Grumpy attitude- a bit of whining
03-06-2010, 05:17 PM
#51
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: East Coast
Posts: 2,221
You amaze me, Barbm. You're not doing just one 15-minute session now and then, you seem to be on a roll!
Actually, I have to say you inspired me the other day to get moving myself. It was a bad week. The week before, three different recruiters had contacted me about jobs and all three acted like I was the answer to all their problems. This week, none of them followed up, none answered their phones when I called to follow up, and none returned my calls. I've been unemployed for close to two years now, and things are getting desperate.
I've also gotten behind on my housecleaning - and with no excuse, since I don't have a business or a family to attend to. Anyway, my bathroom thanks you because you and your thread inspired me to clean the parts I'd been neglecting for a while.
My kitchen floor and the fridge are next on my list.
Actually, I have to say you inspired me the other day to get moving myself. It was a bad week. The week before, three different recruiters had contacted me about jobs and all three acted like I was the answer to all their problems. This week, none of them followed up, none answered their phones when I called to follow up, and none returned my calls. I've been unemployed for close to two years now, and things are getting desperate.
I've also gotten behind on my housecleaning - and with no excuse, since I don't have a business or a family to attend to. Anyway, my bathroom thanks you because you and your thread inspired me to clean the parts I'd been neglecting for a while.
My kitchen floor and the fridge are next on my list.
03-06-2010, 05:28 PM
#52
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Southern California
Posts: 872
So glad that you're getting better. Sounds like you're getting a good handle on things, and the more you do, the stronger you'll feel for tackling the next thing. Glad to see that your family is helping out too.
If going to the wedding is something you want to do, then by all means go. If you think that you need to heal the rift in the family, you'll just be stressed and anxious about it. Just think of it this way, we all have our lessons to be learned in life, and this is one that your son and daughter need to learn from. You'll cheat them out of an opportunity to work through their own issues if you try to control their behaviors now that they're adults. And, as my DH says (he saw this on a poster once): "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of time and it annoys the pig." Corney I know, but it's easier to catch myself or have DH remind me that sometimes I'm just trying to "teach a pig to sing" and it's really out of my control. Maintain your relationship with both of them, and let them work out (or not) their own problems.
If going to the wedding is something you want to do, then by all means go. If you think that you need to heal the rift in the family, you'll just be stressed and anxious about it. Just think of it this way, we all have our lessons to be learned in life, and this is one that your son and daughter need to learn from. You'll cheat them out of an opportunity to work through their own issues if you try to control their behaviors now that they're adults. And, as my DH says (he saw this on a poster once): "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of time and it annoys the pig." Corney I know, but it's easier to catch myself or have DH remind me that sometimes I'm just trying to "teach a pig to sing" and it's really out of my control. Maintain your relationship with both of them, and let them work out (or not) their own problems.
03-06-2010, 07:37 PM
#53
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Rice Lake, WI
Posts: 489
Glad to hear you're feeling better. Sometimes it helps to "spill your guts" to a close friend(s) but if you have or continue to feel this way, get some help.
For some, depression won't get better or go away by itself. It would be a good idea to see your dr. and if he doesn't think you need meds you might want to see a counselor. They can determine if counseling would be helpful and all you may need is to go a few times.
I agree with the others, that you need to take back control of your life and not allow your family to make you feel like the bad person. It's to bad about your birthday, it's hurtful when siblings do things like that to each other.
As for your son's wedding, if it were me I wouldn't miss it for the world. It's understandable that you'd feel torn between your kids but they're adults and it's their job to work things out between them.
Go buy that new dress for the wedding and dance the night away. You won't regret it.
Good luck!
For some, depression won't get better or go away by itself. It would be a good idea to see your dr. and if he doesn't think you need meds you might want to see a counselor. They can determine if counseling would be helpful and all you may need is to go a few times.
I agree with the others, that you need to take back control of your life and not allow your family to make you feel like the bad person. It's to bad about your birthday, it's hurtful when siblings do things like that to each other.
As for your son's wedding, if it were me I wouldn't miss it for the world. It's understandable that you'd feel torn between your kids but they're adults and it's their job to work things out between them.
Go buy that new dress for the wedding and dance the night away. You won't regret it.
Good luck!
03-06-2010, 07:45 PM
#54
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 167
Things will get better, I know what your going through the stress is just horrible. am going through a lot like you. also have a wedding coming up in may. that I need to go and don't know if i can bring myself to do it. have a lot of problems out of a couple of my sons and my health has been in the pits this winter. But doesn't going out to the barn, make you feel better.. I think I'd just take a quilt out there and sleep with those babies of yours. Hope you start feeling better.. it was nice today with all the sunshine. I think this winter was rough on everyone and their moods.
take care hon. Wish I was close enough to give you a hug..
take care hon. Wish I was close enough to give you a hug..
03-06-2010, 08:23 PM
#55
Power Poster
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 17,636
Originally Posted by Barbm
I'm a huge supporter of suicide awareness and reducing the stigma of mental illness- so I wonder if I'm a hypocrite if I don't reach out for help? Don't get worried- it's not bad- I'm thinking it's that "seasonal" type. But this is what I'm feeling-
down- my son did not invite his sister (my DD) to his wedding. I am so torn- he/fiancee are mad because she had been married before and it only lasted 4 mos. and then she met hubby and got pregnant, came home, had baby, then married and left. they can't forgive her because she didn't invite them to her 2nd marriage ceremony (dad and I went because we said we were- end of story). So I have tried for over a month to get this resolved. I'm ready to threaten not to attend wedding to prove my point. I cry so easily over this- I have cried to him, hubby and I feel like my thoughts don't matter. I want my kids to get along! I stopped looking for a dress for the wedding, I am so upset over this.
down- my birthday was last week. no big deal over turning 51. Big deal- only my Dad (who said- do I have the right day?), my bff and 1 sister called me. I have a Mom, 4 other sisters and 2 brothers. None of them called. Reminded me of how I am such an outsider in that family. My kids were awesome- calls, came for dinner, observed my rule of no gifts.
down- I get an email from 1 sister and it's an invitation to my oldest brother's birthday party tomorrow. why invite me? you don't talk to me- you missed my birthday. Is this to rub it in that I don't belong?
down- I own a small business. It is regulated by the state. Our industry is under attack by the Insurance Dept.- saying we don't provide a service worth the fees charged. I have 1 1/2 employees and am dying under regulations, fees, taxes, etc. But at the same time, I can't quit to work somewhere else, it's all I've known for 24 years. I'm down to $200 in savings and went without a pay last month to make the bills here. I live in fear I will get sued- the underwriters are now suing agents when they suffer a loss. I can't put my home on the line for this business. (I've been an agent since '97 and never had a claim)
down- my house is a pig pen. It's messy, I need to scrub the grout in the tile in the kitchen, there are 2 boxes of decorations in the formal living room from Christmas, there's stuff to mail out and give away, I just can't bring myself to do anything. I get upset looking at it, but I can't bring myself to do anything either. My house NEVER looked like this- I am embarrassed. I always kept it neat and clean and "magazine cover" quality. Now it looks disorganized and dirty. And the dogs need a bath too. They smell like dogs. And I'm the only one who bathes them (and I think I'm the only one who smells them too).
up- the sun is shining- that always helps me. But I feel crabby and close to tears anyway. Shopping hasn't helped- I spend only what I have saved in my wallet and now I feel like I shouldn't even be doing that.
up- I have no credit card debt and I can pay my bills. I mailed my mortgage payment out (I always feel good when I mail that). I have a wonderful husband but he doesn't understand how I could feel down when I have so many blessings.
up- I have way too much stash and I'm trying to gift some to others to reduce it. It's fun to stick my hand in a tub of fat quarters and stuff them in a box. I figure if I look at what I pick out I could be tempted to keep them. But I pack it and it sits in the box on the floor- for 2 weeks now.
So what's wrong with me? Is this depression? I just needed to express myself, not looking for sympathy but I guess if someone says- pick yourself up by your bootstraps and stop whining, I will do it. Until then, I wallow in my self pity.
P.S. I just finished a Dr. Pepper and some chocolate cake and although it tasted good, I will have heartburn shortly.
Basically- I always considered myself a hugely POSITIVE thinker- I just feel so NEGATIVE and I can't kick it.
(And you know what- I worry my negative atitude will make bad things happen- and I don't want that!)
Sorry to whine, there are those who have it so much worse than me but I just can't shake this yucky attitude- I don't want to be with me. Tell me something positive you do that makes you feel better.....
down- my son did not invite his sister (my DD) to his wedding. I am so torn- he/fiancee are mad because she had been married before and it only lasted 4 mos. and then she met hubby and got pregnant, came home, had baby, then married and left. they can't forgive her because she didn't invite them to her 2nd marriage ceremony (dad and I went because we said we were- end of story). So I have tried for over a month to get this resolved. I'm ready to threaten not to attend wedding to prove my point. I cry so easily over this- I have cried to him, hubby and I feel like my thoughts don't matter. I want my kids to get along! I stopped looking for a dress for the wedding, I am so upset over this.
down- my birthday was last week. no big deal over turning 51. Big deal- only my Dad (who said- do I have the right day?), my bff and 1 sister called me. I have a Mom, 4 other sisters and 2 brothers. None of them called. Reminded me of how I am such an outsider in that family. My kids were awesome- calls, came for dinner, observed my rule of no gifts.
down- I get an email from 1 sister and it's an invitation to my oldest brother's birthday party tomorrow. why invite me? you don't talk to me- you missed my birthday. Is this to rub it in that I don't belong?
down- I own a small business. It is regulated by the state. Our industry is under attack by the Insurance Dept.- saying we don't provide a service worth the fees charged. I have 1 1/2 employees and am dying under regulations, fees, taxes, etc. But at the same time, I can't quit to work somewhere else, it's all I've known for 24 years. I'm down to $200 in savings and went without a pay last month to make the bills here. I live in fear I will get sued- the underwriters are now suing agents when they suffer a loss. I can't put my home on the line for this business. (I've been an agent since '97 and never had a claim)
down- my house is a pig pen. It's messy, I need to scrub the grout in the tile in the kitchen, there are 2 boxes of decorations in the formal living room from Christmas, there's stuff to mail out and give away, I just can't bring myself to do anything. I get upset looking at it, but I can't bring myself to do anything either. My house NEVER looked like this- I am embarrassed. I always kept it neat and clean and "magazine cover" quality. Now it looks disorganized and dirty. And the dogs need a bath too. They smell like dogs. And I'm the only one who bathes them (and I think I'm the only one who smells them too).
up- the sun is shining- that always helps me. But I feel crabby and close to tears anyway. Shopping hasn't helped- I spend only what I have saved in my wallet and now I feel like I shouldn't even be doing that.
up- I have no credit card debt and I can pay my bills. I mailed my mortgage payment out (I always feel good when I mail that). I have a wonderful husband but he doesn't understand how I could feel down when I have so many blessings.
up- I have way too much stash and I'm trying to gift some to others to reduce it. It's fun to stick my hand in a tub of fat quarters and stuff them in a box. I figure if I look at what I pick out I could be tempted to keep them. But I pack it and it sits in the box on the floor- for 2 weeks now.
So what's wrong with me? Is this depression? I just needed to express myself, not looking for sympathy but I guess if someone says- pick yourself up by your bootstraps and stop whining, I will do it. Until then, I wallow in my self pity.
P.S. I just finished a Dr. Pepper and some chocolate cake and although it tasted good, I will have heartburn shortly.
Basically- I always considered myself a hugely POSITIVE thinker- I just feel so NEGATIVE and I can't kick it.
(And you know what- I worry my negative atitude will make bad things happen- and I don't want that!)
Sorry to whine, there are those who have it so much worse than me but I just can't shake this yucky attitude- I don't want to be with me. Tell me something positive you do that makes you feel better.....
i'm no professional, just a mouse so don't really know if it's more than situational...and everybody gets that.
No need to feel guilty for feeling down. You do, you know.
It's all in your message. Your a human being, barb, and being way too hard on yourself.
well, as far as what i do to help myself feel better:
1 - when I listen to the devil mousie on left shoulder I eat sweets, or buy fabric I can't afford.
2 - when I listen to the angel mousie on my right shoulder I go get my grandbaby for a visit.
I don't know if that is an option for you...#2 I mean, not #1! ;)
I'm so glad you shared this huge load with us. I need hugs too right now, and it feels really good to give some.
From reading your ups and your downs, you have a right to not feel great, gee whiz.
and...we love our hubbies, but come on...we all have blessings in our lives, that doesn't mean we don't have the right to recognize the suck-lemons times when they come, and "no! we don't have to like it".
tons of hugs, and hope your family wises up and starts to realize how wonderful you are, and that they need you and each other.
03-06-2010, 09:57 PM
#58
Power Poster
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Outside St. Louis
Posts: 38,250
At 51 you are probably in some stage of menopause. I'm now 64 and I think I'm all the way through it, it sure threw me for a loop for several years. I thought everyone was against me and trying to drive me crazy, tears came easy and I was a real mess. It finally let up it's grip and left me a lot smarter about a lot of things than before. I've now adopted the 20 year rule. If it won't matter in 20 years, it don't matter. Most things fall into that catagory. You can't pick your siblings and your kids can't either, in 20 years none of these problems will be there. Life is too short to worry over these kinds of things, your job is the most important of these, concentrate on that. As my son use to say " Don't sweat the small **** and it's all small ****, of course, he didn't make that up but, he said it lots.
03-06-2010, 10:32 PM
#59
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: North Carolina - But otherwise, NOTW
Posts: 7,940
Originally Posted by Debra Mc
I think this called the Serendipty Prayer. My manic/bypolar sister carrys this charm on her key chain.
Also, if you're 51 it could be related to menopause...I started through it at 46 an finished at 52. I had some really bad depression for about 6 months, and my life situation at the time made it worse. I went to my GYN and she gave me a really mild antidepressant and recommended an herbal estrogen replacement, and I felt a lot better in just a few days.
Best of luck, and you'll be in my prayers. Take care of yourself. Janice
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