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Thread: How would you have responded?

  1. #151
    City's Avatar
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    After a night of thinking it over - I have come to the decision that since you both KNOW the designer, best thing to do is to tell 'your friend' to call the designer friend herself and ASK for a (free) copy of the pattern.... then she can have her own.

  2. #152
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    You must also "not give up one inch". Anyone that would expect you to do this is not your friend, so ending this is not your problem. Cut your losses before anything else is expected of you! You will however have to be very matter-of-fact and just say, NO. Sorry that you have to do this. Patty

  3. #153
    Super Member quiltmaker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shequilts
    A close friend of mine designed and copyrighted a beautiful 12 Days of Christmas BOM. I participated and gladly paid the monthly fee. Like so many exceptional BOMs, it wasn't cheap!
    Tonight, a mutual acquaintance of both the designer and me, called to ask if I had made the BOM. I responded that I had. She immediately said, "Oh goody, I'll have to get a copy. It's too expensive to buy."
    I was floored! I said, "You know it's copyrighted." She did not back up one inch. She proceeded to try to make a date to come by and get the pattern. I literally made up every excuse in the world why not this week. I have no intention of giving it to her, but don't want a confrontation. I just keep hoping she'll forget about it if I make it inconvenient for her.
    I'm so annoyed about this. I know what I'm going to do and I'll end up having to end this relationship.
    What would you have done?

    I am simply amazed at the sheer number of pages on this topic when you already know it is a violation of copyright law as stated in your thread. Why would one need opinions or affirmation in doing what you know is right and legal? For me and I would hope many others it is a no brainer. Not being harsh or anything just wondering.......it should be obvious that a friendship is not worth having if they wanted you to break the law.

  4. #154
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by quiltmaker
    Why would one need opinions or affirmation in doing what you know is right and legal
    One needs opinions or affirmations to feel at ease about a situation. It has nothing to do with being legal or being right. This is why the board is such a great place. Posters commiserate with each other so diversely and wonderfully.

  5. #155
    Super Member Margie's Avatar
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    Just say NO .....it is a copyright and unlawful to copy.

  6. #156
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    If you wanted it enough to pay for it... well give her the adress of where she can buy her own copy. Tell her you do not want to go to jail for giving it to her.She will understand. You can't do things like that for her. If she is a good friend she should understand.

  7. #157
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    I am a musician as well as a quilter and this is one area my two worlds overlap. This is a teaching moment. See if you can get her to understand that the designer put lots of time and effort into producing that design and it is really unfair for anyone to give it away for free. It is hard enough for independent designers (or musicians for that matter) to make enough money back on their work to make it worthwhile to continue. And without these independents our world would be less joyful, creative, inspiring, and free.

  8. #158
    Super Member AnnieH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneMoreQuilt
    Maybe you could put it back on her. Say, "Is this a test? You know it's copyrighted and I can't give it to you. Are you trying to see if I'd cheat?".
    Great idea.

  9. #159
    Super Member shequilts's Avatar
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    If I do say so, this has been an interesting thread. 'Lots of views and some wonderful comments. After reading this comment, it reminded me of the old game "Whisper."You know the one, you whisper something in one person's ear, who then whispers it into another ear, and another and so on. By the time it gets back to the original whisperer, the story has changed dramatically.
    In my post, I stated that I already knew how I would eventually handle this and in the interest of conversation, asked, "how would you respond?' I did not ask for opinion or affirmation.
    If I seem weak to some for dreading confrontation, so be it.
    I have mellowed with my years and no longer see the need, nor do I have the time, for any confrontation. My time is too valuable.
    That said, my "acquaintance" will be coming by tonight.
    I think it's time.




    I am simply amazed at the sheer number of pages on this topic when you already know it is a violation of copyright law as stated in your thread. Why would one need opinions or affirmation in doing what you know is right and legal? For me and I would hope many others it is a no brainer. Not being harsh or anything just wondering.......it should be obvious that a friendship is not worth having if they wanted you to break the law.[/quote]

  10. #160
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    Stick to your guns! A true friend would not ask that of a friend. You mentioned it was a mutual acquaintance of yours and the designer. If she continues to be persistant, refer her to the designer who has the copyright. As I tell my son: "As you go through life, you have many acquaintances but only a few true friends. If you make this acquaintance mad with your decision, it is just one less acquaintance to deal with.

  11. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by DebbyT
    It may be a bit harsh but if all else fails, tell her "I value your friendship and won't make any more excuses, but if you want a copy you will have to pay for it like I did. I respected the copyright, and expect you to as well. If you plan to get this as a freebe, please stop planning. I won't assist one friend to take from another." A mutual aquaintance can become a friend when they respect each others values. Otherwise she remains a mutual aquaintance.
    ditto!!

  12. #162
    Super Member Rann's Avatar
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    It's not much of a friendship for her to try to take advantage of you like that.

  13. #163
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    Hello She Quilts - yes, it is a like what we called "telegraph" or "telephone a woman". Your original post did not always show up and I'm sure there were those who were just answering without having seen it all.
    Please don't take it personal - it was intersting to see the many replies. You brought a for-real problem out into the quilty world, and and most of us said we would do the right thing. However, if it were a friend and not just an acqauintance, I think we would be a little more flexible because we share other things and we kind of know the financial situation of our close friends.
    It's really not our busineness what you do - but the question as thrown out was a good one.

  14. #164
    Super Member quiltmaker's Avatar
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    [quote=sewbizgirl]You only delayed the inevitable by making excuses as to why "today" wasn't a good time. That also leads her to believe you are open to sharing it, 'at a more convenient time.'

    This is what I felt also and just didn't put all the right words in my response to you. From the getgo you knew you wouldn't share the pattern with her because of copyright law and yet instead of standing your ground you allowed the situation to go on till a later date when you could have just nicely but firmly ended it....I don't like confrontation either but I'm one of those older persons that have learned not to drag things on and on because I don't have time (my time is valuable also) for that kind of nonsense or whatever adjective you choose to use in this case.
    Life is just to short....

  15. #165
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    I think this is done now, suggesting we stop with replies.
    I'm out. Later on ..

  16. #166

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    I like this responce. That should make her take notice. She is not getting the pattern fron you.

  17. #167
    Super Member Quilt Mom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexa
    I am a musician as well as a quilter and this is one area my two worlds overlap. This is a teaching moment. See if you can get her to understand that the designer put lots of time and effort into producing that design and it is really unfair for anyone to give it away for free. It is hard enough for independent designers (or musicians for that matter) to make enough money back on their work to make it worthwhile to continue. And without these independents our world would be less joyful, creative, inspiring, and free.
    My DD heard the topic and said, "Artists work HARD!" Her artwork is not free, and people don't seem to understand the effort is takes to create. She stands in agreement with Alexa. Use it as a teaching moment. If that does not work, I guess the 'just say no' argument stands.

    So, how did the conversation go?

  18. #168
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    Aren't there enough places to get patterns for FREE? Sorry, it is not ethical to pass on copyrighted stuff.

  19. #169
    Super Member shequilts's Avatar
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    Well, she dropped by. I was anxious to see if, or when, she even brought up the subject. If she did, there was going to be a short answer.
    The first thing out of her mouth was, "can I see your patterns?" We headed off to my studio and she began looking through my books and fabrics. She then said, "I've always wanted to learn how to applique."
    Opportunity!!!! I directed her to the file where I store my BOMs.. I said, "there are lots of quilts made from the patterns in these books, but not so many of these... (BOMs.) They're expensive, so they're relatively limited.
    I'll teach you to applique and to pick your fabrics, but you must purchase your own pattern. They're copyright protected, so you'll need your own. Besides, it will take a good while to make the quilt. You'll refer to it often."
    She had the pattern in question, in her hand, as she looked up at me. It looked as if a light had just turned on in her head.
    She paused for a second and then said, "That's a good deal, I'll take it."
    I didn't embarass her or challenge her integrity, she got the message and will soon own her very own copy. She left happily believing she would soon be part of a select group.

    I feel much better now that this is over. The relationship is saved, both friends are whole.

    Thanks to everyone for the interesting comments. This was fun!

  20. #170
    Super Member Kimkankwilt's Avatar
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    make a copy for her, but leave something important out. Kinda like sharing recipes....leave out one of the "ingredients".

  21. #171
    Super Member JanetM's Avatar
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    That is so great. You really handled this situation well, preserved a friendship, honored your values and ethics, and didn't have to challenge her.

    Good endings are the best!

  22. #172
    Senior Member drgranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by np3
    I would have said....in a laughing voice......"Heck no! I paid full price for that sucker, I'm not giving it away!"

    It works for me.
    I like this comeback!

  23. #173
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    Thanks for updating us, Karen. I'm glad it turned out so well :)

  24. #174
    Senior Member PiecesinMn's Avatar
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    Are you my mother in law? I'm not kidding, she did this again and again. Bless her soul. I was very fond of her and miss her a great deal. You learned to take her recipes with a grain of salt.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kimkankwilt
    make a copy for her, but leave something important out. Kinda like sharing recipes....leave out one of the "ingredients".

  25. #175
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    Good job; and SHE is going to have a new skill. Truly 'all's well that ends well' and it sure sounds like this did!

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