Grumpy attitude- a bit of whining
03-06-2010, 08:34 AM
#31
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Washington state
Posts: 820
One of the most important lessons we have to learn is that we can't control other people. If your son and daughter want to fight then that is their decision. Go to his wedding in the same way you went to your daughter's wedding. Your going does not mean you approve of what is going on. Your going just means that you want to be there for your son's wedding. Going to the wedding does not mean you are taking sides.
As for you birthday, face it...sometimes people are just insensitive. You don't have control over your sisters, mother and brothers but you do have control over yourself. If you think you will enjoy going to your brother's birthday party, then by all means ...go. If you aren't going to enjoy yourself, then do something else.
As for your house...if you are like me, having a mess around me depresses me.
laughing at myself....sometimes when the house gets me down, I pick one room to clean up completely. I keep that room clean. That is the room that I will sit down in and relax. When I look around that room, I get pleasure out of being there. At times like that, I don't worry about the rest of the house. After awhile, you find that your energy comes back and you are ready to do something with the rest of the house.
One of the biggest things that can depress us is the idea that we don't have any control on what is going on in our life. Your going through that with your job, your children, and your extended family.
Cleaning that one room gives us some control. Recognizing that we are not responsible for other people's happiness also helps us to let go of trying to control everything with other people.
There is a good book called "Boundaries...When to say yes and when to say no" written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It really helped to change my life in the way I dealt with my sibblings, parents and friends. You should be able to borrow it from your local library. If you get a chance, read it. It will help you to put up your own boundaries up in dealing with your outside family.
As for you birthday, face it...sometimes people are just insensitive. You don't have control over your sisters, mother and brothers but you do have control over yourself. If you think you will enjoy going to your brother's birthday party, then by all means ...go. If you aren't going to enjoy yourself, then do something else.
As for your house...if you are like me, having a mess around me depresses me.
laughing at myself....sometimes when the house gets me down, I pick one room to clean up completely. I keep that room clean. That is the room that I will sit down in and relax. When I look around that room, I get pleasure out of being there. At times like that, I don't worry about the rest of the house. After awhile, you find that your energy comes back and you are ready to do something with the rest of the house.
One of the biggest things that can depress us is the idea that we don't have any control on what is going on in our life. Your going through that with your job, your children, and your extended family.
Cleaning that one room gives us some control. Recognizing that we are not responsible for other people's happiness also helps us to let go of trying to control everything with other people.
There is a good book called "Boundaries...When to say yes and when to say no" written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It really helped to change my life in the way I dealt with my sibblings, parents and friends. You should be able to borrow it from your local library. If you get a chance, read it. It will help you to put up your own boundaries up in dealing with your outside family.
03-06-2010, 10:15 AM
#32
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 289
You hang in there! Sounds like things are ovewhelming you right now, and I can surely understand why. You have my compassion friend, I know how you feel and so understand. Think of everyone who LOVES YOU and makes you happy!! That is one thing I do when I am feeling down - it does help to remember that you ARE loved and a VERY SPECIAL WOMAN. Take care and please keep me posted. You will be in my thoughts. char
03-06-2010, 11:12 AM
#34
Super Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Merced, CA
Posts: 4,188
Hey Honey, listen to me, I'm 76 years old and have seen darn near
any kind of life you can imagine!! From family fighting that lasts a
life time, to a father who walked out on my Mom with 8 kids and the
youngest 8 months, to a cheating husband then life with a marvelous
man and we were married for 39 and one half years till he died.
You can overcome this, sounds to me like you need a short breakdown.
I kept threatening to go into a closet and having a nervous breakdown
that would make Bedlam look like a retreat for the nervous and trembly!!
Scream into your pillow..when in bed alone. Exercise, that will help a lot.
NOW, first of all, get out of the house and walk around the block, try to leave
your glasses at home. Glass blocks out a lot of the good rays.Depression
has been linked to a lot of things, and also lack of sunlight.
SECOND..log onto the Internet to FLYLADY.com. She is free with all her advice
on how to declutter and keep your house clean...for only 15 minutes at a time.
Clutter leads to depression and depression leads to dirt and clutter. Flyady
speaks of living in a state of CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome),
which I'm sure lots of us can relate to.
Let us know how you are doing. I'm sure that between all of us, we've all gone
thorough at least a small part of what you are at this time. Some of us may
have gone through much more..but let's keep on the bright side. Better times
are coming.
You have your debts paid and that is something masses of people in America
can not say, so you are a smart and caring person.
Just do the best you can, for YOU. Your family will benefit from it too.
You can do it, and you have to do it for yourself first of all.
any kind of life you can imagine!! From family fighting that lasts a
life time, to a father who walked out on my Mom with 8 kids and the
youngest 8 months, to a cheating husband then life with a marvelous
man and we were married for 39 and one half years till he died.
You can overcome this, sounds to me like you need a short breakdown.
I kept threatening to go into a closet and having a nervous breakdown
that would make Bedlam look like a retreat for the nervous and trembly!!
Scream into your pillow..when in bed alone. Exercise, that will help a lot.
NOW, first of all, get out of the house and walk around the block, try to leave
your glasses at home. Glass blocks out a lot of the good rays.Depression
has been linked to a lot of things, and also lack of sunlight.
SECOND..log onto the Internet to FLYLADY.com. She is free with all her advice
on how to declutter and keep your house clean...for only 15 minutes at a time.
Clutter leads to depression and depression leads to dirt and clutter. Flyady
speaks of living in a state of CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome),
which I'm sure lots of us can relate to.
Let us know how you are doing. I'm sure that between all of us, we've all gone
thorough at least a small part of what you are at this time. Some of us may
have gone through much more..but let's keep on the bright side. Better times
are coming.
You have your debts paid and that is something masses of people in America
can not say, so you are a smart and caring person.
Just do the best you can, for YOU. Your family will benefit from it too.
You can do it, and you have to do it for yourself first of all.
03-06-2010, 11:31 AM
#35
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 289
That was beautiful! I am printing it out - I may need it myself some day. Such wondeful compassionate and helpful words of wisdom. You are truly one wonderful woman and it was a pleasure to read your words - from your own experience! You Go Girl!!
03-06-2010, 11:41 AM
#36
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Central Wisconsin
Posts: 1,660
I, too, have clinical depression. The first thing you need to do is see your Doc. If they find something, it can be helped. If not, it will at least give you peace of mind. Absolutly praying can help, I pray constantly, but my Dad had a saying "God helps those who help themselves" and it is so true. You can't just sit back and wait for Him to make things better. You have to act. As far as your kids are concerned, step back and tell them that you refuse to be pulled into the middle of anything. You love them both and will not take sides. They have to work this out for themselves. Emotional blackmail does NOT work. Your son will only resent you for it. DON'T feel guilty because they don't get along. They are adults and you are not responsible for how they act. ALL families have problems, we just don't always see them. There is no perfect family. As far as your siblings are concerned, if all you feel is hurt or used or whatever when you are around them, cut the ties. It took me a long time to realize this, but when I did cut all ties with my brothers, it was like a thousand pounds had been lifted from my sholders. You don't have to put up with anyone hurting you or trying to controll your life. You have to do what is best for YOU. Just remember that there are a lot of people here that will listen and be there for you. Go with God.
03-06-2010, 12:19 PM
#37
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: CO., USA
Posts: 592
Remember love,
I like myself, I am in charge of me and I WON'T LET YOU
make me feel this way.
A good cry is good medicine.
If I ever feel this way again I calling Ramona Byrd. ROTFLMAO!!!
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
I like myself, I am in charge of me and I WON'T LET YOU
make me feel this way.
A good cry is good medicine.
If I ever feel this way again I calling Ramona Byrd. ROTFLMAO!!!
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
03-06-2010, 01:38 PM
#38
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15,639
Barb,
You cannot control how people feel about each other or how everyone else processes those emotional hurts (real, intended, or imagined). The only thing you can control is how you want to deal with the relatives.
Yes, it is sad that your DD probably won't be at your son's wedding. If you get in the middle, you may be uninvited as well. If it's meant to be, your offspring will sort it out eventually. In the meantime, you have a relationship with both of them.
If you feel that you are only invited to your brother's birthday because of an obligation, don't feel obligated to go - don't go if you don't want to. However, if you want to go, I'd say don't take your unresolved hurts with you, instead you may look at the gathering as another opportunity to reconnect with your family. Relationships have to be maintained, and it sounds like your family collectively is wrapped up in their own lives and that is OK.
I have been through it with my own family (my brother didn't speak to us for 7 years) and we have pretty much pulled away from Pat's family (too many nuts, sluts, and perverts - according to my DH). All I can do is figure out where I fit and where I want to fit. I'm glad that my brother is back in the picture but the in-laws will not ever be part of my life again - except for my MIL.
Can't say anything about the business other than wishing you a windfall of good luck and lots of inspiration.
Hugs from CA.
You cannot control how people feel about each other or how everyone else processes those emotional hurts (real, intended, or imagined). The only thing you can control is how you want to deal with the relatives.
Yes, it is sad that your DD probably won't be at your son's wedding. If you get in the middle, you may be uninvited as well. If it's meant to be, your offspring will sort it out eventually. In the meantime, you have a relationship with both of them.
If you feel that you are only invited to your brother's birthday because of an obligation, don't feel obligated to go - don't go if you don't want to. However, if you want to go, I'd say don't take your unresolved hurts with you, instead you may look at the gathering as another opportunity to reconnect with your family. Relationships have to be maintained, and it sounds like your family collectively is wrapped up in their own lives and that is OK.
I have been through it with my own family (my brother didn't speak to us for 7 years) and we have pretty much pulled away from Pat's family (too many nuts, sluts, and perverts - according to my DH). All I can do is figure out where I fit and where I want to fit. I'm glad that my brother is back in the picture but the in-laws will not ever be part of my life again - except for my MIL.
Can't say anything about the business other than wishing you a windfall of good luck and lots of inspiration.
Hugs from CA.
03-06-2010, 02:17 PM
#39
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: blink and you've missed it
Posts: 2,564
thank you all for the support and kind words. I read them all and looked for my "Magic answer." I know there isn't one but I will work towards "close enough".
here's my progress: figuring on the 15 min. rule- what can I get done in 15 min. that would make me feel better?
So..... I went to the post office and mailed 3 packages out- one to a newbie here that weighed 12 lbs. (that felt good- I can't what 'til she opens it!), one to my Son in law who was just deployed to Afghanistan (this weighs heavy on my heart as all our service people) and one to my dd in Vegas. Just some cupcakes to her that are from here and some decorative hangar thingys I was going to paint and craft in a sports theme. She can do them- I don't have time. I used fat quarters for packing material so I know she will enjoy opening it. It felt great!!!
I have 3 more to go on Monday but they are for UPS, one is 20 lbs. to the same daughter- just a collection of Christmas gifts people left here for her (how did I get to be the drop place???) and some little things I picked up for Noah. 1 is a quilt top and backing to go be quilted and another to a quilter in need of some "stuff". That's my 15 min. for Monday.
Right now the washer is on load #5 of 6. I love to do laundry and hang my clothes up immediately after they are done, but dh and ds leave theirs laying around- don't get me started on that! I hear the central vac running- ds is doing the downstairs. He helped me take a leaf out of the table and put 6 chairs around it so it looks so much nicer.
The iron is heating up- I got the brilliant idea to cut strips for a swap (not due until April) and needed some prewashed. So I took 28 fabrics- took off a chunk of 10" and threw them in the wash with a load of towels. I now have a nice pile of ironing- not too smart Barb. :( But I like the smell of dryer sheets as I iron. :)
The dogs will get bathed when ds finishes the floor. He said he will help me. The pug needs to be cuddled after and he has to hold the beagle. I saved cleaning his bathroom until after the beagle bath (actually I stand over him and crab until he cleans it).
I organized the formal living room- I have 2 boxes and 1 big black garbage bag filled with blankets to be dropped at Salvation Army tomorrow afternoon. There's a lot more to do there, but I did take the 2 boxes of decorations downstairs. Whatever possessed my other son to clean the basement and put the bags there- grrr- double duty. Once I get these out I want to wash the curtains and shampoo the carpet (even though no one goes in there it gets dusty). Then I will feel better.
Oh- the one room where I always keep clean was even messy so I folded up the pack-n-play since we will not have little people here until June. I straightened the pillows on the bed since that's what I use for a "design wall" and I'm going to dust and vacuum there and spot shampoo 2 spots on the carpet.It took me 10 min. to clean up in there, and I feel better!
bottom line- yes, I still feel a bit depressed- but I'm looking at the things that can make me depressed as things outside my circle of control- the mortgage/real estate/ title industry for one. I've worked through bad times and I will continue to work through them. I can control my clutter and kind of "go with the flow" with the family issues until I can find something that will allow my heartache to ease.
I'm getting better, not 100% but better.
here's my progress: figuring on the 15 min. rule- what can I get done in 15 min. that would make me feel better?
So..... I went to the post office and mailed 3 packages out- one to a newbie here that weighed 12 lbs. (that felt good- I can't what 'til she opens it!), one to my Son in law who was just deployed to Afghanistan (this weighs heavy on my heart as all our service people) and one to my dd in Vegas. Just some cupcakes to her that are from here and some decorative hangar thingys I was going to paint and craft in a sports theme. She can do them- I don't have time. I used fat quarters for packing material so I know she will enjoy opening it. It felt great!!!
I have 3 more to go on Monday but they are for UPS, one is 20 lbs. to the same daughter- just a collection of Christmas gifts people left here for her (how did I get to be the drop place???) and some little things I picked up for Noah. 1 is a quilt top and backing to go be quilted and another to a quilter in need of some "stuff". That's my 15 min. for Monday.
Right now the washer is on load #5 of 6. I love to do laundry and hang my clothes up immediately after they are done, but dh and ds leave theirs laying around- don't get me started on that! I hear the central vac running- ds is doing the downstairs. He helped me take a leaf out of the table and put 6 chairs around it so it looks so much nicer.
The iron is heating up- I got the brilliant idea to cut strips for a swap (not due until April) and needed some prewashed. So I took 28 fabrics- took off a chunk of 10" and threw them in the wash with a load of towels. I now have a nice pile of ironing- not too smart Barb. :( But I like the smell of dryer sheets as I iron. :)
The dogs will get bathed when ds finishes the floor. He said he will help me. The pug needs to be cuddled after and he has to hold the beagle. I saved cleaning his bathroom until after the beagle bath (actually I stand over him and crab until he cleans it).
I organized the formal living room- I have 2 boxes and 1 big black garbage bag filled with blankets to be dropped at Salvation Army tomorrow afternoon. There's a lot more to do there, but I did take the 2 boxes of decorations downstairs. Whatever possessed my other son to clean the basement and put the bags there- grrr- double duty. Once I get these out I want to wash the curtains and shampoo the carpet (even though no one goes in there it gets dusty). Then I will feel better.
Oh- the one room where I always keep clean was even messy so I folded up the pack-n-play since we will not have little people here until June. I straightened the pillows on the bed since that's what I use for a "design wall" and I'm going to dust and vacuum there and spot shampoo 2 spots on the carpet.It took me 10 min. to clean up in there, and I feel better!
bottom line- yes, I still feel a bit depressed- but I'm looking at the things that can make me depressed as things outside my circle of control- the mortgage/real estate/ title industry for one. I've worked through bad times and I will continue to work through them. I can control my clutter and kind of "go with the flow" with the family issues until I can find something that will allow my heartache to ease.
I'm getting better, not 100% but better.
03-06-2010, 02:23 PM
#40
Power Poster
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 15,639
If you love doing laundry you'll never get to 100% ( not in my book) hahahahaha.
Just kidding.
Keep up the good work.
I'm not a religious person but there is a prayer that even strikes a cord with me:
Give me the strength to change the things I can,
the patience to leave the things I can't change,
and the wisdom to tell the difference.
You are a wise woman already - you'll do well!
Just kidding.
Keep up the good work.
I'm not a religious person but there is a prayer that even strikes a cord with me:
Give me the strength to change the things I can,
the patience to leave the things I can't change,
and the wisdom to tell the difference.
You are a wise woman already - you'll do well!
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Mrs. SewNSew
For Vintage & Antique Machine Enthusiasts
47
08-24-2015 08:08 AM
grann of 6
Pictures
24
08-23-2010 03:26 AM
