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Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?

Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?

Old 07-16-2011, 09:01 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 210

If you are married to your best friend and soul mate, everything can be worked out by talking. We have been married 47 years and worked together for most of those years. A long married is the best there is. Do more giving than taking.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:01 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Nevada
Posts: 650

We just had our 39th anniversary this past May. Not all of it has been happy, but neither of us gave up. For very long anyway.

We were very young, 18 and 19 when we "had" to get married. We had every statistical strike against us. Too young, different religions, Parents that did not like the new son or daughter in law. If you can think of it, it was us.

But we were tough, and determined. We fought like cats sometimes. Went to bed angry, got up angrier. But we worked it out, whatever it was and the makeup part was always great. LOL We finally moved away from WA, and our families and basically started over. All the meddling and demands were the cause of most of our strife. Our kids have thanked us both more times then I can count. They are great, successful adults now, and I don't think they would have been if we had stayed. Too much drama and too many toxic people.

Now that we are older and don't have kids at home, it is fun to be married to someone who knows you so well. We accept each other for what we are and don't try to change each other.

My husband is up in WA right now actually. His father passed away. He is going to visit the kids on his way back home. But he has already told me on the phone he is ready to come home. He went on Friday and the service was today and he is done. It does not take long for him to remember why we left and where he needs to be.

Sorry this is so long, got kind of carried away.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:04 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 2,067

There is lots of good advice on this board. Jack and I have been married for over fifty-nine years and love each other more now than ever. We had our stumbling blocks in our early marriage, but talked them out. I would say learn to communicate, trust, be truthful, be faithful, honor one another and keep a sense of humor. But most of all, have a common goal that is first and foremost. We decided we loved each other and worked at making our marriage work. Years ago I bought a set of tapes (Loving Relationships) by Gary Smalley that are really great for relationships, and it helped us to see we had been doing things pretty well, and we got even better.
I send you wishes for a happy, healthy and prosperous, long marriage and may you always be each others best friend.
Blessings of love, Roberta Marie
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:10 PM
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: La Pine Oregon, USA
Posts: 5,907

laugh together. And never, never, never, never go to bars with or without your spouse. :) That's the advice I got from a woman many many years ago. I was married 16 yrs, divorced. Married 15 yrs and widowed. Married 6 yrs now and KNOW that woman was telling the truth. My advice is also to never sweat the small stuff. So what if he doesn't pick up his socks.......if the socks keep getting thrown away because obviously he thought they were trash, he'll figure it out sooner or later!!! ROL!
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:34 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Sacramento, Ca. USA
Posts: 311

I am about to celebrate my 25 anniversary. This is my 2nd and his 1st. I had to learn not to play games. Yes women play games. I had to say what I mean, even if it hurt his feeling or mine. My husband came from an abusive home. I say he grew up in a cave because he didn't know how to deal with people. the other thing that has helped our relationship. Separate bank accounts. Even if only a small amount is added each paycheck.
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:53 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: So Cal
Posts: 576

My husband and I have been married 28 years next week. It is my third and his second. It just took me awhile to not settle for second best.
The best advice I could give is always apologize when you have said or done something that you think is wrong. And always remember when you feel critical, that you have faults also. My husband and I are more in love now than ever and we are both really happy. We always give each other a kiss when the other leaves to go to the store or out anywhere. We both tease each other and laugh a lot. Someone earlier suggested Gary Smalley's tapes. We taught one of his classes at our church and it was successful. He talks a lot about respecting the other person. I think that is extremely important.
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Old 07-16-2011, 11:26 PM
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Location: A Hop from Heaven, a Skip from Sanity and a Jump from the Good Life....
Posts: 6,665

Trust ,respect, communication, and unselfish 'giving'....
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Old 07-17-2011, 12:15 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Willamette Valley, Oregon, USA
Posts: 7,695

The best I can give is, pick your battles. If in the grand scheme of things, you will live through it, decide if 'right' is more important than 'friends'. Try to find something to love about them everyday and TELL them. Some minutes you will ask yourself "What was I thinking?". Other minutes you will remember without asking.
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Old 07-17-2011, 03:24 AM
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Location: Vestal, NY
Posts: 1,659

I always found that for our most passionate disagreements/differences of opinion.... it was hard to discuss without losing my train of thought or getting too upset to speak. So I found, that writing to my husband worked best. I could really think about what I wanted to say, say it well without being judgmental and I couldn't be interrupted. I also found that giving him time to digest what i said was best. We've been married 35 years and started "dating" (hanging out on lunch at school and stuff like that)for 10 years prior to that....... 45 years all together.
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:02 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 201

It is refreshing to read how many of you are happy and still in love after many, many years. We are at 37 and still counting...Love is an action.
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