Husbands...boyfrineds and such regarding quilting
09-19-2011, 02:56 AM
#72
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Campton,Kentucky
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by clsurz
Why do some of us feel we have to account to these men why we have this hobby/craft...whatever we want to call it?
WE DON'T!
If we can't be equals why be attached to a man?
Now getting to our fabrics, machines, sewing, quilting and for that matter any other art form we wish to be a part of.... IMHO they (men) have there toys, and man caves so to speak therefore we should have our girl/women caves and I as much told a man that last week while I was sewing at a friends house. He had the nerve to come into her sewing room and plop (is this even a word) his behind on the cough and start fussing about our sewing, her sewing room and such and she kept quiet all the while. He irriated me so that I spoke up and asked him what kind of toys he had and he stated what he had and I told him for every one thing he wants her to get rid off he should get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick. Short of it is he did not tell me to leave and we ended up in a conversation about his being a Christian and asking him "What would Jesus do or say?" and he admitted he did not know. I heard the next couple days that he seems to have changed his attitude about life in general and his wife's stuff. He also told his wife he likes me.
Quite a few years ago hubby pulled that stunt on me coming into my girly cave and telling me to get rid of this and that..... and that I had to much stuff. I made a list of all I had and a list of all what he had (shotguns, rifles, pistols, tons of fishing rods, fishing boat, etc) and I told him that for every item he wanted me to get rid of he had to get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick.
Today I am fascinated with sewing machines, needle felting machine, die cutters, fabrics, threads and more and he dare not say anything to me about any of it.
Guess point I'm trying to make is this is no longer the 19th or 20th century where we are expected to be a slave to some man and let him dominate us, it is the 21st century and we work and put forth financially most of us into this relationship therefore they no longer have the privelage of saying "it's my money and I earned it and you get what I want you to have if any and no more".
Hubby also learned some 20 years or so ago really quick by having a bad attitude the feel of my cast iron skillet across his head. That's another story for another time.
So many of us have allowed men to verbally and mentally abuse us let alone physically do so that enough is enough. Mine use to verbally abuse me for years until the day I used that cast iron skillet on across his head.
Today hubby just smiles every time I buy something to do with sewing and or quilting and I don't ask him permission to do so I just buy it if I want it. He even volunteers to put it where I need it without my asking him to do so.
IMHO we women have worked all our lives no matter if in a domestic home career or out of the home and we have done so to help our families be better off financially and no man has any right to tell us what we can or cannot buy unless of course we were buying and using money that were needed to pay bills and such. Than they'd have a right to do so.
Speaking of which regarding quilting I just recently bought the Accuquilt Studio and some studio dies and just ordered a bunch more and got it all at between 40 to 50% off retail. Only way I would buy such. I let him know I had and when it arrived he helped me put it in my Girlie Cave. :-)
The Studio runs alot smoother than the Go machine or the Sizzix Wesminister Big Shot Pro machine. The dies also are made different with being made out of several layers of wood and padding unlike the other dies made out of plastic and foam.
WE DON'T!
If we can't be equals why be attached to a man?
Now getting to our fabrics, machines, sewing, quilting and for that matter any other art form we wish to be a part of.... IMHO they (men) have there toys, and man caves so to speak therefore we should have our girl/women caves and I as much told a man that last week while I was sewing at a friends house. He had the nerve to come into her sewing room and plop (is this even a word) his behind on the cough and start fussing about our sewing, her sewing room and such and she kept quiet all the while. He irriated me so that I spoke up and asked him what kind of toys he had and he stated what he had and I told him for every one thing he wants her to get rid off he should get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick. Short of it is he did not tell me to leave and we ended up in a conversation about his being a Christian and asking him "What would Jesus do or say?" and he admitted he did not know. I heard the next couple days that he seems to have changed his attitude about life in general and his wife's stuff. He also told his wife he likes me.
Quite a few years ago hubby pulled that stunt on me coming into my girly cave and telling me to get rid of this and that..... and that I had to much stuff. I made a list of all I had and a list of all what he had (shotguns, rifles, pistols, tons of fishing rods, fishing boat, etc) and I told him that for every item he wanted me to get rid of he had to get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick.
Today I am fascinated with sewing machines, needle felting machine, die cutters, fabrics, threads and more and he dare not say anything to me about any of it.
Guess point I'm trying to make is this is no longer the 19th or 20th century where we are expected to be a slave to some man and let him dominate us, it is the 21st century and we work and put forth financially most of us into this relationship therefore they no longer have the privelage of saying "it's my money and I earned it and you get what I want you to have if any and no more".
Hubby also learned some 20 years or so ago really quick by having a bad attitude the feel of my cast iron skillet across his head. That's another story for another time.
So many of us have allowed men to verbally and mentally abuse us let alone physically do so that enough is enough. Mine use to verbally abuse me for years until the day I used that cast iron skillet on across his head.
Today hubby just smiles every time I buy something to do with sewing and or quilting and I don't ask him permission to do so I just buy it if I want it. He even volunteers to put it where I need it without my asking him to do so.
IMHO we women have worked all our lives no matter if in a domestic home career or out of the home and we have done so to help our families be better off financially and no man has any right to tell us what we can or cannot buy unless of course we were buying and using money that were needed to pay bills and such. Than they'd have a right to do so.
Speaking of which regarding quilting I just recently bought the Accuquilt Studio and some studio dies and just ordered a bunch more and got it all at between 40 to 50% off retail. Only way I would buy such. I let him know I had and when it arrived he helped me put it in my Girlie Cave. :-)
The Studio runs alot smoother than the Go machine or the Sizzix Wesminister Big Shot Pro machine. The dies also are made different with being made out of several layers of wood and padding unlike the other dies made out of plastic and foam.
09-19-2011, 03:02 AM
#73
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,116
I'm not married or in a relationship and I still have some of the neighbourhood men commenting on what I do...The trick is to not let these chauvs get under your skin and move on to other areas.I don't care what ignorant, stupid or unkind people think. I feel sorry for them.Philistines miss out on so much joy in life.
09-19-2011, 03:12 AM
#74
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ks
Posts: 1,112
clapping ovation for speaking up for your friend,
well said.for the rest. i am one of the lucky ones my husband now never complains about my stuff and takes me to get it and carries it, puts it together whatever i need done.he even likes me to do it even while he watches tv. him or my boys never questioned any of it. it is just normal stuff to them. um think i'll keep him.
well said.for the rest. i am one of the lucky ones my husband now never complains about my stuff and takes me to get it and carries it, puts it together whatever i need done.he even likes me to do it even while he watches tv. him or my boys never questioned any of it. it is just normal stuff to them. um think i'll keep him.
09-19-2011, 03:27 AM
#75
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mid-West
Posts: 3,838
I'm so lucky & so is my husband.We have a partnership going & no one supports us better than each other.Although I'm a homemaker,our money is used as needed.Neither of us spends thousands without talking it over,but mostly ....he's free to buy what he needs/wants & same goes for me.DH worked with machinery all his life & knows you need the right stuff to do a job.
I've always been a stubborn,head strong woman & could never accept anyone trying to boss me....trying is as far as it'd go! Good for you on teaching the Grkids.We had a similar situation buying a car.DH told the salesman,"it'll be her car,in her name....nothing to do with me".
The young guy got in the spirit of things, asking DH if he'd like to have a cuppa while we looked at cars :D He's been our salesman ever since!
I still today sometimes say I was born in the wrong decade. I'm 65 and hubby is 70 and I can remember even as a young child and as a teenager than as a young adult refusing to conform to that type of mentality. And in the end I won. We have been married going on 36 years and fortunately for him he has messed up only about half a dozen times all these years regarding such manners.
Now off to quilt I go!
I'm also educating my granddaughters not to allow any man to control them and I'm teaching my grandson's not to abuse women mentally, verbally or physical and to have respect for one another.
I want them to be strong in character and do what is right for them and others.
:-)
I've always been a stubborn,head strong woman & could never accept anyone trying to boss me....trying is as far as it'd go! Good for you on teaching the Grkids.We had a similar situation buying a car.DH told the salesman,"it'll be her car,in her name....nothing to do with me".
The young guy got in the spirit of things, asking DH if he'd like to have a cuppa while we looked at cars :D He's been our salesman ever since!
Originally Posted by clsurz
Originally Posted by Annaquilts
Some of us come out of settings we don't know better and marry people that are from a similar setting. My husband is very supportive but some of that for me needing permission and him feeling he has the right to say something still lingers. It all takes time.
Now off to quilt I go!
I'm also educating my granddaughters not to allow any man to control them and I'm teaching my grandson's not to abuse women mentally, verbally or physical and to have respect for one another.
I want them to be strong in character and do what is right for them and others.
:-)
09-19-2011, 03:29 AM
#76
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 513
How RIGHT you are!! I have a great husband who supports me in anything I do and will even help me weigh the pros and cons of a particular tool, gadget, machine, etc. I am contemplating on.
We each respect each other's choice of hobbies and do not even think of invading each other's cave with dictates of what should be in there or, gotten rid of for that matter.
I am truly blessed!!!
Unfortunately, there are many, many women (and men in a reversed situation) who are not so lucky.
For these poor individuals - time to claim your right to equality.
We each respect each other's choice of hobbies and do not even think of invading each other's cave with dictates of what should be in there or, gotten rid of for that matter.
I am truly blessed!!!
Unfortunately, there are many, many women (and men in a reversed situation) who are not so lucky.
For these poor individuals - time to claim your right to equality.
09-19-2011, 03:36 AM
#77
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: W Ohio
Posts: 760
My DH is a keeper we support each other hobbies for over 30 yrs. We talked over large purchases.
When our sons were young & I wanted to go fabric shopping. I would give them my watch to hold & if they were really good in the time I shopped then we would spend the same amount of time looking at what they wanted (toys) Last wk my oldest took me to a quilt shop by his home & while I was looking around he was checking his watch (joking). But we did end up at a bike shop & I clocked him too! :-D
When our sons were young & I wanted to go fabric shopping. I would give them my watch to hold & if they were really good in the time I shopped then we would spend the same amount of time looking at what they wanted (toys) Last wk my oldest took me to a quilt shop by his home & while I was looking around he was checking his watch (joking). But we did end up at a bike shop & I clocked him too! :-D
09-19-2011, 03:42 AM
#78
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Kimberly, Al.
Posts: 742
My DH is supported of my hobbies. Hubby has bought me three different types of machines. I will ask him if I need to finish a project because he handles all the finances. We do talk about when either one of us wants to buy something big. I don't ask permission to buy anything but we do discuss about it to see if we have the money for it or not. Most of the time I get it. If not now but later.
09-19-2011, 04:11 AM
#80
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 12,861
all if the males in my world are actively partcipating in quilting/textile arts- my sons and nephew are fabulous quilters- 2 of my brothers- are textile artists,
3 of my uncles quilt- and are taylors
my husband helps me put together colors- is a critic :), and helps with design...the only thing i have to justify to any of the men in my world is why i didn't buy this or that- or why i put that together-instead of this----they all are better at putting colors/designs together than i am!
3 of my uncles quilt- and are taylors
my husband helps me put together colors- is a critic :), and helps with design...the only thing i have to justify to any of the men in my world is why i didn't buy this or that- or why i put that together-instead of this----they all are better at putting colors/designs together than i am!
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