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Thread: UGH! My child's friend

  1. #1
    Super Member kristen0112's Avatar
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    Just have to vent my son Peter has his friend over to play they are both 11 years old. This other boy is - difficult? He isn't respectful to adults, when I tell him not to do something he rolls his eyes at me. If he were my child he'd be in so much trouble for doing that to me or anyone else. He back talks to adults and others, tries to shift blame when he's been caught doing something...the list goes on. I know you're thinking send the child home and don't let him influence your kid right? Peter has trouble making and keeping friendships. He plays with kids at school but doesn't really attach and become best friends. So, I worry...
    I invited his parents out boating with us a couple of weekends ago it was an eye opener. He's an only child and the parents seem to not parent him but 'encourage' him to make the right choices. The mom is REALLY into her two dogs which she brought with them boating. She talks to them lovingly and affectionately like children, it seemed that their well being and needs really came first before husband and child. It was interesting. They were almost 2 hours late because the mom kept forgetting stuff at home, first the tie downs for the dogs, then whether she locked the doors to the house. So, I kind of get why the boy is the way he is... Okay I am done venting he's only here for a few hours I can handle it :-\

  2. #2
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    Oh my, the poor child! Thanks for trying to do the right thing by all concerned. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! I will pray that friends and good nurturing stable families can give the child a better picture of how things can be.

  3. #3
    Power Poster erstan947's Avatar
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    Your home may be the only place that he can feel safe and get attention.

  4. #4
    Super Member Charlee's Avatar
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    My kids had friends with parents that were "less than ideal" to put it nicely. (One had a mother that would tell him to "Go to the store and get me a pack of ciggarettes...DON'T get caught!!" )

    I treated these kids like they were my own. They rolled their eyes at something I said, they got in trouble. I gave them a time to "be home" just like my own kids, and when they were late, they got grounded like my own kids. They ate dinner with us? They helped clean up. They mouthed off? They got to spend an hour weeding the garden. They always did what I told them, they knew the alternative was to not be able to come over again...

  5. #5
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    The best thing you can do for that child is exactly what Charlee says.....I had kids like that at my home, too, and treated them just like my own. They're still friends and seemed to appreciate it. They also knew I loved them as my own....something they weren't getting at home.

  6. #6
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    There are times when I wonder how some kids even manage to grow up to be adults. They raise themselves and get there some how.

    Good luck on helping this young man grow up. It may not seem as though you are getting through, but you will.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlee
    My kids had friends with parents that were "less than ideal" to put it nicely. (One had a mother that would tell him to "Go to the store and get me a pack of ciggarettes...DON'T get caught!!" )

    I treated these kids like they were my own. They rolled their eyes at something I said, they got in trouble. I gave them a time to "be home" just like my own kids, and when they were late, they got grounded like my own kids. They ate dinner with us? They helped clean up. They mouthed off? They got to spend an hour weeding the garden. They always did what I told them, they knew the alternative was to not be able to come over again...
    I agree with Charlee . When I have other people kids in my home they will do what my grand kids do. They will help where it is needed or they aren't welcome back.
    Alot of time these days its the kids friends parents that help raise these kids that have parents where the dogs get more love then the kids do.
    Give the kids a little love and they will love you until they die. and they will remeber who it was that loved them. Give them cookie and had them weeding the flower beds.
    Good luck with the kido

  8. #8
    Super Member dakotamaid's Avatar
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    When I had day care kids, or my children s' friends over the parents and kids understood "My house, MY rules!!!!" My rules were strict (some said too strict!) but loving!! RESPECT was taught here along with love.

  9. #9
    Ms. Shawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kristen0112
    Just have to vent my son Peter has his friend over to play they are both 11 years old. This other boy is - difficult? He isn't respectful to adults, when I tell him not to do something he rolls his eyes at me. If he were my child he'd be in so much trouble for doing that to me or anyone else. He back talks to adults and others, tries to shift blame when he's been caught doing something...the list goes on. I know you're thinking send the child home and don't let him influence your kid right? Peter has trouble making and keeping friendships. He plays with kids at school but doesn't really attach and become best friends. So, I worry...
    I invited his parents out boating with us a couple of weekends ago it was an eye opener. He's an only child and the parents seem to not parent him but 'encourage' him to make the right choices. The mom is REALLY into her two dogs which she brought with them boating. She talks to them lovingly and affectionately like children, it seemed that their well being and needs really came first before husband and child. It was interesting. They were almost 2 hours late because the mom kept forgetting stuff at home, first the tie downs for the dogs, then whether she locked the doors to the house. So, I kind of get why the boy is the way he is... Okay I am done venting he's only here for a few hours I can handle it :-\
    I really feel for you as I have been there and done that 3x's over and now sometimes with any new friends that my 15 yr old daughter brings home. I treat all children as I do my own and will not put up with disrespect! But sometimes know matter how caring you are or what you do it will not change things. I suggest letting the other child know your rules and what you expect at your house! Just trying to help. Ms. Shawn :mrgreen: :thumbup: :XD:

  10. #10
    Ms. Shawn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlee
    My kids had friends with parents that were "less than ideal" to put it nicely. (One had a mother that would tell him to "Go to the store and get me a pack of ciggarettes...DON'T get caught!!" )

    I treated these kids like they were my own. They rolled their eyes at something I said, they got in trouble. I gave them a time to "be home" just like my own kids, and when they were late, they got grounded like my own kids. They ate dinner with us? They helped clean up. They mouthed off? They got to spend an hour weeding the garden. They always did what I told them, they knew the alternative was to not be able to come over again...
    Way to go! I agree with you! :XD:

  11. #11
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    Your house, your rules, what you would do to your child do to theirs, not to be mean but to teach. It won't hurt them as long as you don't spank and it will in turn teach respect. They need that and kids want that more than you think. If he is misbehaving or back talking do to him what you do to your son, it is a lesson for both of them. Send him home if he doesn't behave!!

  12. #12
    Super Member lindyline's Avatar
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    My children are older now, but still remember their friends coming over for play dates, and being told and I mean told how to behave. Their friends now come to visit me and DH, and some even bring their own children. And those who have kids, have well behaved children.
    Your house, your rules. Just have to enforce them without being too harsh. I always figured my kids had lots of friends/acquaintances, my job was to be a parent, to them and their friends whilst in my care.

  13. #13
    starlight's Avatar
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    I agree your house, your rules. I always treated the kids mine brought home the same as them. Sometimes it works and others it doesn't. There are still a few that remember their second Mom!!

  14. #14
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    My son had a friend when he was about 6, this kid was to say the least ....an A+ BUTTHEAD. His Mother defended all his actions as "peer pressure" and he was acting out because of society.

    He decided he was going to pick on my daughter. He wouldn't stop, my son asked him to stop or get his butt kicked. Well he didn't, and my son lit into him, pounded his face into the driveway. He goes home and tells his Mom he was attacked for no reason.
    She came stomping over to my house screaming, I simply looked at her and said, my son's actions were the result of a society gone bad and my son had succumbed to peer pressure. I never heard from her or her son again.

  15. #15
    Super Member kristen0112's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charlee
    My kids had friends with parents that were "less than ideal" to put it nicely. (One had a mother that would tell him to "Go to the store and get me a pack of ciggarettes...DON'T get caught!!" )

    I treated these kids like they were my own. They rolled their eyes at something I said, they got in trouble. I gave them a time to "be home" just like my own kids, and when they were late, they got grounded like my own kids. They ate dinner with us? They helped clean up. They mouthed off? They got to spend an hour weeding the garden. They always did what I told them, they knew the alternative was to not be able to come over again...
    Thanks that's good advice. He did get the help Peter clean up the back yard because they were being mean to the 4 yr old .

  16. #16
    Super Member cherylynne's Avatar
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    My daughter still laughs about the time I sent her girlfriend upstairs to put on a more modest shirt before they went out with friends. Kids know when you care about them.

  17. #17
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chasing Hawk
    My son had a friend when he was about 6, this kid was to say the least ....an A+ BUTTHEAD. His Mother defended all his actions as "peer pressure" and he was acting out because of society.

    He decided he was going to pick on my daughter. He wouldn't stop, my son asked him to stop or get his butt kicked. Well he didn't, and my son lit into him, pounded his face into the driveway. He goes home and tells his Mom he was attacked for no reason.
    She came stomping over to my house screaming, I simply looked at her and said, my son's actions were the result of a society gone bad and my son had succumbed to peer pressure. I never heard from her or her son again.
    I would have loved to see the look on her face!!!

  18. #18
    Moderator Up North's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ditter43
    Quote Originally Posted by Chasing Hawk
    My son had a friend when he was about 6, this kid was to say the least ....an A+ BUTTHEAD. His Mother defended all his actions as "peer pressure" and he was acting out because of society.

    He decided he was going to pick on my daughter. He wouldn't stop, my son asked him to stop or get his butt kicked. Well he didn't, and my son lit into him, pounded his face into the driveway. He goes home and tells his Mom he was attacked for no reason.
    She came stomping over to my house screaming, I simply looked at her and said, my son's actions were the result of a society gone bad and my son had succumbed to peer pressure. I never heard from her or her son again.
    I would have loved to see the look on her face!!!
    My youngest son once kind of took out his older brother friend because he said he was tougher, My son the skinnly little kid, The friend the beefy big kid. A couple hours later the friends older brother came to the door wanting to take on my youngest, I told him sorry he asked for it and he got it. They later became good friends themselves!!! Funny how things work out.

  19. #19
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    One of Erma Bombeck's quotes that I never,ever forgot was " Children need love the most when they deserve it the least".
    I love the comments from everyone!!

  20. #20
    thismomquilts's Avatar
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    I agree with Charlee too. Make your home a haven for this poor child and make it so he WANTS to be there - then he'll do almost whatever it takes to be allowed to be there - even if he can't roll his eyes anymore! ;)

  21. #21
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    I have to agree if my kids friends are in my home they follow my rules. You are awesome to give your sons friend a taste of what a real home is. Give him boundries he is craving them. Keep up the good work you will be rewarded for it!

  22. #22
    granniebj's Avatar
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    Too bad we can't pick our kids friends, but we really can't. Everyone gave really good advice. Patience really is a virture.

  23. #23
    Member Connie's Avatar
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    My three sons had friends that were the same. I was known as the "mean mom" of the neighborhood. My youngest is now mid-30 and his friends ask me to help with their disruptive children. They even introduce me to their friends as their second mom. It does make me feel good to know that "my house..my rules" taught them the respect they weren't taught at home.

  24. #24
    Super Member Marlys's Avatar
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    I had the reputation as "the meanest mom in town". But guess where all of the neighborhood kids came to play!!! I had rules and they were followed by everyone. If someone didn't follow the rules and nobody told me, they all got in trouble. Guilty by association. So they learned to police themselves. As my kids got into High School my house continued to be the gathering place. I think the kids (and their parents) knew that it would be a safe place (no drugs or alcohol and lots of supervision). Now that my youngest is leaving, there are younger kids wondering where they will go for "after prom parties" because we have had them here for 8 years! By the way, we do not have a big house. The room they gathered in is about 10 x 15 and there would be 20 - 25 kids playing board games or watching movies. I am not a perfect parent, but I encourage you to continue having his friend over but make sure he follows the same rules your own child has to follow!

  25. #25
    Super Member Roberta's Avatar
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    As hard as it is at times to be nice to a child like this, he will grow up and so appreciate the time he spent with you. Don't worry about your son picking up his bad habits. It's more likely this child will learn from you and your son how to act in society. I love my dogs too but never more then my children although they would disagree when they were younger.

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