So what did you do when cancer came to your family?
#11
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 12,861
going through it right now concerning my younger brother...and for the past 5 months...boy i've gone through ...
profound saddness, RAGING ANGER, frustration, compassion, worry...the list just goes on and on...every day...every night, it is on the mind....i do not go see him as often (as i should) but when ever i get a call i am there. sometimes its hard to talk to him...sometimes i'm ok...(dont' want to say the wrong thing)
i seem to be going through all of the stages of mourning...ahead of time...does that mean when the time is actually here i will be (over-it) and be the one holding up when everyone else is ...going through it? i don't know- i just know it's never easy no matter who it is ...
sometimes you don't have enough time...sometimes it's too much time....
it's always horrible/hard/stressful/overwhelming
thank goodness i have a full time job and quilting to give me an outlet to focus on.
profound saddness, RAGING ANGER, frustration, compassion, worry...the list just goes on and on...every day...every night, it is on the mind....i do not go see him as often (as i should) but when ever i get a call i am there. sometimes its hard to talk to him...sometimes i'm ok...(dont' want to say the wrong thing)
i seem to be going through all of the stages of mourning...ahead of time...does that mean when the time is actually here i will be (over-it) and be the one holding up when everyone else is ...going through it? i don't know- i just know it's never easy no matter who it is ...
sometimes you don't have enough time...sometimes it's too much time....
it's always horrible/hard/stressful/overwhelming
thank goodness i have a full time job and quilting to give me an outlet to focus on.
#12
Super Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NE Pa.
Posts: 1,738
A year ago in Aug I was dx with cancer of the breast in the early stages. I opted for a total mastectomy,No involvement with lymph nodes. Surgery went well and no further treatment and thought WHEW all is well. Then in Dec. (same year) My son 45 yrs old was dx with lung cancer, no cure, to far gone. He had chemo and radiation and lived until Oct 8th, 2010. I went with him and his wife to every treatment, spent every day taking care of him as his wife worked, cried, was in rage, hated what was happening and I still am a mess. Why wasn't it me instead of him. We have other children, but he was the youngest and the only boy. there is a hole in my heart that can never be fixed.
#13
My mother was in her early 60's when 1st diagnosed with breast cancer. It was very hard as this was back in the early 80's & we did not have the phone services that we do today. I was 300 miles away and a full time teacher & in the midst of having a house built. I regret not having spent more time with her before she lost her battle.
If you don't have Skype on your computer, I suggest you do it. It's totally free & the best thing you can do for your mom in let her talk & know that she is not alone in her battle.
If you don't have Skype on your computer, I suggest you do it. It's totally free & the best thing you can do for your mom in let her talk & know that she is not alone in her battle.
#14
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,536
Parents, grandparents all died of cancer. My Mom had breast cancer when she was 54. 'had the surgery, came out fine - no chemo, no radiation. She passed on Mothers Day - 2002 of ovarian cancer but lived until 89 years old. Those Cancer Reasearch Centers that are in Tulsa, among about 3 other places sound real promissing - has anyone had any experience with those? It seems like isn't cancer, its heart problems. The best of luck to everyone - our prayers are with you and yours.
#15
Whether a parent is ill or not, never leave one "I love you" unsaid or one hug unhugged. When my parents died all the "I love you's" had been said, all the hugs hugged, and anything else that could have been done for them had been. They knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were loved beyond reason. If you do that for your mother, there's no greater gift for either of you. It will help in her recovery too. Love and laughter are some of the best cancer fighters. A few hundred miles isn't a bad trip to make once a month or so. Call her often and laugh. Read Ditter's jokes to her, let her know you care, send her a new nightie, or make her a tote bag to take to the chemo sessions. I've gone through these with two of my friends and they need a tote to take a small snack, book, magazine, blanket or other such things in. If she looses her hair make her some chemo caps. Not all chemo causes hair loss.
#16
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New to Manchester New Hampshire
Posts: 1,509
Be as supportive as you can. I recently found out that 4 people I know have cancer. One as of this writing has about 2 months to live. Prayer helps but that too can be frustrating. Enjoy the time you have with your relatives and friends NOW not later.
#17
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 1,079
I don't think I can add anything to what has been said. I had a deep faith and that is what got me through several deaths in my family. The one thing I will stress is to make sure you have no regrets so that when you are faced with their death(s) you know your conscience is clear. The first close death I experienced was with my father who had had cancer and I knew I had been a good daughter to him. After my father died a co-worker called to express her condolences and said words I'll never forget "you have just lost one of your two best friends." Being positive is very important. I tell everyone who will listen to love your parents and talk to them while they are alive because you have no idea how terrible it will be when they are gone. You never have your parents long enough.
#18
Learn to enjoy every moment...be it yourself or with a loved one. I was diagnosed with an incurable form of leukemia back in 2002 and it was very emotional. I even had a break down one day while outside working in the flower garden....was crying and stabbing my trowel into the ground over and over again, neighbors going by must have thought I was one foolish person. I can laugh at it now; but back then I was that angry. Needless to say, I am still here to enjoy every day; but have seen other family members and friends lose their battles with cancer. You must be strong because we (the cancer victims) don't want to be pitied. Just want to know that we are loved and you are there for us, whatever we need to go through. Don't be too afraid of chemotherapy because it can do some wonderful things and I can attest to a cousin with stage 4 colon cancer who is still in remission and an aunt who has been kept alive for over 13 years because of going through her chemo whenever necessary. The battle is long and hard, not everyone makes it; but just be there with love, support, and laughter to make the days more pleasant. If the person is a female and loses her hair, tell her how beautiful she looks with her smile and how happy you are to still be able to look at her face and give her a hug. When the final days come, just be there ....cannot stress the words "be there" enough. Make the most of every moment. HUGS
#19
the only think you'd regret it not spending as much time with your mom as possible. My dad was diagnosed in January 09, he passed January, 10. Don't regret for a minute the time I spent with him prior to and and during his last days. I was by his side when he passed, While I knew it was coming, he went from bad to worse practically overnight and I am forever thankful I had a few last days with him.
yes, you need t be with your mom as much as you can. you also need to take care of yourself, you are going to go through an incredible amount of stress and emotion and it can and will take its toll on you.
yes, you need t be with your mom as much as you can. you also need to take care of yourself, you are going to go through an incredible amount of stress and emotion and it can and will take its toll on you.
#20
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Glenmoore, PA
Posts: 7,941
Originally Posted by iowabelle
Sorry I don't talk much here--my internet access is undependable but I check in as I can.
So Thursday I get an email from my 71 y.o. mother that she's start chemo on Monday for breast cancer. This was the first I'd heard about it. She says they're planning a double mastectomy for the summer.
I live several hundred miles away from her, but she does actually live with my brother, and they are very close. I haven't managed to talk or get an email yet from him so I can't tell what's up for sure.
I was really shocked, since her health has been good, she stopped smoking 20 years ago. Although both her parents died of cancer, it wasn't breast cancer.
But it's not realistic to think you're going to have parents your whole life (although I do know a few 60- and 70-somethings who do!).
So what did you do to deal with the possibility of losing your parent (or relative), and what did you do for them?
So Thursday I get an email from my 71 y.o. mother that she's start chemo on Monday for breast cancer. This was the first I'd heard about it. She says they're planning a double mastectomy for the summer.
I live several hundred miles away from her, but she does actually live with my brother, and they are very close. I haven't managed to talk or get an email yet from him so I can't tell what's up for sure.
I was really shocked, since her health has been good, she stopped smoking 20 years ago. Although both her parents died of cancer, it wasn't breast cancer.
But it's not realistic to think you're going to have parents your whole life (although I do know a few 60- and 70-somethings who do!).
So what did you do to deal with the possibility of losing your parent (or relative), and what did you do for them?
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