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Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?

Need help on having a lasting and happy marriage! How do you do it?

Old 07-16-2011, 05:21 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Spring Green,WI
Posts: 14,637

Enjoy him, don't try to change him.

Laugh with him. Say thank you often. Hug him just because he walked in the room.

Clif and I have been married 30 years. We giggle and laugh together (OK I giggle, he laughs)

Don't ever make your lives a competition, it is a cooperation.

On the practical side, I don't ever greet him with a problem. If I have to it is always with a "Oh am I glad to see you, you will be able to help" never an accusatory word even when it is his fault.

When he screws up, I tell him he was to learn my good habits not my bad such as dropping things.

I am not his servant and he is not mine. Yet we both wait on each other. We are trying to be helpful to each other to make each other's lives easier. We play together and we play apart. I quilt and he dives. But he is interested in what I do. Diving, for me, not so much. But I make every effort to make sure he can go and back him up. I just hate water and won't go with him.

I think it all comes down to we feel we are important to each other. Which means we take time for each other. I know job and children take time. But when I am with him, I really try to enjoy him. I try to put him first.
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Old 07-16-2011, 05:21 PM
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We just celebrated 28 yrs. The one thing that works for us is that whatever is bothering one or the other of us we ask ourselves " Will this really matter to me in 10 yrs.?"...If the answer is no...and it usually is no....then just let it go. We started off as best friends and still are best friends..I think this is the key. Good luck to you...may you spend happy lives together!
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Old 07-16-2011, 06:04 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 605

And don't forget to write "I love you" in the dust on the dresser!
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Old 07-16-2011, 06:10 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Western Arizona
Posts: 1,930

With 50 yrs. of marriage, my biggest lesson was to never say anything I'd regret later. We were never the screamiing throwing things kind of people. We just stayed silent til one of us got lonely & broke the silence. LOL. Then we'd talk about why one of us was unhappy.

Not always a good thing though since one of our sons once told me he didn't learn how to resolve conflict since he never heard or saw us argue. Good point but that's just how we were.

The obvious first in line priority is just to always remember that you love ea. other.
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Old 07-16-2011, 06:15 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Galveston Texas
Posts: 1,596

Don't let problems build up before talking about them. Dicuss only the present subject, not past grievances. Never go to bed or leave the house, mad. Always tell each other you love them.
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Old 07-16-2011, 06:18 PM
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Posts: 15,639

Pat and I have been married for almost 35 years - together for almost 38 and he still makes me laugh. So for me, humor is a big component to a successful relationship.

He is also my friend and while love can come and go, friendship is lasting.

We work really well together. It took us a while to figure out that each was good in different areas and that we really complemented each other. Now, instead of me trying to force my way on him, we work within our strengths.

DON'T TRY TO CHANGE YOUR PARTNER! It won't work - it isn't your job - and odds are, you won't like what he changes into.

Lastly, don't sweat the small stuff and have fun!
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Old 07-16-2011, 06:25 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 811

DH would probably say... don't argue and he won't...so we don't, though sometimes I surely try! LOL.

This is the 2nd marriage for us both. We have been married 6 wonderful years and I love him more every day. We laugh often and it's often enough at each other as much as with each other. We don't take offense because we are totally secure with each other. We say I love you often and almost always address each other by pet names. We're silly and sappy. We always kiss goodnight. We genuinely like each other. He's my best friend and I can't imagine life without him.

But the best advice I could give is to never forget that your love and your marriage is a decision, not a feeling. Getting married is a commitment. When you're not "feeling" the love (and there will be times like that!)... remember the commitment.
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Old 07-16-2011, 06:28 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Burnie, MD
Posts: 927

Never call each other mean names or say hateful things to each other when you are angry and fighting.
My husband and I will be married for 39 years on Aug 5th.
Good luck to you and your husband!
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Old 07-16-2011, 07:03 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Kawartha Lakes, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 854

well said.

I was married to DH for 34 years before he passed last summer.

1. Talk about it, whatever it is, talk it out.
2. There are some things you will never agree on. Agree to disagree and on which way you will handle it then leave it alone.
3. When you get into a fight, figure out if you are arguing just so you can win, or if the point is that important. Will it matter 6 months or 2 years from now? If no....quit fighting. If yes, then figure out how to fight nicely about it and make your point. Then see #1 and #2.

Enjoy each other!
Originally Posted by nycbgirl
I have been happily married for nearly 16 years and what has served me well is the thought: We are in a marriage and it's give and take and it's never 50/50 it's 100/100 on each side and if we have a disagreement I always remember the goal is not to "win" the disagreement but to settle it.
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:30 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Bosque County, Texas
Posts: 2,709

Been married for 37 years. Some years were good, some weren't.. We've been been committed to improving our marriage each year, staying loyal to each other. keeping each other as our best friend. We don't keep important things secret from each other. We're honest with each other. Some years we had communication problems and couldn't talk freely - so we wrote notes and letters until we could communicate again freely. We've found the longer we've been married the better it gets. It is definitely worth all the struggle that we went through during the early harder years. I thought that when things were at their best when we were young, when the sex was wonderful, the romance was marvelous, the love was like perfume in the spring air, that it couldn't get any better. No! That was kid stuff compared to life together in our 70's. No sex due to health reasons, romance is best expressed with a special look across the room - but I can't even imagine life without him by my side.
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