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Thread: I lied to my husband

  1. #76
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    I quit telling my husband about my purchases a long time ago. When something comes in and he asks about it, I say "You don't want to know" and he now says "You are right". We are both adult enough to know if there is money available for a purchase. I just happen to spend and he does not. I would tell him when the item arrives what you actually paid and that you were mistaken about the bid. After that, I would not lie again. The best is to get it off your conscience and enjoy your new toy! Good luck.
    Linda

  2. #77
    Super Member quiltmom04's Avatar
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    Perhaps after you've made several things and he can see how beneficial it is, confessing the extra cost won't be a problem. Plus if it was your money, why do you have to justify it? There are a LOT of quilters here who will gladly back you up!!

  3. #78
    Super Member patdesign's Avatar
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    Unless they really support you in your "habit" (quilting), its difficult with a big purchase. I actually bought an accuquilt with mines blessing after he showed it to me at a quilt show. Then at the next I decided after using the accuquilt (and he saw with his own eyes)and feeling it was not made well and put too much strain on my wrist, and wasted too much fabric, he agreed I could purchase the quilt cut 2 and SELL the accuquilt. Bargains are made in heaven, lies on the other hand make you feel BAD. (Married 52 years)
    pat design

  4. #79
    Member kymawmaw's Avatar
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    It Is Easier To get forgiveness then It is to get permission..So dont lie..Get what you want..let them fuss..but you still have it

  5. #80
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    I don't think it would make things better if you told him the truth. He would be more upset to know that you lied to him in the first place. Just let it go and enjoy it. It was your money.

  6. #81
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    I always tell the truth to my husband. Think of it this way. Would you want your husband telling you a lie? If an item is very pricey we always discuss it first. Then we plan a way to save for the item. I also look at the item and decide if I really need it or do I just want it because it is a new gadget. I try not to buy things that I will not get a lot use out of. And remember it is never a good idea to lie to your spouse.
    Charlene

  7. #82
    Super Member WMUTeach's Avatar
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    I would fess up and then curtail my shopping for a considerable amount of time. If the two of you agree on a time frame that is acceptable to both of you the sting may be less. I know that it is a challenge to all of us but having a shopping budget for any hobby helps to keep a balance. We love to quilt, we love to make beautiful things and to have the tools to do it well, but as in your case this desire has lead you to do something that has hurt your heart toward your husband. It put you in position of being untruthful and baring the guilt.

    Pull back and use your stash and apologize to him for being dishonest. You are two grownups and I trust you should be able to help each other out to solve this situation. I pray that you will be strengthened through this and not defeated.

  8. #83
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    I realize you don't want to hear any preaching, but it should be stated honesty in every aspect makes for a better relationship. So just tell your husband the truth how much this meant to you and you were concerned about his negative reaction so you did something 'stupid' and lied. Then tell him because honest and open communcation between the two of you is most important to you, you decided to tell him. But also suggest jointly to set up a budget for each of you to spend on items only the other individual cares about, and then in the future you or he can happily purchase items within the budget without having to get an okay. Hopefully, it will lead your husband to share some of his not disclosed expenditures as well.

  9. #84
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    If it is your money, you can spend it the way you want, correct? He said it is "our" money??? Does he have tools in the garage? Does he have a variety of guns? What is his hobby? Life is too short not to enjoy getting and using things that will make you happy. Take a deep breath, know that you made a good deal. Don't dwell on the deception of a few dollars. Just don't do that again. Be up front. I would have a sit down talk with him in the near future and tell him that as partners you have a right to enjoy your hobby, as you support his. Tell him that he makes you feel guilty when you spend money on your hobby and you are not going to feel that way anymore. If it is taking food out of his mouth, or if you are not paying bills, then he can complain. However, let him know that his negative reaction everytime you make a hobby purchase will no longer bother you. You are an equal partner and partners should always support and respect each other. You are allowing him to make you feel guilty...deep down it is not guilt over the lie on the price, it is the guilt he makes you feel for purchasing something that is for you to enjoy.
    Ask hubby if he wants you to enjoy life. If he says yes, then case closed, spend what you can afford on your hobby. If he says no, then boot him out the door with all his tools, guns, computers, software, games, motorcycle, and sports stuff. He knows how to lay down guilt. Don't accept it! If you don't own the guilt you will be much happier and enjoy your life.
    Diana in TX

  10. #85
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    when I bought my first embroidery machine I commented that I wasn't sure I could justify the cost, the sales
    lady asked if my husband always consulted and justified the cost of tools and fishing gear that he wanted...That
    being said I spent the $1500 (my own money) and six months later spent upgraded to one that was over $10,000.
    I don't spend foolishly but only use my own money and buy the tools I want for my sewing room
    Carole

  11. #86
    Super Member Sierra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Diana View Post
    If it is your money, you can spend it the way you want, correct? He said it is "our" money??? Does he have tools in the garage? Does he have a variety of guns? What is his hobby? Life is too short not to enjoy getting and using things that will make you happy. Take a deep breath, know that you made a good deal. Don't dwell on the deception of a few dollars. Just don't do that again. Be up front. I would have a sit down talk with him in the near future and tell him that as partners you have a right to enjoy your hobby, as you support his. Tell him that he makes you feel guilty when you spend money on your hobby and you are not going to feel that way anymore. If it is taking food out of his mouth, or if you are not paying bills, then he can complain. However, let him know that his negative reaction everytime you make a hobby purchase will no longer bother you. You are an equal partner and partners should always support and respect each other. You are allowing him to make you feel guilty...deep down it is not guilt over the lie on the price, it is the guilt he makes you feel for purchasing something that is for you to enjoy.
    Ask hubby if he wants you to enjoy life. If he says yes, then case closed, spend what you can afford on your hobby. If he says no, then boot him out the door with all his tools, guns, computers, software, games, motorcycle, and sports stuff. He knows how to lay down guilt. Don't accept it! If you don't own the guilt you will be much happier and enjoy your life.
    Diana in TX
    I agree with Diana. This isn't about your new tool, this is about your relationship with your husband. A century ago the man ruled the family (why isn't clear, but probably because he brought home the paycheck... the woman did nothing but raise the kids, keep the house in order, cook, sew, help out friends, etc.). Ever since WWII the value of women and their contributions has been openly recognized. You don't have a right to tell you husband what to do with his life as long as it is in the realm of your marriage vows, and he doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. You need to sit down together and make sure your goals in life are compatible. Work out what either of you can spend money for and how much. My hubby and I talk about the big things and ignore the smaller (the ones we both feel we can afford). Never should either of you feel guilty about spending money on something that is important to you. If it (say a sewing gaget) isn't important to him then he doesn't need to use it! And if you don't like his weed eater or brand new set of tools then you don't have to use them. I have a friend who is uncomfortable on water and doesn't want to be in the fancy boat her husband bought. He knew she didn't like being out on the water, but now he's mad because he spent so much money on it and she cried when he tried to make her go on it! Go figure???? Talk to each other. If he won't really talk about these things then do what you think is reasonable and get on with your life.

    I have to add one more thing.... Years ago my husband invitied a new employee and his family to our house in the country and we walked, kids and all, the mile to the river and back. The guy was still trying to impress my husband (I guess) and talked about how he would work hard all week at his new job. He went on to say he works on Saturdays on the lawn and house and on Sundays he has his wife serve him coffee in bed. My hubby said, "Oh, I bring Sierra coffee in bed every morning!" The man (actually) said "That's discusting!" To which my husband said, "No, what's discusting is Sierra before she's had coffee." The wife, hubby and I all burst out laughing and the husband couldn't understand what was so funny! They only had two or three very active children...... We had five. No clue.....

  12. #87
    Super Member jcrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivelyLady View Post
    We, too, have a joint household account and our own accounts. I'm trying to convince a good friend of mine to do the same. If we go shopping, she leaves her purchases either in my car or hers until she can sneak them into her house. She just tells me, "It's easier to ask forgiveness, than ask permission". LOL!
    We have a joint bank account that I use for grocery shopping and paying the bills. Then I have my own account and I pay a certain amount of bills with that and the rest I usually do what I want with it. It's not that we don't have the money. My husband told me a month ago that his waders he bought for fly fishing cost $700!!! I was shocked. But he never told me before how much they cost and I didn't ask him. Well, I don't know why I lied about $29. We talked about buying a Go Baby and I told him it was too much money and then I went and bought the Alto's QuiltCut 2 and felt like I was doing something wrong. I don't know why I felt that way. I have my quilts quilted by LAQ and they usually cost over $100 and have a few done at once, so he knows how much money my quilting cost. I just don't know why I lied. I think I was worried that I would get a lecture about spending money on things I didn't need. He would have brought up the fact that I have a few cutting mats already and lots of rulers and I thought I couldn't explain how the Alto's Quiltcut 2 would be better and easier and faster. When I told him I won the bid on it, I froze like a deer in the headlights and my head started going 90 miles an hour and all of a sudden a lie came out. He has rifles and fishing equipment and all kinds of coats and vests for his hunting and fishing, but he hasn't bought anything new lately.
    "Be yourself...everyone else is taken."
    Strong people don't put others down...they build them up."
    "Remember that your instincts are more important than rules"

  13. #88
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    When it arrives, if he says anything, I might say "Boy, I learned a lesson. This wasn't such a good deal after all. By the time the shipping costs and stuff were added in, I wound up paying a lot more than I thought -- even though it was still less than I've seen it on sale locally. I'll be more careful next time I bid on something on eBay."

    And, if any of your quilting friends wants to know, I'd also say something like that.

    Otherwise, I'd leave it alone and not bring it up again "voluntarily". Do some "penance" by making a couple of nice charity quilts using the new machine......

    Of course, men never lie about anything and they always voluntarily offer apologies if they DO slip a bid and bend the truth, right?

  14. #89
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    Does he have a hobby? One friend use to point to her DH's 'new toy' any time he complained about the money she spent on her quilting. After awhile he stopped complaining because her quilting was 1/2 what his 'hobby' was....

    No, I wouldn't have lied either. I would have just said, 'You really don't want to know'.....

    The other question I have is, if what you spend is 'our' money, is what he spends, 'his' money? We have a big pot that everything goes into so it is 'ours'....

  15. #90
    Super Member Latrinka's Avatar
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    I'd have to say tell him the truth. One little lie can lead to many more to cover up that one. You're gonna love your QuiltCut 2 though, I have one and love, love, love it!
    If a woman's work is never done....why start?

  16. #91
    Senior Member lonestardreams's Avatar
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    JCrow- It's $29. It was your money. You're an adult. You have confessed to some degree here on this board.

    Don't let guilt take from the joy of your great purchase. Do what will make you feel right about it. Pray about it and the answer will come to you. You will do what is right for you and yours

    Enjoy your cutter and congratulations on your purchase. Let go, jump in with both feet. Life is short.

    All that being said- No one, not nobody tells me how to spend my money.

    Have a great day. Do good stuff and don't sweat the rest.

  17. #92
    Power Poster mighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mitch's mom View Post
    Don't bring it up to him again. When it arrives, don't show it to him, take it to your sewing area and enjoy it. He has already moved on to something else. You should too.
    I agree!!!!

  18. #93
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    I love my Quilt Cut 2. I don't know how I ever managed to cut straight strips before, but I do with this. I wouldn't trade it for the much of anything. You are going to love it too!

    Anita in Northfield, MN

  19. #94
    Power Poster RedGarnet222's Avatar
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    Gee this was YOUR money and you have to account for it? I agree with the gals that say to drop it and let it ride.
    RedGarnet222

    "Take your needle, my child, and work at your pattern ... It will come out a rose by and by. Life is like that ...one stitch at a time, taken patiently."
    *Oliver Wendell Holms

  20. #95
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    Knowing that life changes all the time, and that my husband's reactions do too, I once found and clipped out this little ditty: "If you're gonna doubt it, don't do it.
    If you're gonna do it, then don't doubt it."

    That has helped me sort out where I really stand about purchases! :-)

  21. #96
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    My husband also says that I have too much fabric also, so sometimes I can't tell the truth. No, I would not tell him. Was is done, is done. Just go ahead an enjoy it. I'm sure the guys hide some expsenses too!

  22. #97
    Super Member clsurz's Avatar
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    Hubby would never dare tell me I spend to much on my quilting or anything else considering the stuff he buys for himself or has in the past. I don't feel I have to justify what I do buy either. I've worked since the age of 5 working in potato fields (did not have labor laws back than like they do now) and worked all my adult life therefore feel no need to justify what I may choose to buy. Lies get us no where so just tell him the truth and be done with it. Personally I could never be married to or have as a partner anyone that questioned how I spent my money.
    cparant

  23. #98
    Super Member Helen S's Avatar
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    Promise to make money on quilts you make using it, and repay the kitty as a show of good faith.

    Since you asked...
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but you won't have to agonize over having made the right decision or not. Be honest. Honesty breeds respect, the most important ingredient in a good relationship, in my opinion.

  24. #99
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    If he gripes too much remind him how much his hobbies cost. Hunting trip, outfitting the bass boat, deer corn. New rod & reel.
    Live everyday so that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says oh crap she's up.

  25. #100
    Super Member feffertim's Avatar
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    I think you can spend your own money anyway you choose. Just enjoy the quilt cut (I have one and I love it) and don't worry about it. You should not have to ask permission to spend your own money.

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