yvonne54

Dear So-Sew,
You sound like a dear lady with so much to give. I can so relate. We have an adopted daughter from South Korea. Her name is Kate and she came at 4 1/2 months of age. We also have 1 biological son. Kate is almost 24 and our son is almost 31. Kate is engaged and planning a wedding right now and this thought came to me as I read your post: Adoption is like a wedding in that you are in what I call "La la land at first". Another saying came to me a few years back having survived the teen years, and that is, Adoption is" like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." We gave and give so much love and received that kind of love at 1st, and I often wondered why it took us so long to actually proceed with the adoption process. As all kids grow,they develop their own personality and Kate is a very independant young woman. We grew apart, and then together again and we all have learned so much from the process. She has a Korean adopted cousin, but she lives 75 miles away and they too are very different and have grown apart in recent years. I am happy to corespond with you privately more on this topic if you wish, just email me. Good luck, Yvonne

Ramona Byrd

I would suggest that first you become a foster parent. This will get you used to taking in strange kids and some of whom have real problems. Some of these problems, even if known to others, are not mentioned to the adoptive parents, so it's best to get used to our own kids in need. There are a lot of them in America and these are pushed aside for kids from other countries in this world.

In doing this you would have your home inspected, your and your husbands' lives inspected in depth, your financial affairs known to them, changes forced to be made in your house, and in the end it's far easier to change your mind with foster kids than with actual kids who will make you lose your heart when they call you Mom.

I know folks who have done both, became foster parents and then adopted children they didn't want anyone else to abuse because they fell in love with some of the damaged ones. Marvelous familes, all of them, and the world needs more of that kind.

Ramona Byrd

However, up until shortly before her death my mother was still introducing me to everyone as "my adopted daughter."
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My brother married a woman from Panama with a little girl, who has grown up to be our niece. Plain and simple, she is OUR niece. We love her a lot more than some of the other family nieces and nephews, simply because she is so loving.

So in the end, blood ties aren't all that marvelous all the time. Character, kindness, love and respect have more to do with "family" than plain old blood ties. Sister and I love our Mirla a lot. Adopted or not, she's our chosen niece. And her kids are darlings.

yvonne54

I love this pic of you the girls! So much love is expressed! I to have an adopted daughter. She is from South Korea and now almost 24. At the time, there were many news stories about women losing their adopted babies at 2 years etc. and I could not bare to go through that having spent 7 + years of infertility treatment and miscarriage. That is my main reason for going international.

yvonne54

My adopted daughter from S. Korea came from my heart, not my uterus is what I always said. Dittos for all that blood line stuff you mentioned! Happiness is a state of mind.

yvonne54

I was referring to birth moms returning to take back their babies, or changing minds after you have bonded with the baby and the baby with you.

ncredbird

We adopted 30 years ago after the Vietnam baby lift. We started with American adoption agencies. They wouldn't even consider us because we already had 3 biological boys. We counseled with our pediatrician about adopting a child older than our oldest from foster care. He strongly discouraged it saying it would disturb the development that their natural birth order had already created and it was his experience that it would introduce alot of behavioral problems that our children didn't have. That left us no other choice than to pursue international adoption. Our daughter is Korean. She is 31 now with little ones of her own. The love we feel for her is no different than the love for our biological children.
My dad got quite upset when we told my parents about the pending adoption saying "You have no idea what you are getting!"
I told him that it had been my experience that you never know what you are getting when you have a biological child either. You may know their sex when they are born but are they going to be OK medically? Have learning disabilities? Suffer from oxygen deprivation during labor and delivery? Become drug addicts? We have had some of those issues with our sons. Our daughter had all the typical acting out that is typical of teenagers. The only thing we ever had an issue with is her desire to know why she was given up for adoption. The agency didn't know so we couldn't tell her. When the adoptees graduated from high school the agency we adopted from, Holt Childrens Services, sponsored a trip for them back to Korea to help them answer some of the questions they may have about their adoption. She came home with a much better understanding of the culture, their views of unwed mothers, and their views of adoption. They also got to visit the orphanage she came from and speak to mothers that had placed their children for adoption and came to understand that heart wrenching that they go through prior to placing a child for adoption. It helped her tremendously. Blessings, Ann in TN

quilt crazee

start at home.International is very expensive, will dropping 20-30 thousand affect what you can do for the children you already have(college)? Perhaps you could fill a need in your community-BIG SISTERS/ BROTHERS,FOSTER CARE,. I know American adoptions can be hard, but sometimes I wonder why we have so many children in need, but we notice & want to make a difference internationally.We have friends, who have adopted from CHINA& SOVIET BLOCK countries. They would never give up their children, BUT all but 1 had health issues (not disclosed) Living basically in a crib, for 2 years, can leave emotional scars, problems go unnoticed in a crowded orphanage.. BE PREPARED!

mountain deb

I was in the Navy years ago living in the Phillipines. So many of my friends were adoptioning, we thought why not. Years of infertility was getting us both down. Within a week word of that got to the right people and he approached me with a pregant woman wanting to put her child up for adoptin. It seems the sailor who got her pregant gave her $40 when he next came into port and washed his hands of her. She was 7 to 8 months along. I did not feel a part of the process in case the rug was pulled out from under me. I was at the hopital out in Subic Bay, went home and was called back to see my DD. She was larger than the other two babies in the ward, she was almost 7lbs. We had her in our hands the very next day. It took nearly a year for the legal paperwork, passport and everything. We had some good times and bad. When she was little and talking baby talk, someone asked if she was speaking Tagollic (spelling-native tongue), I said no it is just baby talk. Another time at a yard sale a lady looked at me then my DD (we look alike back then) and looked at my then DH who was red hair blue eyes and freckles. The lady looked at me and asked if I played around on my DH? I promptly said "Yes and I had a good time too". She was later diagnosed with ADHD, which I still do not know how to handle very well, except TOUGH LOVE which is very hard. So yes you have to weigh the pros and cons. It is a life long commitment that you will regret at times but the good far out weighs the bad. By the way for the shock value, I adopted in the early 80's and the total bill was about $1,100.00 for legal fees, hospital and passport and misc.

mountain deb

I forgot a saying I heard years ago, You might not been born under my heart, but you were born in it.