suck it up" and not let anyone know I'm down.
I'm still at work- needed to to a scan for bugs on the one computer. just waiting for it to restart so I know it's OK. update- it's not OK :( will come in tomorrow to debug, getting disgusted.
Going to go home now. Will load the packages to go to the post office tomorrow. And take the 2 boxes to the basement of the Christmas decorations. I think I will also load a bag of junk so I can put it out with the garbage next week. Maybe even dunk the pug- she likes baths and makes me laugh at her doing the "pugtona" trying to dry off.
oh well- I'll be glad when spring is here- get rid of the dirty snow banks and chill in the air.
P.S. Had another round of Dr. Pepper. It goes down so smooth- have to drink it here- hubby won't let me have soda at home. Now, wonder if it will make me burp. hehe. (yep- good burp just happened.)
I'm still at work- needed to to a scan for bugs on the one computer. just waiting for it to restart so I know it's OK. update- it's not OK :( will come in tomorrow to debug, getting disgusted.
Going to go home now. Will load the packages to go to the post office tomorrow. And take the 2 boxes to the basement of the Christmas decorations. I think I will also load a bag of junk so I can put it out with the garbage next week. Maybe even dunk the pug- she likes baths and makes me laugh at her doing the "pugtona" trying to dry off.
oh well- I'll be glad when spring is here- get rid of the dirty snow banks and chill in the air.
P.S. Had another round of Dr. Pepper. It goes down so smooth- have to drink it here- hubby won't let me have soda at home. Now, wonder if it will make me burp. hehe. (yep- good burp just happened.)
03-05-2010, 05:08 PM
#16
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Southern California
Posts: 872
Barbm
Glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better. And I think you're on the right track. Set a few easy goals and once you handle them you feel better enough to handle a couple more and so on. It sounds like you definitely have enough going on to feel overwhelmed. I do agree with the poster who said your kids have to work out their own issues, you can only do so much.
I took a workshop once where they had us draw three circles within each other. The inner one was our Circle of Control and would contain only the things or thoughts that we can directly control. The next ring would be our Circle of Influence, where things would go that we could influence, but not control (like your kids spat), and the outer ring is Outside my Circle kinds of things that you just have to realize you can't control so you can identify which things to cross off your mental to-do list. It's helped me a lot to mentally assign an issue to it's "circle" to determine how much mental or physical energy to expend on it. If it's the outer circle, fuggetaboutit!
I've suffered with clinical depression for years, and am on medication and see a therapist for it. In my not-a-doctor view, you're more overwhelmed by current circumstances than actually depressed.
Take care, and be gentle with yourself. You can only do what you can do and the rest can slide and the world won't end. Take some "me" time to do something you love. (Sorry this is so long - I didn't mean for it to be.
Glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better. And I think you're on the right track. Set a few easy goals and once you handle them you feel better enough to handle a couple more and so on. It sounds like you definitely have enough going on to feel overwhelmed. I do agree with the poster who said your kids have to work out their own issues, you can only do so much.
I took a workshop once where they had us draw three circles within each other. The inner one was our Circle of Control and would contain only the things or thoughts that we can directly control. The next ring would be our Circle of Influence, where things would go that we could influence, but not control (like your kids spat), and the outer ring is Outside my Circle kinds of things that you just have to realize you can't control so you can identify which things to cross off your mental to-do list. It's helped me a lot to mentally assign an issue to it's "circle" to determine how much mental or physical energy to expend on it. If it's the outer circle, fuggetaboutit!
I've suffered with clinical depression for years, and am on medication and see a therapist for it. In my not-a-doctor view, you're more overwhelmed by current circumstances than actually depressed.
Take care, and be gentle with yourself. You can only do what you can do and the rest can slide and the world won't end. Take some "me" time to do something you love. (Sorry this is so long - I didn't mean for it to be.
03-05-2010, 05:45 PM
#17
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,981
Barb, yes you are depressed, but probably short term. This is from another one that suffers from clinical depression, for over 30+ years. I had tried everything including prozac, didn't work. Found a great doctor and a great drug called Lexapro, can't tell you how different I feel. Never new what normal felt like until 5 years ago. I can concentrate, have very few panic attacks and have very few down days. In fact when I did, the doctor laughed and said welcome to normal, you should have an "occasional down day, that's normal".
The main thing is take care of yourself, you have a lot on your plate and a lot to be sad about, and that is ok, you are allowed. I still have bouts where it is hard to get off my butt and clean the house, but all in all I feel good and not sad, which is wonderful. But it is not a happy pill, just keeps me on an even keel so to speak.
I will say when my house is a mess, I am a mess. Once it is straighted up you will feel so much better. Mine is more guilt, I won't allow my self to do fun things when my house is a mess, without feeling guilty, which is stupid I know, but that is the way it is. Although 2 years ago when I broke my leg and could not get out of bed for 4 months, I had a huge attitude adjusment about house cleaning.
This might be a little TMI for the board. Oh well, feel better soon.
The main thing is take care of yourself, you have a lot on your plate and a lot to be sad about, and that is ok, you are allowed. I still have bouts where it is hard to get off my butt and clean the house, but all in all I feel good and not sad, which is wonderful. But it is not a happy pill, just keeps me on an even keel so to speak.
I will say when my house is a mess, I am a mess. Once it is straighted up you will feel so much better. Mine is more guilt, I won't allow my self to do fun things when my house is a mess, without feeling guilty, which is stupid I know, but that is the way it is. Although 2 years ago when I broke my leg and could not get out of bed for 4 months, I had a huge attitude adjusment about house cleaning.
This might be a little TMI for the board. Oh well, feel better soon.
03-05-2010, 05:56 PM
#18
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central PA
Posts: 5,573
Since you say you are normally a positive person, and you family has not just suddenly changed, but has been experiencing these problems for a while, I truly feel that you need to see your doctor and be evaluated for depression. Most docs have a little questionnaire that they use to help evaluate your problem. Remember, depression is not a matter of having a screw loose, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. These chemicals can get knocked out of whack by a number of things...one you mentioned is the seasonal type, another is premenstral, sometimes a number of minor catastrophes all at once can throw things off. Sometimes, a round of antidepressants is all that is needed...maybe 6-12 months and counseling. Sometimes just counseling, either way, it isn't just a matter of sucking it up! Short term blues lasting a week or two, maybe, but when you begin to lose your energy to carry on with just daily activities, then it is time to see your doc. Your doc will know if you are clinically depressed and need medication or not.
That being said, I will pray for you for strength to get through this tough time, but don't be so hard on yourself, admit that you need some assistance with this issue and then go for it...you are worth it and also don't have to be super woman.
God Bless
That being said, I will pray for you for strength to get through this tough time, but don't be so hard on yourself, admit that you need some assistance with this issue and then go for it...you are worth it and also don't have to be super woman.
God Bless
03-05-2010, 06:29 PM
#20
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: East Texas
Posts: 3,021
This is what my 16 year old says (1st time when he was 10). "it's over & in the past , just get on with your life." Sometimes families totally suck. Maybe dd didn't want a lot of hoopla over 2nd marriage. Lots of people don't have a big deal over it. Maybe you can get them to talk & explain to each other what went down.
Don't worry about the house, mine stays messy more than clean. With 2 gs's living here plus DH & DS its a total battle all the time to keep things tidy & I don't work anymore except at home. I'm so sorry about your business. It's a tough business even without government regs. They need to keep their noses out. Hey girl Happy Birthday. I'll be your sister. My oldest DS can't remember my birthday either. But his new lady (thank God he divorced the last one) is keeping him on a tight leash & he is doing better.
We could start a dirty dog club. My yorkie who stays outside needs a hair cut & bath but can't do it till its gets warmer.
We all need to unload sometimes & it is nice to have friends to let it all out to. I don't have any close friends to talk to.Dh never wanted me to have any friends. Very private person, so I have all of you. Keep drinking those DR Peppers (state soft drink of Texas). I'm right there with you. Thats my morning coffee. Throw in a Hershey Bar or Butterfinger ever so often, it will make you feel alot better. You know chocolate can cure anything. Sometimes getting it off your chest does wonders. So you hang in there & know we all are thinking of you & keep that chin up. Even have a good cry sometimes that can make you feel alot better.
Don't worry about the house, mine stays messy more than clean. With 2 gs's living here plus DH & DS its a total battle all the time to keep things tidy & I don't work anymore except at home. I'm so sorry about your business. It's a tough business even without government regs. They need to keep their noses out. Hey girl Happy Birthday. I'll be your sister. My oldest DS can't remember my birthday either. But his new lady (thank God he divorced the last one) is keeping him on a tight leash & he is doing better.
We could start a dirty dog club. My yorkie who stays outside needs a hair cut & bath but can't do it till its gets warmer.
We all need to unload sometimes & it is nice to have friends to let it all out to. I don't have any close friends to talk to.Dh never wanted me to have any friends. Very private person, so I have all of you. Keep drinking those DR Peppers (state soft drink of Texas). I'm right there with you. Thats my morning coffee. Throw in a Hershey Bar or Butterfinger ever so often, it will make you feel alot better. You know chocolate can cure anything. Sometimes getting it off your chest does wonders. So you hang in there & know we all are thinking of you & keep that chin up. Even have a good cry sometimes that can make you feel alot better.
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