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  • Marriage happiness and longevity... what's your advice?

  • Marriage happiness and longevity... what's your advice?

    Old 12-25-2009, 03:53 AM
      #51  
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    If you have any qualms about the person you are going to marry - don't. Marriage is 80/20 with you giving the most and your partner taking the most. I know this sounds dumb but believe me it is true. You could be man or woman.
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    Old 12-25-2009, 05:59 AM
      #52  
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    This one is an easy one for me, just look at my screen name.

    We have been married for 26 years and long before the "Cougar" thing was in vogue. Yes my wife is 13 years older than me and I think that has helped our marriage out more than anything.

    Our marriage is based upon the morals and values that were very popular in the late forties and fifties and we are a very traditional family. She has never worked a day since our vows we have two great kids that have the same views on life.

    We always make the decisions together by throwing our ideas out on the table and going with what works best in the situation. Nobody tells anyone person what to do, and if one of us does start telling the other what to do its because they see something in the road ahead that the other is missing.

    I am also proud to say that we have never argued a day in our lives. We might have differences of opinions but never have we ever raised our voices, and never used a foul word towards one another.

    Marriage is a 110% effort from both parties. True it is not always like "Leave it to Beaver" around here but on most occasions it is. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    Billy
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    Old 12-25-2009, 09:00 AM
      #53  
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    I had to learn this....pick your battles.
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    Old 12-25-2009, 09:17 AM
      #54  
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    Originally Posted by Jeannie
    I had to learn this....pick your battles.
    And remember that there is NOTHING more important than the human being standing before you. Humans are the ultimate creation of a loving God and we owe them our best effort to be the person they thought we were and are.
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    Old 12-25-2009, 10:46 AM
      #55  
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    Originally Posted by Jeannie
    I had to learn this....pick your battles.
    This reminds me of a comment made by a teacher in one of the mediation classes I took. Before you open your mouth to say something in a stressful/conflicted situation, ask yourself one question first..."Is this going to be helpful?"
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    Old 12-25-2009, 11:15 AM
      #56  
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    Arguements are not all bad. But you need to keep controll of your emotions and try not to be hurtful. When we argue we tend to let out things we have been thinking but not saying so to keep the peace. But it is good to get these things out in the open and not let them bottle up inside til you have a big emotional explosion.

    If you can calmly talk about issues before they get to be an arguement that would be better but arguments will happen. Just forgive each other and start over. Hang in there you love your spouse or you wouldn't have married them!!
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    Old 12-25-2009, 12:35 PM
      #57  
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    If something is worth saying? It is probably best said in a calm voice at some point removed from the moment of anger ... amazing how little I can remember to say when I make myself wait ... <g>
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    Old 12-25-2009, 12:44 PM
      #58  
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    DH and I have never had an angry argument. When we do disagree we end up laughing about it. DH has lost several friends from prostrate cancer and heart attacks, he does not get upset over trivial life stuff. If it isn't a health, moral, or illegal issue then it's really nothing to argue over.
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    Old 12-25-2009, 04:53 PM
      #59  
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    Lots of good advice here! DH & I married later in life & had already seen friends & family divorce. Maybe that helps us, maybe not having kids removes another kind of stress.

    Laughter and respect are important. If something is important to me, DH makes it important to him, even if it is something 'dumb', if you know what I mean. And me with him.

    I did read something a few years ago that made sense...some of the things that attract you to your mate will later drive you crazy. It's hard to explain. Like if your mate is spontaneous and likes to plan sudden weekend getaways that you love. The reverse of that is they're sneaky. THat's a poor example, but maybe you can understand what I'm trying to say.
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    Old 12-25-2009, 07:04 PM
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    Originally Posted by carrieg
    Lots of good advice here! DH & I married later in life & had already seen friends & family divorce. Maybe that helps us, maybe not having kids removes another kind of stress.

    Laughter and respect are important. If something is important to me, DH makes it important to him, even if it is something 'dumb', if you know what I mean. And me with him.

    I did read something a few years ago that made sense...some of the things that attract you to your mate will later drive you crazy. It's hard to explain. Like if your mate is spontaneous and likes to plan sudden weekend getaways that you love. The reverse of that is they're sneaky. THat's a poor example, but maybe you can understand what I'm trying to say.
    Are you trying to say that strengths can also be weaknesses, while weaknesses can be strengths ... nothing just "is" in the human heart and mind - - it moves and grows and changes.
    Is that what you were trying to say
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