UGH! My child's friend
08-18-2010, 05:47 AM
#41
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 785
Thanks for posting this thread. I'm also dealing with a new neighbor's kid who's 5 years old and is such a bully. No matter how old you are, he'll just do whatever he want to you! It's unbelievable!
I had a little neighborhood gathering at my place and all the adults witness him throwing sands in a one year's old baby boy. He then told everyone that the baby started.
He was put in time out from his mom but it doesn't seem to have any affect on him.
I'm now avoiding him. I don't want my son to pick him his bad behaviors. His own father told us that he's having a difficult time dealing with him. His mother tries but not very successful. Sad!
I had a little neighborhood gathering at my place and all the adults witness him throwing sands in a one year's old baby boy. He then told everyone that the baby started.
He was put in time out from his mom but it doesn't seem to have any affect on him.
I'm now avoiding him. I don't want my son to pick him his bad behaviors. His own father told us that he's having a difficult time dealing with him. His mother tries but not very successful. Sad!
08-18-2010, 05:55 AM
#42
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 443
Wow, such a sad situation. My sister used to say that she couldn't do a thing with my 2 year old nephew. Shame on her! Who is the parent and who is the child here? Years later it came back to bite her in the butt when he got in trouble with the law. I would hate to admit that a child dominated me. When I see a child screaming and throwing a fit in a restaurant or store- I want to just slap the daylights out of that parent- It's not the childs fault. Also if a parent loves their child- they will correct and teach them.
08-18-2010, 06:35 AM
#43
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Gladstone, Oregon by way of Washington(the state)
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by cr12cats
I grew up knowing I was a disposable child so when my sons friends are over they all get to be treated as part of the family. Even the ones that had troubles always followed the rules of the house. They called me moms and my husband became pops. Even as adults now.
Enjoy the comfort of the sisterhood.
Faith :XD:
08-18-2010, 11:24 AM
#44
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Central Willamette Valley, Oregon, USA
Posts: 7,695
And now the other side of that story.... I was that kid who had lousy, distracted, ineffectual parents. I treasure every adult I came into contact with, who cared enough to treat me as their own. They did show me a better way of life. I hope I was able to be a better parent because of them making me a 'family' member. Yes, a few of them even grounded me from visiting, until I got my head back where it should be. I love them all and still visit with them. Thank you from every kid you did the right thing for, instead of just coldly barring them from your home. I always asked myself "what am I teaching this kid right now?" God sends angels like all of you. Thank you again. I can never say it enough. ;)
08-18-2010, 01:30 PM
#45
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ks
Posts: 1,112
thank you cobaltjars62 for the kind words. As a adult learned it was the parents problems, Hopefully others will realize that also and break the cycle with their own kids.It amazes me how some parents are. Alot of my sons freinds disowned their kids. And they were good kids. When mine were acting up they found mom would dig in her heels and be more stubborn than they could dream of and would not give in. If I couldn't trust them to behave they had to stay at my side and go wherever I went or had to do. No teenager likes that so they would behave.
08-18-2010, 03:17 PM
#46
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Gladstone, Oregon by way of Washington(the state)
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by cr12cats
thank you cobaltjars62 for the kind words. As a adult learned it was the parents problems, Hopefully others will realize that also and break the cycle with their own kids.It amazes me how some parents are. Alot of my sons freinds disowned their kids. And they were good kids. When mine were acting up they found mom would dig in her heels and be more stubborn than they could dream of and would not give in. If I couldn't trust them to behave they had to stay at my side and go wherever I went or had to do. No teenager likes that so they would behave.
My son wasn't very happy at times when he was growing up cuz I made sure that I knew where he was at all times, I mean within reason. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I just wanted to know that his choices were the right ones. I also expected him to show respect to his elders and to use the manners he was taught. I'm not saying he's perfect(for some reason he has his Mom's smart a** mouth sometimes) :roll:
He is now a productive member of society and is also in college. He is someone I am very proud of. It's too bad that some parents are just too self involved to see what is going on under their noses. Unfortunately their kids are the product of that lifestyle. So when the kids screw up as adults they say" I just couldn't get thru to that kid" Makes ya just wanna scream sometimes.
08-18-2010, 03:49 PM
#47
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Iowa
Posts: 8,107
I, too, am a mean mom but the kids respected me! My kids had friends over all the time. We had rules of no drinking, no smoking and behave yourself or you couldn't come over again. We have so many kids that call us mom and dad, we have lost count. Kids need some limits and some rules. It doesn't hurt them a bit. We always knew where our kids were and what was going on and that was what was most important.
08-18-2010, 05:06 PM
#48
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: So. Maine
Posts: 176
Parents like that are the reason my husband and I have 3 extra kids!! We had three great kids already.
about 7 years ago, my DD was starting high school- she knew a couple of boys that had family issues and needed a place to live. One of them was instant messaging all his friends that the state was coming to take them to foster care and did anyone have a place they could stay instead? and my DD immediately called me at work - I said of course they could come here. They had little parenting growing up - lots of family problems. They were doing poorly in school, had no real friends and would prob not have graduated. They moved in with us and had to toe the line - we had rules - school rules, social rules. Which is why their sister (13 at the time) refused to come here and went into group homes and back and forth with her mom instead. The boys rebelled at times- We set the rules and they had no choice but to follow since there was nowhere to go.
All my daughter's friends came here once the boys moved in.. We were the hangout place.The kids were safe, had fun and kept out of trouble. I t was not unusual to have 15 kids camped out all over the house every weekend. Grocery bills were astronomical (the boys were both 6'4" and one weighed over 300lbs!!)
These boys both went to college- one graduates this year, he joined the army national guard and has gotten married to a really sweet girl. The other one got an academic scholarship to college (after failing his first year in high school before we knew him)- he is involved in a lot of outside activities and supports himself, with a couple years til he is done college.
AND>...Now we have our little munchkin - 3 years old - who is the sister's baby (had her at 16). Her mom is going to jail, has had DHS involved for the past 3 years, and we thank goodness the baby has lived most of her life with us. We are expecting that within the next few months we will adopt and she will be ours forever. Believe it or not, Her mom still thinks she is a wonderful parent.
It hasn't always been easy, and at near-retirement age, it is a little exhausting raising a toddler. But every time we hear about the mom's lifestyle issues, we are so grateful to have our little one here - my avatar...
I guess I agree with whoever said the ones who are the hardest need it the most. We did not go looking for these kids, but when they needed a place, we were happy to help. There have been many problems that needed solving, expenses we hadn't planned on and life changes for all of us. We can't imagine what would have happened to any of them if we hadn't taken them on... We love them all as our own.
SO keep an open mind, be patient, be a good role model for those kids that are struggling, and you never know when you will turn a life around. You don't have to be the best parent - you just have to care enough to want to try....It is worth the effort, for sure.
about 7 years ago, my DD was starting high school- she knew a couple of boys that had family issues and needed a place to live. One of them was instant messaging all his friends that the state was coming to take them to foster care and did anyone have a place they could stay instead? and my DD immediately called me at work - I said of course they could come here. They had little parenting growing up - lots of family problems. They were doing poorly in school, had no real friends and would prob not have graduated. They moved in with us and had to toe the line - we had rules - school rules, social rules. Which is why their sister (13 at the time) refused to come here and went into group homes and back and forth with her mom instead. The boys rebelled at times- We set the rules and they had no choice but to follow since there was nowhere to go.
All my daughter's friends came here once the boys moved in.. We were the hangout place.The kids were safe, had fun and kept out of trouble. I t was not unusual to have 15 kids camped out all over the house every weekend. Grocery bills were astronomical (the boys were both 6'4" and one weighed over 300lbs!!)
These boys both went to college- one graduates this year, he joined the army national guard and has gotten married to a really sweet girl. The other one got an academic scholarship to college (after failing his first year in high school before we knew him)- he is involved in a lot of outside activities and supports himself, with a couple years til he is done college.
AND>...Now we have our little munchkin - 3 years old - who is the sister's baby (had her at 16). Her mom is going to jail, has had DHS involved for the past 3 years, and we thank goodness the baby has lived most of her life with us. We are expecting that within the next few months we will adopt and she will be ours forever. Believe it or not, Her mom still thinks she is a wonderful parent.
It hasn't always been easy, and at near-retirement age, it is a little exhausting raising a toddler. But every time we hear about the mom's lifestyle issues, we are so grateful to have our little one here - my avatar...
I guess I agree with whoever said the ones who are the hardest need it the most. We did not go looking for these kids, but when they needed a place, we were happy to help. There have been many problems that needed solving, expenses we hadn't planned on and life changes for all of us. We can't imagine what would have happened to any of them if we hadn't taken them on... We love them all as our own.
SO keep an open mind, be patient, be a good role model for those kids that are struggling, and you never know when you will turn a life around. You don't have to be the best parent - you just have to care enough to want to try....It is worth the effort, for sure.
08-18-2010, 09:44 PM
#50
Super Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 6,764
Originally Posted by kristen0112
Just have to vent my son Peter has his friend over to play they are both 11 years old. This other boy is - difficult? He isn't respectful to adults, when I tell him not to do something he rolls his eyes at me. If he were my child he'd be in so much trouble for doing that to me or anyone else. He back talks to adults and others, tries to shift blame when he's been caught doing something...the list goes on. I know you're thinking send the child home and don't let him influence your kid right? Peter has trouble making and keeping friendships. He plays with kids at school but doesn't really attach and become best friends. So, I worry...
I invited his parents out boating with us a couple of weekends ago it was an eye opener. He's an only child and the parents seem to not parent him but 'encourage' him to make the right choices. The mom is REALLY into her two dogs which she brought with them boating. She talks to them lovingly and affectionately like children, it seemed that their well being and needs really came first before husband and child. It was interesting. They were almost 2 hours late because the mom kept forgetting stuff at home, first the tie downs for the dogs, then whether she locked the doors to the house. So, I kind of get why the boy is the way he is... Okay I am done venting he's only here for a few hours I can handle it :-\
I invited his parents out boating with us a couple of weekends ago it was an eye opener. He's an only child and the parents seem to not parent him but 'encourage' him to make the right choices. The mom is REALLY into her two dogs which she brought with them boating. She talks to them lovingly and affectionately like children, it seemed that their well being and needs really came first before husband and child. It was interesting. They were almost 2 hours late because the mom kept forgetting stuff at home, first the tie downs for the dogs, then whether she locked the doors to the house. So, I kind of get why the boy is the way he is... Okay I am done venting he's only here for a few hours I can handle it :-\
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