I lied to my husband
#51
I would not have lied. It will hurt you more in the long run than an irate moment or two at the outset. Now you not only have to shoulder the cost of the equipment but you have to either confess and deal with it or bear your guilt silently, knowing that you'll remember the lie every time you use it. There's also the possibility that he will find out anyway. I don't always volunteer info, but I will tell if asked. I believe that lying breaks trust and without trust, life can be a living he--.
#52
Sahm, as a woman who was in a 'good' marriage (or so I thought) and had no savings of my own when the marriage fell apart, I disagree. Every woman needs to be able to 'fend for herself' if the need arises. Saving money for one self is critical.
I've been married to a wonderful, loving man now for 30 years. We do happen to have a joint checking account. But it was a HUGE act of trust on my part to do that. But we both decided when we married that, no matter how bad it got, we were not divorcing. And we both made sure it never got bad. I also went back to college and got a bachelors and masters degree in Computer Science so that I could support myself and my kids by myself, if the need arose. That was/is my 'insurance policy' against bad stuff happening.
My husband fusses about money now and then; I never do. We have enough for our needs, plus most of our wants. In any event, long ago I 'assigned' him the job of worrying over stuff. No need for both of us to worry for nothing.
I've been married to a wonderful, loving man now for 30 years. We do happen to have a joint checking account. But it was a HUGE act of trust on my part to do that. But we both decided when we married that, no matter how bad it got, we were not divorcing. And we both made sure it never got bad. I also went back to college and got a bachelors and masters degree in Computer Science so that I could support myself and my kids by myself, if the need arose. That was/is my 'insurance policy' against bad stuff happening.
My husband fusses about money now and then; I never do. We have enough for our needs, plus most of our wants. In any event, long ago I 'assigned' him the job of worrying over stuff. No need for both of us to worry for nothing.
#53
I have my own account and we also have a household account, so if I would like to purchase something there is no reason for permission to be granted, I just go get it. My husband has the same option. If the money is needed for household expenses it would be used for that first. Does he tell you what he spends every dollar on? Is this a control issue for him or are you just worried about rocking the boat? Is this money you could not afford to spend? Either way, you have to figure out if $29.00 is worth a big fight or if you can live with the decision you made to purchase the Quiltcut and not have to answer to anyone for spending your money.
#54
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 317
JCrow, in your first post you said that your husband already thinks you spend too much on quilting. Maybe its a good time to sit down together and establish an annual budget for each of you to spend on hobbies. Then trust one another to stay within the budget.
I've been in the situation where DH spent many, many times more than $29 on his hobby when we couldn't afford it. Because he is self-employed and was making good money before the economy went south, I didn't question how much he was spending. We never had the discussion about how much we should set aside for hobbies and sports. Because of the tough business climate, we'll both be doing without fun things for a long time to pay off these debts.
I've been in the situation where DH spent many, many times more than $29 on his hobby when we couldn't afford it. Because he is self-employed and was making good money before the economy went south, I didn't question how much he was spending. We never had the discussion about how much we should set aside for hobbies and sports. Because of the tough business climate, we'll both be doing without fun things for a long time to pay off these debts.
#57
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Michigan. . .FINALLY!!!!
Posts: 6,726
I don't and can't lie about things like this ... not just because of the ethics of it, but hubby and I share the same pay-pay account
In fact, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you spent $99.00 on fabric this weekend" (an online purchase). I argued with him VEHEMENTLY that I most assuredly did NOT spend $99.00 on fabric.
I spent it on thread
It was a really good sale!!
In fact, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you spent $99.00 on fabric this weekend" (an online purchase). I argued with him VEHEMENTLY that I most assuredly did NOT spend $99.00 on fabric.
I spent it on thread
It was a really good sale!!
#58
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Spokane, Washington
Posts: 344
I think it would make you feel better to fess up... and maybe that could open a discussion with your husband about spending money. Does he have any hobbies that cost money? My husband and I each have our own hobbies, and we long ago agreed not to get into arguments about what each of us spends. If the cost is over an amount we have agreed on, then we discuss it. I think it's important to respect each other's wishes about finances, but not to put constraints on the other or make them feel guilty about spending - unless of course it's something you can't afford, then that's another story.
That said, my husband's hobbies (golf, restoring old cars, hunting) are so much more expensive than my quilting that he better not ever complain when I come in the door with a bag from the quilt shop!!
That said, my husband's hobbies (golf, restoring old cars, hunting) are so much more expensive than my quilting that he better not ever complain when I come in the door with a bag from the quilt shop!!
Last edited by spokanequilter; 05-09-2012 at 07:28 PM.
#59
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Mechanicsville, IA
Posts: 1,497
Fess up. If it comes to light later he will be even more antagonistic toward your hobby. We have alreadybwornout one cutting mat on our Altos. When we got it I asked DH to help me cut strips and now we almost always cut everything out together. You might explain the angle feature might eliminate the need for purchase of specialty angle rulers.
#60
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 217
If it is YOUR money, it is YOUR money and you decide what to do with it. If it is disposable income, not needed for anything else, you can allow yourself to spend it on items of your choosing, or put it in the bank for something else or gift it or whatever. Noone else can tell you what to do with your own disposable income. If it were jointly-held money, then this is a different story altogether...
If you feel badly about the price you paid, don't divulge it to anyone else. It really isn't anyone else's business, when we come down to it. if you want/need it for your hobby, you bought it. Use it with pleasure!
If you feel badly about the price you paid, don't divulge it to anyone else. It really isn't anyone else's business, when we come down to it. if you want/need it for your hobby, you bought it. Use it with pleasure!
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