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Thread: I lied to my husband

  1. #101
    Super Member clsurz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DogHouseMom View Post
    I don't and can't lie about things like this ... not just because of the ethics of it, but hubby and I share the same pay-pay account

    In fact, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you spent $99.00 on fabric this weekend" (an online purchase). I argued with him VEHEMENTLY that I most assuredly did NOT spend $99.00 on fabric.

    I spent it on thread

    It was a really good sale!!
    This is why we have a family account for household things and we have separate accounts. I don't question what he spends his money on and he dares not question what I spend mine on.
    cparant

  2. #102
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Debra Mc View Post
    If he gripes too much remind him how much his hobbies cost. Hunting trip, outfitting the bass boat, deer corn. New rod & reel.
    Isn't this kind of childish?

    As well as being the basis for a stupid argument.
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)
    “If you can’t see a mistake from 12 feet away, it doesn’t exist, and there are no perfect quilts and that helps a lot,” .......Greg Biornstad

  3. #103
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by clsurz View Post
    This is why we have a family account for household things and we have separate accounts. I don't question what he spends his money on and he dares not question what I spend mine on.
    And if he dares to question you? What happens? Moldy bread and pond water for supper?

    My husband and I consider it "our" money. After bills are paid, money into savings, groceries, gas in the trucks. What is left over is "ours".
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)
    “If you can’t see a mistake from 12 feet away, it doesn’t exist, and there are no perfect quilts and that helps a lot,” .......Greg Biornstad

  4. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearisgray View Post
    OOPS! - I have also learned that it's better to NOT lie . Doesn't mean I volunteer everything I know now, either, though.

    To paraphrase some of the characters from the Jean M. Auel series:

    We don't lie.
    But we don't need to tell anything if we are not asked, either.
    That's right especially if it's your money. I learned to not tell unless asked.

  5. #105
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    After almost 44 years, I have a saying, "What is yours is mine, what is mine is mine. . . .and he says the same thing. LOL!!

  6. #106
    Senior Member Pickle's Avatar
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    Can't you just say you bought it? I wanted something it was a lap top computer and my husband said you have a computer, but I wanted the lap top, so I said to him as he was restoring his old VW " well you all ready have a car"
    needless to say I got my lap top.
    Not to mention our money starts with two of us and you have as much right to the money as he. hat is another thing I ask my DH "Why do you get to decide what is to be bought?"

  7. #107
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    Can't unring that bell. I would just let the subject die and enjoy the new toy. If he says something else about you spending the family money on a toy, just tell him "thanks for being so generous, honey" with a big smile and keep on cutting.

  8. #108
    Super Member Delta's Avatar
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    girl you had might as well tell him. but do it smiling and girl like. it is your money and how often does he buy stuffwith (your money) as he says our money.

    you are not a child you can buy what you want, when and pay what you have to for it.
    if he gets mad cause you didn't fess up so be it. it was not a lie to damage anyone just a fib,.
    good luck to ya.
    dawn
    SMILE- it will make everyone wonder what you are up to.
    Stay strong and keep looking up.

  9. #109
    Super Member catmcclure's Avatar
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    Money is the root of all evil - it's also the root of a lot of marital discord.

    Maybe you and hubby should make a rule - I can spend X number of dollars every week/month/quarter/6 months and don't have to account for it. That way you don't question him spending a lot on a toy and he can't fuss at you.

  10. #110
    Super Member Momma_K's Avatar
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    Well I wouldn't had lied about it, fortunately I have a very understanding husband. But if it were a higher priced item than I wanted to pay but got it anyway, I would have still told him. Anger only lasts for a time and remind him that it was Your money...sometimes a woman has to have some mad money of her own and you just spent yours!
    Tell him dear, it's the right thing and you'll feel better And he'll respect you more for your honesty.
    Thank You Lord for answering my prayers, in this I am truely blessed!

  11. #111
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    For the life of me, I can't figure out why so many of the women on this board act like children instead of mature adults when it comes to spending money. I quit a SS class one time because the women talked incessantly about hiding the clothing they had bought from their husbands--and nearly all those women worked outside their houses. I can't bear to call it a home where one adult is so dictatorial that he/she inspires the other to lie to keep the peace.

    I don't know whether you live in a community property state, but if you do, half the assets are yours. If you earned the money yourself, half of it is his and half is yours and when you spend a portion of your half of the assets, it is your right to do so. If you don't live in a community property state, what is yours is yours and he doesn't have any say except as a matter of courtesy if you choose to tell him.

    Try asserting your rights as an adult and if he "has a fit," call the police. froggyintexas





    Quote Originally Posted by jcrow View Post
    I won a QuiltCut 2 on ebay a few days ago! Every time I found a used one, I would be outbid, but this time I actually won it! I've been wanting one for so long. My husband thinks I spend way too much money on my quilting to begin with so I lied to him about how much it cost me. I told him what they go for brand new and then told him I paid half that price. He wasn't impressed with that. Now I'm feeling guilty for lying but if I tell him that I paid quite a bit more, I don't know how he'll react to that. It was my money, but he says it was our money. I paid less than $180 for it, but I told him I paid less than that. What should I do? I tried to explain how the Go baby cost so much more because you have to buy dies and mats all the time but it didn't help. I don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or confess. It hasn't even arrived yet.

  12. #112
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    Never lie to the husband. They'll find out sooner or later.

  13. #113
    Senior Member Elaine433's Avatar
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    I have been in the same position. I know that the lie eats at me like a sickness. Eventually, I will tell him the truth.
    Every relationship is different. I try to wait awhile before I brake the news of what I really spent. I usually wait until
    he is shopping for a tool for his workshop. I never have a problem with what he spends on tools so why should he
    have a problem with what I spend.

  14. #114
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    Hey, Elaine 433....What's my dogs's picture doing as your avatar?? They're both little dolls, aren't they! :-)

  15. #115
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    First fix him his favorite meal, then after eating when you both are relaxed, tell him the truth. Say you are sorry. If you tell one lie, then you will have to tell more lies to cover up the first one. Voice of experience.

  16. #116
    Super Member Fiber Artist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chasing Hawk View Post
    First off, I wouldn't have fibbed. Secondly, you only saved $50.00.

    I would tell him, all he can do is pitch a fit.
    Yes I agree

  17. #117
    Super Member QuilterMomma's Avatar
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    Froggin, when I really wanted something, saved the money and spent it, that is what I do or I wait till he sees it and asks then I tell him. I work as well, he smokes, I don't so it evens out in the end. I used to cower but now it is what it is. I show a result for my spending, he lets it go up in smoke.

    There are so many responses concerning this issue, interesting.
    Life is short, live it while you still can. QuilterMomma

  18. #118
    Super Member Rose_P's Avatar
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    I often see advice to the effect that each partner in a marriage should have an agreed upon discretionary budget, money that is yours to spend without discussion. The key is to have that agreement made before the spending happens. We haven't actually worked that out in 40+ years, but my DH has an much more expensive hobby (golf), and so I could probably get away with murdering the budget if I wanted to, but I'm pretty much a tightwad anyway. I don't know how to get out of the situation that you're in without coming clean. Possibly you could work it out from the question of why he thinks he should get to decide what you spend on your hobby. You would be in a position of strength in this as long as your spending isn't cutting into the budget for necessities - especially if he has something he spends money on that you don't have a say in - cigarettes perhaps? Fishing tackle? Whatever it is, there's probably something.

  19. #119
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    Let well enough alone. You've already told him, to bring up the subject again would just keep his ire up. Does he come home and confess everything that he has bought with "our" money? Probably not. It's a fact that women "splurge" on little things, but when men splurge, it's big things like boats or tractors. Call it even and call it quits. Next time, dont volunteer information not requested. If he complains, start keeping track of every dollar spent from "our" budget, then agree that you each have a certain amount to spend weekly without strings, even if it's only $10. Yours will add up.

  20. #120
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    I would just fess up after all what he is going to do? Probably pitch a fit and yell but then hell get over it. You will not be able to enjoy the item you purchased if youre always worried about the lie coming back and haunting you. My husband also gets on my case about the amount of money I spend on quilting but i just remind him that it makes me happy. I do however talk to him before making any purchases over $100.00 ecpecially if I have already purchased other things recently. Other than that he doesnt pay much attention. Maybe next time just talk to him about it then start bidding then you dont run into this problem.. Also, if it was truely your money that you got for your sole use then there should not be any problems. If it presents a problem then it probably was both of yours money which means that you probably should discuss large price item first. Hope this helps.

  21. #121
    Super Member pamesue's Avatar
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    I don't tell unless asked, and then....most times I get away with "Honey you just don't want to know" and he stops asking...but I would never lie...those things always come back to bite you in the a**
    Pam H.

    "Those that mind, don't matter and those that matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

  22. #122
    Super Member sewbeadit's Avatar
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    Fess up, don't lie in the first place then you don't find yourself in this position. You could have said you won it and that wouldn't have been a lie.lol It is our money at our house and I spend it all, so I am lucky.
    Sewbeadit
    W. Washington

  23. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teri D View Post
    When it arrives, if he says anything, I might say "Boy, I learned a lesson. This wasn't such a good deal after all. By the time the shipping costs and stuff were added in, I wound up paying a lot more than I thought -- even though it was still less than I've seen it on sale locally. I'll be more careful next time I bid on something on eBay."

    And, if any of your quilting friends wants to know, I'd also say something like that.

    Otherwise, I'd leave it alone and not bring it up again "voluntarily". Do some "penance" by making a couple of nice charity quilts using the new machine......

    Of course, men never lie about anything and they always voluntarily offer apologies if they DO slip a bid and bend the truth, right?
    If you think you must tell him, this is what I'd do.

  24. #124
    Super Member Christine-'s Avatar
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    Forgive yourself and move on. No need to spend another minute worrying over it! You can start fresh in the morning, it's always new... with no mistakes in it.
    https://quiltdasher.blogspot.com

    I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on my sewing table and then guess what's on the list while at the fabric store. Fun game.

  25. #125
    Dee
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    Fess up. It becomes a lie after lie. Honesty is the best way to go.

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