What I figured out last Christmas...
#131
Originally Posted by quiltinNsmilin
I live in Florida and most of my family is RI and MA. It's sad that there are a lot of people who don't appreciate the love, the thought, the time and the money it costs to make such a unique
gift. I always think of my lap quilts as long-distance hugs. Several years ago my SIL's mother was quite ill. I made her a lap quilt.
The 24 squares had all different machine embroidered 4 inch butterflies and the quilt was latticed, bordered & backed with a gorgeous butterfly fabric. Georgie, the Mom absolutely loved. My
SIL called me after Georgie died to say she put the quilt in the coffin with her Mom. I have to say that totally freaked me out. Perhaps I should have seen it as a supreme compliment, but I thought it was weird. Why not keep it as a nice memory? Am I nuts?
gift. I always think of my lap quilts as long-distance hugs. Several years ago my SIL's mother was quite ill. I made her a lap quilt.
The 24 squares had all different machine embroidered 4 inch butterflies and the quilt was latticed, bordered & backed with a gorgeous butterfly fabric. Georgie, the Mom absolutely loved. My
SIL called me after Georgie died to say she put the quilt in the coffin with her Mom. I have to say that totally freaked me out. Perhaps I should have seen it as a supreme compliment, but I thought it was weird. Why not keep it as a nice memory? Am I nuts?
#132
Originally Posted by brwnntwn
a quilt in her favorite colors with her favorite things - cats.
#133
Originally Posted by Bev
Originally Posted by brwnntwn
My older sister taought me to sew. She is an amazing seamstress - but does not "get" quilting. (unless the quilt is made from scraps or old clothes) ANYWAY, I decided to make her a quilt in her favorite colors with her favorite things - cats. It took me almost a year to finish this quilt with all of the piecing involved in the squares. Come Christmas Morning her comment was "it's about time some one made something for me". I know whe has looked at it because she commented on a flaw on one of the squares - but she keeps it in a box in her closet because it is "too nice to put out." sigh. I was amazed at this response from the person who taught me to sew and craft! My sister in law - who drives me crazy - has been begging me for a quilt - but she understands what goes into it. One of these days she will get it too!
She sounds like she has a hard time expressing her feelings about gifts. She just HAS to love this quilt. And lots of people put these gifts away because they think they're too precious to take a chance on having them out where they can get damaged. Do you think maybe this was the problem with her?
8-)
#134
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: indiana
Posts: 1,379
i,too learned the hard way! my late dh & i had only been married 2-3 yrs when i decided to make all handmade gifts for xmas.i made full-length robes w/emb.on sleees,down the front ,neck& hemline, for mil,sils.made shirts for fil,bil,etc.when my in-laws opened their gifts,they didn't even take garments out to look at them !!they unfolded the tissue,said "oh ' & pushed them aside. needless to say,i never made them another gift .i'd spent MOS.on these gifts,was SO hurt!. dh tried,he kept saying"dar MADE all those" you live & learn
#135
Originally Posted by brwnntwn
My older sister taought me to sew. She is an amazing seamstress - but does not "get" quilting. (unless the quilt is made from scraps or old clothes) ANYWAY, I decided to make her a quilt in her favorite colors with her favorite things - cats. It took me almost a year to finish this quilt with all of the piecing involved in the squares. Come Christmas Morning her comment was "it's about time some one made something for me". I know whe has looked at it because she commented on a flaw on one of the squares - but she keeps it in a box in her closet because it is "too nice to put out." sigh. I was amazed at this response from the person who taught me to sew and craft! My sister in law - who drives me crazy - has been begging me for a quilt - but she understands what goes into it. One of these days she will get it too!
#136
I know how you feel. I believe people that aren't crafty have no idea. They think we play (like we're making mud pies) they're right...but it's STILL taking talent and money to do it! Years ago I was into stained glass. I gave my mother a panel. It took me nights and weekends to get it done. She held it up and said "um hum" and looked at her husband and said "what do you think". He said "yeah"....and they set it aside and never said a word to me!!! It took them 6 yrs to hang it. My kids have gotten SG panels and I've seen them broken or, in one case, saw it hanging in the garage -- and then after the next move, it disappeared. I NEVER made another glass piece for anyone else again.
As for my quilts --- I'm giving them to grandkids when they move out on their own, I'll never look back, and I don't expect thank - you cards, because I'll never get them....no sense sweating it! I'll sell the rest! Or enjoy them myself!
As for my quilts --- I'm giving them to grandkids when they move out on their own, I'll never look back, and I don't expect thank - you cards, because I'll never get them....no sense sweating it! I'll sell the rest! Or enjoy them myself!
#137
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Forest Grove,OR
Posts: 6,400
When my MIL was alive, and I would make her something, I would never see it, after it was gifted. We are talking about 27 yrs ago. I made my husbands Aunt a basket with lace and beads, and she still has that basket, and now uses it for wash cloths in her camper. I was so amazed that she still had it, and was still using it, after all these years. I will if I have time, make her a quilt someday. God bless.
#138
This has been a most interesting thread. It helps to heal wounds in the heart to be able to talk about it with others who understand. I have been trying to grasp the larger picture of what this might be teaching us. I will speak in first person because it applies to me.
When I give a large expensive gift, do I set up the feeling in the recipient that they somehow owe me for something so great - a debt they can never repay?
Have I set up a situation in a family where everyone has to fulfill my expectations for this gift for the rest of my life in order to make me happy?
Have I given them something that imposes my decorating colors and style on a younger person who would rather not have an older relative decide the decor of their room? (Especially a DIL)
Did I stop and consider that another generation might feel entirely different about "homemade" and not even stop to realize it? Depression prints can mean different things to different generations.
Most importantly, have I set up a situation where I expect someone to build my self-esteem and hope to receive love and appreciation and worst of all, guilt?
With so much time, energy, heart and money invested in our projects, I feel that answering these questions for myself is important. Been there, got the tattered t-shirts. I really appreciate reading all of your experiences, and my heart aches for all the pain. I think it simply boils down to the fact that the joy has to be in the creation. We have a wonderful opportunity for feedback from each other - those who REALLY can appreciate the effort and art. Anything we receive from the recipient is just gravy. Maybe it is part of learning how to love unconditionally.
Now to get back to my three kittens who have just managed to pull everything down from my design board.
When I give a large expensive gift, do I set up the feeling in the recipient that they somehow owe me for something so great - a debt they can never repay?
Have I set up a situation in a family where everyone has to fulfill my expectations for this gift for the rest of my life in order to make me happy?
Have I given them something that imposes my decorating colors and style on a younger person who would rather not have an older relative decide the decor of their room? (Especially a DIL)
Did I stop and consider that another generation might feel entirely different about "homemade" and not even stop to realize it? Depression prints can mean different things to different generations.
Most importantly, have I set up a situation where I expect someone to build my self-esteem and hope to receive love and appreciation and worst of all, guilt?
With so much time, energy, heart and money invested in our projects, I feel that answering these questions for myself is important. Been there, got the tattered t-shirts. I really appreciate reading all of your experiences, and my heart aches for all the pain. I think it simply boils down to the fact that the joy has to be in the creation. We have a wonderful opportunity for feedback from each other - those who REALLY can appreciate the effort and art. Anything we receive from the recipient is just gravy. Maybe it is part of learning how to love unconditionally.
Now to get back to my three kittens who have just managed to pull everything down from my design board.
#139
Virginia Smith - I think you have some good points there.
I know when I make handmade gifts, I do it in part for the praise I get. I like to "show off". I really hate it when the recipient doesn't open the gift in front of me.
And I did realize at some point when I was younger that some of my handmade gifts did not take into account the taste of the recipient. They were more about what I wanted to make, not what they wanted to receive. Now I am much more careful to think about what colors/style a person likes for their clothing and environment before I give them something and expect that they will love and appreciate it.
I do hate it when I read stories about someone presenting a gift quilt to a loved one, and the person says, "Oh, I don't like this, but I would love a quilt that's X Y Z..." That to me is unpardonable manners.
I know when I make handmade gifts, I do it in part for the praise I get. I like to "show off". I really hate it when the recipient doesn't open the gift in front of me.
And I did realize at some point when I was younger that some of my handmade gifts did not take into account the taste of the recipient. They were more about what I wanted to make, not what they wanted to receive. Now I am much more careful to think about what colors/style a person likes for their clothing and environment before I give them something and expect that they will love and appreciate it.
I do hate it when I read stories about someone presenting a gift quilt to a loved one, and the person says, "Oh, I don't like this, but I would love a quilt that's X Y Z..." That to me is unpardonable manners.
#140
Originally Posted by quiltinNsmilin
I live in Florida and most of my family is RI and MA. It's sad that there are a lot of people who don't appreciate the love, the thought, the time and the money it costs to make such a unique
gift. I always think of my lap quilts as long-distance hugs. Several years ago my SIL's mother was quite ill. I made her a lap quilt.
The 24 squares had all different machine embroidered 4 inch butterflies and the quilt was latticed, bordered & backed with a gorgeous butterfly fabric. Georgie, the Mom absolutely loved. My
SIL called me after Georgie died to say she put the quilt in the coffin with her Mom. I have to say that totally freaked me out. Perhaps I should have seen it as a supreme compliment, but I thought it was weird. Why not keep it as a nice memory? Am I nuts?
gift. I always think of my lap quilts as long-distance hugs. Several years ago my SIL's mother was quite ill. I made her a lap quilt.
The 24 squares had all different machine embroidered 4 inch butterflies and the quilt was latticed, bordered & backed with a gorgeous butterfly fabric. Georgie, the Mom absolutely loved. My
SIL called me after Georgie died to say she put the quilt in the coffin with her Mom. I have to say that totally freaked me out. Perhaps I should have seen it as a supreme compliment, but I thought it was weird. Why not keep it as a nice memory? Am I nuts?
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