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Thread: I lied to my husband

  1. #126
    Senior Member Quiltlady330's Avatar
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    You won't be guilt free until you tell him but I think your reasoning is all wrong. Doesn't he spend for tools or toys for his favorite things to do? Not sure why he questions your spending but really think if you can make a word picture for him about your not questioning his spending on lawn equipment or hobbies....See where I'm going? Is he unreasonable with you and/or are you unreasonable with him? Doesn't seem to work well if you don't allow for each other to enjoy some personal tools/toys. Our money is ours whether he earns it or I do but we don't spend excessive amounts without talking to each other. Can't imagine him telling me 'no' to something I really wanted if we could afford it without causing a strain. Hope you get this resolved soon. Guilt is awful to live with.

  2. #127
    Super Member d.rickman's Avatar
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    It wasn't a good thing to lie, but what is done is done, and in 100 years no one is going to remember that you fibbed, so it really doesn't matter. He must make you feel like you cannot tell the whole truth, I would suggest that you are only spending some of your money and like other respondents indicated just forget it, there are bigger issues to deal with.
    You need to remember that it is always better to tell the whole truth, than suffer from your quilty conscience.

    Enjoy your new toy when it arrives and put this behind you.
    Quilting People are the Best, Have a great sewing day!
    DonnaJ

  3. #128
    Junior Member cpower's Avatar
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    I do believe all of you seem to have forgotten something here! It was "her" money that she spent! Not the "our" money! She wrote the check from her account not the joint account! So, she can spend her money any way she wants and not have to answer for it. As for the lie! Get over it! When has he not told you something that wasnt quite right, and you forgave him!!
    Chrystina
    Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning.., Satan shudders & says ..."Oh no....she's awake"

    https://www.etsy.com/shop/ChrystinapCreations

  4. #129
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    Sugarfoot, if the money was yours, its yours. If you earned it or If he GAVE it to you, its yours to do with as you wish. But if he is controlling and domineering that is another thing. Lying does not work. I don't put up with domineering or beatings or any harsh language(been there done that). My DH is great and caring and he usually tells me to buy it if we can aford it. I pay the bills and am the family bookkeeper. I see that all is paid and even ahead of some bills. I put bill paying plans in motion and pay off stuff but my hubby went out and bought me a longarm quilter, a surger and all kinds of other quilty stuff. He works and brings his check home to me. BUT I see that he always has pocket money and we are in the poverty level and on SS. Yes, he still works at 71 in a greasy oil field. We trust God for all our needs. I am not my DH old lady but his wife and he tells people so. Look over your situation and weight the benifits of your life as it is, see a councelor for advise. If you feel you have to lie to him... something is wrong, abuse is wrong. Our daughter has an abusive husband and waiting until their children graduate and then she will make her decision. Abuse is wrong in any form.

  5. #130
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    It doesn't pay to lie. Whose money pays the mortgage, the utilities, the grocery bills, entertainment, insurance? Seems to me that a good marriage relationship means "our money" rather than "yours and mine".

  6. #131
    Super Member beatys9's Avatar
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    I try to avoid these questions, but if asked, I'll answer directly. Once when he finally noticed the 4th sewing machine (hey - it's a cover stitch so has a different function ), I had to confess that I had bought a new machine that he didn't know about but didn't want to tell him because of the money spent. He then confessed that he had bought a new set of golf clubs but didn't want to tell me... Just tell DH & move forward so you can enjoy your new tool.
    Shannon

  7. #132
    Super Member BettyGee's Avatar
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    I don't lie to my husband, this has served me well for 48 years; however, I don't volunteer information unless asked directly. In our financial world it is "our" money and I'm responsible for paying the bills, etc. So if I feel that an item will make me a better quilter and if we can afford it I buy it. My DH will never understand quilting needs; i.e. stash, and he never will. At this point I believe if I was in your position I'd find a good time and just tell him. If he is like my darling man he might be angry, but he loves you and he will eventually understand in his own way.
    BettyGee, quilter on a Rocky Mountain High

  8. #133
    Super Member BuzzinBumble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neesie View Post
    I'd weigh my options very carefully. How much harm will it do now, to tell him you lied? Forget about "clearing your conscience" and think how it will affect his feelings and your relationship. Will he forgive and forget . . . or will it cause him to have trouble trusting you, in the future?

    Another question - Is there a way he'll find out about your lie, if you don't confess? If he's going to find out, it's better coming from you. If not, I'd keep quiet and try to forgive myself for fibbing.
    Neesie's advice is different from the "confess all" advice you will usually get. But it is very practical advice and it puts your husband's feelings and your relationship at the forefront of your concern...So it is really good advice, as long as you don't fib or lie to him anymore.

    I told a big lie to my husband once too. I told him the new cat was a stray, when in reality I lured it from the road side bushes and brought it home. That whopper bothered me for years. (And no... i am not a crazy cat lady )
    Last edited by BuzzinBumble; 05-11-2012 at 10:23 AM.

  9. #134
    Super Member michelehuston's Avatar
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    Well, I will put my two cents in. I do believe that you may feel a little guilty, but unless we are in your shoes, not one of us can pass judgement. I completely understand where you are coming from and I completely understand why you lied to him! Sometimes in life its just life. Sometimes it keeps a little bit of peace! My ex-husband was a control freak. In order for me to have a new pair of shoes for myself or the kids I had to lie about the cost. I didn't like it either, but you do what you have to do!!!
    Remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

    but by the moments that take our breath away.

  10. #135
    Super Member misseva's Avatar
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    Haven't read all the posts but this takes me back to 1950 something. I saw a singer portable Singer machine in the store window for $14.95 and I bought it. Scared to take it home so road the city bus to my sister-in-law's house, left it there and caught another bus and went home. Finally screwed up my courage to tell my hubby. He said I'd probably save more money on clothes than that. But remember - our entire weekly grocery bill was $10-12 so $14.95 was a lot of money. I think it had been a treadle converted to electric.
    TwandasMom

  11. #136
    Senior Member BizyStitches's Avatar
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    Maybe he seemed disappointed because maybe he planned on getting you one for Mother's day.

  12. #137
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    I don't think I would have lied in the first place, but I probably wouldn't have mentioned that I had a new toy in the first place. My hubby doesn't ask and I don't tell. He has his toys and I have mine. I think I would just let the whole issue die and not keep bringing it up. $29 isn't worth a big argument.

  13. #138
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    I husband's 85 year old grandmother wanted a picture for the living room and grandpa said one at target for 39.95 was good enough. I told her to a frame shop and she spent $450 for the picture and framing but told be to tell him it was 39.95 as they don't need to know everything. So I sometimes take her advise

  14. #139
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    Once, I went against what my husband told me to do, and his predicted outcome was the result. Not only was he right, but if I had listened in the first place... Then, I went out of my way to fix it without him knowing... Horrible! Then, I lasted about a minute before I confessed what I had done. He...... laughed.

    Respect him enough to tell him the truth. Sell the dumb thing on Ebay, and do it right the next time. You'll end up better off in the long run.
    Do at least one fun thing every day. You might not live longer, but you'll live better.

  15. #140
    Senior Member GramMER's Avatar
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    Chasing Hawk wrote: Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body...then only left-handed people are in their right minds. -- Anonymous

    I think you and I might be sisters. LOL

    When I was a child, I was markedly ambidextrous but now I find myself being more and more left handed. I used to be so flexible, that I could use either hand without even thinking twice, but gradually the left hand took over. At age four (when my daddy was stationed at the San Diego, CA naval base), I was used as a demo for one of the colleges there because I what what is known as a mirror writer. I wrote from left to right but people could only read it in a mirror. My daddy and mother were both teachers by profession, so that is probably why the college knew about me.
    GramMER to eighteen, plus two great-granddaughters and four adopted greats soon we hope!

  16. #141
    Senior Member be a quilter's Avatar
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    The answer to your question depends on what kind of relationship you want to have with your husband. How would you feel if he did the same thing? And remember, you are not hiding anything from God and probably not your husband either. Humble repentance is a difficult thing, it takes a lot of character to do the right thing sometimes.

  17. #142
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    i have always been taught to tell the truth so i wouldnt haved lied but guess you have to do what is best for you at the time good luck
    QUILTNMO

  18. #143
    Senior Member cassie69emt's Avatar
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    I would never lie to my husband,I would have told him that there was an auction and I would really like to have one as it would be easier on me ,I have arthritis so he understands anything that would make it easier is a plus

  19. #144
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    I'm 76, been married 60 years. My opinion is that you are entitled to purchase whatever you can afford.
    How many husbands ever ask or tell what they buy or what it cost??
    My husband feels the same way.
    Joyce

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