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Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?

Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?

Old 07-15-2011, 11:28 PM
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Someone once asked me "what is love"...my reply took a while, but I said "love is when you can't imagine your world without them in it". Love alone is not enough to keep a marriage going....you need respect, fidelity, trust, open-communication and don't take liberties with each other...never make assumptions and keep a good sense of humour. Biting my tongue serves me well.:)
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:38 PM
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I'm not an expert on marriage, but I do know anything that is going to work will need God's help. Keep God in your heart and your marriage is bound to be happy and long.
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Old 07-16-2011, 01:32 AM
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for better or worse.. Never say something in anger. You can't take back words once spoken. They never go away once said. They haunt you forever.
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Old 07-16-2011, 02:54 AM
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Remember these things: wait 3 years to have a child(gives time to get to know each other). Don't ever bring up past arguments. When they are done they are DONE! Your spouse should be the first one you talk to about problems even if he/she is the problem. Don't go runnin to MOM or SIS or Brother. Talk dont yell. Try not to go to bed mad. I think in 20 years it has only happened twice. Make sure you tell each other every morning and night that you love each other. You never know when it will be the last time you see them.
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:03 AM
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At our engagement party in 1975, my great uncle said to my gonna be hubby, "Never go to bed angry, she will get madder at you overnight. And do not let her have an iron skillet". DH asks what is wrong with the iron skillet. Uncle says, just in case you forget that she is always right and decides to make you remember. LOL! Seriously,
don't ever go to bed mad. Stay up all night if you have to, your marriage is worth it. The first time I ever saw Dr. Phil he was saying that to keep the fire lit, touch. Not in just in the bedroom but whenever possible. Hug, hold hands, touch his arm when you walk by. Love it!
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:07 AM
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even the 'touchy' subjects
if it is something that really has you both...at odds....step back and think---maybe even write it down---vent on paper- not on him---
sometimes hubby and i plan a special dinner- we know we have to discuss something -difficult-- we start with a nice meal- we agree ahead of time to allow each other to say what they need to -without anger- you have to be willing and able to (step out of the problem) and look at it from the other side-
don't forget - DATE NIGHT- no matter how hectic life gets- set aside together time- on a regular basis- we love our movie & dinner dates- usually start with him bringing home flowers :)
remember everyone needs alittle (me time) women seem to expect it- but have a problem also giving it.
as long as you never stop talking to each other- you will be fine 50 years from now---
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:42 AM
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Originally Posted by NancyG
Trust, communication, honesty, fidelity, sense of humor, and don't sweat the small stuff!
All of the above, plus compromise. Everyone wants their own way, but in a relationship, someone often has to compromise. People give up way too soon and get divorced. It takes work sometimes.

We've been married 32 years...6 weeks after our first date! It hasn't always been rosy, but overall, it's been great. Just the fact that you are asking is a good sign that you care enough to do what it takes.
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Old 07-16-2011, 03:55 AM
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Originally Posted by isnthatodd
Never ever say anything negative about your spouse to anyone, even in jest. Always point out the good parts at every opportunity.
I've read this thread in it's entirety. This sums it up completely. If you are talking to your family or 'friends' about everything your spouse is doing wrong (won't pick up his underwear), etc., you are in trouble. Because none of what you said is ever kept secret.

This is a marriage between two people, keep it that way. Professional help is needed, should you have problems, not your friend's help. Having God as your pilot always will get you through most anything and my belief is the ony deal breakers are infidelity or domestic violence.

My husband and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary next year, I love him as much today as I did the day we were wed. I feel extremely blessed to have such a great life and he has been my best friend since the day I met him. And no, he's not perfect........but neither am I.
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:02 AM
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been married 30 years, sure there were times when we went to bed mad, but we got over it.

Remember the bad times are usually temporary - concentrate on the good times and think, "this too shall pass." (of course this doesn't apply to abuse, alcoholism, etc. I mean temporary bad spots in an otherwise good marriage.)

You have gotten a lot of good advice so far. I would add 2 things - start off honest. A lot of newly-in-love folks agree to whatever the other likes, i.e., a wife saying, I would love to go to football games with you every weekend, when she really doesn't. Instead it is better to be honest, say, sports is not my thing but I will go with you once in a while. Otherwise you wind up 10 years later, yelling, "and another thing, I have always HATED your stupid football games!"

Conversely, when you do do something for your spouse, do it willingly and with a smile. Say you love opera and your DH hates it. It is much nicer if he takes you once in awhile with a glad heart, than if he pouts and says, "Oh ALL RIGHT, I will take you to the d*mn opera, NOW are you happy??!!" If you can't do it nicely, don't do it.
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:03 AM
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I thought I and so much love for my hubby that I possibly could not love him anymore.....then I woke up this morning and found out that I love him more than I did yesterday! Love him like there is no tomorrow. There may not be. Been married for 39 years on earth and we are married for Eternity.
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